Original subtitles

Okay.

Okay, Andre, if that's the way you feel about it, fine. If you can handle it all

without me, I'll be in the living room here, on the couch, reading the

homeowner's manual if you need me.

Why must you bother, Andre?

I am not bothering, Andre, dear.

A man does a terrific job, but no man is an island.

That doorbell was one of your jobs.

Hi, Charmaine. Good afternoon.

Lance. Mrs. Huxtable. Dr. Huxtable, I presume.

Well, the inseparables, have a sit down.

Fair company.

Thank you. In a minute.

We don't mean to disturb you, but we can go into the kitchen if you need your

solitary space. Though I understand that room is in disarray. You might not want

to show us the seamy side of your life.

Very considerate.

What's up with you two?

Oh, well, we've been down to our guidance counselor. He's been helping us

to college.

College, huh? That's right, Dr. Huxtable. Yeah.

Though I'm a bit distraught over the further pursuit of my educational goals.

Oh, Lance, don't worry. You're going to college.

Oh, I ain't worried about that.

I'm committed to attaining an education and a degree and bringing it back to my

community. Now, that's admirable. See, more people should be like you. Thank

you. I'll tell them.

Why are you concerned?

Oh, I just don't want to pay the application fee.

Oh, well, you don't want to pay the application fee. No, Dr. Huntsman, some

these places charge up to $50 a pop.

Hey, I know I've been popped four times.

And you know exactly what I'm talking about. Now, look at this slick number

from Case and College.

Now, it looks like they're trying to sell me a new car. What is a Bikini Clan

woman doing in front of the physics lab?

I mean, with all due...

Isn't that a scam?

Well, despite this display, Lance, this is still a very good school.

Yes, and that is still a very good scam. But I ain't going for it. I ain't

paying $50 for that.

Then how are you going to apply?

I'm going to post -date all my checks.

Yeah, then if they reject me, I just call the bank.

Oh, okay.

comfortable, Lance will fill these applications out error -free. We're

the same college where his behavior will reflect on me personally, and I will

not have bounce checks on my transcript.

Charmaine, come on up!

Oh, excuse me.

See you later, baby.

Lance, don't use outside words inside.

I've almost finished sewing your new knockout dress.

No, no, not until it's finished. I don't want any buyer's remorse. Oh, Pam, I

don't know where I'd be without my best friend. And I'm not just saying that

because you're making me look good. But I am.

And speaking of looking good, I was down at our guidance counselor's office

today.

Mr.

And you should go in and talk about yours, too.

Just mine?

Or his been mine?

Get serious now. Are you planning on going to college or what?

I'm going.

Unless, of course, Mr.

Bostic proposes.

Come on, Pam. This is your future. Now stay focused. You need Mr. Bostic's

guidance and advice.

And if I were you, I'd wear my new bowling shirt. It's been said he's in a

league.

All right.

Don't do it.

So, this is the counselor's office. Yep.

What does it remind you of?

I don't know, what?

Vice principal's office, third grade detention.

Oh, right, for putting those border health stickers on a cafeteria door.

Remember everyone screaming, my hot dogs get down!

Girl, you gotta let go of that now.

Well,

you know, I'm just going in to see my counselor.

All I have to do is go in and tell him the colleges I want.

Are you still planning to apply to those schools?

No, same ones you're going to.

Penn, Hillman, and Bowling Green.

Those are the ones.

Pam, those are very hard schools to get into.

So? We always say we go through life together.

You're going, I'm going.

Okay, Mr. Bostic is a good counselor. Maybe he knows something I don't.

And Pam, you got a little lipstick, right?

Miss Tucker, come on in.

Go get them, girl. I'll be here when you get out.

Yes, okay.

Mr. Howe Bostic.

What can I do for you?

Oh, I'm ready.

I mean, for college.

You're interested in college. I didn't know that.

Yes, well, I've been keeping it under wraps, but now it's time for the big

Oh, I see.

I'll be attending college with my best friend Charmaine at Penn Hillman or

Bowling Green.

Now, Pam, come on.

