Original subtitles

Thank you. Da da da da da da

I got you on the run.

Protect your queen.

All right, you move pawn to king four. There you go, hit your little machine.

All right, well, my computer says that I should counter your move with bishop to

knight three.

Go ahead.

Exactly what I wanted you to do.

See, it's your dad's mind against that machine.

Brooke to Bishop One.

My friend the computer says I should move here, which means that it'd be

checkmate, which means that would be eight in a row.

Eight in a row. Theo and his computer. Eight. Dad and his

brain. Zilch.

Theo. Theo.

It packed, honey. We told Sandra and Elvin we'd drop you and the girls off in

hour. Okay, Mom.

You may be able to use this, Dad.

And what are you doing?

Oh, just sitting around losing everything.

Look, we have a book discussion group to go to tonight. How much of this book

have you read?

Oh, I've read through the basic ideas of it.

In our book discussion group, we don't just deal with the basics, honey. We get

into the book very seriously. We talk about character, theme, structure,

symbolism, everything.

These are very deep discussions.

Yeah, well, okay, well then bring on the deep. I'm ready for deep.

What are you going to do when we come to a part that you haven't read?

I will say, does anyone want some coffee?

You're not going to fool anybody. Everyone's going to know that you're not

prepared. This is the first time men have been invited to our group. Please

don't embarrass yourself.

I'm not going to embarrass myself.

Look, I'm going to be so good, those people are going to think that I'm the

greatest thing they've ever seen. They're going to ask me to set up an

international literary society with me as the president, and then ask me who

vice president will be, and I'm not naming you.

Cliff, read the book.

Dear... Thank you.

Read the book, please.

Sandra,

this is such a fabulous idea.

Make your own pizza? The kids are going to love it. And if that doesn't get

them, they'll go crazy after dinner when they get to make their own sundaes. We

get to make our own sundaes?

You know, I love this place. It looks better every time I come here. Glad you

like it. If I had a place like this, it'd be nothing but party, party, party.

You have to walk up so many stairs to get here.

When are you guys going to get an elevator?

It's only five flights. You get used to it after a while.

But what if you get all the way downstairs, and then you remember that

forgot something?

Well, it depends on how badly you need it, right?

I wouldn't care what it is. I wouldn't come back up here to get it.

Vanessa, you've been very quiet.

Is anything wrong?

Do you guys know all your neighbors?

Most of them. Why?

Well, when we were walking past the second floor, this door opened, and I

this eye staring at me. So I said, hello, and the door slammed shut.

I kept walking, and I turned around, and there was the eye again.

I could feel rays from it just going right through the back of my skull.

Well, that's Mrs. Harris. She's very sweet. She's just a little shy around

people she doesn't know. Is she human?

Of course.

Well, I just wanted to make sure because I saw this movie once, and there was

this old woman who lived in a house just like this one, and all she ever did was

stare out of her door. Everyone thought she was so sweet until she came out of

her apartment with a hatchet, wiped out everybody.

Vanessa, trust us. Mrs. Harris would never attack us with a hatchet.

She'd be too tired after she walked in.

You never told us, Paula. What ever happened to Ben?

Well, we had a problem.

One of which was his son from a previous marriage.

You didn't get along with his son?

No, we got along fine.

That was the problem.

He was 22 years old and he kept calling me and asking me out.

Whoa, Paula, you devil.

You're not going out with him, are you? Of course not. I'm looking for a much

younger guy. Oh.

I'm dying to sleep.

Hello. Hello.

How are you doing?

I'm sorry we're a little late. We had to drop the kids off at Sandra's. Oh,

that's okay. Not everybody's here yet. Here, let me have your coat.

I found a doctor for you. Six foot two, brilliant, sensitive, and has his own x

-ray equipment.

Ed, why is it every time I see you, you try to set me up with somebody new? Now,

when are you going to stop?

When you get married.

Shall I take him home?

No, he can stay.

Well,

why don't we go inside and get down and deep with the literary discussion?

Yeah, we're going to do our best. Now, you come on in.

Hi, everyone.

This is my husband, Cliff.

This is Deborah, this is Sari, and this is Elena.

All right. Hi, Cliff. How do you do? Thank you.

So, where are the men? In the kitchen cooking biscuits?

No, so far you're the only man here. Well, what happened to everybody else?

Ted had a family emergency.

What happened? His cousin came up with two tickets for tonight's Knicks game.

Joel stayed with the baby.

What about Roger? He chickened out because he didn't finish the book.

Well, we don't need to put up with that deadbeat, do we?

Well, let's give everybody a couple more minutes to get here.

Claire, Claire, something to drink? Orange juice.

Well, I think I'll have the usual literary drink, a cup of tea and a slice

cucumber.

Come on, right off.

Could I talk to you, please?

Yeah.

Sweetheart, I am really sorry that the other men didn't show up. This is not

fair to you. So now would be a good time for you to slip out.

