Original subtitles

Thank you.

Thank you.

all the measurements I need for the bookshelf.

Do you want me to add the numbers?

No, I can do it myself.

Thank you.

12 plus 1 is 13 plus 8 is 21.

Put down the 1, carry the 2.

Carry the 2?

Yeah. I can't believe you carried the 2.

So what's wrong with that?

Dad, that's old math.

There's a much better way to do this.

And what is that?

The base method. It's like new math.

Base method?

You see, every foot is 12 inches.

You're kidding!

Dad, I haven't made my point yet. Okay, I'm sorry.

That since every foot is 12 inches, we'll use a base 12.

That means 12 will represent one unit.

So the numbers you add won't actually be numbers, but parts of a unit. It's much

quicker.

Well, thank you very much, but I only have five numbers, and I'll just use the

old method. Yeah, but Dad, you really should learn the new math.

When our teacher was giving us homework on it, Janet Mines' father went to night

school to learn it. Janet Mines' father is a wimp.

And just let me tell you, anytime you want to challenge the old versus the

just let me know, all right?

Do I hear a challenge?

You can hear whatever you want to hear, my dear.

You promise not to yell when I add my numbers faster?

I will not have to yell because I'll be finished.

Okay.

Let's add the following number. 43. No, no.

No. I'll give the numbers.

Okay? You ready?

Mm -hmm. 17, 29,

43, 7, 66, 82.

Go.

2 .44.

Yeah. That's what I was just checking.

I was just doing the check. Now do you see how slow your way is? You want to

check ways? Wait till they read my will. And then you base method zero times

zero.

Carry the zero.

Wow.

Hi, Theo. Hey, Mom.

Theo, today I discovered something very interesting.

My hairdresser, Antoine, also does the hair for the producer of Dance Mania.

Dance Mania? Mm -hmm. Really? That's my favorite show.

The kids that dance in that show are the best.

Yeah, he said it was pretty popular. It is. One time, Cockroach and I went down

to get tickets, and they had a two -year waiting list.

Oh, my goodness. That's terrible. Yeah.

Oh, that reminds me. As I was leaving, he did give me these. Do you know

who'd be interested?

Uh -huh.

These two tickets to Dads -mania? Uh -huh.

Mom, these are two tickets to Dads -mania.

Mom,

if for any reason you and Dad go broke, you can come to me for anything.

Thank you, Theo.

Car coach is going to be up here any minute. He's going to go nuts when he

these tickets.

Oh, listen, I'm going to leave before he can thank me.

What's up, cockroach? Yo, cockroach.

Look at me.

What do you see?

I see Theo.

Look again.

What do you see as your best friend? Here.

What are these?

Nothing but two tickets to Dance Mania.

The television show?

That's right. You and I are going to be dancers on Dance Mania. They tape the

show this Saturday.

Theo, you could have asked anyone. Why me?

Cockroach, like I said, you're my best friend.

I'm touched.

Really.

It's all right. It's all right. It's all right. It's all right.

We've got to make the most of this opportunity.

Cockroach, this is our chance to become immortal.

True. And after we do this, we can walk up to any girl on the street and say,

excuse me, hi, do you know who we are? We're the guys from Dance Mania. No, no.

We won't even have to say it. They'll know it.

We'll walk down the street.

They'll look at us and point at us and say, it's them.

Yeah, you're right.

Cockroach, we're going to be the best dancers in the history of that show.

got to practice our moves.

Theo, do you think there's a chance we might get to dance with... Tina!

Tina Hunter!

We're going to be dancing in the same room with her. And breathing the same

Oh, Tina!

Tina! Tina!

Tina! Tina!

To Diane Langley.

Hi.

This is Theo Huxtable. I'm in your homeroom.

Yeah. Listen, Diane, do you own a VCR?

Good. Well, plug it in Monday night because my best friend Cockroach and I

going to be on Dance Mania.

Dance Mania!

I'd say she's impressed.

All right, Diane.

Yeah. Oh, and Diane, please be sure to tell all your girlfriends.

Oh, she is?

Cynthia Morris is over there. Really? Let me talk to her. Diane, Cockroach

to say hi to Cynthia.

Cynthia, hi.

Look, you and I don't know each other very well, but all that could be

Yes, I guess you heard that Theo and I are going to be on Dance Mania.

Well, I'm offering you a chance to get in on the ground floor.

How would you like to date me before I become famous?

I got so excited she pulled the phone out of the wall.

Are you two going to practice your dancing?

