Original subtitles

Elevator music, I've never heard.

Sandra, soon as Theo and the girls get here, we should leave. Our reservation

in half an hour.

Iris is always on time.

Elvin, how does this sound?

Muffin, you're not dressed?

Well, honey, this essay is still not right. How am I going to get into law

school when I can't even write a personal statement for my application?

Look, nice evening out is all you need to clear your head. You're going to love

Ira. She's very funny. She can talk about anything. You guys are going to

off great.

Okay, I'll go get ready.

Thanks.

Hey. My name is Van. They call me Ruth. And we are here to babysit for you all.

Elvin, I told them it was stupid.

Oh, it's not stupid. It was great. Come on in. Thank you, Elvin.

Well, I can't stay. I have to get the car back to Mom and Dad.

I hope your VCR works. I picked up the movie for Rudy and me to watch.

Vanessa's really into those old movies now. Most of them aren't even in color.

Rudy, you're going to love these movies. They are so glamorous.

People wore tuxedos to do everything, even to get the newspaper in the

And they were always jumping into these big yellow taxi cabs and saying, follow

that car.

And they got to go to nightclubs with big, shiny dance floors and orchestras

linen tablecloths.

Now that is my style.

So what are you and Sandra doing tonight?

Going out to dinner with an old college friend of mine and her sister. You're

taking Sandra out to dinner with one of your old girlfriends?

What's the matter with that?

Rudy, you're too young to understand.

Understand what?

Rudy, if you understood, you wouldn't have to act.

Vanessa, relax.

Iris is not an old girlfriend. We just went to school together.

Well, actually, she did take me to a dance once when I didn't have enough

to get in. But after that, we just studied at the library together.

Then I met your sister, and we lost touch with each other. Is she cute?

Yeah, I guess. Wait a minute.

The girl was cute, and all you wanted to do was go to the library?

Why, you guys, what, are you right for the tabloids or something? Come on,

just friends. You know, it is possible to be friends with an attractive woman.

Hasn't it ever happened to you, Theo?

Yeah, but it wasn't my choice.

Hey, everybody.

Hey, what's up?

My name is Van.

They call me Ruth. And we are here to babysit for you.

Hey,

I love that.

Sandra, I thought you were getting dressed.

Elvin, I can't go. I just figured out how to fix my essay.

I came up with some great ideas, and I want to get them down while I still

remember them. Oh, but honey, we planned this a week ago, and Iris really wants

to meet you. Oh, I know, honey, but I can meet her the next time she's in New

York. Well, I know the application is important, but...

Okay, okay, I will call her right away, cancel, and stay home with you tonight.

Oh, no, I really think that you should go to dinner with him. No, Sandra, if

don't go, I don't go.

But, honey, that's ridiculous.

Why should you be stuck here with me? Go, have a good time. Okay, I will.

Does that mean we don't get to babysit?

No, you're staying. While I'm in the bedroom working, I'll need someone to

an eye on Winnie and Nelson.

All right, all right.

Elvin? Yeah.

I asked you that you'd be home by 10 o 'clock to take Rudy and Vanessa home. I

promised Mom and Dad I'd have them back early. All right, I'll be home 9 .30 to

later. Oh, I'll just call back to Mom and Dad, but I can drop you off at the

restaurant. Great.

Work hard, honey.

Can't wait to read that brilliant essay when I get back.

Well, have a good time, sweetheart.

Bye.

Sandra.

I cannot believe what you just did.

What? You sent your husband out on a date with another woman.

Elvin is not out on a date. Iris is an old friend.

Mm -hmm.

That's what Joseph Cotton said about Joan Fontaine in September Affair.

You see, they were married to other people, but they became friends on an

airplane. Then the airplane crashed.

Well, they survived and fell in love, and when they were reported dead, they

decided not to tell anyone so that they could be together. Vanessa, you are

talking about an old movie. This is Greenwich Village, not Hollywood.

Iris is not Joan Fontaine, and Elvin is not Joseph Cotton. Thanks for saying

that. Last week, she said Kenny and me reminded her of George Raft and Ida

Lupino.

Okay, you girls have fun.

