Original subtitles

I had a hard day.

Tell me about it.

Today, I was trying a case before Judge Gervins, who is notorious for giving

female attorneys a hard time, right?

So, every time I make an objection, he's overruled.

He did what?

Overruled every objection I make. Then when I get to my final argument, the man

says, Could you please keep it brief, Miss Huxtable?

Boy, I'd like to jerk a knot in his robe.

That's bad, but it's not as bad as what happened to me today.

What happened?

Well, I went over to the hospital. I was in the elevator.

Pregnant woman got on the elevator.

And the elevator broke down.

All the lights went out.

Then the woman went into labor.

I had to deliver the baby, and it wasn't even my patient.

Then I went upstairs and delivered two more.

but still not as bad as my day, went down to the parking garage at the

courthouse, and the car is blocked in by another car. So I sit there waiting for

the owner to show up. I wait for an hour.

It's Judge Gurley.

But wait a minute. Let me tell you now.

I come out of the hospital, go to get my car, and the three babies that I

delivered stole my car.

So I had to run five...

Five miles. So I caught up with them at the light.

So they're sitting in there smoking cigarettes and drinking wine and

So I said, give me my car. So they said, is this your car? I said, yes. They

said, well, get in.

So I got in, and then one of them pulled out a gun.

I'm so glad we're going away to the polka dot. Yes, we are. Do me a favor

now. Say yes, because I want to leave now. Why do we have to wait till

Yes. Please, that's what we're going to do.

All right. How you doing, son?

Take a good look at us because we're going to the Poconos now.

What about dinner tonight?

Don't worry about it. I have some money here for you. You take this and buy your

own food. There's also some money in there in case you have an emergency of

which I want a receipt when you get to the emergency room.

All right?

Thanks, Dad.

All right. Hey.

Burgers and pizza all weekend.

Go ahead, ruin yourself.

Let's go. Go on out where nature is surrounding us.

Gonna stay in the cabin and discover nature.

Ew.

Yo. Hey, what's up?

I thought you ate dinner at home.

Well, my parents went away for the weekend.

So you got stuck babysitting your little sister?

No. Vanessa went to Janet's for the weekend, and Rudy's spending the weekend

my grandparents' house with Kenny. You have the house to yourself for the

weekend. Yep. Then I only have one thing to say.

Party. Party at Theo's.

Lovely suggestion.

I don't know, guys.

I didn't say anything to my parents about having a party.

Theo, you're getting mired in semantics. What we're talking about should not be

described as a party, but more like a colloquy, a gathering of friends to

exchange ideas and merriment.

A trick.

How big a party are we talking? Just the three of us and our dates. All right.

Hey,

Denny. Hey, Lou. How's it going? Hey, you know me. If I got any better, it'd

a crime.

You haven't forgotten about tonight, have you? Tonight?

Yeah. You and Sylvia going bowling with me and Rita. Oh, I forgot. You see, I

was invited to a party at a friend's house.

Well, can I come?

Theo.

Can Lou and Rita come to the party tonight?

Yeah, sure. Come on. Great.

Rita hates bowling anyway.

Say, what time do the festivities begin?

Seven o 'clock.

Seven o 'clock? It's a lock. Later, boys.

I hope that was okay.

That's it, Denny. No more people.

Absolutely. Theo, why don't you go home and get your place ready?

I'll call our dates.

I'll even pick up Justine for you. All right, great.

Fellas, seven o 'clock tonight.

It's colloquy time.

Colloquy, colloquy.

with the tea, but you can call me Fee, and my friends tend to call me Mr.

Party. My folks are gone, and guess what? There's a party going on.

What's happening, homie?

Hey, Dad!

You were supposed to be gone an hour ago.

Yeah, well, we're all packed. We're just waiting for Kenny to come, and then

we're gonna take him and Rudy over to Grandpa's. Is he coming soon?

Yeah, any minute now. I'm gonna go get the bags.

Hey, Kenny, what's up? Don't take your coat off.

Dad, Kenny's here.

Okay. So you're going to be here by yourself this weekend?

Yep. That's LePad.

What's that supposed to mean?

Hey, is just you alone in the house?

And you are a man.

Do I have to spell it out?

Hi, Kenny.

Hey, Rudy.

Oh, okay. I bet we all can't wait to get going. That's right. Let's move it. Oh.

I got to water the plants. No, no, you don't water anything. Mom, I'll take

of it. Thank you. But don't overwater them. I won't. Don't overwater anything.