Well, we could practice now and finish the phone calls after dinner. Good idea.

Okay. I'm going to practice, too. No, Rudy, you see, this is not a place I'm

missing serious.

But you have to have a girl for your partner.

We don't need partners. You see, no matter what girls they team us up with,

we're going to do our own thing.

See, when they aim the camera at us, we're going to move together and then

into our routine.

See, we'll show you.

I was just talking with Vanessa upstairs in the kitchen. She says everything's

going very well down here. Yes, indeed.

What are you reading? Vanessa used a new math to get these measurements, and I'm

trying to figure out how she did it. Let me see.

Oh, she used base 12.

You know about this?

Mm -hmm. I learned about that when Denise was taking it.

Oh, how come nobody told me about this?

Oh, well, honey, you know how some people are. You know.

You try to teach them something new, they get an incorrect answer, they start

making up stuff like, well, I was getting ready to do that.

Or if you were any good as a teacher, I would have gotten it by now.

You know, pitiful excuses like that.

I don't know anyone like that.

Here's your juice, Dad.

Thank you, dear.

So, Vanessa, how would you like to teach your father new math?

Do you need to teach Dad something?

What is the matter with you people?

I mean, I'll do it, Dad, if Mom stays down here with me. Oh, no, I'm out of

this. Can I at least have Rudy? If he gives you any trouble, just send him

upstairs to the principal.

Okay.

Class, let's begin.

Okay. Dad, since I'm going to be your teacher, it would really help me get

it if you call me Miss Huxtable.

Drink. And tremendous looking women.

God, girls, I think I found out what heaven looks like.

Be cool, be cool. Come on, guys, be cool.

Hi there.

Uh, nice outfit.

Man, this is what life's all about. You know it.

Hold it, hold it. Don't eat any food. We have to stay light on our feet.

Hey, good thinking.

I'll have a diet soda.

Okay, everyone, line up.

Have to choose dancers for our second batch.

Look, look, look. When you get inside, try to move toward the front of the

line. That will be seen at the top of the show.

God, bro,

she's here. Who? Tina.

Excuse me.

Excuse me.

She spoke to me.

All right.

Let's see.

You, you, and you.

Okay, I'm sorry, ladies and gentlemen. That's all we have for today. Thanks for

coming down.

What? You can't do that.

Excuse us. Oh, we have to get in. I'm sorry, but we've reached our limit.

but we have tickets.

So do the rest of these people. Look, we have to limit the number of people in

the studio because of fire laws.

We're not going to start any fires.

We don't even smoke.

I don't make the rules. We have connections. His mom's hairdresser knows

producer.

I'm just doing my job.

Well, you got to use them. Look at these outfits.

Yeah. We have moves.

Theo, show up. I'm ready.

Excuse me.

Yes. Uh -huh.

Right.

Have good news. All right.

Have room for one more dancer.

One? No way, man. We're a team.

We got to go in there together.

I'm sorry, man. I'm making a concession the way it is. Only one. Who's it going

to be?

Cockroach, you go. No, man, I think you should go. No, cockroach, go ahead.

Man, you got the tickets. Guys, come on. I got to get back inside.

I need the decision.

Cockroach, go ahead.

Okay, see you.

nervous on the show. Well, I didn't get on.

Tragic.

Cockroach did.

You'll be on for sure.

Definitely.

Did you see Tina?

I danced with her.

Your reputation is set for life.

Cockroach, I would pay a million dollars to be you for one day.

Listen, listen, listen. I have one thing to say.

The reason I got on the show was because of my man Theo. I mean, this is a great

guy. They only had room for one more dancer, and he insisted that I go into

studio.

That's nice.

All right, tell us.

What was Tina like? And don't leave anything out.

Well, she's really sweet, she has a great personality, and she's not stuck

all. All right, all right. Hey, hey, hey, who knows? One day you might end up

marrying Tina.

Well, she did mention that she would like to have children someday.

And she was looking right at me when she said it.

Time's up.

Okay, just let me finish this last one. Uh -uh, Dad. The official timekeeper

said time's up.

Now, let's see how you did.

Because your watch is fast.

Dad, you only got seven correct out of ten.

That's a C -.

It's passing.

But it's below average.

Are you satisfied with being below average?

Yes.

I think you should take this test again, and we won't time you.

Now, the new math is very tricky. It takes patience.

I'm watching a movie.

Your TV is turning on. Change it. Rudy, Rudy.

Look what you did. You turned the television off.

