Original subtitles

Thank you.

Thank you.

Hey, hey, hey, stop that.

What? What?

Haven't you ever heard of a glass?

But, Daddy, I'm in a hurry.

I'm going to Mrs. Hickson's house to play goldfish.

Look at this.

You guys drink out of this bottle all the time. And look at this stuff here.

Breadcrumbs floating around. There's even a whole cornflake in here. What is

this?

That's not mine. Vanessa had the cornflake.

Morning. Well, I'm telling you right now, if you go over to Mrs. Hickson's

house, I don't want her to call me and say, you are bringing up a barbarian.

She's drinking milk right out of the carton and eating with her toes.

I don't eat with my toes. And you don't drink out of a bottle either, all right?

Okay.

The one you should yell at is Vanessa.

She borrows her tooth.

Thank you for screaming.

Ava? Oh, Dad, I see you got the snacks for today.

That's right. No visit would be complete without breaking some bread with my

son. But you have more than bread here, Dad.

You have... You got some barbecue from

Jay's with super spicy sauce.

Oh, my goodness.

But I'm afraid you can't have any of this. You're on a salt -free diet.

So, what did you bring me?

What Claire told me you could eat. And what is that?

Rice cakes.

Let me tell you about my wife. Now, don't you tell me anything about your

Will you do me a favor? If you don't mind, if you just let me please take a

at them. I'm afraid not.

Well, can I have the bag?

Why?

Do you have any fours?

No, go fish.

Contessa, would you like some more tea?

I thought that... Oh, this reminds me of the afternoon I spent with the Duke and

the Duchess of Windsor at their country estate playing croquet on the east lawn.

Ah, such a lovely lawn.

That it is.

Lovely as the lawn of the king and queen of Jupiter.

But much nicer than the lawn of the emperor and the empress of Mars.

Yes, you naughty thing. But don't stop.

I love it.

Don't we all?

Do you have any seven?

It's my turn.

Yes, well, I was just checking to see that you were paying attention.

Oh, excuse me.

Windsor Palace, the Duchess speaking.

Hello, Robbie.

My son, Prince Robbie.

Well, I'm just fine.

Having tea with the Contessa?

Yes.

Yes, I will.

I said yes, I will. Get off my case, Robbie.

I promise to take my pill if you'll stop acting like one.

Well, what about you? Are you flossing?

Well, it's very important after 40.

Yes, goodbye.

How's the prince?

He is a royal pain.

He's always asking if I take my medicine.

You never take it? Why not?

Oh, well, Rudy, you have to take medicine when you're sick.

But I'm not sick.

Now, do you have any sevens? Mrs. Hickson, it's my turn.

Oh, yes.

Well, I just was trying to psych you out.

Do you have any threes?

Oh, Contessa, you are killing me. I haven't played with such a card shark

I played King Henry VIII.

I was married to him once, you know.

Long live the king.

Long live the king.

Open the door, Richard.

Open the door and let me in.

As part of Claire's orders, broccoli, rice cakes, distilled water, no soft

snacks.

Hi, how are you?

What's up?

Sleeping bags.

You didn't pay your rent?

Daddy. Of course we did.

How's everything?

Fine. I'm really beginning to feel that we made the right career choice. We've

had a terrific month in sales at the Wilderness Store. The only things that

aren't moving are these sleeping bags.

Well, you're not moving them here.

No, we're not. We're here to make you a part of a promotional campaign.

The idea is to get quotes from people who have used the bags.

in order to get other people to buy them. So, Elvin and I are going to sleep

the backyard tonight, and anyone who joins us can give us their quotes. So,

wants to join us?

Well, Dad, you're the guest here. Oh, thanks, son. But, you know, these

bags are filled with goose feathers, and I'm allergic to them. Grandpa, these

bags are made with man -made fibers.

I'm allergic to them, too.

Dad, I'm allergic to bears.

We're going to be in the backyard. You have to sleep face up in those things,

don't you? Yes, that's right. Allergic to pigeons, also.

And besides, it's supposed to be 32 degrees out. Yes, but it'll be 76

the sleeping bag. But it will be 63 degrees in my bedroom and I'll be able

watch TV.

