Original subtitles

Yo, person.

What's up?

Me. Today in my theories of personality class, we took a self -awareness test.

You know, from a few simple responses, you could tell a lot about yourself.

Oh, Theo, I love psychology.

Ask me some questions.

Okay, Vanessa, what animal do you most identify with?

Oh, I've always seen myself as a dolphin.

A dolphin?

You?

Yeah. Dolphins are very intelligent.

They have a cute smile.

Yes, they also live in the ocean, and you hate when someone does to your hair.

Well, we dolphins adapt.

I'll get a perm.

Ah, now, this is the man to analyze.

Yeah, analyze what?

Listen, this is a test that we took in our theories of personality class. Uh

-huh. Psychology.

Yeah, yeah.

I want to ask you a question. I'm not crazy.

No.

What animal do you most identify with?

Camel.

Because he prepares for the long haul.

That's interesting.

Camel. I like that.

Camel. And a rhino. And a rhino because he has a tough outer surface.

No, Dad, just one animal, sorry. No, no, no. When you get to be my age and

you're a parent, you need a whole lot of things to identify with.

And the next thing, I would be a salmon because of my children. I have to swim

upstream.

And then I'm part hawk. Because I have sharp vision. Now, come on upstairs.

give you that jacket you've been wanting to steal for some time.

I'm going to keep following you until you give me the answer because you may

know, but I identify with a homing pigeon.

Now, come on upstairs. I'll give you some peanuts.

Oh, Mom, great. Are you ready to go to the mall now?

Sweetheart, I'm very sorry. I have to stay here. We can't go.

Rudy's on the way home from school. She got her period today.

Sisterhood during the ranks of womanhood?

Mom, I know the code I want. I know exactly where it is. It'll only take a

an hour. Vanessa, I'm going to talk to Rudy. You remember, woman's day.

Got to make sure Rudy's well -informed so she knows what's happening and so she

doesn't know the wrong ideas, like Mom and her girlfriend.

That's right, because we didn't have a clue.

And I will not have my children running around thinking they cannot go to the

beach because they will attract sharks.

up on the stage.

You actually believe that? Yes, I believed it.

And when you girls were born, I decided to have you talk.

That woman's day was born. Well, you know, Mom, I adored my woman's day. She

took me to the Plaza Hotel for brunch and a carriage ride through the park.

I do rise to the occasion, don't I?

Rudy.

Hi, Mom. The school nurse called.

Oh, yeah, I got my period.

Sweetheart, are you all right?

Oh, yeah, fantastic.

How about this weather, huh?

You want me to come upstairs, too?

Oh, no, I'll be down in a few.

All right.

Who is it? It's us.

Come in.

We got here as fast as we could.

Does everyone know?

No. When you're out in a class... we said you had an emergency.

Yeah, we said your house was on fire.

What? Then later we told him it was a false alarm.

So, what's it like?

Well, it's kind of like getting a stomachache, but without eating candy.

Just think, Rudy, you're the first one in our group to get it. You even look a

little more mature.

Well, I did feel a little older walking home from school today.

You'll get yours.

Soon.

You have to be careful, though.

My sister's friend knew somebody, and when she got her period, she was so

she ought to be carried around on a stretcher for three months.

Susan, that is not true.

My dad gave me a book to read last year about the whole thing, and that can't

happen. Maybe not, but I heard about this girl who went to the circus when

got it, and when she sat down, all the animals stopped performing.

52A, please leave. You're upsetting the animals.

It was so embarrassing for her.

Danielle, that is ridiculous.

I definitely know that you can't swim in the ocean or you'll attract sharks.

That is ridiculous, too.

You can swim anytime, go anywhere, and do anything you normally would.

But I know this. If you get too weak, you may need a transfusion.

Transfusion.

Everyone knows that you don't need a transfusion.

As long as you eat five beets a day.

Five beets a day?

Five beets a day and you'll be fine.

Those girls have been up there for 45 minutes.

And I know that they are filling Rudy's head with all kinds of nonsense.

I'm going to have to go up there and deprogram the child.

Well, now, dear, suppose they're up there doing homework.

Cliff, please.

Things haven't changed that much.

I remember when I got my period and my girlfriends came to see me. One of them

told me I could stop it any time I wanted to just by crossing my eyes.

You didn't believe that, did you?

Let's just say I nearly ended up with a very serious vision problem.