I'll see you guys later. Okay. Have a good trip. Send me a postcard.

What's wrong, Dad? Forgot my razor.

You're going out in the wilderness with Mom.

You know, she says she likes it when you have stubble.

You're right.

She calls me.

Mountain man.

All right.

Have a good weekend. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Drive safe, please. Yes, sir.

Quick, get in. My parents are pulling out of the driveway.

Theo, this is so great.

Come on, let's take this up to the kitchen.

Hey, Howard, come here for a second.

Where is Justine? I thought you guys were picking her up.

I'm sorry, man. She has a bad flu.

How come she didn't call me? She was afraid that if she'd call, your parents

would answer and they would figure out what was going on tonight.

Oh, great. I don't have a date to my own party.

Again, Desperado.

Do you know that lovely young creature named Mona who goes to Columbia?

The cello player?

The very one. Her boyfriend is out of town. And guess who invited her here

tonight?

Howard, you dog.

Woof, woof.

Mona, I'm so glad you could make it. Me too.

Before I ran into Howard, I didn't have anything to do tonight. Well, all that's

about to change.

Welcome to my humble abode. Wait, Dan's parking the car.

Yo, what's happening?

You're Dan.

Oh, yeah, Denver was snowed in, so they canceled my flight.

Yo, Lenny, Dina, I'm here.

Lenny and Dina? Are friends of ours. Can they come in? If it's not okay, we'll

understand.

Why not?

Lenny, Dina?

This is our host.

Say, what's the food? Uh, the kitchen.

Chow time.

Here I am. The party can begin.

What's happening?

This is Rita. My main squeeze.

Yo, she loves it when I say that.

Hey, man.

Where is everybody?

I thought this was a party. Kitchen.

Well, I can get them out here.

everybody ready to play goldmine. Yeah!

Goldmine is my favorite game.

I can feel myself mining those gold nuggets now.

We need to pick partners.

I tell you what, Rudy, why don't you and I be partners?

Okay. Hey, that means we're partners, Kevin. All right, it's the men against

women, and we're gonna tear you up.

Now, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Now, this is not men against women. This is a

friendly game of people versus people.

Yeah, but the men people are going to make you look bad.

Now, let's go to see who goes first.

Yeah, 11.

Let's see you beat that, bud.

12. Boxcars, we go first.

They're just lucky.

Well, I was not lucky. I was skilled.

Collect. 500 gold nuggets.

Partner, I think our opponents are in for a long losing night.

Don't bet on it, bud.

This is supposed to be a small party. How did this happen? I have no idea. I'm

just as surprised as you are. Man, if my parents find out about this.

Hey, who's that? Her name is Amy. She goes to Hunter College.

She's been paying you.

She has?

She knows you're the host of the party, so she wants to be where the center of

the action is. Well, I guess I can't disappoint a guest, right? I guess not.

Whoa, look at that.

Excuse me.

I hear you got a hunter.

Yes, I do.

Hey, Theo, you got any ketchup for the steaks?

Steaks? Yeah. Am I supposed to be eating steaks? Excuse me.

What's going on here?

Where'd you get these steaks? Out of the freezer.

Who are you, anyway?

I'm Ken.

Meg told me to come over.

Who's Meg?

I don't know her.

Can't be no her.

I was just dancing on it. You've been dancing on a coffee table?

There's no room on the dance floor. Oh, man, this is terrible.

Hey, don't worry about it, man. I'm not going to sue you.

Look at this table.

Look at it.

It's destroyed.

Theo, what's done is done.

You can't reverse time.

You have two options.

One, you can wallow in the tragedy of the event. Or two, you can accept it and

get on with what's going on in your life, which is a fabulous party.

And don't forget that you have a very lovely guest that wants to enjoy your

party with you. Oh, yeah.

I forgot.

So, are you enjoying the party? Yeah.

Listen, I know a quiet place where we can talk.

I'd like that. Okay, come on.

I had to get in here. This door was locked.

Someone picked the lock.

It's domestic.

If you want the imported, it's in the bathtub.

You put beer in the bathtub?

What are you doing in here? Get out of here.

Get out of here.

All right.

Everybody, out. Get out of here. Get out of this room.

Get out of this house.

Now.

Last time we came to the party here.

You got too uptight. Ouch.

Look, I'm really sorry about all these distractions.

Get out of here.

Now. Move it.

I'm really sorry about all of this.

I don't understand some people.

You know, you got beautiful eyes.

Yo! Code 9, basement.

Somebody's stuck in the washing machine.