Aren't you getting ready for bed?

In a minute, but first I'll see how tall I am before I go to sleep.

Yeah, well, honey, I measured you yesterday.

Fine, but I want you to measure me again before I go to sleep.

Yeah, but I just measured you yesterday, and you were 41 inches tall. I put it

on the wall over there. See? I grew. I can feel it.

You didn't grow, huh? Yes, I did.

I'm telling you, you didn't grow.

I know my body.

Measure me.

Okay, all right, go on over there. I'll measure you.

Okay, here's the mark from yesterday. Now, this was less than 24 hours, okay?

All right, now, you got the same shoes on you had yesterday?

Yes, but different shoes.

All right, fine.

All right, put your head back.

All right, here we go. Now.

This is the mark, and... Well, that's impossible.

What? What?

You're an inch taller than you were yesterday.

Oh, right. I told you I know my body.

Claire! Claire!

I measured her yesterday.

I measured her just now.

She's an inch taller than she was yesterday.

Well, that doesn't surprise me a bit. Olivia's an exceptional child.

Wow. That's very good, Olivia. Keep up the good work. I just measured her less

than 24 hours ago.

Dad, maybe we understand things that doctors don't. If the child grows at

rate, do you realize that by April she'll be 10 feet tall?

Honey, you're getting overly excited for no good reason. See, Denise and I

understand that children have these sudden spurts of growth.

They do.

Especially when you put tissue in their shoes.

gotta admit that's a good gotcha what's so

funny yesterday your father measured olivia and he measured her again today

she was an inch taller where did he measure her oh in the kitchen honey

the wall well was she standing in the same place yes did you ever want the

shoes

Why would she do that?

Never mind.

Oh, Dad, I brought your keys back to you.

I have to tell you, Sandra really surprised me tonight.

See, she and Elvin were supposed to go out to dinner with an old girlfriend of

Elvin's and her sister.

Anyway, at the last minute, Sandra decided she wasn't going to go because

had to stay home and work on her law school application.

He never even checked her shoes.

Sandra insisted that Elvin go.

Isn't that unbelievable?

Elvin's one lucky guy.

See you guys later.

Tissue paper, huh?

Well, I just see some trouble on the horizon for my man Elvin.

See, Alvin... Sorry, it was just a little left.

It's all gone now.

See, Alvin is in big trouble.

Why? What did he do? She told him to go.

Dear, it doesn't make any difference what his wife told him. The boy went out

with two women.

and left the wife at home with two babies, and she had to fill out a law

application. And you are not suggesting that you understand a woman's point of

view better than I do. No. What I'm saying is that Elvin understands less

all of us.

And he's going to be in big trouble.

And another thing, I knew about the tissue in the shoe.

Oh, I know.

I got you. Got you. Got you. Got you.

Virginia,

I didn't have a dollar to get into

the dance. Your sister took pity on me. She said, that's all right. You go as my

guest. I didn't know he was going to get so thirsty inside. I spent another $7

on refreshments.

Should we be coming in here so late? It's 11 o 'clock. That's okay.

Sandra's up. She really wants to meet you two, and I want you to get a peek at

the baby. And you don't think she's going to be upset with you coming home

late? No. Look, when I called her from the restaurant, she said, stay, enjoy

yourself. See, Sandra's the kind of person who enjoys other people enjoying

themselves. Anyway, you'll see when you meet her. Look, why don't you guys make

yourselves at home, and we'll be out in a minute, okay?

Honey, I'm back.

Yes, you are.

Sorry I'm a little late.

Time just flew by.

Did it?

Yeah, we were just sitting talking over old times and stuff, and Iris' sister

Judy is really fascinating. You know she's an engineer. She builds bridges.

Anyway, we were just talking, and Iris and Judy ordered some wine.

You were drinking wine?

Oh, you know I don't drink wine.

I had a scotch.

You had a scotch?

Yeah, it seemed like the thing to do. I'd never had one before, but I told

to put a lot of ice in it.

Oh, and I suppose you smoked a cigarette, too.

No.

I just lit it and let it sit in the ashes.

I see. So now it's clear why you totally forgot to come home when you promised.