Well, maybe we hit you with this too suddenly. You'll probably feel

after you've thought about it for a while. Meanwhile, we'll just put the bag

the back.

Help yourself.

I admire their initiative, Cliff.

I think they're going to make a go of it with this wilderness store.

If they don't, they're not going to sleep out in my backyard, I tell you

Grandpa! Oh, there's my darling.

Now, where did you get that lovely hat?

Mrs. Hickson gave it to me. And who is Mrs. Hickson? She's my friend. She lives

on our street.

Did you have a good time at her house today?

Yes. She's really funny when we play cards. She gets sleepy, and then she

cheats. Well, how does she cheat?

She says it's her turn when it's really mine.

She's doing that again?

Yeah. So how's she feeling?

She says she's feeling fine. That's why she stopped taking her medicine.

Guess who's here?

Who? Sandra and Alvin.

They're out in the backyard.

Sandra! And no matter what, you are not sleeping in the backyard tonight.

Come on. You and I'll take a walk over and see Miss Hicks. You know, she's done

this before.

And, um, I think you and I can help her.

Take her medicine. Well, you know, I've seen this before with some friends of

mine. If they have medicine they have to take, they start resenting it. They

feel it controls their lives. That's why they stop taking it. Well, you know,

when you get old, things like that happen.

And I saw you take that rib.

Well, Dr.

Huxtable.

How are you, Mrs. Hickson? And who is this handsome young man with you? Well,

this is my younger brother, Russell Huxtable.

I'm his father. It's a pleasure meeting you, Mrs. Hickson. Well, now, you don't

know that yet.

Come on in, and I'll give you a chance to find out. Oh, thank you.

You know, Rudy's always talking about how good a time she has whenever she's

over here.

How did you like that hat she came home with?

It was beautiful.

You didn't have to give it to her?

I didn't. I sold it to her.

You sold it to her? She said her father was good for the money.

So you owe me $325.

She's got a sense of humor.

I am serious.

Cough it up.

Well, my father has the money.

Why don't you both sit down?

Thank you.

May I get you something to drink? I'll put it on your tab.

No,

we just had a wonderful meal, I think.

Oh. I couldn't help but notice this medicine you have here.

Dr. Huxtable, is that medicine bottle the reason that you dropped by today?

No.

It's what's inside the bottle that you're not taking is the reason why I'm

today. Well, I'm not sure that's any of your business, but if you like that

bottle so much, you may take it home.

I don't need it. I see that Dr.

Davidson wrote the prescription.

Yeah. He's only 33 years old. I told him if he wanted me to listen to him, he

should bring a note from his mother.

Good one.

Yeah, but you see, Dr.

Davidson would not write this prescription unless he felt you needed

don't take your medicine, then you're going to have some drowsiness. And

loss. And after a while, you could slip into a diabetic coma.

Doctor, listen.

I have no intention of taking medicine every day for the rest of my life. I

fine. Now, you are welcome to stay here if you want to discuss world affairs or

the new football season. But if you want to talk about medicine, you can go home

and do it there.

Okay, so we can discuss world affairs.

Fine. Did you know that the emperor of Ethiopia is not taking his medicine?

Now, you know, I heard that, too, and it's a shame because he's such a fine

You two troublemakers are not going to be satisfied unless I take one of those

pills. Absolutely. All right.

You win.

I'll take a pill. Oh, one. There you are. All right, I'll pour the water for

you. Oh, fine.

There you go.

Thank you. Drink it down, drink it down.

Wonderful.

Now, if you don't mind, I'd like to take my afternoon nap.

Oh, so you're putting us out. That's right.

No hard feelings?

None at all. Nice to have met you. And I hope you come again.

Yes, we will. Not often, but again.

Yes, Dr. Davidson, Mrs.

Hickson is a tough customer.

If you don't mind, I'll stop by every once in a while to check on her, okay?

Yeah. All right.

Bye -bye.

What did he say?

Well, he said that she's been his patient for five years and she's been

the toughest people he's ever had.

That's Mrs. Hickson for you. She's got a lot of funk.

Yeah, but I out -spunked her.

Hi, Daddy. Guess what?

What? I got Mrs. Hickson to take her medicine.

