Original subtitles

Thank

you.

Do -do -do -do -do -do -do.

Do -do -do -do -do -do.

me hg whoa oh oh man what's the matter hey

you all right what happened i was taking a shower and the towel fell off the

wall into the tub well it probably heard your rap and wanted to drown itself now

where's the toolbox i'll get the glue and pop it right back no no no son

a right way to put that on in the wrong way i know the right way i'll do it be

right back

Mom, Mom, Mom.

We're in trouble.

This tile fell off the wall into the tub, and Dad's going to get his toolbox

fix it.

Well, is it just this one tile?

Yeah. Oh, well, we don't have a problem then. That's the kind of job he can

handle, honey. It's the big ones we have to worry about.

So we let him do the small jobs. It keeps him happy, and he doesn't tear up

house.

Mom, this is why you're Mom.

I hear you're going to fix a tile.

That's right.

You're looking mighty cute in that tool belt.

Got one in suede, too.

Well, not much of a challenge, but I'm up to it.

Now, Theo, I want you to pay attention to this because sometime when you get

married, If you have a family, you're going to have to do something like this.

Grab a little of the glue.

Give a little tap here.

Tap, tap, tap, tap, tap.

And just like they do on TV.

You know how they make it look smooth, I guess.

Put this in like this. And you place this in like so, gently.

Give it a little firm.

Now comes the big one.

Pull him on out.

Huh? Look out.

Fire,

fire, fire, fire.

And you just work it so nicely. Don't worry about anything. Just like they do

TV. And they just smooth it.

Wait a minute. Just push that back up like that.

There you go. And we don't panic.

If something falls out, you just go ahead and...

over this way and put that back like that. You see how smooth that is, son?

Looking smooth.

And this way, reach over and we grab this.

See, and you can just smooth it right on up. And even though it's like that,

don't worry about anything.

Just like they do on TV.

Just don't worry. It'll be just like that. There, and you knock it in.

See? And it's all set.

I'm going to tell you exactly what the problem is here, see?

There is a leaky pipe back here, and that's what's causing all of this. So

I'm going to have to do now is bust through here to get back to the leaky

pipe, see? But, Cliff, you're not thinking of doing that by yourself. Oh,

no, no. I'll get Theo to help me, see?

All I have to do is just get back here to this pipe. Cliff, I need Theo's help

in the kitchen. Oh, well, then I'll do it by myself.

All right.

Okay.

Sure would now.

May have to get my suede belt for this one.

Did you hear what your father said? He is getting ready to go into the wall.

Mom, he's never gone into a wall before. I know.

We've got to stop him. He could tear this whole house down.

You never know, Mom.

Maybe Dad can do the job.

We better stop him.

Thank you.

We're going to get the plumber.

All right.

You take these pages and go downstairs to your father's office. Call everybody

on the list. I'll make calls from up here.

Now, how do I know which of any of you guys is any good? It really doesn't

matter, Theo. Call everybody on the list. If 15 people show up, so what?

Hello?

Apex Plumbers?

Yes. Could you please... Come over and stop my husband.

No, this is an emergency.

Well, how much are they paying you? I'll pay you double.

This is really taking too much time, dear. Why don't you think about it for

minutes and I'll call you back.

Hey.

How's it going up there?

Everything's going just fine. I'm just trying to remember where I put my

sledgehammer.

Sledgehammer? Yeah, I think I left it over Jeffrey Ingalls' house. Oh, Jeffrey

Ingalls went on vacation.

No, he didn't. I saw him picking up a newspaper this morning. I'll be right

back, hon.

And then, whammo!

Yes, plumber? Oh, Sandra.

Sandra, honey, I'm sorry.

I really can't talk to you right now, darling. We are in the midst of a family

crisis. Your father is getting ready to go into the wall.

It's a plumbing problem, Sandra. It's a leak.

Yes, dear. I know that, Sandra.

Darling, this is not the time for wilderness psychology.

What I need is a plumber.

Thank you.

Friends of yours, are they reliable?

Give me the number.

I'm sorry, Sandra.

You're sure that wasn't their truck? Mama said dry cleaning on it. Oh, good.

Well, just keep looking, honey. Okay.

Mom. Mom.

Dad is putting a big X on the wall. I think he's about to hit it with a

sledgehammer. Oh, no.

Hey, stop.

Stop. This is a house.

Vanessa, quick.

