All language subtitles for The Cosby Show s05e10 If the Dress Fits, Wear It

Bobby Joe bails off that Brahma bull.
He's up and over the fence.

Great rodeo action here today.

Next up, hailing from Waco, Texas, Buck
McPherson.

All right, Buck, you go ahead and ride
that bull.

One angry Brahma bull.

Hi, Cliff.

Hey, hon. How you doing? You remember my
friend Barbara, the dressmaker?

Hello, Cliff. Hello, my lady.

Oh, look at that.

That's what you want.

downstairs, please. Barbara just
finished my dress and I want to try it

Yeah, well, I just want to watch Buck
ride the bull, dear. Give me this. By

time I get it on, he'll be out of here.

Oh, why can't I stay up here and see the
dress? Because I want to surprise you

when I wear it to the hospital benefit
on Saturday night.

Yeah, but honey, I've seen that dress
already.

You think you've seen that dress? I've
just covered it in smashing gold beads.

Listen to Claire hit the road.

Buck is down.

Goodbye, Cliff.

That was a Jim Dandy of a ride. Let's
watch it. one more time in slow motion.

Look, I've always wondered about the
fascination American men have with

bulls. Very curious.

You wouldn't understand because you're
from England. You all chase after the

foxes.

Why can't I stay and see the dress?

You want to see the dress wearing those
clothes?

What's the matter with these clothes?

Your wife is about to walk out of that
door in a spectacular outfit.

What you're wearing is perfectly
acceptable if you were going to a dance

men's locker room.

Well, I hope the dress isn't as sharp as
your wit. It is.

I'm going downstairs to have a spot of
tea and kippet herring.

On chitterlings. All right, darling, you
can come out now.

Barbara, when you put these gold bees on
this dress, did you do anything else to

it? No, why?

I don't know, I just...

I can't get it to zip up.

When I put it on four months ago, it fit
just fine, but... What?

The dress is the same size. Perhaps
you're not.

Please. There's no way I could have
gained that much weight. The zipper

just needs some wax. Come on, help me
get it up, please. All right, all right.

Exhale.

Could you exhale a little further?

Oh, darling.

It won't go any further.

How much weight do you think I have to
lose to get into this dress?

Well, if you lost three pounds, you
could get into it.

If you lost five pounds, you could get
into it and walk.

When is this hospital benefit?

Next Saturday.

Oh, darling, you're telling me you can
lose five pounds in six days?

Yeah. If I diet and exercise, I can lose
five pounds in six days and never know

anything about it.

Why?

supportive about you trying to lose this
weight. He's a very sensitive man.

Yeah, that's what you think because you
don't know him. See, I've been after him

for 10 years about his weight. I finally
get him to the point where he looks

good and then I can't get into this
dress. So this is going to stay within

four walls. You got that? Mom, it's the
word. Thanks.

Hello. Hi.

Haven't seen you in this class before.

Never came before.

Just started coming. I'm going to get
myself in shape.

I think you're going to like this class.
We have some very nice teachers.

Good. There's only one you have to watch
out for. Emma Newhouse.

She wears this leopard headband.

It's the meanest thing on two feet.

The woman gets pleasure out of making
you suffer.

We have a nickname for her.

Captain Bone Crusher.

I'm okay.

I'm so glad you could be here today.
Come on, baby. Good

afternoon, all you sagging hunks of
flesh.

I can see you've been munching those
chocolate bonbons and licking that

ice cream.

And looks like some of y 'all have been
going back for seconds.

Remember how you've been saying, I'll
enjoy it now and pay later. Let me

introduce myself.

I'm later

a breather. Don't worry.

This is what everybody feels like after
a first class with Emma.

You'll be fine.

In about a month.

Anyone

left

in this room automatically has to take
my next class.

I knew that would get you. I would love
to stay. and take your next class.

Unfortunately, I have an appointment.

An appointment where? At the Dairy
Queen?

Excuse me, I pay for the exercise, but
not for the abuse.

The abuse is free.

You see, I know your type. You're one of
those rich ladies that comes in here to

lose weight just so she can fit into
some fancy new dress.

Well, that shows you how much you know.
The dress is not new, it's old.

Well, how much weight do you need to
lose?

Five pounds.

In six days?

Five pounds in six days.

Honey, those are the miracles you pray
for. Get down on your knees now.

Now, you wait a minute.

It is very important to me that I get
into this dress, and whatever I have to

do, I am willing to do it.

I might need a little personal help.

So, would you like to be my trainer?

I'm not getting involved with a woman
who has no self -control.

I have self -control.

You'd have to exercise four hours a day.

I'll exercise five hours a day.

You'll have to go on a very strict diet.

The stricter, the better.

You'll eat three and a half ounces of
protein, one and a half cups of fresh

vegetables, no salt, no sugar, and ten
glasses of distilled water.

That's pretty strict.

You got a problem with that? No, because
I'm a good dieter. As long as I can

splurge once.

I mean, one night. Come on. I got a
weakness for Mexican food. You know

quesadillas, guacamole. You see,
guacamole butt, I knew it. No self

Forget about the Mexican food, all
right?

Now, whatever the diet and whatever the
exercise, you just bring it on because I

am here to work.

And I'm going to look so good when we're
finished.

I'm going to make my own video, the
Claire Huxtable workout.

And I'm not going to give you a copy.
You're going to have to buy your own.

Take that jacket off. My next class is
about to start.

Okay.

Okay, so where is everybody?

