Original subtitles

comic which one over the edge well let me see can i see can i see oh sure here

let me read it to you see this guy is a farmer and that guy is a martian and you

see how the farmer is holding that big bottle of soda yes now the martian is

saying no i said take me to your leader

You see, the farmer is holding a liter, L -I -T -E -R.

Now, that's a measurement. But the Martian wanted to be taken to his

-E -A -D -E -R.

You know, like the president or the mayor.

That's not funny.

Yes, it is. No, it's not.

If there was a bug in the farmer's bottle, that would be funny.

You got to look at this. Jake's Appliance Store is having a big sale.

Jake's big semi -annual sale one day only.

Electric sanders, 50 % off.

Oh, no. If Dad sees that, he's going to want an electric sander. You're right,

and he's going to bring it in here and try to sand everything inside. You risk

the stage out and burn it. Mom, you can't do that. Dad reads every page of

paper. Why don't we just hide that section and tell him it never came?

Now that is perfect. You can always depend on a child to come up with a

solution.

Thank you, Mom. Thank you.

Claire! Yes?

Claire, are you there?

I'm downstairs.

I'm downstairs, but I'm coming up.

No, no, no, don't come up. I'm coming down.

Whatever you do, don't look at that pot.

Look here, look.

You know the pin you were looking for? Found it.

Oh, you're so good to me. Come over here and sit down and have some yogurt. Come

on, sweetheart.

Read the paper first. I told you, the Prince of Metro section.

That's the part that didn't come, dear. I don't know what happened. Somebody

just didn't assemble the paper correctly, I guess. Well, you know, Ma,

they put four or five million of these together that are bound to mess one up?

Yeah. See, you know, I've been thinking, this paint is chipping.

I think what I'm going to do is sand all these doors and paint all around the

place. I don't see any chips in it. Anywhere. That door doesn't need

And I love that color. Don't you think that color's pretty? That is great

Well,

that's all right.

I'll think about it when I come back. I'll let you know. Where are you going?

Huh? Not to buy another paper.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Got a flyer.

but it's not until 10.

And by the way, save me some of that Metro paper stew you got in the pot.

I'm a little bit old to be doing this kind of thing.

This is my final offer. You're getting it for a couple of pennies above cost.

Take it or leave it.

$46.

But Jake, I only have $40.

I'll take it. You did it to Jake again.

What a bargain. What a deal.

Cookie. Here, collect 40 and wrap this up for Mrs. Haley.

Another happy customer.

All right, all right, all right.

Jake. Yes, this is Claire Huxtable speaking.

Dr. Rachel's coming down to see me, right?

That's right. Now, listen, Jake, you know, he has a bit of a problem

himself in your store.

Oh, that's because we have the best prices in town.

Yes, I'm certain that you do, but listen to me very carefully.

Now, when he comes into your store, he's going to want to buy something.

Don't sell it to him.

Yeah, but he's one of my favorite customers and a very good friend. How

that? Because I'm telling you, Jake, he is going to want an electric sander.

Uh, uh, I'm sorry. I'm having, what? I'm having a little trouble here with the

phone. That's a very tired trick. Don't try to play that on me. I know that you

heard every word I said.

No sander. Now, promise me.

Okay, I promise.

No sander.

Ah, you're a strong woman, Mrs. H.

Goodbye. Bye.

Dad, I think it's very nice that you finally started listening to Mrs.

Hey, I really love that family. And on top of that, she's a killer attorney.

Okay, I know, but this is going to hurt.

I had a guaranteed sale with the doctor. You know that, don't you? I know it. I

know it.

Hey! Here he is, the good doctor. Yes, indeed.

How are you?

Cookie, how are you doing?

My good friend.

Oh, boy.

I always look forward to my visits with you. I'm doing fine. Fine, fine, fine.

Yes.

What is this?

Oh, that's the cabinet I built.

Yeah, I used wooden pegs instead of nails.

Jake, if I could do that kind of work, if I could do that kind of work for

you... Hey, if I could only deliver babies, you know, but the good Lord puts

down here all for different reasons. I build cabinets, you slab bottoms.

But here we go.

Yeah. Sail. Pow.

Electric Sanders, 50 % off. Let me have one. Yeah.

Cookie, how are we doing with the Sanders?

Sorry, but we're all sold out. What do you mean you sold out? You just opened

minutes ago, Jake.

Yeah, I know, but when I got here, the store, the people, there was such a

outside. They were holding the papers and the ads and the flyers, yelling, we

want Sanders, we want Sanders.

I tell you, it sounded like a political rally. The thing went like hotcakes.

Well, it's too bad you got fired.

I had my heart set on sanding and praising.

Look, I'll sell you some nice sandpaper. You'll take it down by hand. It'll be

like aerobics. Okay, okay.

Good. And please hurry it up because I'm 15 minutes later and I thought it was a

terrible traffic accident out there. Dr. Huxtable. Huh? Never say traffic

accident in front of my father.

