Original subtitles

I can do it in snow.

I can do it in heat.

And it's really a thing of man against nature.

Dr. Huxtable, maybe you should cook inside.

Oh, this is when the fire gave me away.

Oh, wow.

It's hard to believe in one week we will have been married a year.

Ah, take a taste of oregano.

You're wasting your time, Elvin.

That is Cliff's secret sauce, and he's not giving the recipe to you. He's

that recipe with him to the grave. No, he's not, because I've got it.

It's orange juice.

Hey, Dad.

What? What's funny? You dropped something.

Uh -oh. Yes.

do that when I came back. We got a lot of stuff, didn't we? We got the food

processor, the blender. Yeah, maybe someday when you get your own home,

be able to use them.

Wait a minute. You had a bridal shower, but nobody gave Martin a bachelor party?

Oh, you didn't have a bachelor party?

Well, I did.

Kind of.

After the wedding, the guys on board the ship threw me a little bash.

Instant purdy, put on a grass skirt, stuffed a bra, did a little hula dance.

Yo, Martin, man, that's pathetic.

look alike. That's not a bachelor party. That's a mockery.

Now, I think we should throw you a real bachelor party. What do you think,

Elvin? Oh, yeah. You know me. Party Elvin.

Why bother? I'm already married.

Martin, I think you should have a bachelor party.

Do you really?

Yeah, you know. It's important, all that male bonding. Yeah, man. So let's bond.

Yeah. Well, if you guys want to do it for me, hey, I'm yours.

We're going to go all out for you. Spare no expense.

This is going to be loud. All right.

Wow.

All right, so how much did the entire party run you, Denny?

What about if we lose the band?

And the food?

All right.

A stripper?

Yeah.

Well, it is traditional, and Martin is a traditional guy.

So how much did the stripper cost you?

For your brother's bachelor party.

All right, well, get back to me. Let me know.

Cool.

A stripper.

Yeah, we're getting one for Martin's bachelor party.

Theo, please. I hardly think Martin's going to go for something so sophomoric.

I don't know, Denise.

You heard him go on about Ensign Purdy.

Sounds to me like a guy who felt cheated.

Besides, he's in the Navy.

You know how those guys are.

about my Martin, okay? And I don't think he'd appreciate you stereotyping him

like that.

Hey!

Coming through!

Theo! Another bag in the car. I've got it. Martin, wait till you hear this.

wants to hire you as a stripper for your bachelor party. A stripper?

No.

for Martin's bachelor party. You've got to be kidding. Does Martin know about

this? Yeah, he seems fine with it.

Hey.

Well, look, don't worry, Denise. It's not a lost cause. Now, see, this man, he

was the biggest male chauvinist in the world until I turned him around.

Isn't that right, sweetheart?

What's that, Martin?

Did you know that Theo is hiring a stripper for Martin's bachelor party?

Oh, really? Well, if that's what Martin wants.

Oh, wait a second.

Do you approve of this?

Well, it's not up to me. I mean, it's like a dinner party, you know. If

eating scampi, you just eat scampi. You have to be a good sport about these

things.

Turned him around, huh?

I can't believe they're doing this.

What are they going to do, and who's going to do it?

Martin, Elvin, and your son, Theo. They're hiring a stripper for Martin's

bachelor party.

What did they say when you told them that tassels and pasties just do not

it in this family?

Uh, well, we didn't. Why not?

I thought I raised you to speak your mind.

Cliff,

do you know that the boys are hiring a stripper for Martin's bachelor party?

Mm -hmm.

Well, what do you think about that?

I think it's archaic, demeaning, and stupid.

Did you tell them that?

I beg your pardon?

Did you tell them that?

I'm not married to them.

They can watch whatever they want. I'm married to you.

If I see you watching the stripper, that's it.

What is that?

A barbecue sauce.

Then what is that?

It's a decoy.

I like the fennel.

Nice touch.

Hey, sweetheart.

Hi, cutie.

What are you up to?

Well, darling, I've been thinking.

Well, you know that I support the idea of you and the other men having your

little bachelor party to do.

It's just that I feel that some of your party plans are a little...

It's insensitive to me and the other women in this family.

Did I do something wrong?

It's about you wanting this stripper.

Baby, you heard what I said to them out there. I said no.

Smells good, Dad.

Yeah.

Um, actually, sweetheart, darling, you didn't just say no.

Well, what did I say?