I'm serious, man.

Listen, please don't leave. I'll be right back. Okay.

One, two, three, four, five.

All right, we struck gold again.

Okay.

The other prospectors have to pay us $10 ,000.

$10 ,000? We only have $11 ,000 left.

Pay up. And no IOUs.

Women, that's all they care about is money. Oh, come on, Kenny.

Roll an eight and get up to that gold mine. We need...

and dies, the doctor's fee is $1 ,000.

This is a tragedy.

Women beat the men.

Rudy, now, we shouldn't taunt them. Men can't stand to lose.

Alan, just let me tell you something. He's probably going to tell us that they

let us win.

Uh -huh. Russell, what were you going to say?

Skip it.

Want me to call you a cab?

No, I didn't drink. I'm a designated driver.

That's the backyard.

Street's that way. I know, but I parked my car on your back lawn.

Hey, Lou.

Lou.

Lou, the party's over.

Say, man, it's only three in the morning. What am I supposed to do for

of the night?

Just leave, please.

Later. Uh, Lou?

After my radio.

Okay.

Bye.

Ow!

That's it.

Everybody's out of the house.

Wait a minute. Where's Amy? She left about a half hour ago.

Oh, man. I didn't even get a chance to be with her. Don't worry. She knows

you live.

Come on. Let's start cleaning this mess up. I think we should start in the

living room.

That's what needs the most work.

Nature. Yes. Woo!

Yes, nature is a beautiful thing. Yes, and I'm going to go back and get some

more of that nature.

Oh,

Pocono.

This place smells like an old beer hall.

Yeah, and the smoke.

Theo has had company.

You guys are home early.

Mom, Dad, I want to talk to you about this table. Oh, yes, let's do talk about

this table.

While you were gone, we had a party.

It got a little bit out of hand.

It wasn't all Theo's fault.

Originally, it was intended to be a party for six people.

But due to circumstances beyond our control, the party swelled to

200.

Anyway, some things got damaged. And we cleaned the house up as best as we

could, and we fixed what we could fix.

A little bit better than you fixed this table, I hope.

You better put that back on the list, Howard.

What is the list?

This is a list of things we couldn't repair.

This is disgraceful.

Well, we can't sue the boy because he has nothing.

Mom, I was really honest about what happened.

Honest about what, son?

I mean, did you have a choice?

I could have not been honest.

I could have just gone away.

Gone away?

Yeah, I could have gotten some clothes together and gone away. You know, I

really seriously considered that.

Yeah. Yeah. That's it.

That's exactly it.

Away.

Yeah. Come on. Let's go.

Where we going?

Away.

Come on. Let's go.

I'm driving you. I'm driving you, son.

That's where you're going.

Away.

You don't need anything else. This is all you need. Here we go.

Here we go.

I can't talk now.

I think I'm going away.

They've been gone a long time.

Yeah. Where do you suppose he took him?

Jail.

He's going to be away every morning.

I took him over to Mrs.

Jackson's holy mission for the homeless.

And I explained to her that I had a wonderful son who loved to throw parties

serve the people.

And I said, don't you have something for him to do? And she said, yes, of

course. And so from 5 .30 to 6 .30, our son will be chopping

vegetables for the homeless people.

and serving them.

Now, I know he has a problem getting up at that hour, but then I asked her son,

Charlie, who was 6 '4", 250 pounds, to please come by my house and go up to the

bedroom, pick the boy up by the face, and take him down and put him into the

car. Well, that's where you took him.

Well, that was the second place.

The first place I took him was to the army recruiter, and I was dead serious

about it, Claire.

He sat in the car. Dad, where are you taking me? I said, I'm putting your you

-know -what in the army.

And so we got in line.

I didn't know that that many parents were taking their children down.

We didn't deserve it. But there's 50 parents with 50 kids, boys and girls,

you. All of them standing there. Some of them had the kid by the neck. One lady

had a rope around the boy's neck.

Another father had his hand. in his pocket, like I said, you move and

So we're standing there and after about seven people went in and came

out, the army recruiter came outside with a bullhorn.

And the man said, listen to me, all you parents who brought your

little kids here to be put into the service because your kid ran up money

the weekend on the credit card.

Because your kid made somebody pregnant?

Or because your kid gave a party and wrecked the house?

Get out of line!

You know, the United States of America is a wonderful place, but they don't

anything where you can get rid of your kid.

Now, don't do that, because that's how we got the vibe we have.

The Cosby Show was taped before a studio audience.