Original subtitles

Hi,

is the cake done yet? I'm putting the finishing touches on with this icing.

Your grandparents are coming all the way from Milwaukee just to see you.

And you're sure they like chocolate.

They love chocolate.

That's the dryer, honey. I've got to go downstairs and get the towels. Do me a

favor. Watch this while I'm gone. And don't eat any. I won't. I don't even

chocolate. You're sure?

Yes. Okay.

I'll be right back.

to eat the whole thing? No.

I'm looking at somebody who looks to me to be a cake thief.

The wind blew it off.

It does come through here hard, doesn't it?

Well, I'm sorry, but I think what I'm looking at is somebody who tried to

a cake.

I can talk to Tim in Spanish.

Uno, dos, tres, cuatro... No, no, no, no. That little... cute stuff doesn't

on me.

And if Mrs. Huxtable comes up here and sees that, she's going to put you away,

far away, for defacing dessert.

Sorry, I just wanted a little taste.

Really?

Keep an eye out of where she came from.

we'll be having for dinner.

Mr.

Kendall, nice to see you again.

Mom,

Dad, how was your trip from Milwaukee?

Something special for your mom and dad. Do you like it? Oh, so that's what

you're wearing when they come over.

Yeah, don't you like it? Well, yeah, I think it's great.

But when you see the gift that I have for you, I think that you're going to

to make a quick change.

You got me a present.

See, baby, if I could afford to, this entire room would be filled with lavish

presents every day.

like a nice dinner at the Navy base. Oh, no, you can wear it then, too, but it

would really make me happy if you would wear it today.

Honey, I'm in the mood to wear what I have on.

Well, you can wear what you have on, but just put this over it.

Wait a minute, I know what's going on here. You want me to wear this because

want me to cover up what I'm wearing because your parents think I dress

right? Your parents...

and that was for 20 minutes.

Yeah, well, that was time enough for your mom to figure out she didn't like

Where did you get the idea that my mother doesn't like you? Excuse me? From

And I'm quoting you. My mother can't stand you.

Okay.

Maybe that's what she said.

But to me, I think that you and my mother can get along.

She's really a very sweet person.

I'm sure she is.

She's the principal of an elementary school, you know.

Three times they've given her the most concerned...

There's a plaque with her picture on it in the school hallway.

So when you meet her, please, please, no matter what feelings you have for her,

just think of that plaque.

All right, I'll put it on.

If you start getting along, I'm taking this sweater off.

Look, isn't that a beautiful sweater?

See, honey, that look is you.

I'm feeling much less nervous now. Thank you.

Denise?

What? Are these the earrings that you're going to wear?

No, no, I do, I do, but it's my mother.

Well, don't worry because your mom won't see them, okay?

Darling, these are much better.

Listen, you guys got here sooner than we expected.

Oh, this man wouldn't even stop at a hotel.

Left the bag in the car.

Hey!

What's happening, Captain?

Hey, son.

Hey, Mom.

Boy.

Good to see you. Have a seat, have a seat.

Denise. Hi, Mom.

Hi, John.

Hi, hon.

Denise?

I'll walk you to see you. Sit down. I'll get it. Okay, I'll help you.

Denise, it's just cheese and crackers, honey. Okay.

Olivia? Yes? You did a lovely job with my coat.

Thank you, Daddy.

Yeah, and here's a dollar for all the hard work.

Joe, put that back.

No, no, no. Give it to me. I paid for the cheese.

Is there something going on between you and Martin's mother?

She's here from Milwaukee. It's great.

Denise, is this me you're talking to?

I don't know, Mom. I can only see that there's friction between Martin's mother

and me.

Well, that's not such an uncommon thing. Mothers are very protective of their

sons.

Look, I went through a similar thing with your grandmother.

This is different, okay?

Martin's mother can't stand me. You may think that, but I'm sure that it just

isn't true.

I happen to know it's true.

Did the woman look you in the eye and say, Denise, I can't stand you?

No.

She said it to Martin.

She did?

Martin told me twice that his mother can't stand me. She thinks that I'm a

flake. Can you believe that?

After she only knew me for 20 minutes, Mom, I didn't do anything to her. I'm

sitting here trying to make this marriage work.

Well, then why would she berate you like that behind your back? I don't know.

I didn't tell you what she said to my face.

When I met her, she said, I hope you don't approach your marriage like you

your college career.

Then Martin made me put on a sweater.

Where's the cheese and crackers?

Oh, the orders are going to have to wait a little bit. Mom wants to talk to

Martin's mom alone.

Give me my dollar back, please.

and go to the store?

Got to get some stuff?

What kind of stuff?

I don't need anything at the store.

Yes, you do.

Are we going for some candy? No.

What are we going for?

What do we need at the store?

People seem to be clearing out of here fast.

I wonder why your wife and my wife are in there talking to each other alone.

I think I know what it is.

My son told me that my wife made some remarks about your daughter, which my

foolishly told Denise.

What kind of remarks?

Well, my son said that my wife said that she can't stand your

daughter.

And I'm guessing that your daughter told your wife what my son said my wife

said.

Well, I've just found out what your son said that your wife said.

You said it. Word.

Larry, this is such a beautiful kitchen.

Imagine a fireplace.

Such a lovely touch.

You know, I have always thought of people in New York living in these small

apartments, but this is a big, beautiful home.

Thank you.

I don't think you really need any help here in the kitchen. I think I'll just

spend some time with Olivia.

