Original subtitles

of music I'd like to hear.

Wow! Just listen to those laughs! Would you like to make people laugh like that?

Wouldn't it be great to be the funniest kid on your block?

You can be by calling 555 -JOKE for the most hilarious jokes you've ever heard!

your parents' permission.

Dr. Huxtable, are you ready to roll in the aisle?

Pardon me?

Can I have your permission to tell you a joke?

Oh, yes, yes, sure, sure.

Okay,

hit it.

Was that the joke?

a restaurant with a pigeon on the set and the waiter says, what do you feed

thing?

And? Get it?

Get it?

Yes.

You're supposed to tell a whole joke. All you told me was the beginning.

lines all over my face, ready to explode.

Two men are playing golf. Good.

Two men are playing golf. Right.

Two men sit together.

It doesn't work unless you know how to putt.

It doesn't work unless you know how to putt.

give somebody a punchline, you gotta have some part to the story. You gotta

a story and then you tell the punchline. That's what makes the person laugh.

Okay, I'll be right back.

Hey.

What are you doing? I'm calling 5555 joke.

Yeah, but you're not supposed to use the phone.

you permission to tell me a joke i didn't give you permission to use the

do you know how much money it costs yes the man on tv said 95 cents a minute you

had that phone line

Once I told them we're spending the night at Susan's house, they even asked

where the concert was. You know, the same thing happened to me. I told my

parents that after the concert, we were going to stay at Susan's house. They

just assumed that the concert was in New York City. They have no idea that we

are going to Baltimore.

Oh, great plan, Susan.

This was the perfect weekend for my parents to go away. See, my grandma

in the guest room. She goes to bed at 9 .30. So as long as we're in before 6 a

.m. when she wakes up, we're fine.

the wretched live on stage. You know, I hear the lead singer Frankie X wipes

sweat from his body and flings it into the audience.

If only we could have gotten front row seats. Hey, you know, we gotta go. We

have a four -hour...

Susan, a month ago, your mother loaned me this book. And I finished reading it.

I really liked it. Would you tell her that? And tell her I'm going to call

too. Okay.

But I wouldn't call her this weekend. See, things are kind of crazy around the

house. Monday would be much better. All right.

What time are you coming home?

We're probably going to sleep late, so I'll be home sometime tomorrow

Have a nice time.

Bye.

Bye. Bye.

Come on, let's get out of here before someone else wants to say goodbye.

here because we're 120 miles away from home and we're eating them as free

All right, Kara, I have to know, how did you get your brother to lend us his

car? Well, I didn't actually get him to lend it to me. He goes away to college

and leaves it at home. And he asked me to start it for him every so often, so I

started it. I didn't tell him what I was going to do with it once it was ready.

Oh, Kara,

can I borrow the keys to the car? I have to freshen my makeup.

We are in a donut shop. You don't have to look that good.

started this trip I was a little worried

Call the police. Our parents are going to find out that we reported a car

from Wilmington, Delaware.

They're going to find out that we were here.

She's right. Don't call the police.

What am I supposed to do?

Wait a minute.

A car can get stolen anywhere.

When we get back to New York, we'll call the police and tell them it was taken

out of your garage at home. And if they find it down here, they'll think this is

where the thief left it. Come on, Carol. I don't know. Carol.

Carol, we do not have room for doubters right now. Don't let your emotions get

in the way.

Kara, this is when we get back to New York. When we get back to New York, I'm

reporting the car stolen.

Fine.

Kara.

Kara, listen.

Cars come and cars go.

But, honey, that wretched concert's in Baltimore.

What do you say?

I told you not to use the phone, and you're wasting my money.

I didn't waste your money. I made a joke on myself.

Oh, well, then that's comedy.

All right, fine.

Ready? Yeah, go ahead.

A horse and a pig.

Horse and a pig. That's a good setup. You got the setup going. Yeah. The horse

jumped over the pig. There you go.

You'd laugh so hard, I'll be just... A pig and a cow.

Pig and a cow.

The pig jumped over the cow, and the cow said, you wouldn't do that if it was

summer.

Thank you, ladies and gentlemen.

For my next joke. No more, no more next joke.

Because these jokes are not funny. I don't understand them. You're just

things and taking bows.

Comedy, knowing when to get off.

My parents are going away for the weekend.

So fortunately, the house is empty now. Yes.

My granddaughter and her friends were supposed to come over, but the fireman

checked the house and said nobody was in there.

That's the story from here. Only property damage. No lives lost.

But now Vanessa said that she and the girls are going to stay at Susan's house

until the concert.

Why don't you call some of the other parents to see if they're over there?

Yeah, that's a good idea.

And... And even if they haven't heard from them, we could always find out

the Wretched concert is in the city, and we could go there and meet them.

The Wretched, Mom, did you say the Wretched? Yeah, that's right. Well,

not playing in New York. They're not allowed to play here. Last time they

here, they caused so much trouble, no one will book them.

Oh, look, there's Frankie X on the TV right now.

He's from the Wretched. In other entertainment news, lead singer Frankie

at a news conference today that he wanted to thank the citizens of

letting the Wretched play there tonight. He promised to try...

Did he say that the wretched are in Baltimore tonight?

That's what he said.