Did you see her take it?

Yes, I did.

Did you check under her tongue?

No, why?

That's where she hides the pill when she doesn't want to swallow it.

Really? Yeah, I saw her do that when her son was there.

Bet she faked you out, too.

Cliff, I think you should call Mrs. Hickson's son and tell him about this.

Well, no, I want to find out, first of all, if she did or did not take the

medication. And if she didn't, then she's definitely thrown down the

and I accept the challenge.

Is Daddy going to get Mrs. Hickson to take her medicine?

Either that or she'll make him take it.

Oh, this is my favorite soap opera. I never miss the young attorney.

Yeah, you know who I love?

Clinton Elton, the public defender.

Girl, he is so gorgeous.

I would rob a bank to let him defend me.

Oh, no, I can't do that.

Because then I'd go to prison and Clint and I couldn't be together.

Maybe I could get jury duty.

Yeah, that would be great.

Okay. Okay, I'll see you later. Bye -bye.

Hey, Vanessa, I didn't know you were home.

Hey, sis.

What's up?

How would you like to get closer to nature and help your sister and me at

same time?

I'm not going to sleep in the backyard.

How do you know that's what we wanted? It's a small house, Sandra. We're travel

staff.

Well, that only leaves Mom.

She's in the kitchen.

Let's go.

Last chance.

Good luck, you guys.

Hi, Mom.

Hi, Mom.

Mom, we have a business proposition for you.

I'm selling a new line of sleeping bags.

And I think I could sell them by the hundreds if I could make the claim, this

sleeping bag is so comfortable, even my mother -in -law camped out in it.

Mom, you'll really enjoy it. These sleeping bags are very warm and

Can I think about this?

Sure. I don't even know why we asked you.

I beg your pardon? It's not the type of thing you normally go for. I mean,

you're the indoor type. You dress real beautifully, and your hair's always in

place. You like the things that women like.

Elvin. Are you trying to say that I'm too delicate for this? No, not at all.

Because I happen to like camping. Now, I haven't done it in a while, but I am as

hardy as the next person, so you just name the time and the place.

How about 10 o 'clock in the backyard?

You got it.

I'll be there.

With my hair messed up.

Oh, and you were sensational, the way you turned my mother around by using

reverse psychology.

What do you mean?

You know, the way you made all those ridiculous statements about how women

only interested in looking good. It was brilliant.

Well?

That woman is funny.

Came to the door and said, What do you want?

I said, I want to come in.

Well, what is it this time?

So I looked around.

And in the trash.

is the pill.

So I said, is this the pill?

Oh, listen, why do you bother me? I said, now look, you're going to take

pill. So I went over and I got one and I watched her. She put it in her mouth,

drank the water. She said, now what?

So I said, I want you to say the rain in Spain falls mainly on Spain.

So she said, the rain in Spain, and the teeth fell out.

And the pill flew up on the zone.

So, no, no, no, no. Whatever it is, the pill fell out.

And so I picked it up. I said, come on. Now you got to take this.

Swallow. She says, okay.

I said, thank you very much.

And then she gives me her left hand.

So I said, uh -oh.

I said, let me see the right hand. Now she's got the thing in the right hand.

I said, how do you do it? You have sides, holes on the side.

How did you get her to take the pill? I told her. I said, this is very

important. If you take it, you live. If you don't, you die.

Very good.

Thank you. Now all we have to do is get somebody to come over here and do that

to you.

For what?

Salt.

Oh, Lord, please.

Your doctor has been telling you to lower your salt intake. Have you done

Hardly. You must have your hoagies, your bacon, your chips.

I've even seen you at the kitchen table with a fork trying to make the holes in

the salt shaker bigger.

That's because the holes were clogged.

Aren't you the man who told me that your greatest fear in life is that one day

you're going to be walking down the street minding your own business and

out? Only to awaken and find an unattractive person breathing foul air

mouth.

Mrs. Hickson is just as stubborn as you are. You got her to take that pill one

time. But what is your guarantee that you'll continue to take them? Because

said so.

I think we're going to have to do more.

Okay. Well, what are you thinking? I think I'm fixing myself a little snack.

Hello? Because I'm just going to have a little bit of...