Why don't you cross your eyes while I reach one of these cookies here? You

those cookies alone.

Those are for Rudy.

Well, what if I told you that this time of the month I'm very sad?

No, I would give you more than a cookie.

Well, what time?

Well, ladies, did you enjoy your visit?

Mm -hmm.

You can go on up, Mrs. Huxtable.

Well, we'll leave you alone with Rudy now.

Thank you.

Bye, girls.

Goodbye, ladies.

Oh, good evening, Dr. Huxtable.

It's downstairs in the dryer.

I'm going to go get it. Wait a minute, Rudy. Wait a minute.

Honey, it's Wednesday.

Well, don't you want to talk about it?

No.

Do you need anything? Any supplies?

Mom, with all the women in this house, I'm set for life.

Well, what about Wednesday?

What would you like to do? The city is yours, whatever you like.

Well, we can't do it this weekend.

promised danielle and susan that we could go to the mall tomorrow and then

sunday i promised kenny we could go play video games well maybe we could do this

um next month or whenever this thing comes back okay rudy whatever

you say well i'm gonna get my shirt

Hey, Dad, listen, I'm almost done with this psychological profile on you. Yeah?

Still trying to analyze me, huh? If you were a body of water, what would you be?

Wet.

Okay, you're not going to cooperate, huh? No, no, no, no. You're not going to

use me as a guinea pig. You have to pay me.

A guinea pig is not one of the animals I would be.

Hey, what's up, Nick? How you doing? All right.

Here's the psych book, you guys.

Oh, thanks a lot.

You're kind of early, aren't you?

Yeah, well, I was supposed to be at my girlfriend's for dinner, and that fell

through, if you know what I mean.

No, what do you mean?

You know women.

Look, I was an hour late for dinner, and she gets all bent out of shape, you

know? But I had a good reason.

What was that?

I'm always late.

She'll get over it in a few days, if you know what I mean.

No, what do you mean?

Women, man.

You know how they are during that time of the month.

No, Danny, how are they?

Hi, Mrs. Huxtable.

Listen, Mom, thanks, Danny. He just came to give me a book. I'll see you at the

crib, all right, ma 'am? I would really be very interested in hearing what Danny

has to say.

Can I be frank?

By all means.

No offense, Mrs. Huxtable.

But you know how women get. They get a little grumpy.

They do that crying thing.

Danny, let it go.

Danny, why do you assume that if your girlfriend is upset that it has to be

time of the month?

What else could it be?

I mean, I got nothing against a woman's monthly, you know. I'm a sensitive guy.

Yes, I can see that.

But some people say that between...

premenstrual syndrome, postmenstrual syndrome, and a visit to Montflow.

Excuse me? No, that's their expression, not mine.

That women have got the calendar covered.

And what else do these people say?

Women should have our own calendar and our own syndrome.

They even say it.

That we should have our own mood swings, and they should coincide with Monday

Night Football.

Well, Danny, since you talk to these people so much, maybe you could deliver

message for me?

Okay.

Well, you tell them that a woman is entitled to have a mood, any mood, a

mood, a sad mood, an angry mood, and she can have this mood whenever she likes,

and it has absolutely nothing...

to do with whether or not Aunt Flo is visiting.

I think what they meant was... No, you see, I heard what they meant.

And one more thing, these people should be very happy that women get visits from

their aunts, because if they didn't, there would be no uncles.

It's been very nice seeing you again, Louie.

Theo, I'll be leaving now.

In case she comes back, huh? Yeah, well...

What is it, dear? A bedtime story.

All right, what is it, Sister Grounds?

One time there was a king named Dr.

Buxter. Dr.

Buxter. He was very handsome.

I love this story.

And there was also a princess named Bolivia.

Bolivia. All right.

She was very sweet. Yeah, and they loved each other very much, and they said

good night and went to sleep.

Hey, I'm going to give you a little bit of water. You drink the water right

down, and then you go up to bed and go to sleep.

Go ahead. Tell me some more of the story.

One day, King Dr.

Boxerball and Princess Bolivia went for a ride in a car.

She drove.

Okay,

okay, okay, okay. Let's drink the water.

And finish the story.

And it got dark and they fell asleep.

No, they never slept because where they went was daytime all the time.

Well, if it was daytime all the time, then there would be no stars in the sky.

Fine. And if there was no nighttime, then you would have no Christmas and no

Santa Claus and no presents.

Whoa.