Somebody say traffic accident.

I was late coming in because of a traffic accident. You said traffic

Come on, don't start.

I'm not starting anything. Cookie, relax.

Listen, let me tell you something about a traffic accident.

It can't be. It can't be as annoying as a traffic accident that I had ten years

ago with that bum Stanley Rappaport. I was here, right on Flatbush.

and Park Place, okay?

Excuse me. Excuse me. My car was right here at a stop sign, all right? And

in front of me is that bum that Stanley... Wait a minute. Excuse me,

Excuse me.

Right here was that bum that Stanley Rappaport in a fancy car which had

of payments to go. Excuse me, please. Excuse me.

All right? Now, watch this.

Over here is a tree.

Over here was a lamppost. Over here was a small dog.

Yeah. Now, right at that moment, as fate would have it, the knob on my radio

falls off on the floor. Now, I start to reach for the knob and all of a sudden,

boom, he plows right into my front end.

Now, I'm sure he must have had the car in reverse because he backed right up

into me. Sure, sure. So I start to yell at this guy. Hey, look what you did.

Yeah.

Rappaport, he jumps out of the car like a madman. He says, look what I did.

Look what you did. You ran into me. I was sitting in my car looking for my

I wasn't even driving.

Anyway, it wound up I had to pay a repair bill for $35 to that cheat that

that Stanley Rappaport. And it wasn't even my fault. Yeah.

Could I have my sandpaper?

You'll get your sandpaper. You've got your sandpaper, but Rappaport will never

get sandpaper from me. He won't even get sand. Dad, calm down. I'm calm, I'm

calm. I didn't make up one word. These are the facts. Okay, yeah.

I'm really sorry about that. That's okay, that's okay. My father has never

gotten over that accident with Stanley Rappaport. Well, I can see that.

Dr. Huxtable.

There's something I'd like to talk to you about privately. Do you think maybe

could stop by your office today?

Sure. Is 1230 all right? Fine. There's somebody I'd like you to meet. And

don't mention anything about this to my father. No, I won't mention that or

traffic accident.

Somebody mentioned traffic accident.

I heard. I thought I'm hearing lately things.

Yeah, all right. Here's the sandpaper. I got you the fine and the course. You

know, Jake, it's just too bad I couldn't get an electric sander.

Yeah. Yeah, boy. I feel bad about that, too. As a matter of fact, I was willing

to pay more than the 50 % off.

Oh, yeah?

How much more?

Well, I was figuring maybe you had something that was in the back that you

thought maybe a customer wasn't going to pick up.

Take it off your hands for 25 % off.

25 % off?

Well... From the back to the customer?

Not necessarily.

If it was really tough for you, I would pay the full price.

Full price?

Now, do you remember the tool belt you tried to sell me? I didn't want it.

the tool belt. Well, I could get it. Yes.

The electric standard.

Uh -huh. I'd be willing to buy the tool belt.

Tool belt tool with the spool.

Price. Full price?

And I mean...

Loretta Bennett? She said you'd know her as Cookie. Ah, yes, yes, yes. Please

send her in.

Cookie. Hi.

Thanks for taking the time to see us.

I would like you to meet my fiancé, Jonathan.

Hi. How are you? How are you? Well, congratulations.

Sit down.

Listen, your father never told me that you were engaged.

Uh, he doesn't know yet.

So you're going to surprise him. And you came here for a blood... Well, I'm

going to do it. I'll give you 50 % off.

That's not why we're here.

Oh, Jonathan, tell Dr. Huxtable your last name.

Rappaport. My father is Stanley Rappaport.

Traffic accident.

Right.

Jonathan and I have had to keep our romance a secret.

Yeah, well, yeah.

It's been ten years since the accident, and our fathers still refuse to speak to

each other. You know, one time, Jonathan and I were in the city together, and my

father saw us.

I'll never forget it.

We were on the corner of 57th, and my father... Honey,

honey.

Oh, anyway, my father, okay? He saw us. He went completely crazy.

He dragged me away, ranting and raving, carrying on that he never wanted me to

speak to that Rappaport kid again.

Your father anything like her father?

Worse. Really? The funny thing is, these two men grew up together in the same

neighborhood. They played high school football together.

They even double dated.

It's crazy.

His father was my dad's best man at his wedding.

And now there's been ten years of feuding.

Dr. Huxtable.

Jonathan and I love each other.

And we love our fathers.

But we're going to get married whether or not our fathers want us to.

So would you tell them, please?

Tell them what?

To stop this stupid fighting.

We want them to give us their blessings. We want to have a wonderful wedding.

My father respects you, Doctor.

If he's ever going to listen to anyone, it would be you.

Hey, Mom. Hi.

What are you doing?

Well, the lever on this toaster wasn't working, so I took one of your father's

do -it -yourself books, which he doesn't seem to understand, and I did it

myself.