Well, you said...

supposed to say? I think you should have said, Theo, shame on you. I will not

tolerate this inane sophomore vulgarity.

Yeah, well, that certainly sounds like me, huh, Elvin? Yeah.

I'm not even in this.

Great, Elvin.

You're not involved, but you're willing to watch a woman being used as a man's

plaything. Honey, I'm just going to the party, okay?

where a woman is being hired to strip while you whoop and holler and claw.

Hey, who's clawing? I'm in the back. I'm not even looking, okay?

I don't even understand why men like to watch strippers anyway. Really, let's be

honest. All it is is a lot of titillating and teasing and feeding

fantasies.

Yes, what fun can that be? The woman strips, then she leaves, and you guys

left, what, chug -a -lugging a beer?

See, see, I don't even like beer.

And second of all, okay, it's just a form of entertainment that some people

happen to like. You know, it's like what I, the scampi, what I said.

Solomon, it's stupid, it's disgusting, and it exploits women.

Okay, now, whoa, whoa, whoa. This is getting a little bit one -sided.

I mean, what about those clubs where men strip for women?

That's right. Aren't those men being exploited?

What? Oh, please. No, no, no. I think that it's true. Now, what do you think,

Dr. Huxtable? I think that the sauce is excellent.

strippers exploited come on you've seen those ads you're having a ball yes when

men strip for women it's considered cute and playful but when women strip for

men it's grinding out baby come on dig us home excuse me denise but

you're wrong okay because i happen to have a friend who worked his way through

medical school being a male stripper who you remember bill rid of the ear nose

and throat guys well bill

Bill called himself the Toreador.

He said those cute, playful women were groping and clawing and snapping his G

-string.

It made him very bitter.

The fact remains that women view men much differently than men view women.

different? Well, for one thing, men are oglers.

And women don't ogle? We are saying that there is a difference in the quality of

the ogling. Oh!

Yes, yes, women just look, but men, you... guys x -ray i do not x -ray

i mean when i'm a doctor i do but i don't x -ray unless there's a machine

i sure like to x -ray we need a lomax

what

are we talking about now here we have the perfect example of the x

-raying male Women have to make themselves sexy and alluring because men

him are obsessed with the perfect female form.

Who's obsessed?

Oh, come on, Theo. I've been shopping with you. You scope out the mannequins.

Well, look, I know that I am not obsessed.

Martin, please. Look at magazines. Look at calendars. Men prefer women with

curvaceous figures.

She's right. Let's be honest. No man wants a woman with floppy hips and

wings.

hollowest thing I have ever heard, Theo.

Oh, and women don't want the same thing from us? I see that's true. You expect

us to stay fit, stay in shape, and I, for one, am tired of having to make

look beautiful for women. What do they want from me?

You know, why can't we just have simple bodies, like Dad?

This is your piece.

when you look in the mirror, but your body is certainly not complicated.

Thank you, sweetheart.

I'll keep my feelings about your body to myself.

What feelings?

It's not the time of the place.

No, no, no, what?

Your neck.

What's wrong with my neck?

It's just a... Shade thin. Sometimes I wonder how you swallow.

I beg your pardon?

Didn't you?

My sister... What? My sister went through eight and a half hours of labor

bring your children into this world and you're going to criticize her neck?

you patronize me not being patronizing i'm being polite it's just women you

you're polite they say you're patronizing you're not they say you're a

problem is they don't know what they want i would stay out of this if i were

you have caused enough trouble what did i do you hired this stripper it wasn't

me martin wanted her when is

turtlenecks for the rest of my life.

Oh, no, I wouldn't want to get too hippie.

Well, I would like some. I don't mind getting hippie.

May I have some chicken as well?

Would you like a breath?

You're more of a leg man, aren't you?

This is absolutely ridiculous, okay?

It ends right here.

Now, I'd like some chicken, please.

Oh, which piece would you like, Elvin?

I'd like a wing.

I can't take this. I'm going to watch the movie.

Well, a man's got to drive slow with lemon tarts in the

back seat.

Well, look at this family.

Hold on.

I've got to get a picture of this.

I tell you, with so much trouble in the world, today, it's nice to see a warm,

loving family all together.

Come on, Russell.

Let's put this dessert in the kitchen.

Okay. Listen, nobody touch that piece right there. I'm a leg man myself.

Great. It runs in the family. Give it a rest, Denise.

There we go again. Male domination.