Quick, get up the stairs and help your father.

Distract him and talk to him. What do you want me to say?

Tell him to explain the facts of life to you.

Thank you. Hi.

Hi. How you doing?

Well, Mom, these are the people you called.

Yes. Where's your boss? Oh, we are the boss.

I know you're the boss, honey, but I mean the older person who hired you, who

supervises the work. No, there is no older person. We do all the work. But

you're so young.

Can you handle a job like this?

I can take it from here.

It's a beautiful hole, isn't it, dear?

It's a beautiful hole.

Now, there are three professional plumbers downstairs who have come here

this job.

But I've already started.

Yes, I can see that.

And you're doing a beautiful job. But I think that this is best for everyone

involved. You know, you're going to have to pay them a lot of money.

Yes.

I'm doing this for free.

And that's exactly what I'm afraid it's going to look like.

So I want you to come downstairs and meet them because I really believe

that you're going to like them.

And I'm warning you.

My dad may not be too receptive to you being here, but on behalf of the rest of

the family, I really want to thank you. Well, we haven't done anything yet. Oh,

yes, you have. You're here.

Now, dear, these are the three professionals who have come to do the

Hi, I'm Jennifer.

Andy.

And I'm Ted.

We're the home healers.

So you're professionals?

Yes, sir, that's right. We're friends of Sondra and Alvin's. We graduated from

Princeton with them. You graduated from Princeton?

Yeah. I didn't know that Princeton has a plumbing major.

What was your

major? Art history.

Art history.

Right. And what do you do?

Welding and fixture installation.

And what was your major?

Well, I majored in psychology and minored in anthropology, and I do the

plumbing. I have a master's degree in electrical engineering.

So at least you do the electrical work. Well, no. I do the plastering.

Well, I guess you'd like to get started right away.

I'll show it to you.

Okay. I

like these people,

Cliff. I say we tell them to get started right away.

Okay. But if they mess up, I just want you to give me the opportunity to go

behind them and do it right.

Okay. All right.

Now, ma 'am, I'm glad you had me back.

no this stays with me

hi

hi you don't mind if i watch do you no not at all all right I just cut out that

defective pipe above the fitting, and now I'm going to replace it with this

Couldn't you have stopped the leak just as well with a clamp?

No, that would only stop it temporarily. This new pipe's going to stop it a lot

better than a clamp would.

Yeah, that's what I would have done.

So now all I have to do is put this new elbow on the pipe.

Well, that doesn't look too easy. It looks like a two -man job to me.

Well, you know, it could be a two -man job, but it also could be a one -woman

job.

I hear you.

You know, I could use an assistant.

Really? Well, I can go get my stuff right away.

Great. Be right back.

No, you're not. You're trying to bother me.

No, I'm not. It's your imagination.

You have been pestering me all day. Now I want you to stop.

But I'm bored.

Well, of course you're bored, Rudy. You're a boring person.

Why don't you try to develop some interest?

I mean, read a good book.

Do artwork.

Go to a museum.

I mean, look at me. I'm a well -rounded person.

frog thing.

I'm not even going to dignify that with a reply.

Okay, I'm going to get in.

Dad!

Dad, Vanessa just threatened me and I wasn't doing anything.

Listen to me. I came down here to get my pipe wrench because I am needed

upstairs.

Now, whatever it is... that you all are doing to make each other angry?

Stop it. Understand?

Yes, Dad.

I have work to do.

Back.

I like your belt.

Yeah. You got one in suede, too.

So, what do you want me to do?

I'm finished.

No, I could have... used you, but it was a lot easier than I thought. So I'm

just going to clean up now and be on my way because Andy's coming over and he's

going to put in the new fixtures. New fixtures. I'm good at fixtures.

Well, you know, you can maybe ask him if he needs your help. Yeah.

All right. All right.

Fixtures, Jack.

Do up some fixtures.

All right.

So you were friends with Sandra at Princeton.

Yeah. We were in a lot of psychology classes together.

Yeah.

Sandra majors in psychology, and just like you, she's not doing anything in

psychology either.

Yep, and I think we both made smart decisions.

But don't you think that it's strange that you would enter a prestigious

college, not to mention an expensive one, and that you would study in a field

that is rewarding, yet you all threw it away?

I don't feel like I threw it away. I just decided to become a plumber and not

psychologist.

