Original subtitles

Thank you.

Thank you.

46 to 18.

Man humiliation.

Well, you're lucky to walk out of there with a sneaker.

Guys, let's not look down on ourselves.

It was just gym class.

Let me ask you one question. Yeah.

How come a guy as tall as you is that lousy in basketball?

Just because a guy is tall and black doesn't mean he has to be great at

basketball. You better believe it. It's a tradition.

That's right. Because you look like you do. People think you can play. It's not

what you folks think. Right. Tall, black, slap dunk.

Guys, I don't want to be a basketball player.

I want to be an engineer.

I'm going to build bridges.

Are you building bridges?

I hope you don't build bridges like you play basketball and they'll all fall

down.

That hurts, guys.

That hurts.

Hey, hey, guys, guys, we're getting late.

Visiting hours at the hospital end at five and we promised Jake we'd be there.

Yeah, let's hurry up and get a shower.

And make sure you save some hot water for us.

Guys,

I don't think I can make it down to the hospital.

Why not?

Well, I really should go to the library and study for that chem test.

You're going to the library on a Friday afternoon?

Oh, yeah.

Theo, Theo, how can you let a chem test get in the way of seeing your buddy? I

mean, he's been asking for us, man. Yeah, I know. I'll go with you guys next

time. We don't know when we'll be going again, Theo. That's right. So come on,

man. Let's go. I can't.

What's your problem?

Cancer isn't contagious, you know. Hey, my dad's a doctor, so I know cancer

isn't contagious.

So come.

All right, can I be honest with you guys?

Sure. All right.

I don't want to go see Jake because the idea of a friend of mine with cancer is

depressing. But Richard went to see him yesterday. He said he looked all right.

He doesn't have any tubes coming out of his nose or anything.

It's not the tubes that bother me.

It's just that Jake is lying in a hospital bed with cancer.

I mean, what do you say to a guy like that? You don't have to say anything,

Yeah, you can stand there and look depressed.

I don't know.

Look, Theo, if you were sick, wouldn't you want some people to come see you?

No. You're lying, man.

Come on, let's go shower. Yeah.

Look, Theo, you should really think about going to the hospital.

Jake would love to see you, man.

Cliff? Yeah, whatcha gonna do?

Babies I have to deliver tonight.

So I need to eat some dinner needs some nourishment. So just made myself a

little something to Yes, we have carrots and we have the grain bread

you see healthy Oh, so oh not only also but in here I have lettuce

Yes, three -leaf lettuce going all over the place and just with a touch of

lemon. No oil or anything like that. But that's a whole container full of

lettuce. Can you eat all that? Oh, yes, yes, yes.

My body loves the roughage. Just goes along, roughage,

roughage, roughage.

Look out, colon.

I've never seen you eat that much lettuce. Yes, well, you know.

Yeah, the carrots, huh?

Lettuce. No, but, dear, you don't need to see the thing, see? Okay, just take

here. I'll open it up for you. See, there it is. Look. Lettuce! All right!

Two pieces of apple pie in the lettuce, Cliff?

Uh, that's an apple pie salad.

Got them all. I win.

Big deal, Jack. It's a girl game.

Well, what do you want to play?

Hockey, I can whip you at that.

Hi, Rudy. Hi, Kenny.

Alvin.

Yeah.

Where's Sandra?

She went to Boston.

What is she doing there? Did you get a divorce?

No, no. She and her college girlfriends are having a reunion up there.

Did you give her permission to go? She doesn't need to get his permission.

If she was a good wife, she would.

No. No, Kenny, no.

Sandra's a very good wife, but we respect each other as individuals, so we

each other freedom. If she wants to do something, she does it.

Elvin, you need to have a talk with my brother.

Why? He says the man has to wear the pants of the family.

If he doesn't, his wife will put on his shoes and walk all over him.

Really? Well, Sandra and I are not like that. You know, she's up there having a

good time, and I'm down here having a good time on my own.

Why do you ask that?

Because you're sitting here talking to two children.

