Original subtitles

Denise? Yeah? Are you finished packing?

Almost. What time is Jennifer coming to pick you up to take you to Hillman?

Oh, I'm not sure.

And Theo, how about you? Any more bags to bring down?

Yeah, just one more. I'm almost finished. All right, let's move it along

Your father's bringing the car out front.

That's three kids out of the house.

And two more to go.

Hey, the car's out front. Bring down the latest Huntsville College student.

Hurry up.

He'll be right down.

Dear, do you realize that we've almost reached our goal of zero children in the

house?

That room upstairs that used to be his is going to be mine.

Speak on. I'm turning Theo's room into my office.

All right, I'm ready. There he is.

My son, off to college. Boy, I'm proud of you.

Oh, my goodness.

All right, let's hit it. Thanks, Dad.

Oh, listen, let me help take out some of these bags. Oh, wait, this trunk is

heavy. Let me help you. Don't worry about that, honey. No problem.

I got lots of energy today.

Strong woman. Strong woman.

All right. You know, I get the feeling that you and Mom can't wait to get me

of the house.

Aren't you the least bit emotional?

Oh, yes, ma 'am. We're going to miss you. Now get your bag.

Do you have the address of the dorm you're going to be staying in? Because I

don't want to drive all around campus. Well, no. I thought someone would tell

where my dorm is when we got there. They didn't give you a dorm assignment in

the mail?

That's the way they usually do it.

No, I guess they messed it up.

Come on, jump on the phone. Call the dorm housing department and tell them

name. Tell them you're in a hurry. We're on our way down. What is your dorm

number, please?

Hi, this is Theodore A. Huxtable. I'm a freshman who's arriving today.

You failed to send me my dorm assignment.

There you go. College students use the word fail.

Could you give it to me, please?

Yeah, it's Huxtable. H -U -X -P -A.

That's impossible.

I sent a check months ago.

You don't have any record of it.

Are you sure?

Okay, thanks.

I don't have a dorm room.

I made out a check and handed it to you. Now, did you mail it? Of course I did.

How could I not have mailed it?

You had on a brown leather jacket.

I gave you the envelope. You took it and you put it in the left -hand pocket of

the leather jacket.

I said to you, son, don't forget to mail this. And you said... No problem. And I

went right out and mailed it.

I'm almost positive.

needs home for the summer, but I'm glad we're getting our own rooms back.

You're not kidding.

We were roommates a whole summer, and we got along.

We didn't have one fight the whole time.

Rudy, now that you're nine, you're showing a lot more maturity.

Now that you're 15, you're not bad yourself.

Thank you.

You know, I'm beginning to feel like we're friends, not just sisters.

Me too. And now that we're becoming friends, I feel there's something I can

you. you what now i want you to take this as constructive criticism i will

leave your socks laying everywhere now it wouldn't be so bad if they weren't so

dirty disgusting and smelly no offense intended none taken now may i say

something to help you of course when you're asleep you drool out of the side

your mouth do not yes you do

I'm saying that to get even.

My socks are not smelly.

They smell just fine. Your nose is going to fall off. Smell them. No. Smell it.

Come on, Rudy.

Smell it.

Theo, I can't believe that you couldn't find a dorm room anywhere on campus. I

tried. I even cleaned it with the director of housing. There's absolutely

space anywhere.

Did they smell my socks?

No. Rudy, later.

This is the stupidest thing that you've ever done, Theo.

Ooh, it's kind of like trouble. Let's go.

it out. Yeah. Leave this thing out here.

Just back off, Denise. This is my problem, so I'll deal with it. You see,

doesn't just affect you, okay? This is just gonna ruin things for me. What are

you worried about? You're going back to him.

No, I'm not. Yeah, get serious.

I am. I'm dropping out of school.

What? Yes, I'm dropping out.

No way.

I am. Whoa, big trouble.

Why didn't you say... anything about this well i was gonna say something

but then see you pull this stupid stunt i don't get it if you weren't going back

to school why'd you pack all your bags because soon as i tell mom and dad what

i'm doing dad's gonna throw me out of the house good that means i'll get my

back so alive you guys i'm about to face a really difficult situation all you

can think about is yourself hey who else are we supposed to think about yeah

denise

What you're about to go through with mom and dad is going to be tough. And I

really feel for you. But look on the bright side.

Once mom and dad hear about this, they'll totally forget about what I did.

Well, thank you for your time, Judge Rivera.