Make an excuse and leave.

No, no, I mean, that wouldn't be right. We drove all the way down here, and you

have very nice friends, dear. I know, but pretty soon we're going to start

talking about the book.

So? So you should admit to everyone that you haven't read it.

Well, no, I can't do that, dear. But I'll do what I told you. I'll just say,

anybody want some coffee?

Alex, dear. Hi, Claire. Hi, Claire.

So, are Jerry and Gilbert parking their cars?

No, no, no. Jerry had to work late. Gilbert is sick.

Okay. Well, anybody want some coffee or is that too early?

I told you making our own pizzas would be fun, huh?

Well, mine's ready. A pepperoni hot dog, mushroom, onion, garlic, sardine

deluxe. Oh, Theo, you're a pig.

Theo can be anything he wants to be. He's our guest.

Thank you, Sandra.

And may I say to both of you, oink.

Well,

mine's ready to go.

Mine, too.

I'm hungry.

Well, good. Let's put them all in the oven.

We can't do that. Why not?

Well, our old oven broke, so we're making do with a toaster oven. We have

cook the pizzas one at a time.

Oh, man.

What am I supposed to do? Eat my arm?

Oh, come on now, everyone. We're here to have fun. It won't hurt us if we have

to wait a little bit for dinner, okay?

Okay. Yeah, I guess you're right. Yeah.

Listen, I've got a great idea. While we're waiting for the pizza, let's play

charades.

Be joking. Elvin, we're not middle -aged people.

Let's watch TV.

Yeah, TV.

Wouldn't you rather play a game that expands your mind?

Isn't that why we made our own pizza?

Come on, you guys. I'll turn on the television.

Elvin, there's nothing on Channel 4 but fuzz and static.

Yeah, well, we don't get Channel 4, but Channel 2 works real well.

That's not a good picture.

down the middle.

Maybe you should take that back to where you bought it.

I didn't buy it.

Sandra and I found it on the street.

It needs a new picture too, but they stopped making this model about 18 years

ago.

No, Rudy, it's going to take a while. But I think Alvin had a good suggestion.

Why don't we play charade?

Well, do you have any other games we can play?

Well, I was going to save this until later, but I guess we can do it now.

How about we make up Limerick?

Oh, good. This is going to be so much fun. Honey, why don't you go first?

Sure. Okay.

Windmill. Oh, no, Rudy. That means he's going to act out a movie title.

Gone with the Windmills.

If we're going to have fun, we have to be serious.

Swimming. You're swimming.

It's a swimming movie.

Rudy, there's no such thing. called The Swimming Movie.

Come on, guys.

Try to concentrate.

You heard me, Agnes. I said I'm going bowling.

Bert, if you're not here when my mother comes over, you'll sleep out of the fire

escape. Oh, yeah.

But I'd rather freeze than have to look at your mother.

You dumb, dumb slob. You okay for that?

Who's that?

That's Bert and Agnes. They live upstairs.

Do they always yell like that? No. Only when they're together.

Let's get back to charades. We're just starting to have fun. Go ahead, Elmer.

Sounds like... Somebody's blasting the stereo!

It's not the stereo. They're having a wedding downstairs at the Greek

restaurant. We just have to talk up a little bit. What?

We just have to talk a little louder. Okay.

I just called my mother. She thinks you're a big jerk.

Dicks want to know what I...

I think that this book, it, like, dares you to be intimate with the thematic

premise. I agree, but structurally, it pushes you away.

I have to say, I have the same problems with it. Well, it's different than last

week's book. True. I mean, although they're both written in second person.

Too many contemporary novels are written that way. Really? Second person novels

are usually more expressive to me.

Women, would you listen to us? Now, we're completely leaving Cliff out.

I'm enjoying myself.

Oh, but Cliff, we want you to participate.

Well, I have participated. I had some tea and a basil leaf dipped in garlic

sauce.

I'd like to know how a man feels about the book.

Well, I thought it was very well written.

She means the male perspective.

Oh, the male perspective?

I really don't feel that you should look or read a book from the male or female

perspective. I think that it ruins the whole literary outlook.

Good point.

Good point.

Absolutely.

One shouldn't be so limited in one's thinking.

Cliff, what did you think about the ring motif?

The ring motif?

I could really use some coffee right now, Cliff. Would you get it for me?

No. You can go get it yourself.

We're having a discussion.

But don't you think that this would be a good time for you to have some coffee,

too? No, we're having a literary discussion, sir.

Isn't that... That's why we came here, you see.

Now, what was your question?

I just asked if you had any thoughts about the ring motif.

The ring...

Motif. The ring motif. Yes. I heard what she said.

Well, I thought that the ring symbols showed the

boundaries and the limitations that we put on our lives.

Very nice observation.

Where did you feel that the most?