You two can't come in here and tell me to change the channel. I was here first,

and I'm watching this movie. But we want to see Cockroach dance.

What is the TV up in Mom and Dad's room?

We want to watch it down here.

Vanessa, I'm not moving.

You know what your problem is?

You two are the most immature, inconsiderate people I've ever known.

All you ever do is think about me, me, me. You two are disgusting.

I saw it on a monitor when they taped it.

Vanessa, it's a silly show, but if you want to waste your time watching it, be

my guest.

Well, I will.

And Vanessa, you know something?

You're a jerk.

You're a bigger jerk.

Rudy,

how many times have I told you not to leave toys laying around the house?

This is very dangerous.

Toys on the floor is the number one cause of household injuries in America.

Who told you that?

It's a fact, Vanessa, okay?

Okay. It's no fact, jerk.

Fine, Rudy, go ahead.

It's not enough you try to kill me with this toy, but you call me names, too.

You should watch where you're going.

Oh, yeah?

You should watch where this is going.

You happy?

You see, now you're going to get it, you maniac.

Maniac? How would you like to get thrown out on the street, too?

Phil's trying to kill us. What is going on out here?

Phil threw my phone in the street, and it got ran over. And now he's

us. Mom, I'm sitting here trying to watch television, and they come down and

start harassing me.

Hey, hey, I'm trying to take a math test.

Go outside and get your sister's phone. I don't want any more trouble in here.

Come on, Ruby. Dance Mania started.

Yes! Oh!

Oh! All right! I spoke to Walter's mother this morning. She is very

Yes, indeed.

Dance Mania. Tina, my woman.

I'm supposed to watch this if everybody's talking.

Don't tell me to shut up when I want to talk. Theo, stop it now.

Dad, I'm supposed to be down here watching a movie. Then you let Rudy and

Vanessa just come down here and have their way.

They always have their way around here.

I never have my way.

Dad, I almost break my neck on Rudy's phone, and now I'm the one suffering for

it.

Go close the door.

Fine. You know, I'll just go in the kitchen.

Because I don't need to look at some idiot box to have a good time.

All right, cockroach, good move!

Yeah!

You know, I get the feeling that something's troubling you.

And I'd like to help you out, but you're going to have to help me first. Now,

who or what is it that has upset you? Is it me?

No. Is it your dad? No.

Your sister's toy phone?

No. The people at Dance Mania?

No.

Is it Cockroach? No.

Mom, can I be upset without knowing what I'm upset about?

Well, is it possible that you're upset because Cockroach is in there on TV with

Tina and you're in here with a bag of pretzels?

It might have something to do with it.

Honey, how is it that he got on the show and you didn't?

We're both in line to get into the studio.

The stage manager comes out and says, I'm sorry, we only have room for one

person. So I said, Cockroach, you go ahead.

Cockroach said, no, Theo, you got the tickets, so you go. So why didn't you

Because that wasn't supposed to be the end of our conversation.

I was going to say, Cockroach, I know I got the tickets, but you go.

If Cockroach was supposed to say, no, Theo, I insist, you go, then I was going

to say okay.

But Cockroach said okay before I could, and before I know it, Cockroach is on

television dancing with Tina.

I see. So then what you wanted was for you to be inside with Tina and for

Cockroach to be outside watching.

Right. And that's the way it would have been if Cockroach wasn't so selfish.

And then the person that you're upset with is Cockroach.

Yeah. Well, then why are you taking it out on us?

Because Cockroach doesn't live here.

Well, in my opinion, you don't have any reason to be upset with Cockroach

either. Mom, he aced me out of an opportunity of a lifetime.

No, my love, you aced yourself out of that opportunity.

You were the one who took the gamble that on the third time around, Cockroach

was going to say, no, man, you go on and I insist.

And that did not happen. You lost.

You see, you should have been honest with Cockroach. You should have said,

bro, out of my way. My woman Tina is in there waiting for me, her destiny.

Then there wouldn't have been any gamble at all.

Well, I don't know if I would have felt right saying that. Honey, that's the way

you felt.

And now you're angry because you didn't say that.

So if you want to be angry, Theo, that's fine. But be angry with yourself, okay?

Don't take it out on us because if you do, we're going to get angry back.

Fine, I'll be cool.

Thank you. And son, the next time you give somebody something, make sure

doing it because you want to. Don't expect anything in return.

Mom?

Yes. Yo, bro.

Thank you.

The Cosby Show was taped before a studio audience.