Yes, and if you can think of any way we could get Theo into a dorm, please give

us a call.

And another one bites the dust.

Hi.

Do you guys have a minute?

Sweetie's getting late.

What time is Jennifer coming to take you to Hillman?

Jennifer left yesterday.

But you told her she was taking you down to Hillman.

Yeah. No, I told her to go ahead without me.

Well, how are you supposed to get down there?

Before we get into that, can I just say something here?

I feel really bad about what Theo did and...

But I think you guys handled it very, very well.

You were calm, firm, yet loving.

This isn't why you came down here, is it?

No.

I want you to know that I've given this a lot of thought.

And the decision that I've come to is very...

I've decided to discontinue my college education.

Come again, young lady?

Um, I'm not going back to Hellman.

Want to bet?

Being in college has taught me one thing. I just don't belong there.

Want to bet?

Daddy, I'm only telling you what I feel in my heart, so hear me out, okay?

This whole...

college and competition it's just not what i'm about i mean getting straight

and making the dean's list and trying to impress your professor i mean is a

person who makes an a better than a person who gets a c no oh okay

sure you're gonna say yes okay okay okay here's what i'm trying to

say

then you're down here.

I say, why can't we just be one happy alphabet?

That's what I think.

Yeah.

I really do.

And, well, I feel I don't have to be better than everyone else.

I'm happy being me.

And how much does that pay?

You guys, I would not just jump out of college without some sort of game plan.

I happen to have some very definite ideas on some careers that happen to pay

very well.

Oh, what are you going to do?

I want to be a fashion designer or a record producer.

But, Denise, college could help prepare you for that.

Why would I want to spend...

college degree.

Need I go on?

Yes.

Well, these are the only examples I have.

Okay, and I'm not that sure about Calvin Klein.

Denise, if you didn't want to go back to school, why did you go through the

charade of packing your bag? Because I knew as soon as you guys found out, Dad

was going to throw me out of the house.

When did I ever say to you that if you didn't go back to school, I would throw

you out of the house?

Never. Then sit up there and tell me that I said I'm going to throw her out

the house.

You don't tell me.

when i'm gonna throw you out of the house i don't see how you can tell me

you go what i said when when when you don't even have a college degree you're

gonna tell me something about when when i'm i'm gonna throw somebody out of the

house when i throw somebody out of the house they're gonna go out i don't tell

people you just be up in the air boom out there

Throw somebody out at all. Denise, I have one question. You have been here

three months. Now, why haven't you taken any of this time to look for that job?

Mom, it's my summer vacation.

Rick, I think you and I need to go into the kitchen and talk for a minute.

Tell me. Tell me.

I'm going to throw somebody out at all.

Tell me.

throw somebody out of the house.

When did I say I was going to throw somebody? I never said I was going to

somebody out of the house. And in the first place, if the child had said

something to me, she would have to wait for me to tell her that I'm going to

throw her out of the house. I never said that I was going to throw her out of

the house. You're going to wreck your appetite. Yeah, but I need that

You are not going to eat that.

But when did I ever tell some child in this house I would throw... them out of

the house never never honey i know you're upset and i'm upset too

we have to be realistic about the thing denise does not want to go to college

and you and i both know the girl doesn't want to go to college she doesn't

belong there i have no problem with the fact that she does not belong in college

i accept that what i don't accept is somebody

taking for granted to put words in my mouth that I'm going to throw them out

the house.

I will not threaten people about throwing... Tell me that they're afraid

going to throw them out of the house.

And you know, another thing, every time...

Every time a child does something like that, see, it reflects on us because

they'll go out and tell somebody else. And the next thing you know, the whole

neighborhood will be looking at us and say, well, you know, Dr. Huxtable, he

threw the child out with no money.

Nothing like that.

In the first place, let me tell you something.

See, I think...

Do you agree with me on that?

Let me smell your breath.

And if I smell anything that smells like a potato, I'm going to throw you out of

the house.

Yeah, Vanessa, yeah, who's calling?

Mark? Yeah, Mark, how old are you?

Fifteen? Listen, do you have any friends or relatives who are going to NYU now?

NYU.

It's a university.

Just a minute. Vanessa?

Yeah? Stupid Mark is on the phone.

Hi, Grandpa.

Grandma.

It's going to be two months before Grandma is late on me.

Come in here, and you just sit down, my dear. How are you feeling? I'm fine. Do

you need a back rub? No, no.