Good idea.

Now you won't have to ruin yet another appliance.

I'll go to Jake's and buy a toaster that looks more like an industrial oven.

You know, I hadn't planned on eating while I was here, but since you fixed

toaster, I might as well break it in with tuna on toast.

Toast on, son. Toast on.

Dear.

Hey, hungry homeboy.

Hey, Dad.

What's happening, kid?

How was your work today? Well, it was quite unusual.

Jake's daughter came up with her fiancé to ask me to talk to her

father and his father because they're feuding, and these two are going to get

married, and it looks like if they don't patch things up, these guys are not

coming to the wedding.

Oh, whoa!

Oh, Mom, are you sure you read the fix -it book right? Did you fix the toaster,

dear? Well, I thought I did.

Step out of the way.

Now, see, this thing was done for.

Now, that's it.

Now, see, I'm going to have to go down to Jake's and get a toaster. No, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no. You're not going down to Jake's, dear.

Why am I not going down to Jake's? You cannot go to Jake's because you are

I'm not weak. You saw me. I went down to Jake's this morning. Did I come back

with anything?

I was down in the basement, Cliff.

I saw a brand new electric sander still in its box, hidden in one of the

children's sleeping bags.

So, why does that mean that I... I mean, Theo could have bought the thing and

put it down there. You're stretching down, Dad.

I'm not angry about it, honey. You're weak. I know this. I accept it. I

understand. And I'll be back with the toaster.

No, you...

You could have taken the heap, man.

You know, you come here, you eat my food, and then all I ask you to do is

the heap for the thing in the basement, and you turn around and give me what?

Grief. Grief. I'm sorry. No, no, no. Hey, hey, come here.

Now put the food back.

Hello? Dr. Huxtable, there's a Mr.

Rappaport here to see you.

Yes, yes. And the gentleman in examination room B, bring him in also,

How are you, Mr.

Rappaport? You're Dr.

Huxtable? Yes, I am, sir.

Well, then, Jonathan said you wanted to see me. That is correct, sir.

But I've already had my physical at the medical center.

I'm not that kind of doctor. I'm a baby doctor.

Oh, my wife is over 65.

No, no, no, no.

Yes. Hello, Doc.

What is that man doing here? What do you mean, what am I doing here? I go where

I please. It's a free country. Sure, for him it's a free country. He goes around

hitting cars and taking money from people.

Now, gentlemen.

Don't say gentlemen in his presence.

I see time hasn't made you any more reasonable.

Listen, listen to me.

Both of you, please. I was asked to bring the two of you together so we

settle this silly feud about a traffic accident. Traffic accident?

Traffic accident. I was sitting here near the stop.

He was right in front of me with his fancy car.

Over here was a dog. Over here was a lamppost.

No, no, no, you're wrong. It wasn't a lamppost. It was a telephone pole. And

wasn't a dog. It was a cat.

Now, I want both of you to stop it because I'm here to tell you that your

children are going to get married.

To whom?

His daughter to your son, your son to his daughter. And they're going to get

married whether the two of you make up or not.

Never over my dead body, never.

Dr. Huxtable, is this true?

Is my son going to marry the daughter of Jake Bennett?

Yes.

And they're going to have the wedding whether we're there or not? Whether

there or not.

Call him back in.

It isn't necessary. I had Mrs.

McKechnie lock the front door.

Good move.

That was a dirty trick.

Jake, please sit down.

There's something I want to say.

Tell him I don't want to listen to any more of his lies. Come on, Jake.

I'll do it for you, Doctor.

Step aside.

Jake, please listen to me.

The day of the accident, I had a terrible argument with my wife.

So I ran out of the house, got in my car and just drove around.

When I got to the stop sign, I thought, maybe I should go back and make up with

her.

I guess I absentmindedly threw the car into reverse.

Wait a minute.

Are you telling me that that accident was not my fault?

I was going to apologize to you on the spot when you started yelling at me. I

felt as though I was having the argument with my wife all over again.

I had to win at least one argument that day.

I'm sorry, Jake.

Stanley.

Stanley.

Stanley, I...

I'm sorry, too.

Look,

it wasn't all your fault.

If I were watching you, I could have backed up.

Oh, my.

Such a tiny dent. I can't believe I made you pay $30.

$35.

$35. So I'll treat you to dinner at El Maracas for $35.

Stanley. El Morocco closed 25 years ago.

So we'll go someplace else? I can't believe there's a couple of dummies like

us separated from my best friend. My best

friend for 10 years.

And now?

And now you're Jonathan?

And your cookie?

We're going to be related.

To each royal son and daughter.

Faithful to the core.

Let's drink a toast without the water.

To PS44.

Come on. I can't believe it. We've got to plan a wedding. Yes, and a honeymoon.

And, you know, the father of the bride always pays for the wedding. It's okay

with me. We'll have paper plates.