Wait, Muffin, when I called you from the restaurant, you said stay and enjoy

yourself. Oh, well, you stayed all right.

Yeah, honey, I stayed another half an hour. Then we got the check, I paid, and

we left.

You paid the check?

I wanted to.

See, once in college, Iris paid my way into a dance that we went to.

Oh, then how much was the dance?

Uh, a dollar.

And how much was the dinner?

Um, $78.

Well, would you like to know what was going on here while you were out on the

town? No, yeah, I'm not sure.

Well, at 10 o 'clock, when you promised you would be back, I had to stop working

on my essay, bundle up the twins, drive Rudy and Vanessa home, and then drive

back here.

I then spent the next half hour trying to get the twins to fall asleep, and

another half hour trying to calm myself down so that I could work on this essay.

Honey, why didn't you send Vanessa and Rudy home in a cab?

Elvin, because it costs money.

I guess that's something that you don't think about since you were out there

spending it on food, drink, and women.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I would like to get back to writing my essay.

Sweetheart, before you do that, Iris and Judy are in the living

room. They'd like to meet you.

You brought them back here?

Well, you know, they wanted to meet you. Could you come out for a minute?

No.

If you don't come out, honey, what am I going to say to them?

Why don't you have a scotch? Maybe something will come to you.

Sure you don't want to come out?

Well, um, Sandra can't come out after all she's asleep.

Elvin, we heard her. She sounds upset.

Yeah. Well, she talks in her sleep.

She's under a lot of stress right now. She's applying to law school,

applications and everything.

Maybe we should leave.

Maybe. But listen, next time you come to town, we'll get together and she'll be

real sorry she missed you.

Well, it was nice meeting you. Yeah. We had a great time. Thank you.

Hello.

Sandra, you woke up.

Sandra, well, Iris, Judy, this is my wife, Sandra.

We've heard a lot about you.

I hope we didn't get Alvin in trouble by keeping him out so late. Oh, no, no. I

understand what it's like when old friends get together.

You do?

Absolutely.

I'm just happy that all of you had such a good time. Oh, well, we did. You know,

just sitting around with Iris, brought back all these memories of crazy college

days. Tell Sandra about the time you lent me money to get into the dance.

Alvin was broke, and I ended up spending $12 on our evening out.

Great, that Elvin.

Well, we'll be in town in the spring. Maybe we could all get together then.

I'd like that.

Judy, we've got a long trip. I think we should hit the road.

Good night, Sandra.

Good night. Elvin, thanks for buying dinner. Sure thing. Nice meeting you.

too. Good night.

Bye -bye. Drive safely.

Bye. Thanks.

Aren't they great? Oh, yeah. I knew you'd like them.

You know, when we came in tonight, you know, they said, sure, Sandra's not

to be angry that you're coming in so late? And I said, no, not my Sandra.

wonderful.

And listen, I really appreciate the way, you know, you expressed your anger to

me in there and then you came out here and you were so open and giving to Iris

and Judy. It really means a lot to me.

You really mean a lot to me.

You're my special, special muffin.

Muffin?

Muffin?

remind you of sandra and elvin yeah gene tyranny seemed okay at the beginning of

the movie but when cornell wilde fell in love with gene crane it freaked gene

tyranny out i know she started killing everybody can sandra kill elvin

what do you sandra would never kill elvin sandra does have a bad temper

sometimes you're right in fact her temper's a lot like gene tyranny's in

movie

Hi, Rudy. Hi, Vanessa.

Sandra? Yes?

Where's Elvin?

Don't talk to me about Elvin.

Yes.

She might hear you.

We think there might have been foul play.

You've got to get in there and ask Sandra what she did with Elvin.

Why? Because of what Gene Tierney did to Cornell Wild.

What are you two talking about?

Hey, everybody.

So anyway, Mom, I felt pretty good about what I wrote last night.

Now we're talking medicine.

Go ahead.

Honey,

could you pass the sugar?

So anyway... Thank you.

I'm really worried about this because I hear that they're placing much more

emphasis on the essays at law schools these days. Honey, sorry to interrupt

again. Could you pass the cream?

