Original subtitles

What's taking you so long?

I can't follow some of my philosophy notes. Let me see.

Theo, no wonder you can't follow your notes. Your handwriting looks like

scratches.

Maybe to you, but I can understand it. Yeah? What does that say?

Plate of meat, Stocker Tuesday.

That's Plato meets Socrates.

Oh, I guess it is.

Why did I write down Spumoni?

That's probably Spinoza. He's the philosopher we studied yesterday.

Oh, right, Spinoza. He's the guy who said truth can only be proven by

of interrelated propositions. Very good.

See, Theo, it's not that you don't understand this stuff.

It's you take lousy notes.

Here, look at mine.

I have everything written in columns.

Philosopher, dates, books written, and theories.

Well, it sounds like you're pretty proud of yourself, huh?

Yeah. Well, all I know is a guy like you needs someone like me to help him reach

his full potential.

You know, I think you're right.

Hey, Dad,

how you doing?

Hi, Dr. Huxtel. We were just getting ready for a study group.

What, linguistics?

Is it okay if I go in the kitchen and get a snack?

Sure, go ahead.

Would you bring some ice water back for my son?

You know, I've always been meaning to put a stoplight back there, red, yellow,

green, you know, so I wouldn't walk in on anything.

Now, what do you think, Dad?

Really? We're going to have a very serious discussion group over. In fact,

Howard's coming.

Howard? Howard must be from another planet. The professors at NYU don't know

what to do with him.

You're kidding. He's pulling hard A pluses in every subject.

I love Howard.

Check out how Howard studies.

Yeah. When he's reading a book and there's a footnote that mentions another

book, Howard reads the other book.

Howard. Then he writes a two or three page summary on that book for himself.

even puts footnotes on that. Dad, the man is a legend. He almost has an odor.

The legend arrives.

Hey, Howard.

Yo, Theo.

You ever probably get in there?

Yeah, well, I did get lost a couple of times. But then again, I believe that

some of our greatest discoveries emerge from a state of being lost.

Really? Well, let me ask you this.

Is being found a state that can only be entered by those who are lost?

Oh, existential, my brother. Not to mention pragmatic.

I want you to meet my dad, Dr. Huxley. What is his power?

Oh, nice to meet you, sir. Yes, sir. Yes, sir. My pleasure.

Are you a doctor of medicine or of philosophy?

Officially, medicine.

But I am always searching for truth and what is real.

Because the real is rational.

And what is rational is real.

George Wilhelm Friedrich Hegel. Oh, the boy is mean.

How does he know that, Dad? I think.

Therefore, I am.

Jay Carr.

Ontologist.

Deal with it.

Hi, Justine. I thought you were bringing Julia.

Yeah, you said we were finally going to meet her. You will.

I asked her to come over, and I also asked her to be on time.

A stitch in time saves nine.

Well, you know, actually, that saying is derived from the Roman poet Ovid.

who wrote, Speak

the Latin. Speak the Latin, my friend.

Well, I have to go downstairs, but I will be right back, which is a dimension

time as opposed to right now.

I'll get it.

Oh, yeah.

Huxtable residence.

Hi, Julia.

Howard, I'm sorry I'm late. Oh, it's all right.

Oh, hey, no problem.

I'm very glad you made it.

To discuss philosophy, which is why we're all here, right? Well, let's get

started. We can go upstairs and start discussing philosophy.

That is.

Kind of why we're all here.

Oh,

Julia, you met Justine.

Hey, hey, hey, where you going?

We're going to my room to discuss philosophy, Dad.

Yeah, well, make sure everybody's vertical.

Give it up. Give it up, I say.

Hi, Ned. Hey, what's happening? Okay.

Honey, sit down.

No, no, Elvin. If I sit down there, I'm never going to get up.

Well, you better do the thing, man.

There you go.

All right.

Yeah, because you see, Elvin, you don't understand.

The woman in that situation, they sit on the sofa like this. They can't come up

out of it. And everybody's left, and they're still sitting there.

She's going to deliver any second now. Really? Oh, Elvin, I am not.

Honey, that was a contraction you had in the car on the way here. It was not. It

was a pre -labor contraction.

Dad, I've been having these for the last two days now. Elvin has rushed me to

the hospital three times, and each time they've sent us home.

