Original subtitles

How you doing, homie? Hi, Dad.

How's everything going?

Good. Good.

Take a... No, no, no. What is this?

That's for my video party.

No, no, ma 'am. No, ma 'am. We're not going to have kids eating all that sugar

and then it kicks in and turns them into human pinballs and they run around and

vandalize my house. Now, take it back and bring some fruit out here, please.

Okay. What video did you rent?

Wow!

Take a look. Check it out, huh?

You got some old favorites there.

Old Yeller again?

Well, it gets better, dear, the more you see it. Don't you like the part where

he goes... Treasure Island with Long John Silver?

Again? Arr!

Arr! Melodies!

Dad, my friends like movies that are more hip.

Hip? Movies like what, dear?

Like Porky's, Porky's 2, Porky's Revenge.

Those movies are R -rated. How did you find out about them?

Theo and his friends went to see it, and they were talking about it. And Kim and

her older sister went to see it. She said it was hilarious.

Well, let me tell you something right now.

Your mother and I do not want our nine -year -old daughter seeing movies with

that kind of language.

Okay? Dad.

Let me explain something.

No, don't explain.

I don't want to explain.

Nine -year -olds today aren't like when you were nine. Corny things were

invented.

Like stories about dogs.

It's a new age, Dad.

Get with it.

for the videos that I brought for you to see. Did you get Friday the 13th or the

Texas Chainsaw Massacre?

No. No, we're not going to have that. We're going to see movies with chills

suspense. Uh -oh.

That's what he said every time he showed Old Yeller and Treasure Island.

Old Yeller dies at the end. Then Doc Tuxable cries.

Did you like dog stories?

Have you seen The Hound of the Damned? No.

That dog is better than Old Yeller.

His eyes are red, and he speaks Latin, and he only likes human blood.

Yeah!

You people are sick.

Now, you're going to watch Old Yeller.

You're going to watch Long John Silver.

And you're going to like it. I don't even want to stay in the same room with

people.

I'll put Trisha Island in the ACR. Moody, wait. I have something even

The Gross Out Gang.

What's the Gross Out Gang?

You'll love them. They're gross.

One of them is called Grimy Jerry. He picks his nose and wipes it on people.

to watch that tape. When it was in the theaters, my parents wouldn't let me go

see it. Come on, your dad's downstairs and your mom is at work. There's nobody

here to catch her.

Almost everyone has seen this movie, Rudy. You have to see it. Well, okay.

I went through the tape and said it at the good part.

Father's waiting for you outside. Kenny, don't forget your movie. Okay, bye.

Bye.

Bye, Rudy.

Good luck.

You're probably going to get it when we leave.

Bye.

Well, um, I guess I'll go upstairs and do some homework. Not so fast.

Come over here and sit down for a minute. I want to talk to you.

Now, Rudy, you knew that we did not want you watching that Gross Out Gang movie.

Except me.

That is beside the point.

Hey, how was the party?

Cliff, I came through this door, and all the children were sitting on this couch

watching a gross -out gang movie. That film with those weird -looking kids that

belch all the time and throw snot on people.

I thought I told you I don't want you watching that movie.

But, Dad, people's bodies make noise.

them off to meet Jeremy. I'll be back at 10.

You've finished your homework? Yeah.

All right. I'll see you later. Bye -bye.

Bye. Bye, Rudy.

See, Vanessa gets to do whatever she wants.

Going out on a school night.

Vanessa is 15, Rudy. When you get to be 15, you can do that, too.

But I want to do that now, when I'm nine.

Rudy, why don't you go upstairs and do your homework, honey, and I'll check in

on you at 9 .30. Be ready for bedtime.

9 .30?

Why can't I stay up past...

They said free world. Huh.

That's what they think. That's a free nothing.

It's free because we pay for it.

Want some tea?

Thank you.

You know, Cliff, Rudy might not be entirely off the mark.

Maybe we should reconsider some of our rules.

Every night we make Rudy go to bed at 9 .30, right?

Why 9 .30?

Because the children before her went to bed at 9 .30.

But where did we get 9 .30?

Because I went to bed at 9 .30.

And my mother made me go to bed at 9 .30. I didn't have to go to bed at 9

could stay up to 10 o 'clock and I'd turn out okay.

