Original subtitles

Hey, Dad, I'm back. Hey, did you pick up Grandma and Grandpa's mail? Yep. All

right, because they'll be back tomorrow from Florida. Put it in the basket. All

right, Dad, but here's something I think you should see.

Grandma and Grandpa want to see the thing.

This is just one of those come -on letters from magazine subscription

man. They say you won $18 trillion, you get nothing.

Dad, look at this. No, this does not say you may be a winner. It says you are a

winner. Look at that. Yes, it does. It says open immediately, too. Here you go.

What's going on? Grandma and Grandpa might be multimillionaires. They want to

sleep today.

I hate to burst your bubble, Theo, but we received an envelope just like this

today. I'll show you.

Sorry, son.

See? There you go.

Wait a minute. This is different. This one says you may be a winner. This one

says you are a winner.

Oh, let's open it. Yes. You can't do that.

Well, yes, you can.

This is not addressed to you.

But it says open immediately. It says Russell Huxtable open immediately.

I am the man's son.

I give you permission to open it.

Do you let Theo open your mail?

She has a point, Dad. Hey, man, I'm not talking to you.

You understand?

That is my father. He won't be in until tomorrow. If we open it now, he may not

blow the prize.

Dad's got a point, Mom.

There you go. Thank you, son.

I hardly think that one day will result in your father's losing any prize.

Look. My father is up there in age. If he opens that and finds out that he's

$3 trillion, something may happen up in his chest.

Now, if we open it and I see the $10 trillion, then I can call him in, break

to him calmly. He won't have pains in his chest. You understand?

So let's open it. I don't think that's a good point.

Who's asking what you think?

I think the two of you should know that opening another person's mail

constitutes petty theft, and you can do time for that. So this letter is going

into this basket, and it's going to stay here until your father comes back.

Well, okay, Mr. Play -By -The -Book.

You know, one day, my father went somewhere, and I'm going to tell my

that he and I will split it, and you'll get nothing.

I'm going to study.

Mom, Dad, you have to... to see this video. It's the debut of the lipstick.

Who are the lipsticks? Well, they weren't anyone on 1230 today.

See, that's when we were walking by Latham's department store, and we were

really shopping for eye shadows, and we saw this sign in the window that said,

make your own videotape. So we asked ourselves, okay, what's more important,

videos or eye shadows? Well, we said it was videos. Well, Janet thought it was

eye shadows, but there were two of us and only one of her, and we overruled

So that's how we came up with the name Lipstick. See, we were going to call it

something like eye shadows, but we decided that Lipstick sounded a lot

Well, Vanessa thought eye shadows sounded a lot better, but she changed

mind, and we all liked the name Lipstick.

We made this videotape of ourselves singing a song.

The store provided the background music, we provided the vocals, and they

videotaped it for us. Well, let's see it.

for the best amateur music video. What we're going to do is put together a new

outfit and then redo the video and send it into the contest.

And the winner gets an audition for a record contract. Wouldn't that be

if we actually won? I mean, who knows? One of our songs might even become a

And then we can go on tour and become real famous and cut our own album. And

won't have to worry about going to school because we're taking our own

and our own playing with teachers that we hired.

I think that what I've seen is that you all have the moves.

Now, the singing, I'd say just you have raw

talent.

That's what the lady said when we did the video. She said, we're like a

in the rough. There you go, a diamond in the rough. She said if we had some

voice lessons, we could be really good.

And she gave us a name and number for singing. teacher. She's supposed to be

really good, and she sings professionally.

How many lessons do you think we'll need?

Probably just one.

We're moving.

Moving.

Moving on.

All right, guys. That's all for today. Thank you very much.

Miss Wood?

Mr. Huxtable, I called about the singing lesson.

Oh, you must be the lipstick.

In person.

Young person.

Well, Miss Woods, we know we have the moves. We just want to sound better.

Well, let me see what you got.

Okay. Um, let's do the first verse of Locomotion.

Great. Ooh, do you want us to stand up on the stage and get the full effect?

no, no, no. That's okay. Right here.

Five,

six, seven, eight.

Everybody's doing a brand new dance now.

You've got to learn how to breathe.

We already know how to breathe.

Not like a singer.

First, you've got to take a big breath.

And then you let it out slowly through your teeth, like air leaking from a

I think we can move on to grula, crula.

Grula, crula.

Miss Woods, we only have five minutes left in the lesson. Can we sing

our song just to see if we've gotten any better?

Okay, let's see what you got.

From your diaphragm. But let the tones come from your head.

Lift. Lift.

Again.

Everybody's doing it.

Ladies.

First word again, please.

Everybody.

That's great.

That's all for today, ladies.

Radio.

That song that's playing on the radio?

Yeah, it's called Do It To Me All Night Long.

Would you tell me, um, what does it mean?

Daddy, you know what it means.

Yes, I do.

But I want to know if you know what it means.

means holding hands and kissing.

Holding hands and kissing? Yes, but that's not all it means.

What else does it mean?

It means homework.

It is homework.

Baby, do my homework all night long.

Okay. Baby, do my homework.

There you go.

Oh,

sounds like you're making tea.

Yes, would you like a cup of tea? No, but I figured if I showed you this

sweepstakes envelope, you might know what you could do with that teapot

Are you suggesting that I place that envelope near the steam so it might open

up?