I'm timing it, Dad. Since the one in the car, it's been eight minutes and 38

seconds. If the next one comes in below 15 minutes, then you've got something to

work with. Eight minutes, 48, 49.

Is Mom here? Yeah, in the kitchen.

There you go. You okay, honey? Yes, I'm fine. You gonna be all right? Yes, thank

you. All right. Put your arms out. You don't want to open the door with it.

Do you think I'm overreacting, Dad? Listen, man, that's my daughter and my

grandchild. You overreact all day.

You never do anything better the rest of your life.

Overreact now.

Would you please tell me what this watch is?

I bought this for Sandra's pregnancy.

Yeah, but Alvin, this is one of those cheap watches from the wilderness store.

The only thing this is good for is clocking how far the geese go south.

Sometimes I feel like I'm going to be pregnant forever.

This is your first child, Sandra. They always make you suffer the most, even

after they're born.

Hey, I was your first born. I know.

All right.

Hi,

Mom. Sandra, I'm sorry I left you alone.

It was only for 36 seconds. Are you okay?

Yes, I'm fine. Any pain?

Yes, you.

What? Oh, I need to lie down. No, no, don't let her lie down. Don't let

her lie down. Mom, I need to lie down. Honey, no. Come on, do your job,

boy. All right, hold on. Don't let her lie down.

Okay, I think there's... What time? What? Time.

Ten minutes, thirty -eight seconds. All right. I think this is... Traction! It's

time! The car! The hospital! The father! Oh, Elton! Please!

Take it easy. Stop stepping upon me. Right, right. I will call Dr.

Taylor and get everything all set up. Yes. Yes, I agree. Oh, but Dad, now

remember, you promised Elton and I no special treatment at the hospital. Okay,

fine. I'll just have him set up a tent out in the parking lot.

I'll get the car.

Do you have your bags packed, honey?

Yes, Dad. The bag's in the trunk. Elvin packed it the day he found out I was

pregnant.

All right.

There you go.

Oh, baby. Oh, my baby.

Come on.

Wait a minute. Elvin!

Thibodeau, you'll come with me to the room. Mr.

Thibodeau, you can fill out the forms with the nurse at the desk.

Mr. Thibodeau.

Mr. Thibodeau.

Honey,

it's okay.

Yeah?

Okay.

Bye -bye, honey.

Okay, thank you.

Don't start without me.

Uh -huh.

Mm, I know.

Sure.

Okay, bye.

Fill out the forms.

I need to fill out some forms right away.

Oh,

Jill, I have to fill out some forms, too? I'm sorry, pal, I have to go first.

wife's having a baby. Well, my wife's having a baby, too.

My wife.

She's still in the car.

Can you believe some people?

Let me help you. Just answer the following questions. Name?

Thibodeau, Sandra.

Your first name is Sandra?

No. No, that's my wife's name. What's your name?

Thibodeau, Elvin.

T -I -B -I -D -E -A -U -X. Thank you. Insurance?

Yes.

What's the name of your insurance?

Medical.

What's the name of the company that issues your insurance?

Oh, it's in my wallet.

I don't have my wallet.

Is it Blue Cross? Is it Northwest?

Is it Continental?

Yes. Continental.

No, no.

Wait a minute. I can't remember.

Oh, it's the one with the buffalo on the commercial.

Buffalo. Yes.

No, no. It's a moose or... An elk.

It has four legs. It's dependable.

What's more dependable, a moose or an elf?

We'll leave this blank for now.

Okay. What is your wife's maiden name?

Huxtable, Sandra.

You're Sandra Huxtable, Sandra?

Yes, Huxtable, Elvin, Thibodeau. Don't worry about anything.

Dr. Huxtable has already filled this out for you. Oh, I love my father -in -law.

He's a saint.

You've got the best room in the house, number 102.

Just go on in. Thank you. Thank you so much.

Mr. Thibodeau? Yes?

You're heading toward the parking lot. Room 102 is the other way. Thank you.

I'm new at this.

working.

Well, I'll tell you, this is the first time I've been on this

side in a long, long time.

Yes, I have to sit here and wait and wait.

Sandra and Elvin don't want us at the hospital.

Well, that's all right. You know, I can understand that. I know how you and I

felt. Remember?

Long

That's it. That's it. Here we go.

Nobody's going to tell me when I can go. I work at the hospital. I go there.

Mom and Dad?