I like children.

I don't buy that.

You miss your woman.

You're right.

You got the blues, man.

Well, I'm going to go talk to Mom and Dad. Are they home?

Yeah, they're in the kitchen. Okay.

Rudy, can I ask you a question?

Sure. Speaking as a woman,

If you were married, would you go to Boston without your husband?

Elvin, I'm not a woman.

Yes, you are, just like I'm a man.

You're no man, you're a bug.

If you were married to me, would you go to Boston?

First of all, I'm not going to marry you.

You would if I told you to.

doesn't have to earn love. A woman gives it to him automatically.

Not this woman.

Guys, guys, I didn't mean to start anything here.

You know, two people should really try to cherish the few precious moments they

have together.

I tried, but this woman's like a hurricane.

Now, you have a banana, an orange, a pear, and an apple, and the apple skin

roughage.

And this, my love,

is your fruit salad pie dessert.

Hi,

Mom, Dad.

Hi, Elvis.

Hi. Have you heard from Sandra?

She called me today.

She and her friends are having a lobster dinner in Boston even as we speak.

Oh, so what have you got planned for yourself?

Oh, a lot. I'm going to make the most of these next few days.

So far, I've been having a great time.

Yeah, I've gone for some walks. I've gone to some kung fu movies.

Talked with my buddies on the phone. Guy stuff.

So you're not lonely at all.

Me? No.

No, no, I'm fine.

So you came over here to... To say hello. You know, I happen to be in the

neighborhood. Would you like a steak for dinner?

No, no need for that. There's a great coffee shop around the corner from our

apartment. I ate there last night. They have a Salisbury steak platter that's

out of this world.

Salisbury steak. Salisbury steak, yeah. Yum, yum.

Would you guys like to join me tonight?

Oh, thank you, Elvin. No, we're going to have dinner here at home.

But it's a shame that you're not joining us.

Because Dr.

Huxtable is going to the hospital tonight. And thank you to you guys.

There seems to be an empty space at the table.

Elvin? Don't breathe on the meat.

Well, Mom, if you need company, I could stay.

Well, I think that's wonderful of you to sacrifice a nice Salisbury steak to

keep my family company. Anytime, Dad, anytime. And look, tomorrow night, if

guys aren't busy, why don't you be my guests at the coffee shop, huh?

Salisbury steak for three.

And bring the kids, because they have this great fish sticks platter. It's

for kids, and I've tried it. It's very good.

Elvin, why don't you eat with us tomorrow?

Fine.

Can I help you?

Oh, hi. I'm a friend of Jake Palmer's. I came to see him.

Right over there in room 238.

Right over there?

Right over there.

Here?

There.

You can go in if you want. Well, you know, maybe I shouldn't because he may

sleeping. No, I was just in there. He's wide awake.

Well, I know Jake has had a lot of visitors. I really don't want to wear

out. Well, he had some visitors this afternoon, but you're the first one who

stopped by tonight. And Jake loves visitors.

Oh, okay.

Can I ask your professional opinion?

Sure. Is it possible that a patient in a certain condition can have too many

visitors?

Yes.

But not in Jake's case.

Oh, good.

Are you going in or what?

Did you say it was room 238?

Yes. Okay, just double checking. Wouldn't want to walk in and surprise a

stranger. That would be pretty embarrassing.

Right.

Just take your time.

I'm fine, really.

Jake? Jake?

Jake!

We have a visitor. Who is it? Theo Huxtable.

All right, it's about time. Tell him to come in.

He's been trying to for the last 20 minutes. He's hesitant.

The guys told me I'd cold feet about coming here.

You want me to have a talk with him?

No. I think I know how to make him feel better. Send him in.

Jake? I hear a voice.

Who is it?

It's Theo.

Theo who?

Theo Huxtable.

We're in the same homeroom. Oh, yeah, now I remember you.

Theo, come closer. I want to tell you something.

Closer.

A little closer.

Much closer.

Kiss me.

Kiss you?