Mrs. Kendall, please, I'm Lorraine.

Lorraine.

Could we sit?

Lorraine, my daughter is not comfortable with you.

Well, I sensed something was going on.

Martin told her what you said about her. What did I say? You said you can't

stand Denise.

What? I would never say anything like that. Martin said you did.

Let me just start by telling you about Martin's first marriage.

He was fresh out of Annapolis and said he had to get married right away to this

beautiful, intelligent girl named Paula.

Well, now, you know what I think. This is probably the first girl Martin

Okay. Now, about a year goes by.

Olivia's born.

And Paula decides that she doesn't want to be a wife and a mother anymore.

And she just ups and goes away.

Claire, when Martin brought your daughter home, I was so upset.

I took him aside and I said, son, I can't stand this. Now I'm talking about

can't stand the way he goes off and gets married without giving it any thought.

It has nothing to do with Denise.

I was angry with Martin.

Well, you have been misquoted.

Misquoted and misunderstood.

These two children ought to be thankful they have mothers like us who can put up

with them. I want to thank you because we are the best thing that ever happened

to them.

Now listen, wait, wait. Just wait till this sweet...

Precious little Olivia starts giving the same kind of aggravation they're giving

us. Lorraine, let's get on our knees right now and pray.

Let's pray that Olivia grows up and comes home one day with three husbands,

children, and a dog.

The primary function of this is the basement, but this is the only place

come to where I can get complete privacy because of the offspring repellent.

Offspring repellent? You know, things like tools that require a person to make

some work, you see. You look around here, there's nothing soft, no cushions

anything. All these chairs, everything, this is all wood.

Oak, you see.

There's no place that a kid can roll on the floor with his girlfriend or the

boyfriend.

Offspring repellent.

Now, that's old.

That is not a colored TV set. It's black and white. It has rabbit ears. You have

to manipulate it in order to get a clear picture.

And you have no remote, so the kid has to get up and walk over and change

channels. You know what you're doing. And this.

Here's my baby. Look at it. Record player, you have to put a quarter on the

to keep it from sliding across.

And the speaker is just mono.

Hey, Dad.

Are you still giving Mr. Kendall a chore?

Oh, we're finished.

Well, Mom's looking for you. She said they're serving appetizers in the living

room. Well, tell her no thank you. We're going to stay down here and watch some

TV and listen to some records. Would you all like to join us? No!

See?

Offspring. Republic. Republic.

Thank you.

What kind of music do you play on that phonograph?

This would be perhaps

the greatest jazz collection in the world.

You see, what you're looking at is Hawkins. You have Prez. You have Ahmad

You can go on back to Louis Armstrong.

Go ahead back if you want.

Coltrane. Please.

Here, please.

Bill and Ben.

Right here on Roland Dirk.

Any kind of jazz album you want to listen to, I have it right here, my

I bet you haven't heard this one. Try me.

Lester.

Motor Mouth Sutton.

Live at the Pigfoot.

I have it.

I was there.

You're kidding.

On the front row?

No. I thought, oh, Motor Mouth.

was blowing a solo, and the band was cooking.

You know how Motormouth gets when he starts wailing, dancing, and spinning

around on one foot? Well, he spun right off the stage and fell 12 feet into the

pit. Yes, yes, yes, yes. I wish I'd been there. You were there.

You remember those dances we used to do back there then?

Oh, sure.

The slop, please.

The stroll. Yes. The Madison. Yes.

And the Birdland.

Oh, the Birdland. You had to get a short woman to do the bird land. And you put

her right on this thigh here. Hey!

Those

men

have certainly been down in that basement an awfully long time.

Yes, they have.

But you know, that's because Cliff thinks nobody likes to go down in there

him.

Little does he know that when he's not about, I am down in there listening to

those jazz albums.

Hi,

we're back from the store. Is it okay that we're back? We're delighted.

Where is Olivia?

She's outside playing with Vanessa and Rudy.

Well, I'm really pleased to see you back, Martin. I take it everything went

in here? Oh, it certainly did. We got to the bottom of things, and that's where

we found you.

I beg your pardon? You told Denise that I can't stand her, and that's just not

true. It's not?

Not? No, it isn't. But, Mom, I was there when you said it. Oh, I'm sure you

were, but your ears weren't. You don't listen.

I told you that I don't like the way you do things without thinking.

I have nothing against Denise. I don't even know Denise.

As far as I'm concerned, I think Denise is a lovely person.

You do?

Yes. You and I are going to be very good friends.

Oh, you and me?

You and me.

And to think, Martin, that you had me upset with your mother.

This lovely woman.

I know, but... You made me put on this sweater because you thought your mom

could stem me. No, no, I was... You made her put the... Oh, take that off.

That's not you. Thank you. Now, listen, can I... Can I say something here? No,

you can't say anything. I don't have recognition for the entire time.

You're amazing.

I don't want to hear anything.

Moody's Mood for Love.

1952 recording by King Pleasure.

I had it.

And I just wore it out.

You call yourself a jazz collector?

You want Moody's Mood for Love, 1952 version?

I'll sing it for you.

There I go, there I go, there I go.

Pretty baby, you are the soul.

Snaps my control Such a funny thing But every time you're near me

I never can behave You can be smiling And I'm wrapped up in your magic

Music all around me Crazy music Music that keeps calling me So

very close Tell you That I need your play

Come and do with me

Anything, baby, just let me get next to you

studio audience.