Huh? Where did you feel that the most? Where did I feel it the most?

Yes, Cliff, where did you feel it the most?

I felt it the most in the areas

of the water wheel.

And the circus.

And then, not as obvious as the others, in the description of the

silo. The silo, I didn't think of that. Well, see, it's not that obvious.

And one that was really almost buried, I felt, was the wine

barrel. The Wine Barrel on page 296.

I think it's the second paragraph, 296.

Uh -huh.

There you go.

Well, isn't that the whole idea of what this meeting is about?

I want to hear more.

Well, I felt that the book made a rather bold statement. And the

congresswoman and her relationship with

Arthur. That fascinated me. What did you think?

Well, I felt that what the author seemed to be saying was that a woman...

Can be equal to a man, but at the same time can fulfill a subconscious need

to be rescued and so what I felt about

Did

I hear you say that a woman has Conscious need to be rescued?

I definitely heard you say that.

Rescued. I said rescued.

Yeah, rescued.

Well, then attended, then.

Attended. Well, liberated, then. We got liberated and equal. There you

go.

Huh? Worse. Worse?

Yeah. Ah.

Well, you know, I mean, it's like women and other people, see? What other

people? There's only two kinds of people, men and women.

But I mean, you know, well, there's children.

You got children.

Now, you're not comparing women to children, are you?

Don't you want some coffee?

No, I think we're much more interested in what you have to say. I know I am.

What did you mean when you said rescued?

What I'm saying is that women and

men have a need to be rescued like I have a need to be rescued

right now.

But I need to be rescued by a big, strong woman.

Obviously, because the one who is sitting beside me now is not trying to

anything at all.

Okay,

everybody, I think the wedding's

over. Yeah.

Good.

Delvin, Sandra, do you mind if I ask you a personal question?

No, go ahead.

Why do you live like this?

Like what? All in a small apartment with a lot of noise, no television, and a

toaster oven that takes 30 minutes to cook a four -inch pizza.

Theo, I know this apartment isn't the best, but for now it'll do.

But you two went to Princeton.

I could drop out of high school and do better than this.

Look, you guys, Elvin and I aren't going to live in this apartment for the rest

of our lives.

That's right. This is not permanent.

Can we go to sleep? I'm tired.

She's right. I'm kind of tired, too.

Okay, let's get some shut -eye.

Good night, Elvis.

Good night, Martha. Good night, Theo.

Good night, Vanessa.

Good night, Rudy. Okay, all right.

Oh, no.

I think they're doing the handkerchief dance.

What the hell?

teach you from now on to doubt my intellectual prowess. It's true.

Yes. I was impressed with some of your thoughts on the book.

Are you saying that you are in love with my mind?

That's exactly what I'm saying.

As a matter of fact, at this very moment, I'm quite attracted to it.

Would you like...

To have more of my mind?

Jake. I feel that the thematic premise of our

relationship is filled with metaphoric ironies.

Hit me, you literary fool.

What a night.

Why are you here?

Well, Dad, I don't think the kids had such a great time at our apartment.

You can say that again.

Dad, we heard a lot of noise tonight. Is it okay if we turn the music off?

Go ahead.

Thanks. Now look, your father and I were sitting in here sharing each other's

minds. You all get back over to Elvin's.

Mom, please let us stay. We love it here.

Okay, what happened?

You couldn't hear yourself think.

People were yelling, a band was playing, and then that thing moved in the

corner.

Vanessa swears she saw something new.

I did.

It was alive and had legs.

It's all her imagination.

It was not. I saw it. The apartment got cold, so we turned the heat on. But the

room just kept getting hotter and hotter. So I opened up the window, and

was this paper bag on the sill, and it blew over near Vanessa's head. And

Vanessa started to scream.

Vanessa woke up the whole neighborhood.

So then Vanessa swore she saw a woman coming down the hallway with a hatchet

her hand.

You'll have to take your fist upstairs and put her to bed.

Thank you.

Good night.

Good night.

And don't let that hacker woman get you.

Popcorn looks good, Dad.

Mm -hmm. So, what are you guys up to? Watch an old movie?

No.

You're having a chat?

No. So what are you doing?

Oh.

Should I leave?

No, that's all right, Alvin. You stay. We'll leave.

Good night.

Good night.

So, Dad, how's the meeting go tonight?

Hi, Dad.

Well, Elvin, help yourself with some popcorn.

Popped in a brand new hot air popper, bought in the store.

It's very tasty.

Elvin, listen.

No bird, no Agnes.

Life without the loud mouth.

Check this out.

No wavy head.

Clear channel. You got it.

Color, too.

Forgot they invented that.

You know, Theo, even though I don't have a lot right now, there's one thing I

can be sure of.

Sandra loves me more than anything in the world.

What do you say to that?

She'd have to to give up all this.

Thank you for watching!

The Cosby Show was taped before a studio audience.