Yes. Kiss me.

Are you sure that's going to make you feel better?

No. But this will!

Where you been, you creep?

Hey, man. I've been busy. Yeah, busy dodging me. No, look, I'm sorry I didn't

come down.

I figure you need your rest. Get off it. Who needs rest? Besides, the guy told

me you were too much of a coward to face me. Hey, I'm here, aren't I? Oh, great.

Just when I need another guy here. I've had nothing but guys come to visit me.

What I want is some action.

Hey, why don't you go out in the hall and round us up some women?

Okay, all right. Women later, I promise.

So, how you feeling?

Aside from a little cancer, I'm fine.

What's the matter? It bothers you to hear me say that?

No.

Doesn't bother me to hear you talk about your, uh, your illness.

The illness is cancer. Can't you say the word? Sure, I can say the word. Go

ahead.

Cancer.

All right, forget that idea. We'll talk about something else.

All right. I'll help you out.

What was Jill Troy wearing in history class today?

Oh, well, she had on, uh, she had a yellow sweater.

She was wearing a tweed skirt.

And I think she had a pair of loafers on. No, man, I don't want a news report.

Tell me what she looked like in the yellow sweater and tweed skirt. And talk

slowly.

She looked fine, I guess.

Fine?

Theo, are you feeling all right? Jill Troy has never looked fine a day in her

life. Even when she had pneumonia, she looked unbelievable.

Hey, I'm sorry.

I was just trying to make conversation.

Well, stop making conversation and talk to me.

Pretend we're not in the hospital. Pretend we're hanging out at your house.

Okay.

Uh, today at school, we ran track.

How come you weren't there?

Hey, man, I was in bed.

After school today, I went to the mall.

Where'd you go?

Are you out of your mind?

Hey, man, you told me to pretend like we're not in the hospital room.

How am I supposed to do that?

Okay, I'm sorry.

Okay.

So, how's it feel to have the big C?

The big C?

Yeah. How's your cancer?

Hey, man.

Can't you be more sensitive?

No. Good. That's the old Theo.

So, what'd you bring me?

What makes you think I brought you something?

Well, everybody who visits the hospital brings something. It's a rule.

So I managed to sneak something in. All right. What is it? Went down to Louie's

and got you a number three sub. Oh, my favorite.

Salami, provolone cheese, pepperoni, and pimento.

See, I was thinking about you.

Hey, man.

There's nothing on this bread but some onions and lettuce.

Well, yeah.

All the other stuff on there wasn't good for you, so I ate them.

You ate them?

What's the straw for?

Oh, well I had to wash it all down with the milkshake I bought you.

I finished the dishes, so I thought I'd clean the shelves in the cupboard.

That's very nice of you, but that cupboard was cleaned three days ago.

Well, you know, cupboards can never be too clean.

And when I'm done, if you don't mind, I thought I'd take off the wax buildup on

your floor. I have wax buildup? Not much, but I think now's the time

nip it in the bud.

Elvin, if you're creating all this work just to make an excuse to stick around,

honey, really, it's not necessary. Mom, I don't need any excuses to stick

around. Hey, the night is young. I've got a lot to do. Really? What have you

to do?

What have I got to do? Yes, darling, what have you got to do? Well, nothing.

Nothing.

I've got nothing to do. Absolutely nothing. Mom, I'm so alone. I miss my

I'm lost.

Elvin, she's going to be back. in a couple of days. I don't know. I don't

I can make it.

Things are so bad, I have an eight -year -old boy out there giving me advice.

Juan, please, please, please call Sandra on the phone. Tell her she needs to be

back here with her man.

It's funny. If you feel that way, why don't you call her and tell her

I can't. If she knew how devastating her absence has been, how miserable I am,

it would ruin her trip.

Well, would it make you feel any better if I told you you could stay the night

with us? Are you just saying that because you feel sorry for me?

Yes. I don't care. I accept.

Thank you, Mom.

It's sick people 14, well people 16.

Sick people have the ball.