You trying to talk about my mother?

No. But you have to admit, our rules do not give us perfect children. I mean,

look at it. Sondra dropped out of law school.

Denise is in the jungle. Theo cannot get into the dorm. And Vanessa lies to us

and stays out necking in the woods at night.

That has nothing to do with 930. If we set rules, then they could be followed.

And it's because we know better. I think we know better.

Now, let me give you an example.

There was a man named Mr. Ike.

And Mr.

Ike... had a TV set, and he liked to watch the fights on Wednesday nights.

I was about 10 years old.

I'd go over to his house to watch the fights.

Mr. Ike chewed tobacco, put a big shred of thing, and he had a can.

He'd spit it in the can and watch the fights. And it just looked good to me.

And I said, Mr. Ike, can I have some of that?

He said, no, you can't have it. I said, why? He said, because you're too little,

and it's not good for you when you're little.

So I kept bothering Mr. Ike and finding out. I said, Mr. Ike, please, I know how

to do it. I've seen you do it. Please, Mr. Ike, let me do it.

So Mr. Ike looked around, gave me a little bit. I put it in my mouth, and I

it, just like Mr.

Ike.

I'm sitting there, and this stuff is burning.

It was the best time I've ever had, Mr. Ice.

And the next thing I knew, a half hour into the fight, something said, what'd

you do with that last mouthful of juice?

And I couldn't remember what I had done with it.

But my stomach knew where it was.

They were all over the place.

Old people know better, I'm telling you.

I'm about to find out who committed the murder. This is the most exciting part

of the book.

I have something more exciting than that.

Come on, honey. No, no, no.

That's not going to get it. Come on now.

That's not going to get it, I said. Come on now.

Turn out the light.

What?

Rudy.

What are you doing up? You're supposed to be in bed.

Mom said.

You know you always say whenever something's wrong, we can talk to you

What is it? I have a list of things that I know I can do, but you won't let me

do just because I'm nine.

And I don't think it's fair.

What is it? Number one, I have to be in bed at 9 .30.

That is not fair, because sometimes I am not sleepy at 9 .30.

Number two, I have to wear whatever you tell me to. I cannot pick out my own

clothes.

Number three, my lunch.

Sometimes I do not like what you make and I get in trouble if I don't need it.

Number four.

I'm not allowed to see movies that most of my friends have seen. They're

laughing and having a good time while I'm sitting at home waiting to get

Number five.

I'm not allowed to wear makeup. That is not fair. Wait a minute.

You want to wear makeup?

Well, no.

But if you change some of the other rules, I'll forget about the makeup.

Is that the end of your list?

Yeah. All right, let me have it.

Rudy, I am very impressed with your clarity of expression.

Thank you.

She has come to us very thoughtfully, very diplomatically, and I think we

consider changing at least one of those rooms.

Did she aid when she came through the door?

We could change number one.

Okay, you can stay up as late as you want to.

All right!

Oh, wait a minute, you have some obligations here.

You have to do all your homework.

You have to get yourself up in the morning, and you can't be late for

time. No problem.

Okay, we got a deal. Good night.

Good night.

Hey, I don't have to go to bed.

You're going to bed.

Good night.

Well, it's all right with me. I think I'll watch some TV. The night's still

young. Bye.

Might as well have some fun.

I put back.

Now, you gonna set up some rules?

I'll give you a list.

Stop it.

Is she allowed to stay up this late? No.

Rudy, what are you doing?

From now on, I'm allowed to stay up as late as I want.

Fine, but I think you better get upstairs before Mom and Dad see you.

It was Mom and Dad's idea. I told them I didn't like the rules, and they changed

one. Now I can stay up as late as I want.

Oh, Theo, you're wrong about your parents. They sound very progressive to

Why don't you join me? There's going to be someone on from the zoo.

No, we can't. We have a big exam to study for.

I already did my homework. I'll just stay here. How long are you planning to

stay up?

They always say the last child gets away with the most.

I guess they're right. I mean, look at you.

All right, come on. Let's go. We're going to school. Get up.

I don't want to get up. No, no, you are going to get up.

It's time to get up.

Okay? Here we go.