Why did you really want to see me?

I'm serious.

I want to go to those schools.

Pam, the grade point average for those schools is 3 .7.

Your grade average is 1 .9.

Mr. Bostic, it's my understanding that these colleges look at a little bit more

than just your grades.

Well, now, that's true.

But they also look at SAT scores.

Yes, SAT scores. Now, standardized tests.

That's me.

Pam, you got a 750 out of 1600 when you took them last spring.

That's well below average.

Last spring, huh?

Last spring, last spring.

Bad vibes.

Just got out of a terrible relationship.

He wasn't college material, and that's what really held me back.

Listen, Pam.

When are we going to start looking at this thing realistically, huh?

Mr. Vostick, I assumed you were on my side.

I mean, it's also my understanding that these colleges...

make exceptions for those students who have potential, especially those who

from a disadvantaged neighborhood.

Now, Pam, I know all about your neighborhood.

Then you understand.

I'm a product of that reality, and that's what really held me back.

Pam, right now, there are 14 students from your neighborhood in college.

Fourteen. And trust me, not one of them got there on their personality.

Single -parent families? Some.

Working mothers?

Every one.

You have all the answers, don't you?

Look, Pam, I'm...

I'm not trying to discourage you. I mean, you really have grown.

See, now that's what I'm trying to tell you.

My grades have gone up this year. There's even an A in there.

I know.

And some Bs. Look at those hard -working Bs.

Pam, look, it takes more than one semester of work to get into college.

But I want to go.

My suggestion to you is that you apply at one of the local community colleges.

No, I want to go way to college with Charmaine.

Charmaine worked hard.

And she's qualified.

Now, if you do the same, you can apply at those same schools in a couple of

years. Is that your final offer?

Pam, this is not an offer.

Look, I'm not saying that you're not eligible for those schools, but the

probability of acceptance is extremely remote.

One in 10 ,000, maybe.

Oh, one in 10 ,000, maybe. Okay, just so I know my odds. Well, thank you, Mr.

Bostic.

Listen, if I can help you in any other way, I'm here.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know.

Hey, how'd it go?

Fine.

But did you know that Mr. Bostic is one of the ugliest men I've ever seen in my

life?

What? Oh, yeah, didn't you ever notice the hair growing out of his ears?

And the mole on his neck that moves when he talks?

Not I, Mr. Bostic. Oh, yeah, I'm surprised you didn't notice.

Studious as you are.

What did he say about you going to a university?

Oh, he said I was eligible.

One of the last things he said was, I'm eligible.

Really?

Yeah. So let's go fill out these college applications.

Whoa.

Look, this will be just between you and me. That's all. No, no, no, no, no. Go

ahead and tell everybody Pam did it. Pam did it. Pam did it. Pam does everything

wrong. No, no, okay, Pam. Look, you didn't do it. I did it. Cousin Cliff,

don't patronize me. I've got a big project in front of me. I've got to fill

all these college applications with no help from my guidance counselor.

You mean Mr.

Yeah,

that geek.

Geek?

Now, why is he a geek all of a sudden?

I don't mean to be disrespectful, but I really don't want to go into this right

now. I've got Penn Hillman and Bowling Green on my back.

University of Pennsylvania?

Okay.

Oh, are you another one who says I'm not qualified for anything?

No, no, no. Listen,

when you're focused, you can do whatever you want to do.

Yeah, I can go into demolitions right now.

Ma 'am, you didn't do this.

You didn't do it, okay?

Okay.

Gotta get back to these college applications.

All right.

You know, all this time, you people tell me, go to college, go to college.

Now I want to go to college, and you people won't let me in.

But you people would make up your mind.

Mind your business, something. I don't know.

Ooh.

There's no ooh, see?

You come down here and right away the first thing you do is, ooh, you're as

as Mrs. Huxtable.

This is an air hole.

Okay?

It's an air hole.

Come here.

Come here.

And put your hand in there.

Put your hand in there.

What do you feel?

What do you feel? Nothing.

That's right.

What do you feel?