Thank you.

Well, this was certainly a delicious dinner.

Good as the one you had last night?

Much better, in fact. Last night's dinner was not very good at all.

In fact, this is so great, I'd like to do all the dishes. How about that? Oh,

well, then you don't have to do that. I know, I insist.

Mom, can we go and talk in the living room? It's a little noisy in here.

If you like.

Yeah, that sounds like a great idea. Why don't you ladies just go in there and

chat a bit?

Dad, Sandra has not spoken to me or even looked at me since last night.

Well, I heard what you did last night.

Dad, I didn't really do anything wrong.

I mean...

I came in a little late, but I called her. I called her from the restaurant.

said, stay and enjoy yourselves.

Two women.

Dad, when Sandra told me that she couldn't go to dinner with us, I told

I would stay home. And she said, I remember exactly.

She said, I think you should go and have a good time.

Then I told her again I'd stay home. And she said, go.

Three times, Dad, we did this. And finally I said, okay, I'll go.

And I went.

With two women.

You know, you are a very intelligent man, but you are dumb.

What do you mean, dumb?

Two women, man.

Do you think that Sandra wanted you to go? That she said to go. It doesn't make

any difference if she says go. If your wife says go, you should know that she

meant no. That's your job.

What's my job? Your job is to know that when your wife says yes, she means no.

Dad, to do that, I have to be psychic.

It's impossible.

I mean, how am I really supposed to know whether she means yes or no? Let me put

it to you this way.

Let's say that three weeks, a year from now, a female that you

used to just sit and have coffee with, calls up and says, how about dinner?

Your wife says, I'm busy, but darling, you go.

What are you going to do?

I'm going to be very psychic.

I had to stop working on my essay, get dressed, bundle up the twins, drive over

here, drop off Rudy and Vanessa, and then drive back. And then I spent

half hour trying to get the babies to go back to sleep when he had promised that

he would be home by 9 .30.

Sandra, someday you're going to make a wonderful attorney.

Why's that?

Because you just summed up a case against Delvin that is so airtight.

Not only would the jury convict him, they'd lock him up for good.

Well, I'm glad that you agree.

I didn't say I'd agree with you.

See, I think you're just as much to blame as Elvin, probably even more.

Sit down.

Now, when Elvin suggested that he stay home with you and not go to dinner with

Iris, you told him to go.

That's right.

So were you annoyed at all that he was going to dinner with two women?

No. This is me you're talking to. You think about this.

Did it bother you at all that he was going to dinner with two women?

Okay, maybe a little. But you insisted that he go.

Well, yes, Mom, because I thought that he was going to insist harder that he

stay. You told him to go. Yes, but... You were not honest with him, and you

not honest with yourself.

So when he came home late, you went from being bothered to angry.

And when he brought those two women in the house and you looked at them, you

went from being angry to furious.

Now... I would suggest in the future, you're going to go around declaring war

your husband. You better take a little stock in yourself, young lady, and see

what part you had in starting that war.

Well, maybe I should go in there and help him wash dishes. Sit down.

Don't forget the man was late.

And the women were attractive.

And I forgot to tell you, he paid for their dinner also.

I will make him wash the pot for that, too.

Listen, Nelson, Nelson, you could go to the South Pole and not be cold.

Sandra,

did you used to help Mom dress me like this when I was little? Yes, but you

never sat still for it.

Hey, car's out front. Let's go. Don't want to be late.

Oh, Elvin, could you do me a favor?

Yes. Instead of all of us driving to the hospital and dropping you off, could

you drop me and the babies off at the apartment first?

Yeah, sure.

I'm really tired. I know it's out of your way. Anything you want, honey.

you, sweetheart.

Bye -bye.

Did you see that? They must have made up. They're in love again.

Isn't love wonderful?

Wait a minute.

What? In the movie Conflict.

Humphrey Bogart pretends to be in love with his wife, but he's actually in love

with Alexis Smith.

So he rigs the brakes to his wife's car so that they'll give out on a hill.

Sandra asked Elvin if she could be dropped off first.

Elvin's going to be in the car all alone.

The Cosby Show was taped before a studio audience.