What are you talking about, male domination? The man is just trying to

chicken and beef, and I don't know why I'm sitting here eating his stupid

wing. Give me a breath.

It started when Theo wanted to get a stripper for Martin's bachelor party.

Well, what's wrong with that?

Grandpa, what's wrong with that? Did you have a stripper at your bachelor party?

No. Well, she was more of a fan dancer. Her name was Fatima. She was a very

talented performer.

She had these blue ostrich feathers, and she'd hold them in front of herself.

And she'd do this dance to the music of Besame Mucho.

Bless my, bless my moonshine.

Each time I cling to your kiss, I hear music divine.

And she'd give you a little shoulder.

And then take it back.

Give you a little leg.

Take it right back.

Well, she was something.

Grandma, didn't that bother you? Oh, no, we didn't think too much of those

things then.

Yeah, the good old days.

Well, that sounds so sexist. Well, times were different. People didn't make a

big deal out of everything.

You know, if you spent all your time fussing over points of contention

men and women...

You're not going to have much time for romance. This woman knows what she's

talking about. Come on, Russell, let's put these on plate. Okay, best on my...

Well, I guess they must have some idea of what they're talking about. They've

been married 50 years.

I guess we shouldn't put differences between us under a magnifying glass.

Tend to make things bigger than they are.

I suppose we could manage to let a few things slide.

Love me forever and save that joke. Don't touch me.

What? Keep your hands to yourself.

What did I do? Never mind. Just hand me that tray.

Okay.

I hated that you had that woman at your bachelor party.

Why don't you say something?

Well, those were the times that we kept those things to ourselves.

You mean you've been holding this in for 54 years, Anna? I am no mind reader.

Oh, and while we're at it, I hate that fan dance story.

Every time I hear it, it sickens me.

Give me a little shoulder and take it right back. Give me a little leg and

it right back.

Well, I didn't know that.

Why do you think I always leave the room?

To make coffee.

No. To make coffee and kick the wall.

Now grab these tarts that you love so much.

Lemon tarts. Oh, I love those.

Thanks to me, he didn't do a darn thing to help. He was watching the ice.

Well, what do you mean? I floured the pants.

And you also floured the floor.

I spent ten minutes cleaning up after you.

What are you all looking at? Haven't you ever seen people argue before?

Yeah, but not you guys.

Oh, grow up.

Then there was a fan where the toad used to be. And then there was a... What?

We haven't finished eating yet.

Oh. Well, do you see how upset I am?

Dag -blamed fan dance story.

I had no idea she felt this way. I mean, why didn't you tell me?

Well, I know how you feel. One minute you think you're doing all right, and

the next, blam, you're blindsided. Yeah, that's exactly what happened in the

kitchen. Blam, blindsided.

Yeah, I know.

I've been there before.

Well, where have you been?

And that is where you're going to stay if you don't quit stirring up trouble.

I'm not even talking about that. Yes, you were.

You asked if you were completely innocent.

It had nothing to do with you. It was a general statement. I can't even say

anything. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, you guys, wait. Look at Dad.

He has made this beautiful barbecue and we are ruining it.

I just feel so used.

Mom, let's just stop the bickering and let's enjoy this barbecue.

She's right. We're sorry, Dad. It's great.

Hey, you, I want you to have your bachelor party and I want you to have

food and friends and all that.

You can even have your stripper.

Me.

What a great idea.

I think that I have a few hot moves myself.

fleet and elvin don't worry you won't see me because you'll be sitting in the

back and don't leave me out i'll bring the thing

and when i give a little leg i won't take it back oh

anna i will never tell that story again but you'll think it

thinking the same thing that I was thinking 54 years ago at that bachelor

What? I can't wait to get at you.

That romantic with me in 50 years?

Oh, you know it.

I love your neck, honey.

It's perfect, like a swan. Oh, Elvis.

It certainly is nice to see them work things out for themselves.

They haven't worked anything out for themselves.

It's my barbecue sauce.

Your barbecue sauce. My barbecue sauce. Haven't you ever noticed after people

have fun with my barbecue sauce, after a while when it kicks in they get all

huggy -buggy?

I'm dead serious.

Haven't you ever noticed that after one of my barbecues and they have the sauce,

people want to get right home?

Let me tell you something else. I got a cup of it up on the night table.

I got a cup of it, I said.

Left it up there breathing.

Why don't you give the chicken to these people that's going up and have some

sauce?

So here's the rest of the chicken, you guys.