See, I don't believe that a person can find fulfillment in life if they just

focus on one field of study.

I wanted to be a doctor. I entered that field, and I am still a doctor. My wife

wanted to be a lawyer. She entered that field. She is still a lawyer, and we

feel fulfilled.

All I'm saying is that I know some people who didn't go with their field,

they did okay.

Like who?

Like Gandhi.

Gandhi.

Gandhi studied law.

Gauguin. He was a banker before he was a painter.

Sir Arthur Conan Doyle. He was a doctor before he wrote Sherlock Holmes.

All those people are dead.

All right, all right. What about Shirley Chisholm? What about Shirley Chisholm?

Shirley Chisholm, she got a master's in elementary education and then she became

a congresswoman.

And even you, you became a doctor.

And I see that there is this plumber in you that just wants to get out.

If I decided to quit my practice, would you hire me?

No.

Because I have seen your work.

Showerhead? Dr. Huxtable, it's 18 years old.

I know that. I put it in myself.

Yeah, I know. And you did a great job.

But showerheads have come a long way since this one.

Now, I can give you one that has five different spray settings.

I'll show it to you when I bring the new pipe in from the truck.

Really? What else do you have in the truck?

We have everything.

Really? I'm talking pipe.

I'm talking torches, portable pumps.

I even have a three -speed pneumatic drill.

Want to see the drill?

You want to see the drill?

Yeah.

Let's go.

Are you

going somewhere?

Yes, I'm going to Janet's.

Can I come?

After what you put me through today?

No way.

I'm not going to name any of my children after you.

I don't care.

I wouldn't even name my dog after you.

Well, I wouldn't name my children or my dog after you because Rudy is a silly

name. Well, if a dog looked at you, it would turn around and run because you're

a frog face.

I'm tired, you see.

Hello?

Yeah. How far apart are they?

Okay, I'm on my way.

No, stop, stop. Go read a book.

Yeah,

I'll be right there.

I said, what?

Now that was dance. Seriously, what's the dance for? Hi, how are you? How are

you?

Ladies,

here are your sandwiches.

Ladies,

I'll be right back.

Where's your pants?

I know what you're thinking, but that's not what's going on. You see, I know

while you're away, you will want someone to come in and supervise. So I turned

on a little music, made some sandwiches, and I want you to know they're doing a

beautiful job.

Ted was supposed to be doing the plastering. no ted's doing the tiles

georgia do the plastering well i'm just gonna go back in the bathroom and finish

supervising i think you need to supervise putting your pants on and

supervise yourself going to the library

and we're very sorry we took that extra day, but we wanted to make sure we got

it just right.

Well, it is very clean in here. Thank you. Why don't you come in, have a

look. I want you to make sure you got just what you wanted.

Yes, I think you've done a fine job.

Oh, thank you, Mrs. Huxtable.

Unfortunately, it's time for the most unpleasant part of the job. I have to

you your bill.

Oh, well, if it's that unpleasant, why, give it to us.

That's a good one, Dr.

Huxtable. Oh, thank you. Listen, you two look it over. If you have any

questions, I'll be downstairs with Andy and Jennifer. Thank you. Thank you very

much.

Now,

how much did they pay at that page? Well, it's not the price they quoted.

They ran it up on us. It's 20 % under the estimate, and I think that now would

be a good time for you to go downstairs.

And apologize to these young people.

For what?

You were on their case the moment they walked in the house.

You doubted their ability to do the job. You stood over them, breathing down

their necks while they worked.

You pestered them about throwing their educations away.

No, just looking over that work we did, we did a good job.

All right. Excellent, excellent.

All right.

Well, how's it look up there? We are very satisfied. I'm going to write your

check, and while I do, my husband has something to say.

No, I don't.

I want to thank all of you, really.

And the job is beautiful. I apologize.

You didn't have to say that.

Well, yes, I did.

Here you are, paid in full.

Oh, thank you.

All right, we should get going, you guys. We've got another job to do. And

you ever need us again, please don't hesitate to call. All right.

Enjoy that showerhead. Yes, sir.

Thank you. Bye -bye. Goodbye.

Goodbye, and thank you.

Cliff, I am very proud of you. Did you see their little faces when they left?

Especially when they got the money.

Now, can I have my fledgehammer back?

You can find it. Huh?

Well, you know where I'm going to look.

Thank you.

The show was taped before a studio audience.