I think your sister's having her baby.

Unbelievable!

I'm going to be an aunt! A baby? Wow!

Oh, I hope it's a boy. Well, unless it's a girl. I mean, what difference does it

make a boy or a girl? I mean, you're still going to love it and hug it and

it and kiss it and change it. And when it gets older, you might even play

baseball or field hockey with it. Unless it doesn't like sports, but then it can

dance the same. Unless it likes to play famous. Then you can say, I knew that

baby when.

for one thing, because they're going to always ask you to babysit because of

your aunt, and they never pay you. I mean, they never pay you. And another

about little babies, they'll never pick one up when you're going out on a date

because they always spit up in your sweater. I don't know what it is.

I'd like Mr. Blenhart to

give me one liter of fluid prior to epidural.

Yes, doctor.

I'll go check.

Today's the big day, doctor. Big. Best of luck. Luck.

She's in room 102.

Hey, Dr.

Huxwell, Mrs.

Huxwell. I'm glad to see you. Well, how are you? You all are not checking up on

me, are you? Not in the least. You were my prized student. So how's it going,

Dr. Huxwell? Well, it's going good. Everything's fine.

Well, there is one light problem.

What is it?

Come on in.

I can't...

Alvin's hyperventilating. Mom, Dad, I'm glad you're here.

I'm sorry you have to see me like this.

Slowly,

breathe.

Why did this have to happen? I want it to be strong for Sandra.

It's okay, Alvin. This happens to a lot of fathers.

Although I've never seen a case this severe.

Dad, I hope you're not disappointed in me, Dad.

Good. I'm a little nervous.

You have every right to be. I know. I've been there.

But your doctor's here, and you're ready for this. You'll be fine.

Well, you know what I said about not wanting you here?

Yes. I'm glad you didn't listen to me. Yes.

Hey, folks, look.

I think I'm okay now.

Hey, look.

Look, I'm breathing.

Oh, God.

I've never breathed this well in all my life.

Oh, it feels great to be alive.

Then I think we're ready for delivery. Would you please do whatever Dr.

Taylor said? I'm sorry. Thank you. Thank you.

Miss McKechnie, could you please do everything the good doctor just said?

Taylor, may I say something, please? Sure. Now, the father is a wreck and the

grandfather is a nuisance. And I think people should go out into the hall so

can do your work. So, Elvin and Cliff, get out.

We're having a baby. Elvin, get out.

Now, you go out there and collect yourself so you can come back.

Just breathe in the bag, boy.

Okay,

Howard, let me pose this question to you.

If one person breaks a promise, does that make it all right for every other

person in the world to break a promise?

Well, according to Kant's categorical imperative, it doesn't matter what the

circumstances are, moral action must hold true universally.

That's exactly what I had in my notes.

Really? Why don't you read to us what you had in your note?

Read to you?

I'll get it.

I tried to read Theo's notes. Forget about it.

Hey, Kenny.

Hi, is Rudy here?

Oh, no, she went to the Bronx to do with Carolyn's family. She'll be back.

Can I wait for her? Sure, why not? Come on in.

Kara and Vanessa are upstairs, so you can hang out with them.

Girls? No, thanks.

I'll hang out with you.

Well, I have some friends over and we're studying philosophy.

I'll just sit there and listen.

I've been trained to be seen but not heard.

All right, come on.

What's the gift?

A Christmas present for Rudy. I do my shopping early.

Theo, do you have any more notepads?

I'll bring one in with me.

Now that a woman.

Hey, everybody. This is Kenny. He's going to hang out with us.

Hi. Hi.

I'm Rudy's friend.

But we're not serious.

What did I miss?

We were discussing the tendencies of all civilizations to oppress other

civilizations. Oh, you mean man's inhumanity to man.

Or woman.

That's right. Why do people always say man? Why can't it be people than

to people?

Because it's a given that when you say man, it includes woman.

You know, that's the whole problem. Society is geared to think of men first

then women.

Yes, and have you noticed all these philosophers that we're talking about

men? Well, that's because until recent history, all the great thinkers have

men.

That's because women weren't seen as equal.

And I'm sure there were women who were even more brilliant than those men.

I'm sorry. All we have to go by are these brilliant essays written by men.

That's because they probably had their girlfriends type them.

Hey, hey.

We're turning this whole thing into a man versus woman discussion.