Bringing it up as a possibility?

Well, I think that as a son, you have hit an all -time low.

You're right, Dad.

I'll just put this back.

Now, because I don't trust you, my boy, I am going to keep

this envelope away from you because I don't trust anything you

do. How dare you?

suggest that I do something like this?

Do you understand what I'm saying to you, boy?

And don't ever try it again.

You know, you two are pathetic, pitiful, and predictable.

You see, you got me in a whole lot of trouble.

I apologize for acting like a flea, okay?

Think nothing of it. Good. I'm going to sit over here with you. Do a little

light reading.

Oh, what should I read? What should I read?

Let me see.

I'll close my eyes.

Let's get a... What is this I'm touching?

You were spying.

Yes, you were spying.

No, I wasn't, dear, but I think you could go to jail.

learned one thing today.

We don't need singing lessons from Miss Woods.

Yeah, she didn't even let us sing. All we did was go B -B -B -B, Bo -Bo -Bo

Zinga -Zinga -Z, Zinga -Zinga -Z, sing like that. Well, wait a minute now. I

don't think you're being fair to Miss Woods and what she's trying to do.

Yeah, let me give you an example. I understand that you all want to get

the song, but she took you through some exercise, probably some breathing

things. Am I correct?

Same thing happened to me. I wanted to be a drummer. I had my own set, taught

myself up in the room. Then I heard Art Blakey play. I bought his records, tried

to copy what he was doing.

I couldn't get it. I didn't know what it was, so I went down to a teacher. I

said, now, what I want to learn is how he does with the left hand, while the

right hand's... So the man said, I know exactly what you're talking about. He

said, here we go. Put the set aside, pulled out a little block, and he took

sticks. He said, now, you do like this.

Whack, whack, whack, whack.

I said, but I don't want to go whack, whack, whack. I want...

In order to get to... You got to go whack, whack, whack.

Well, Dad, that's a great story.

But it doesn't have anything to do with us. Yeah, we don't play drums. We sing.

Yeah.

But you don't sing well.

Yeah.

We don't have to sing well.

You don't? No.

See, there's this new group called W4.

And? They can sing.

But when they're in the recording studio, they have a recording engineer

fixes their voices. So that's what we're... And wait till you see what we

like. We put new outfits and everything.

Why don't you wait down here? We'll go put on the outfits and we'll show you

routine. All right, we'll be here.

Maybe you should go up to your room and cool off.

Oh, man.

Ms. Tux, was there something wrong?

I don't know who you think you are, but you are not the people who just came

down here in my living room, half -dressed, flinging parts from one end to

other.

Are my eyes deceiving me?

Aren't you all swollen in areas where you weren't swollen?

Because I definitely detect some gross.

The only part of your clothing that

you will be allowed to stuff things into will be your pockets. Now, you take

this and go upstairs and put some clothes on.

Now, I'm not your mother, but I feel safe in saying that I speak for them

say go cover yourself immediately.

Come on, guys.

You know, I finally thought they were open enough to understand.

And don't put those tissues back in the box.

Did you see Miss Carl with that bra on, on top of her leotard? Tell me. Did I

see it? We have made a mistake.

We had planted roses, but we keep getting these weeds.

Son is in the wilderness, Denise is in the jungle, and she's on the locomotion.

Before the mothers come in here and see me, they'll be blaming me.

Running around here dressed in nothing.

Jumping around like they just hopped off the hot seat. Suppose some fool comes

along, sees that, takes them seriously.

Vanessa could end up on a stage somewhere across the country cliff in a

-filled cafe.

Singing and dancing and gyrating like that. And I won't be around to take the

tissues out then. I'm not.

What do they know? What do they know? Easy as doing your ABCs. Miss 1400 on

air.

down here in the living room with a science book. Right. And take that

off. That's right.

She is now sitting in a Hollywood swimming pool with a remote phone in her

calling me up. Hi, my babe.

Let's do lunch.

I'll not have it.

And

that

gold for me, too.

off on the wave. Uh -huh. Now, did I tell you about the fishing I did in

Florida? Yeah, okay. Open this up, will you please?

I think I'll wait and open it in front of your mother. No, don't wait in front

of her. You can do that. Now, wait a minute, Cliff. Calm down. Have you been

eating some sugar products?

No, sir. No, I haven't, Dad. Well, just come on, open this up. We'll tell Mom

later. All right, I'll open it for you. There you go. All right.

There you go.

If you don't mind.

What? Now, this is truly unbelievable.

I have never won anything in my life, and now this.

What? What? Son, I am the winner of stainless steel toaster. Makes up to

eight slices. I'm so lucky. I'll see you later, son.

Listen, stop over any time you want some toast.

Yes, you have to bring me again sometime.

Well, that doesn't fit many people, does it? No.

When we become famous, we're going to fill football stadiums. Well, except if

we're in London, because then we'll play in soccer stadiums. And in Spain, we're

going to play in a bull ring. God, I hope there aren't any bulls in there.

Ladies and gentlemen, Counts proudly presents Myth Amanda Woods.

Thank you very much.

i took a chance and there he

I got a brand new dance.

Motion.

The sound.

Look what I got.

I got love.

The Cosby Show is taped before a studio audience.