They take it up court. No, no, no, no. Sick people are feeling a little tired.

All right, you want to relax then?

Sick people trick.

It's up and in, Tyson.

You are low. Hey, man, I'm a survivor.

You're the lowest survivor.

Hey,

fellas, how you doing? Hey, Dad. Hi, Dr. Huxtable. All right.

Pardon me, but what is this? Is this some new kind of treatment I don't know

anything about?

We were just having a little game of one -on -one. Well, who's your doctor, Dr.

J? Hey,

don't give me such a hard time, Dr. Huckstable.

I should be able to do whatever I want. I'm a dying man.

Well, are you dying standing up?

Listen, get back in that bed. You're going to be around here long enough for

to deliver your children.

Hello, Jake.

Grandpa. Hello, Dr.

Huxtable. How are you, Mr. Lindquist?

How are you? This is my son, Theo. Theo, this man has raised more money than

anybody for this hospital.

Mr. Lindquist, this is my son, Theo. Shake his hand.

How do you do, Theo? Happy to meet you, sir. Happy to meet you.

So how's my grandson?

I'm fine. They're taking good care of me, Pop.

Mark my words, Doc.

Someday we're going to lick this thing. Here comes the pitch.

If we could raise enough money for research...

We could have put an end to cancer.

We've got to get the government behind us. The government's got to put up more

money. They surely will find that money in the budget.

If everyone would write to their congressman, I'm sure we'd get this job

All right, fine.

Just a minute.

Yes, sir.

Have you written your congressman?

Uh, well, I, I, no, no, I haven't.

How about going outside and writing right now?

I don't have a pen. It's upstairs.

You can use my pen.

You know, you're very pushy. Thank you.

Hey, they're gone.

Go inside, right?

Stick people up by four.

Yeah, nice try.

16 -16, pal. Come on.

Now, Huxable has the ball.

He's coming down the court. And what's he do? Whoa. He turns. Time out. Time

out. Six -person time out.

Oh, yeah, I'm not falling for that one. Come on. This time I mean it. I'm tired.

Yeah, and I'm sorry to your lies. Get up, kid. I'm not kidding, Theo.

I need a break.

Well, I guess you do look kind of tired.

The thing that gets me about being sick is how fast I get tired.

I know what you mean.

I had the flu last month. It almost knocked me out.

You're comparing the flu to what I have? Hey, come on. I had it for four days.

Theo, since I've had this relapse, people have said some pretty dumb things

me. What you just said could perhaps be the dumbest donkey breath.

Hey, well, I'm sorry.

Just answer me one question.

Why me?

Why'd I have to get cancer? Why not someone else? Why not the guy who

chemistry class?

You're gonna make it, man.

You better believe it. I'm gonna beat it so bad, it won't know what hit it.

I just wish I wasn't so tired all the time.

Are you still tired now?

Yeah, sort of.

Wow.

That's too bad!

Constable Wants Unchallenged Victory!

Wait, check this out.

Here it is.

A little snack before our movie marathon.

All right, brother -in -law.

Popcorn, ice cream, soda.

What a guy.

Elvin, we never had it so good. I hope Sondra gets snowed in.

Please, don't say that.

Elvin, where'd you get those pajamas?

You know, Dad has a pair just like those. Yeah, these are all your dad's.

mom lent them to me. Well, they're kind of big, but they don't look too bad on

you. Thank you.

I sort of feel like your dad in these.

Wait, wait, let me see if I can... Walk like him.

Oh, go, Alvin!

Is that it? Do I got it? Yeah, do more!

Okay, okay.

Ha -ha!

Hey, pud!

Now, don't try to tell me what to do, because, you know, I paid for that

couch you're sitting on.

Eights of five thousands of hundreds of dollars.

I am your father.

No, no, no, no. Let me say this.

I am your father. If it was not for me, you would not be able to

pay for the air that you are breathing.

Why don't you two go and get a job?

You will see me do some major dancing on your face.

The Cosby Show was taped before a studio audience.