I'm not going in there to fix anything, Salty. I was going to have a glass of

distilled water and a bowl of air.

Are you sure

the only reason I was invited over here is for dinner?

Maybe. Your family has something up its collective sleeve, don't they?

Maybe. Well, what is it?

Oh, come on. The Contessa would tell me.

Sorry, but the contestant was Jupiter.

Oh, Mrs. Hickson. Oh, the policeman.

Mrs. Hickson, we're so glad you could come over.

Well, I'm glad to be here so far.

Well, we heard you took your medicine today, so we thought we'd have you over

for a little celebration.

Well, how nice. That's it?

We hope that we can do this every day.

You have my word on it. Good. Then you won't mind signing this.

What is it?

Just a contract.

It says you agree to let Rudy come over every morning and watch you take your

medicine. If you have brought me over here to sign something, you have wasted

good paper.

My son and his family care a great deal about you. All they want is a promise.

Yeah, don't you want me to come over in the morning?

Rudy, you may come over any morning you want, but I'm not signing anything.

I'm at an age where if I feel like doing something, I do it. And if I don't feel

like it, I don't.

And you're perfectly right, Mrs. Hickson. I mean, you're the one who

this decision.

We shouldn't talk about this any further.

Absolutely.

Okay, I'm just going to get a little snack.

I'll make myself something to eat. Yeah, boy.

I'm going to have myself a little snack. I hope you don't mind.

Cliff, you're not supposed to eat salty food.

Yeah, but I feel fine, dear. I feel wonderful. And, you know, it's been a

time since I had one of these boys.

I'm ready to tear this up, put a little salt on the thing, and it won't hurt.

It's only one day, because I feel fine.

Oh,

it's been a long time.

Oh, thank you.

Oh, my goodness, my son. We've got to help him.

Somebody touch him. I told him not to eat that salt.

Oh, now, wait a minute.

I don't care what you say. I'm not brushing my teeth.

But, Vanessa, aren't you worried that your teeth and gums won't stay healthy?

No, I am not going to let some dentist tell me that I have to brush my teeth

the rest of my life. But, Vanessa, you haven't brushed them in a month.

Hey, my teeth, my decision. I am doing just fine without brushing them. Thank

you both.

Hello.

That was just wonderful.

Do I get to see another one now?

Hey, everybody.

I knew it.

Whoa, what happened to Dad?

Salt. Salt? That's too bad.

Just a minute ago, he said he felt fine.

Yep, well, now you're the man of the house.

Oh, great. Well, I'm going out. See you.

But Dad, wait, wait, wait.

Aren't you going to stay for dinner?

Well, I ate some food three days ago.

Oh, honey, you have to eat every day to stay healthy.

Mom, I eat when I want to eat.

I don't need someone telling me I have to have food every day for the rest of

life. I'm the man of the house now.

Give me some slack. I don't need food. I feel fine.

Whoa!

Okay, I'll sign.

I must say, you people are persistent.

You're nuts, but you are persistent.

Okay, Mrs. Hickson, you sign up on the top, and Rudy will sign on the bottom.

Whoa. I can play too, you know.

Ah.

Fresh air.

Mom, Dad, we really appreciate you helping us out.

Oh, it's our pleasure.

I think this was a good compromise.

With the windows open, it's almost like sleeping outdoors.

Well, we'll be in the backyard. We'll see you in the morning.

Good night.

Good night, Dad. Thanks.

Good night.

Good night.

Claire?

I guess kissing you goodnight is out of the question.

I guess doing a whole lot of things is out of the question.

It is starting to get cold in this room. My nose is beginning to feel numb.

I have to go to the bathroom.

Cliff, why didn't you take care of that before they zipped you up?

Because I didn't have to go before they zipped me up.

You did drink a lot of water after dinner tonight.

But if you would let me eat salt, the salt would have soaked it up.

I'm not afraid you're going to have to wait till the morning.

Well, I'm going to the bathroom.

The zipper's stuck.

The zipper's... Unzip this, will you, please?

Hurry up, dear, please.

No, I'm not kidding. Come on. Come on,

I have to go. My zipper's stuck, dear. Your zipper is not stuck.

studio audience.