Of course we are, because sexism has been around forever.

I agree.

Take this little boy here, for example. He probably already has some

preconceived ideas about women.

Kelly, you've heard us talking. What's your opinion?

I never let her warm type of paper.

She should be home cooking my dinner.

Now, look at what I have.

Huh?

All right. Now, this is what's going to happen for you.

You're going to have a little baby. See?

Problem with most people?

They don't know how to pick the baby up. See, they think it's so fragile, and

they pick it, you know, on the kid, and then the head falls back this way.

Now, what you want to do is you look down and a little bit... And

you do the legs like this, see?

And then you put your hand like this, and you just scoop, just like that.

You got it? Hello.

Go ahead and try.

There you are. Just put it.

Wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah.

Scoop. There you go. All right. Make sure the legs are over here. That's it.

want to keep the head from falling all over the place, see?

Dad, Dad, really, there's no way I'm going to learn how to do this. No, no,

Elvin. Come on, come on. You're being too hard on yourself. Now, come on.

Dad, all the evidence is there.

I almost fainted in the labor room.

I almost fainted when she had a contraction.

And...

What was most embarrassing, when we were on the way here in the car, I had to

pull over and let her drive.

You just need time.

It's easy for you to say, Dad, you've been through this five times. You're the

world's most perfect father.

I wouldn't say that. I shouldn't say perfect. I hear what your kids say about

you.

What? You hear what my kids say. What?

It's little things. It's nothing big. Little things what?

Well, like you're kind of stubborn.

And you never admit your mistakes.

You're tight with money.

That's enough.

But, Dad, they really love you. That's what I'm saying.

Yeah. Your children will love you, too. Yeah, but what if I make some horrible

mistake raising it? I mean, it's this little defenseless, you know, person.

if I do something that makes it sick?

Oh, don't worry about it. You just have to realize that this is a human being,

and you have to go with the flow.

Claire and I had your wife.

We sterilized everything. We sterilized the people. We sprayed the people. Made

them put masks on. And we kept all the food and that was sterilized. And then I

looked out the window one day. I don't know how old she was, but she was out

there crawling around in her sterilized clothing.

And she was eating dirt.

You just have to use common sense. Do I have common sense?

Elvin, if you have to ask me if you have time or sense, you know.

Elvin. What?

Elvin, the doctor says it's going to be soon.

Soon? Yes, darling, soon. You better get in there.

Okay. All right, let's hit it. I'm ready. I can't believe it, but I'm

We're not going to hit it? No, they're going to hit it. But I'm a doctor. You

don't understand.

Honey, I know who you are, but they can do this by themselves.

They don't want that in the room, huh?

Darling, we're going to have to sit here like everybody else.

Scoop. Yeah.

Huh? Do you remember that? Let me see it. Let me see it again.

Grab the little leg. Wah, wah. Yeah, that's right.

And scoop.

You know, we're going to have to do that, I'll bet you.

We're going to have to do it. Yes, indeed.

We're going to have to reach down because we'll be older. That'll be our

grandchild because it'll be a boy.

You see. You sure?

Named after me.

It might be a girl named after me. Still named after me.

Heathcliff female.

Reach right on down. Say, this your granddad?

Scoop. Hello.

And you go into helmet.

Put a big H on her forehead.

You're nervous, aren't you?

No. Yes, you are. You are nervous, Cliff. No, I'm not. You're rubbing your

You've been doing that since medical school, you know. Every night before a

major exam, you sit there and rub your head like that. I used to think you'd be

bald.

I'm not nervous.

Yep, you're nervous.

Huh? No, no, no, no.

What are you talking about?

Then what is that?

That's my foot going like this.

But you see, you're the one who's nervous.

No, I'm not. Yes, you are, because you would not notice these things unless you

were nervous, and so you're trying to put it on me.

I'm not nervous, but you are getting on my nerves.

Well, excuse me for being on this planet.

Please don't sit there like a block of wood.

Oh, yes. Well?

Nothing yet. It was a false alarm.

What do you mean, false alarm?

She was fully dilated, and I really thought the baby was coming, but she's

little more pushing to do. Are you trying to get overtime?

How is Sandra?

She's terrific. I mean, she has tremendous spirit, you know. She's

I'd imagine your daughter to be. All right. How's Elvin?

Still on his feet.