Wait, wait. I'm not finished.

One day, night came.

And they all went to bed. Santa Claus gave them lots of presents.

Dad, you know, I gotta admit that you kind of had me stumped with your

to my questions for my psychological profile.

But I persevered, man. I dug deep. Really? I continued, and I got

you figured out.

All right. Now, because of your vague responses, I had no choice but to come

with an original psychological classification just for you.

Okay, well, let's have it. You have a disorder.

All right, okay.

It's a disorder that I appropriately call fugitive fantasy fear.

Fugitive fantasy fear.

It means that you are a person who refuses to be categorized by deflecting

direct questions, therefore wearing down those seeking knowledge of you until

they're either uninterested or they surrender in frustration.

And this is called what?

Fugitive fantasy fear.

And it means what?

It means that you refuse to be categorized by deflecting direct

Well, I don't think that that's true at all.

Now, what's it called again?

It's called fugitive fantasy fear. There you go. Okay. Now, tell me now what it

means. What it basically means is that you wear down those seeking knowledge of

you. Right. Want to stand up? Well, I haven't... No, I haven't deflected

anything. I've just asked you a question now. Which is a form of deflecting, if

you understand.

I understand.

I mean, I'm not a stupid person.

It's just that I want to... Now, this thing, what's it called again? It's

fugitive death.

Don't you see? You wear people down.

I'm seeking knowledge of you, and you're wearing me down.

I don't think... Okay. Okay, go ahead. Ask me the questions again.

No, forget that.

No, come on. Dad, I'm going home.

Thank you. I apologize.

Thank you. I'm going home.

My brother. Tell me again.

No, Dad.

Don't leave me like this.

I'll tell you. You want the last part of it? Yes. The last part. Yes. Check it

out. I'm uninterested. I'm interested.

It strikes again.

Potato chips.

Check. Root beer float.

Check. Tissues.

Check. Then I say we have enough to last through Miss Scarlet, Red Butler, Miss

Mellie, and that fire. And frankly, my dear, we are ready to go.

I'm so glad you wanted to do this, Rudy.

I've been looking forward to this for quite some time.

The last Huxtable woman.

Here we go again.

Well, now, what does that mean?

Nothing.

Rudy, it must mean something.

It just means that whatever I do is important because I'm last.

I was the last one to take my first step.

The last one to have training wheels on my bike.

The last one to lose all my baby teeth.

And now this.

I'm sorry, Rudy.

We probably do tend to get sentimental with you because you're the youngest.

Well, is that why you didn't want to do anything for Women's Day?

No. I didn't want to do anything because today was the most humiliating day of

my life.

There I was sitting in class while the teacher was talking about punctuation

I was starting my period.

I think I do.

And so does every other woman in the world.

Honey, that's why they call it the curse.

The curse? The curse, dear.

Oh, it's called the curse.

The visitor, the flag is up, the infantry has landed.

The infantry has landed?

And fallen off the roof.

In my day, it was referred to as the horror.

You see, women were expected to be very dainty and...

Greet. So what did they do? They gave us pads the size of mattresses.

And during that very special time of the month, when you wanted to go out at

night, you couldn't carry a little dainty clutch bag. Oh, no, no, no. You

carry an overnight bag.

Those were the bad old days. Come on. Those were the bad old days.

Well, we've come a long way since then. And, Rudy, you know, it's very natural,

darling. It's been going on since the beginning of time.

It's what makes you a woman.

But, Mom, I'm not a woman. I'm 12 years old.

Rudy, in biological terms, you are a woman.

And if you want to be a mother someday, this has to happen.

So you're saying someday I'll be glad this happened?

There will be days you will be glad this happened.

See, someday you'll be able to have children of your own.

Beautiful children.

Like I have.

Mom, thanks.

Okay, now, can we start this movie?

But wait, I guess I should eat my beets first, shouldn't I?

Your beets?

Yeah, you know, five beets a day keeps the transfusion away.

Come

in, Rudy.

Just wanted to say goodnight, Mom and Dad.

Thanks for tonight, Mom.

Want to snuggle?

Okay!

I think I'll sleep in my own bed tonight.

Good night, Mom.

Good night, Dad.

What is it about after you give the woman's day talk they can't stay in this

anymore?

What do you tell them?

One husband.

To one woman. Hello.

My God.

Now, when I asked you about some cookies,

you made a promise to me that I couldn't have any cookies.