I have a stomachache. I feel bad. I don't want to get up. Well, I saw all

food you were eating, and you should not only have a stomachache, but smell like

the gross -out children.

Now, here, come on. Come on, come on. Daddy, leave me alone. I want to stay in

bed. All right, well, now I'll take you to the hospital, all right? No, I don't

want to go to the hospital. I know. I'm staying back. All right, well, then,

come on. You have to get up. Please, Dad. No, please, Dad.

Yes, I know. You're being so mean to me. Yes, you're too. I have a stomachache,

and you're bringing me around. I'm going to get your clothes. You're going to

put your clothes on, and then you'll get ready to go. Oh, no, no, no.

No, ma 'am, you heard the tune. Now, you got to play the piper.

Here we go.

Here we go. Hey, up and away we go. Now, you're going to put these clothes on.

Here we go.

Come on, put them on. I don't want to wear that.

Okay, if you don't want to wear it, then put it back and pick out what you want.

Come downstairs and make your own lunch.

Bingo, you're off to school. Did you have a good time? That's the question.

I beg your pardon?

Huh? Come on, get up. Bring these clothes with you.

Okay?

Come on.

You're going to take a nice shower. And don't yawn in the shower. You might

drown.

Yes, Mrs. Cutler. How are you?

Rudy's been listless and cranky. Well, I'm not surprised about that because

Huxtable and I have been having a little experiment with the rules with her. And

we let her stay up for a couple of days.

And from what I saw this morning, she's not far from the call.

Okay. Thank you. Bye -bye.

Not tired, huh?

Me? No.

I love my new freedom.

Uh -huh.

And how was everything at school today?

Fabulous. I was even smarter than I usually am.

I think it's from staying up.

I bet your teacher must have been happy. Yep. And at recess, I had the kids

cracking up. I was telling them all the jokes from the Tonight Show that they

had never heard because they were all in bed.

Those hockey pucks.

You're looking forward to tonight, huh?

You better believe it. Well, I have good news for you.

I don't have to go to work until late tomorrow, so I'm going to join you.

going to watch the Tonight Show together, and then at 2 .30, there's

an old black -and -white James Cagney movie on. We can watch it together.

Okay, I'm in.

Good. But first, I have to do my homework.

There you go.

I'll be right back after these messages.

Thank

you.

Wake up, wake up.

Gotta hit the homework, the big H.

Yeah.

Hey! What?

Didn't anyone ever teach you to knock?

Well, I'm sorry.

I just wanted to tell you how impressed I am with you.

What do you mean by that?

When I was your age, I always wanted to stay up past my bedtime, but I could

never figure out how to do it.

You went to Mom and Dad with your list, and they changed it. Way to go.

Come on.

What are you really doing in here?

You're making fun of me, aren't you?

No, I mean it. I'm really proud of you. I don't believe it. You came in here to

laugh at me because I'm tired. Well, it won't work.

What's the matter with you?

Don't play dumb with me.

I know what you're really doing in here.

The whole family's setting me up to fail.

Penny told me.

He said, you're going to try to teach me a lesson. You don't think I can stay

up. Well, I'm on to you, sister.

You're the ones that are going to look like fools, see?

Yeah, when I pull this off.

You know what your problem is? You've been staying up too late watching too

of those old gangster movies.

I watch what I want, when I want. And you palookas can't stop.

I've been in tougher fixes than this. You can just take your phony smile and

the brakes.

They're not going to take me alive, yeah.

All right.

A lovely flick for two.

I haven't heard a peep out of Rudy's room for the past three hours. Now, do

think she's going to come down here and watch television with you?

No. But I did promise her that I would be down here to wait for her, and I

shall. Well, I hope that the child doesn't make it because, frankly, she

the rest.

And I could enjoy some time alone with you.

With nothing but the flickering light of the television to illuminate us.

Here I am.

No one's going to tell me I can't stay up.

Are you sure you want to do this?

Make room on the couch.

You know, I had something going. until you came down here.

Dad, you can always go to your room.

I'm going to leave you two to this.

All right. Good night. Good night. Good night, honey.

Hip on the tube.

We're going to finish Johnny's monologue.

What?

You know, I'm almost sick of you.

The Cosby Show is taken for a studio audience.