Miss Pucks, why don't you go in and be with her for a while?

Absolutely. Oh, actually, she only asked for her.

All you people are having a lot of fun with me, aren't you?

Well, is it a boy or a girl?

Well, nothing yet. Nothing yet. How much time have you got, son?

Oh, I don't know, Dad. Seems like anywhere from one minute to 11 years.

It's a good thing we have some time here because your mother and I want to talk

to you.

Really? About what?

Son, you know, we've been very proud of the way you've functioned as a father,

but now you're moving on to a higher level.

Grandparent.

Grandparent. Yes, and now he's cliffed. There are only two kinds of grandparents

in this world.

Good grandparents and bad grandparents. I see. Now, what are you two?

In no way.

We're tremendous, son.

I see. And we want you to be tremendous, too. Thank you. How do I do that? Now,

this is the most important rule.

Now, the grandparents must never try to take away any time from the people that

are most important to that child, the great -grandparents.

All right, thanks, Dad. Hang in there. You'll make it.

Bye.

Sandra had a false alarm.

How's she doing?

Doctor says she's great.

Sandra's tough. She'll do fine.

You know what we should do for your mom and dad?

When they come back from the hospital, let's have dinner with him. Julia,

an extremely thoughtful idea.

You are so considerate. You know, I'll look for my cookbook and see what I can

find. Your cookbook?

You cook for him?

With two parents who both have careers, I'm called on all the time to feed the

family.

I can recall a time being here when your parents were at work and you asked me

to make you a peanut butter sandwich.

What if we make spaghetti and meatballs?

Well, I usually make fancier dishes, but I'm game to try something ordinary.

Justine, why don't we go and get some dessert while the men do the cooking?

Sure.

All right.

We'll hurry back. Okay.

See you later, honey.

Howard, let's go.

After you, monsieur.

Got it.

Do you have any tomatoes?

I don't know. What do we need tomatoes for?

Sauce. Oh, yeah, right.

Yeah, right.

Oh, all right. We'll start with these. What do you have?

Green peppers. Okay.

Green pepper number one.

Number two.

Yeah.

All right, you chop the green peppers and I'll slice the tomatoes. You got it.

I hope I'm not getting too personal, but I sense some tension between you and

Justine. Oh, man, you're not a relationship star. You have your good

bad times.

I know what you mean.

Justine and I have gone out for a while and I really like her, but I'm not so

sure she's the one.

Maybe there's somebody else out there for me. Like Julia?

Yeah. No.

I don't mean Julia in particular.

Someone like her. Or maybe not.

You see, you're not doing a good job disguising your feelings for Julia.

Is that obvious?

I'm afraid so.

What can I say? She's a spectacular looking woman.

I know.

Howard, can I ask you a personal question?

Of course.

How did you end up with her?

No, not that you shouldn't. I'm just curious.

I know I'm not the greatest looking guy in the world, but Julia told me she

finds my intellect appealing.

The better I do in my grades, the more she gets excited.

Why do you think I work my tail off while there's A pluses?

That's it?

There's nothing more?

No, I'm not athletic.

I don't dance very well. I don't own a car. I'm always broke.

So it's just great.

Well, no, I treat her nicely, too. We have lots of fun together.

Sounds like you're in this for the long haul.

That's the biggest problem with me and Julia.

She wants a commitment. I'm not ready.

You're not ready to commit to Julia?

How could you do better? It's not a matter of doing better. It's a matter of

feeling right.

And at the moment, I'm not sure if I just want to give myself over completely

Julia. Man, up until now, I thought you were the smartest guy I ever met.

Russell, what are you doing?

How does mother and father come in, dear?

Hey, I can't believe the traffic in the city.

They should take away the license of half the people on the road.

Lester, you didn't help things. You had your hand on the horn for the last 11

miles. There's a whole lot of numbskulls and nincompoops out there. Hello,

everybody. Sorry to be late.

Who is Sondra? Fine. It's going to be in a minute now. And how's our son doing?

Mom, he is a pillar of strength. He's just like a rock.

Giffy, you're lying to me, Phil.

I know my boy, and he can't take the pressure.

He fainted.

Right?

Well, just once.

But other than that, he's just fine. He's fine, really.

What did you two bring?

Lester started buying toys three months ago.

Boy, you all are going to make us look bad.