But Nessa went all...

thing in wilmington spilling out that stupid police report we're gonna be a

of music history excuse me are you girls all together yeah you need help finding

your seats yeah we're seated in section a but we don't know where it is because

we've never been here before really you from out of town yeah new york new

york oh you must really love the red

I'm going to take care of you. I'm with the band.

You give me those tickets, and I'll take you in through the special entrance.

Is it the same special entrance the wretch had used?

The very one.

I'll get you some backstage passes.

Here, come on. Give me the tickets. These are righteous seats.

Here, come on. Follow me.

and he told us he'd show us to our seat. Then he took our tickets and ran off.

Was he wearing an ID tag like this one?

No. They've been trying to catch up with that guy for months.

See, he goes up to people who look like, you know, they don't know any better.

No offense.

And he gets their tickets, runs off and he sells them. It's wild, man.

Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute. You're saying our tickets are

Probably.

It's all over, girls. This wasn't meant to be.

I said we'd just take a bus and go home.

Look, Danny, you're the treasure.

How much money do we have left?

Thank you, Lily.

Yes. If you hear any more, please call me.

Bye.

Cliff, I don't know if you're ready for this.

That was Kara's mother.

She just received a call from the police department of Wilmington, Delaware.

It seems that Kara's brother's car was found on the side of the road completely

stripped.

When they apprehended the thief, he confessed to having stolen the car from

parking lot of a local donut shop.

So the police went to the donut shop, and they spoke to the woman behind the

counter, who gave them a description of four girls that fits the description of

our four girls, and said that they asked her...

How do we catch the bus to Baltimore?

They don't even bother to call and report that the car has been stolen. No,

get on a bus and go to Baltimore to be with the wretched and have big fun.

I say we should get ourselves together and go over to Susan's house and meet

Vanessa, because you know they're going back there.

I want you to do me a favor.

From where my heels are to where I land, I want you to mark how far I jumped.

All right, stay right there.

Okay, that's about eight feet. Eight feet?

Add another three to that.

Because when we see Vanessa, that's how far away from her I will have to be.

You

bring

yourself in this house right now.

And if you think that that 30 -minute ride home was something, believe me...

building, dying of asphyxia, and you're down in Baltimore having big fun.

Weren't you, Vanessa? Isn't that where you were? Didn't you go down there to

Baltimore and have big fun, Vanessa? Tell me, didn't you go for big fun?

Mom? Shut up!

Don't you dare open your mouth when I'm asking you a question.

Rudy, go to bed.

I only hope that you can have this thing mixed. Vanessa, I hope that one day you

come to realize exactly how it feels to think that your child's life is in

danger. You have taken us from levels of frenzy, panic, distress, and now that

we know you're okay, rage.

That's where we are right now, Vanessa. We are in rage because we know that you

have been to Baltimore, Maryland, with the wretched to have been.

Isn't that what you had, Vanessa?

Didn't you have big fun? Well, let's see now. You had donuts.

Had donuts in Wilmington, Delaware.

Cliff, tell me, have you ever been to Wilmington for donuts?

Not on the weekend.

There she is, sitting up in the local donut shop in Wilmington, Delaware.

Sipping hot chocolate and eating crumbs and the car gets stolen. Now, a normal

individual with half a gnat's brain would have said, I'm going home now. But

you? Oh, no, not you. You and your three friends put yourselves on a bus and go

joyride off to Baltimore.

All the way to Baltimore.

What were you thinking?

I wasn't thinking.

You got that right.

Did you really think that the four of you could go off careening into the

and not one single parent would find out about it? Did you really think that,

Vanessa?

Shut up!

Because I know what was going on. You were off being wild and free with the

wretched and singing the wretched song.

Now, I know you told me about it in the car, Vanessa, but just for the record,

one more time, how did it come to pass that you did not get into the concert

with the wretched and the big fun?

to answer me when I ask you a question, girl.

We gave our tickets to a man who said he was with the band and he wasn't and he

stole them.

Someone stole Janet's wallet.

We ran away and we bumped into this guy, Freddy Scurry, a friend of Janet's

brother and he gave us bus fare.

You're lucky to have found someone to look at your little sorry selves and

pity on you.

Mom, I'm sorry.

Hurry. It'll never happen again.

Can I please just have my punishment?

Vanessa, please. Your father and I have been through much too much this evening

to be sitting up here thinking about a punishment for you right now.

But I'd like my punishment before I go to bed.

Do yourself a favor and go to bed.

Okay?

And do me another favor, please.

If you're thinking about running away from home, please don't take my car.

And there's just one more thing, Vanessa, I have to say to you. You have

to us that you cannot be trusted.

It's going to be a very long time before we even think of trusting you again.

Um, I said I was sorry.

This is not going to happen again. For all I know, you are lying right now. Go

to bed!

do something about this child's honesty, Cliff.

Now, how are we going to get Vanessa to be honest about something she wants to

do when she knows darn good and well we do not want her to do it?

And I say that tonight, before we put head to pillow to rest in this house,

and I are going to figure this one out.

All right, Roy, you get the pad and the pencil and bring them on. into the chuck

wagon and I'll fix some coffee and some beans and a side of pork and we'll see

what we can do about catching all the desperado.

The Cosby Show is taped in front of a studio audience.