Do you need a tummy rub? No. Do you need a foot rub? No, I'm fine. Everything is

all right? Yes. Daddy, you always make such a fuss over me. You better believe

it. You're going to make me a granddad.

Well,

Vanessa called. We heard all about Denise and Theo.

Yeah, we think we might have a balloon.

Thunder and I talked it over, and we'd like to offer Denise a job at the

Wilderness Store.

Denise!

Hey. Hey.

How are you doing? Fine.

Good. Denise, Denise, we have a proposition to make. We know you're

employment now, and we thought we'd let you know that there's an opening at the

Wilderness Store.

Oh, sure.

Yes, we'd like to make you our salesperson in charge of camping

Isn't that great?

Yeah. How much does it pay?

Well, we'd start you at minimum wage, but let's say you'd be working a normal

work week, you'd take home $168.

All right.

Oh, wow. I don't know what to say. I'm really touched that you guys would even

think of me.

But, you know, I don't really want to take anything that isn't associated with

music or fashion.

Well, see, what you could do is work in the tent division and you could sing

inside the tent.

Good one, Dad.

Thank you. I'm going to go finish dinner in the kitchen.

Well,

we appreciate what you tried to do, Alvin. Would you like to stay for

Yes. Oh, well, the least we can do is help. Come on, Alvin.

Thank you.

Tell me that I'm dreaming. Tell me that you're going to wake me up and that my

daughter is not that way.

Tell me, please, tell me that this child did not have a penny to her name. She's

borrowing everything from us and was offered a job paying some money and

it down.

Tell me.

Tell me, I said.

Mom, Dad, I've got sensational news.

I need it, man.

Now, I was walking in the neighborhood around NYU.

trying to figure out a place to live, and I saw this.

The Ho Tower.

It's a brand -new condominium complex three blocks from NYU.

Cliff, wake up.

Fabulous views, all marble floors, gourmet eat -in kitchen, video rooms, a

health club, and seven -day -a -week maid service.

Now, isn't that a fabulous place to live?

One -bedroom apartments start at $485 ,000.

Don't you guys see? This is a golden opportunity for all of us. Now, for me,

solves my short -term living situation.

You buy the place. I lived there during my college years.

After four years, this apartment will be worth $600 ,000.

Now, that's over $100 ,000 in profits, which I'm not even going to ask to

I'm willing to live in it and take care of it at no charge to you.

And who knows?

Maybe some weekend you and dad want to get away. You call me and, hey, I'll

split.

You know, get away.

And you guys may need some time to think about this, but don't take too long.

You gotta act quick.

I figured it out now.

I got it all figured out.

See, for 23 years, we've had children in this house.

And for 23 years, you and I have had constant battles with these people.

And the question has always been, what were we fighting about?

And now... I know.

It's about the house.

They want the house.

It is believable that this boy deliberately did not mail that

envelope so that when he went down, there were no rooms and he would have to

come back here and live.

It is believable that Denise does not want to go to college anymore because

wants to live here. It is believable that this young man and this woman

in a condemned place on purpose have this baby to make us feel

sorry for them so they can come back here.

Now, the other two.

haven't started their game yet because legally they're supposed to stay here.

Now, you and I have been beaten every time we've gone to battle. And I'm

you now, darling, I'm old.

And you're old too, Claire.

And I think that you and I should just get on up and get out of here.

Get in the car and just go.

Let them have the house, honey.

And unlike General MacArthur, we shall not return.

Good morning, is that you?

Just got in from the hospital.

What time is it?

3 a .m. Ah.

You have missed 21 hours of children updates.

I don't have to listen to it, do I?

Well, I had to listen to it.

Who is it?

I was too excited to sleep when I heard Dad come in. I have to tell him.

Looks like you get to hear this one in person. Come in!

You didn't tell him anything, did you? No.

Ta -da! You're looking at an employed person.

You got a job?

Yes.

Record producer.

Well, not exactly. But I do have a wonderful entry -level position at Blue

Records. Doing what?

I'm the assistant to the executive associate.

And tell him what the assistant to the executive associate does.

Well, basically... I take care of the needs of the various artists and their

guests. Plus, I operate the intercommunication system throughout the

You get coffee and answers a phone.

How much are you making?

$25. An hour? No.

A day?

A week.

Why so much?

I swear, Dad, you'll be proud of me. I certainly hope so.

Good night.

Good night. Get some sleep. You look tired.

I'm in the record business.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Claire.

Good night.

And I love you.

You know why?

Because all we've got is each other.