You all buy the toys. We'll take care of the accessories like the bottles, the

diapers, okay?

Deal. Deal.

If Elvin hadn't lost his good sense and gone into this crazy wilderness store

business, he could afford to buy what the child needs. I don't know what

possessed him to drop out of medical school.

After watching him, I think I know.

No, no, I mean, every time Sandra went, whoo, Elvin went, I ain't got no money.

You know, we were all very disappointed when both Elvin and Sondra didn't go to

graduate school.

Cliff and Claire offered to pay the tuition, but they turned them down.

I know.

Man, when I heard that Elvin turned on free money, I nearly started to cry.

Cliff, anytime you want to send me to medical school, I'm ready.

I promise you, I'm not going to part now. All right.

Oh, Francine, must have you made it just in time. Honey, it's happening. It is,

really? I saw the top of the head.

It was the prettiest little top of the head I ever saw.

Whose top of the head does it look like?

Breathe.

Breathe, honey.

Breathe, honey. I want to push. No, no, no, not yet. Honey, breathe, honey. Look

at me. We'll breathe together, okay? Don't fall. Don't fall.

Can I push now, please?

Yes, push.

Honey, push.

Honey, push.

Come on, come on. Give me a big one. Give me a big one.

Give me a big one.

Dr.

Davis, telephone, please.

Dr. Davis, telephone, please.

Push, honey.

Push. Push.

Okay, here's the head.

Okay, it's on its way now. All right.

Push.

We're almost there, honey. We're almost there. What do you mean, we?

Keep pushing.

Keep pushing.

All right.

You're doing fine. You're doing fine.

There you go. There you go.

It's a boy.

It's a boy. A boy?

parents of a healthy boy.

And a girl.

What? Twins?

Two babies?

Yes. Two babies, better known as twins.

A boy and a girl. Boy, five pounds, ten ounces. Girl, five pounds, twelve

ounces. When you all knew about this?

Months ago, when we saw it on the sonogram.

See, Sandra and Elvin wanted it to be a surprise for you.

How is Sandra?

Fine. She's waiting to see all of you. Let's go.

Dr.

Taylor. Let me see you for a second, please.

Dr. Taylor, I taught you everything you know.

And you know everything that I know.

Why is it that I only know 50 % of what you know?

Well, I told you.

Everything that I know.

So now you know everything that I know.

Thank you very much. I will just make sure that my daughter and her husband

will name none of the children after you.

I already know the names.

You did great.

So did you.

No, no. You did a lot better than I did.

Baby. Oh, baby.

Oh, Mom.

It was so hard.

I know.

Sandra. Oh, Grandma.

Hi, sweetheart.

Mom.

Oh, I can't wait for you to see the babies. They are so beautiful. Did you

the doctor give you anything for the pain?

Well, I wasn't going to, but when the pain hit, I didn't think I was going to

make it. Honey, that is all right. There were a couple of times I was grateful

for anesthesia. I kissed my anesthesiologist.

Hey, with Heathcliff, I was out cold the whole time.

No one's asking me how I'm doing.

Because you don't count.

It was unbelievable. It was a miracle.

I can't describe what it was like when I saw that little fade.

And the ten little fingers and ten little toes.

And then another little face.

Another ten little fingers and ten little toes. Twenty little fingers and

little toes.

Even though they couldn't see and they couldn't speak, when I held them in my

arms, it felt as if they knew that I was their father.

It was unbelievable. One of each.

And both of them from inside the body of this beautiful woman.

One of each I looked at them and they looked at me and I looked at her And

it came to me.

I Made a decision mom Dad everybody I'm going back to medical

school

Vanessa, let's go. Dad will be here any minute to take us to the hospital.

Okay.

I had a good time today, Theo. I'm glad, Kenny.

I like your friends, especially the fox.

Ken, forget it. Julia is ten years older than you.

That's the way I like them. Women live longer than men, so I'm going to marry

older woman.

You don't marry a woman just because she's older.

Man, don't you want to be in love?

I don't need love.

Just knowing I want to outlive her will make me happy.

Theo, let's go meet your niece and your nephew. Vanessa!

I'll be right down.

I thought Dad was coming to pick us up. Yeah, he was, but he had to stay at the

hospital and deliver a baby.

Great. Mom, I have some spaghetti and meatballs waiting for us in the kitchen.