You're it.

Come on.

Come on. Come on, honey.

Show me something.

you very much yeah dad usually we go out
for mexican food oh this is going to be

even better than what we get at el
grande restaurant my guacamole and

quesadillas mom's favorite she's gonna
love you for this

i had your mother

in mind when i made this

Los Vitos El Grande meal for you I have
taken the pork

from the pig that was killed while it
was alive

I have diced it so fine put it on the
skillet with

the butter 2 -3 pounds of butter you can
hear

grease and fold it out right away. Two
second jalapeno pepper in the butter

the oink flesh sizzling and cracking.

Oh, my goodness, I said, my wife loves
this meal. She said, oh, Cliff, this

restaurant is out of this world. And so
I have it for you, my dear. What do you

say?

I am not hungry.

What?

But listen.

I made with my own hands from the same
recipe

of the man who gave it to me. This man
who made the tortillas, 107 years old,

ground the corn with his own knuckles.

He ground the corn so fine.

I'm not hungry.

You say?

What?

I have made a guacamole sauce for you.

Guacamole. The avocados were handheld on
the plane

by Mrs.

Moley herself who put the guacas and
said, please,

Dr. Huxtable.

for your beautiful wife.

What say you?

What say you?

What say you?

I'm gonna go to my room and have a
carrot.

It's okay, honey. It's just a little leg
cramp. It's okay now. Okay.

Go back to sleep.

I don't know what that was. I know.

Hey, what's going on? What are you
doing? What's the matter, dear?

Dear. What?

Oh, okay.

Crap. Yes, yes. No, let me straighten it
out, honey. I got to straighten it out.

Come on. I got to straighten it out.
There you go. Now, that should feel

No, I'm not.

I haven't done anything.

I know you're fine. I haven't done
anything.

All right.

Okay. Just go ahead. Just lay here. All
right.

Fine. You okay?

I'm fine. Maybe you let me just rub it?
No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Oh, no,

don't touch it. It's fine.

You've never had this before, have you?
It's okay. It's all right. I don't

remember you having this.

You all right? I'm fine. Where are you
going?

Bathroom. Bathroom? Why?

See? Okay.

You just have to walk under.

Be a little careful.

to see me yeah well what has happened to
you how did you get like this this is

my type of ridiculous questions i'm
sorry i'm sorry all right now come on

get up no i think i'm gonna sleep right
here you just

throw some cover on me i'll be fine all
right there we'll do that just throw

some covers over here and we'll this
will be fun just like we're camping out

just don't touch me no i won't touch you
just like camping out

It's lunchtime.

Food. Oh, I had these beautiful salads I
prepared.

Claire, you're doing so beautifully.
Baby, by tomorrow, you're going to be

to jog that last mile. And before you
know it, that weight's just going to

flying off.

And I have a special treat for the both
of us today.

Croutons.

Croutons. Yes, croutons. Some for you
and the rest for me.

Bon appetit.

Don't touch that salad.

What's the matter? I have five croutons
and you have seven.

Dear, I'm not the one that has to lose
three more pounds.

I want my crouton. All right, all right.
Look, look, look. I'll take

two out of my salad.

I'll throw them away.

Then we'll both feed and you are not
going to throw away my crouton.

Look,

look, look, look, look. Now look what
you did.

Now neither one of us gets to eat them.

Want to bet?

Yes, it's 5 o 'clock in the morning, and
you're supposed to be at the hospital

delivering twins.

I delivered them already.

Well, go back and get some more.

I know what you're thinking. You're
thinking that I came down here to eat

this up. Well, you're wrong. Really?
Yeah, I didn't want it to spoil, so I

down here to cook it up.

Shut up.

Now, I had one bite, but that's all.

And how do you know that I wasn't
cooking it for you?

Because... Shut up!

have to worry about me. I have self
-control. It's you we have to worry

So don't you be down here eating up this
food.

Now there, I've cooked it up, I've
turned it off, and I've put it back.

And I am going to bed hungry.

And I do hope you're satisfied.

Shut up.

What do you mean you're not going?

I have nothing to wear.

Okay, now listen.

I understand what this is all about. You
gained some weight, so don't ask me how

I found out, but I know you can't fit
into that dress that Barbara made, okay?

So it's not the end of the world, okay?

What do you know about anything?

I know that you had many dresses in that
closet that you can get into, and you

look beautiful in all of them. Now put
on the...

Siobhan Strapless thing.

No.

Well, put on that red thing with the
back cut all the way back where you said

when you wore it, you were a red hot
mama.

No.

Okay, what about the green thing all the
way up to the neck with the little bow

in the back?

You see, I don't even have a dress like
that. That's your mother's dress.

I'm telling you that I'm tired now
you're gonna put on something and I

care else I'm tearing this door down now
Are you ordering me to do something?

If you see this door fall down you'll
know it Alright, alright, let's not get

vicious Come on, we'll go see Why don't
you Look

at you Look carefully dear Notice that I
am not wearing artificial supports No

And I can breathe

You're kidding. And I can move.

I hope so. And I can do any dance. You
fling at me.

Oh, I love it. I believe we want to
kiss. No, no, no, no, no, no. You're

to mess up my makeup. Stop that. I'm not
going to mess up. I'm just going to do

it with my lips. No, you're not. I know
you better than that. Well, you're going

to need me. You might cramp up tonight.
No, no.

Oh, Cliff, Cliff, Cliff.

The Cosby Show is taped for a studio
audience.