Air.

Write

a 200

-word essay on whatever you desire.

Okay. Let us not beat around the bush.

My GPA and SAT scores are low.

But that's just a paper me.

I invite you here to meet those who know me best. My cousins, Dr.

Huxtable, Claire Huxtable, attorney, and all their college -attending children.

When you see my world, you see I'm really, really, really a nice person.

Really.

Come in.

Hi.

I'm practicing for show and tell. Would you like to watch?

Oh, sorry. I'm busy right now.

Oh, this is my first show in town in the whole world.

I don't want to bomb.

Okay, okay, but just a little bit. Okay, places, everyone, places.

Hello, everyone.

This is a real genuine oyster, which means my dad...

And then he makes a bra. But if you get a lot of oysters with energy, you can

make a whole necklace. Isn't that wonderful?

I'm sorry, I'm sorry. He won't die. It's just a tummy ache.

It's not Mr. Oyster, Olivia.

It's Miss Pal.

Do you have a tummy ache, too?

No, no, no. You don't understand.

See, I was just minding my own business.

for three years of high school.

Now, come senior year.

I think I need to be alone for a while, okay?

What happened with the oyster?

Well, I was the last one to get up and show my talking oyster.

And just when I was about to make a talk, there was a fire drill.

Then everyone started to marching out.

Then the teacher said, Olivia, get your camera and let's go.

So you didn't get to do it?

No.

Well, would you like to do your Chantel for us? No, I don't think she wants to

do that because, see, the oyster is very, very tight.

and then the oyster wants to sleep. That's how they make the pearls sleep a

And when they turn over, it starts to agitate and that's when the pearls come

up. So it should sleep now.

Oh, no.

Who wants to talk?

So you should assemble everybody in the living room, Olivia, and then we'll come

in there and you can do your show and tell for us.

Okay, but we better...

You should hurry up and come, too, because you're going to want to hear

That oyster's going to tell us something about a hole.

When we get in this room, you keep your mouth shut.

ready for those schools yet. Oh, Pam, but you're good enough.

Well, let's just say our paths may cross someday, but right now I'm leaving it

up to my friend Charmaine to blaze the trail.

Yes.

I thought this would be so hard for you.

Oh, no, not a problem, not a problem.

Well, you know, I may not get into all those schools.

Charmaine, you'll get in.

Well, Bowling Green I feel confident about, and maybe Hillman.

It certainly would be a gift to have all three under my belt, step back, make a

luxurious decision, and hit. campus.

Ow!

Oh, I'm sorry, but you've got to stop jiggling.

Yeah, okay.

You know, I can't decide whether to study in the wide open spaces of the

or to keep on the pulse of the city at the University of Pennsylvania, although

I plan to succeed at either.

You're not the only one with pins. I mean plans.

Plans, really?

We're out for this, girl. Come on. What are you planning on doing next year?

Well, I've been kicking around a few ideas, but I'm really leaning toward

California.

California? To be with my mother and my grandmother.

All the way across the country?

Yeah. Who knows? I'll probably study design and get a job in some costume

department at a big Hollywood studio.

Oh, and you can introduce me to all your celebrity friends. Oh, Charmaine,

they're just like you and me.

out to California, when are we going to see each other?

Well, woman, you're planning on seeing me.

Well, you know, I thought you'd still be in New York and on weekends I invite

you down to the dorms to stay with me. Ouch!

You know, you're going to lose that job if you treat those stars like you treat

me. I plan to be professional.

I plan to succeed at what I do too, Charmaine. Well, I never said you

be professional.

Well, you never said I had anything to offer either. Well, I guess I didn't.

Well, I guess that cherry will find out if I do.

I never thought about you not succeeding.

I mean, you were always so much more talented than me with your fashion and

singing, your creativity and sense of humor.

I mean, it was just a matter of which way you wanted to go.

And if it wasn't for you, I'd be a social seaweed today.

Pitiful flotsam bobbing on the East River.

You're my best friend.

I know that you're mine.

And I love you. I really do.

I love you too.

Thank you.