Oh, Theo, thank you.

Vanessa!

I had twins.

I'd call them Ann and Dan or Sue and Lou or Betty and Freddie or Jill and Bill

or Sam and Pam or Joel and Flo or even Stephanie and Edgar. I mean, they don't

all have to rhyme. Well,

you go ahead. I'm going to stay here and warm up dinner because I know you guys

are going to get back. You're going to be so hungry. I mean, no one's going to

be really hungry when you're excited for a really long time. When that happens

to me, my mouth is dry and my head is light and my stomach's empty and my

are all sweaty and my feet are aching. I mean, I'm just starving. I could eat

anything. Anything. Just anything. I'm just starving. I'm getting hungry just

thinking about it. Come on, Kenny. Let's get something to eat.

I hope you don't eat the way you took.

I thought you were bringing the kids. Oh, I brought them. They're down there

with son.

Aren't they beautiful?

Beautiful. They're exquisite.

Well, we're grandmothers.

I know.

Francine, tell the truth.

Didn't our grandmothers look older than we do?

Yeah, much older.

don't look like a grandma to me and you don't look like a grandma to me i looked

in the mirror this morning i saw nothing of a grandma out in the parking lot two

construction workers whiffled at me well of course they did we're young in our

lives aren't we very young and i'm looking better every day thank you i

don't know about this grandma Did she think of another name for us? I don't

know, something like a second mother, a mother once removed?

Experienced mother.

Solid gold mother.

How about Mother, the sequel?

Wow, look at all those babies.

Which ones are ours?

Those two right down front.

Oh, they're so teeny.

I'm glad those are ours, because them other babies look pretty goofy.

Hi, baby.

Do you mind?

No.

I mean, what is going on here?

Nobody told me that you were going to have twins.

Nobody told me the names of the twins.

Nelson and Winnie. I read it outside.

I found out more from my patients than I did from my own daughter.

Well, Dad, I hope you're not upset about that. We wanted it to be a surprise.

Sorry, I just wanted to talk to you about those two things out in the

Now, they're for real, you know. They're beautiful, aren't they?

Yes, just like you were.

But they don't stay that size.

And sometimes they get very ugly.

And I don't want you to blame me. I'm just so happy I didn't deliver them.

No, no, no. I'm not going to be blaming anyone. I'm just...

I'm looking forward to every day that I'm going to get to spend with them.

that's so wonderful. Spoken just like a woman whose children are only 45 minutes

old.

Well, will you babysit?

Yes, indeed.

You've got a lot of good times ahead of you.

And I'm proud of you.

Thank you. Well, now, Dad, I just want to say something.

You know how much I love you.

Yeah. But I just also want to say how much I've loved having you as a father.

Am I going somewhere? No, no.

I only hope and pray that I can do as good a job with my children as you've

with yours.

Well, I'll tell you something.

It's impossible.

You know why?

Why? Because good parents are made by good children.

See you, Mommy.

I enter this house the first time as Grandpa or Grandpapa or

Gramps. I don't know what it is.

How about Father the Sequel?

No, no, no, no. I just know this thing about being a grandfather. I got to get

ready because my father has challenged me already. And I know that this man

try to outdo me.

Now, I know that in terms of money, my father is prepared to give.

50 cents every time he sees his great -grandchildren.

So I've got to top that, so I've got to have a dollar, because, you know,

grandfathers, they go in their pockets, and you can hear the change.

These kids come by this house every day.

They won't have to work again as long as they live.

What is this that smells so good? Oh, this is something that Theo and Howard

did. You're kidding. Spaghetti and meatball. You're kidding me.

My son did not do this.

Howard did this. This is absolutely delicious.

And the boy is an A student and an excellent cook to boot. I'm going to

Howard.

Yes, I want you to marry Howard so I can come over for dinner.

Let me get the keys and do some damage. I don't know what was more exciting

today to tell you, the surprise of twins or Mr.

Alvin announcing that he is going to go to medical school.

I know.

Claire?

Claire?

What? What are you thinking about?

I'm thinking about Sandra.

You know, it seems like only yesterday I was holding her in my arms.

She was a baby.

Yeah.

And today my baby had two babies.

Now she's a mother.

Hi! Hey, Aunt Rudy!

What do the babies look like?

She's a grandmother.

The Cosby Show is taped before a studio audience.