Original subtitles

Thank you.

do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do

It's past 7 a .m., dear.

So? Well, you have to go to work.

I quit.

Oh, you're a partner in a law firm. Hit it. I'll be a silent partner.

Claire, look outside.

There's sunshine.

Look at this.

Ta -da!

Look at this. The birds are saying, Claire, it's your day.

Let's make a nest. Let's eat a worm.

You know what?

Tonight would be a perfect night for a barbecue.

Yes, no.

Come on, you know you love a barbecue.

Come on, every time you barbecue, you become like a man possessed.

Any food that's in the house has to go on the grill.

Hamburgers, hot dogs, tossed salad, macaroni, strawberry shortcake.

Listen, nothing enhances the flavor of strawberry shortcake like the smoke

through it from the barbecue.

How could you talk about barbecuing on a day like today? Honey, it is November

and freezing outside.

It doesn't make any difference. Professor Foster's coming all the way

Hillman. Now, he does not have a barbecue in mind.

Are you kidding? He loves it. And Denise is coming, and we'll have the barbecue

outside. I'm going to make a bargain with you, Cliff. You can cook the food

outside if you want.

Well, we have to eat it inside the house.

Okay. Now, can we have it on the paper plates?

Yes. Yes, with the plastic knives and forks? You got it. All right.

Barbecue.

Barbecue.

Hey, well, now, this is something I like to see. Open books, open mind, and a

closed refrigerator.

Hey, Dad. Hi, Dr. Oxford.

Walter, would you like to stay for dinner tonight?

Oh, sure, but I have to go home first. That's what I like, to see a young man

calling his parents asking for permission.

No, Dad, he's not calling to ask for permission.

He's calling to find out what they're having for dinner at his house.

If our dinner sounds better, he'll eat here.

Uh, Walter, just let me say three words.

Bar -bee -cue.

meeting here.

Well, I hope we still have an appetite after studying this stuff.

What stuff?

Shakespeare.

Boy, I thought you took that last year.

We did, but guess where he showed up today?

History class.

Shakespeare was part of history.

Yeah, but that is not fair.

I think they should make up their minds. Is he literature or is he history? He

can't be both. You see, we're studying ancient Rome, and we have to read

something by Julius Caesar. So the teacher gave us a choice.

We could either read a book by Plutarch, which was this thick, or we could read

Julius Caesar by Shakespeare, which is only this thick. The class voted for

this. And they didn't know what Theo and I know, that Shakespeare is a drag to

read. Well, now, wait a minute. Julius Caesar is quite interesting. I mean,

have good guys, bad guys, and isn't there a car chase in there?

Well, if it was, I wouldn't know it. Dad, this is not even written in

Listen, don't worry about a thing. Brighten up, fellas, because tonight's

is going to take all of your bad thoughts away.

What are we having?

Well, I'm going to go out.

I'm going to barbecue.

And then I'm going to make something that goes right along with what you guys

are studying.

Caesar salad.

She's in the kitchen with Dr. Foster, but you shouldn't bother them. They're

talking. But I need to know how to spell forest.

Oh, I can tell you that. F -O -R -E -S -T.

Good. That's how I spell it. What are you writing?

Oh, nothing. Just a fairy tale. Can I read it? No.

Why not?

Because whenever I tell you something, you tell me it is wrong.

If you let me read it, I promise I'll only say nice things.

Okay. But I only have two sentences, and they took me a long...

Nothing wrong with that. The first couple of sentences in the story are the

important. The beautiful princess and the dragon.

Good title. I'm already interested.

It gets better.

Once upon a time, there was a beautiful princess named Rudy.

Good touch. You put yourself in it.

She lived in a magic forest where there was a mean dragon named... Are

you saying you think I'm a dragon?

You're not going to make me a dragon.

You can't tell me what to write. I write what I want.

Fine, but you're going to show me that before you hand it in. Maybe I will.

Maybe I won't.

Dr. Foster, I have married a strange bird.

What's he doing now?

It is 30 degrees out, and he's standing over the barbecue, shivering, as he

blows in his hands and slaps himself.

Shouldn't we get the poor man inside?

Are you kidding? Cliff loves this sort of thing.

Oh, the wind just shifted and blew the smoke in his face.

Here you come.

How's it going?

How's it going? It's going fine.

How's it going?

It's a perfect night for barbecue out there. The stars, you look up, you see

them twinkling.

30 degrees, huh?

Oh, but I'm so excited about the barbecue. I forgot how cold it was out

I'm sure.

So Dr.

Foster's excited about it also?

I'm trembling with anticipation.

Hi, sweetie.

Oh, hi, Dr. Foster.

Hello, Denise. How are you? Fine. I haven't seen you on campus lately.

Oh, well, you know what it's like at Hillman. Busy, busy, busy.

Well, it's a shame you don't see each other more often. Denise, you should

Dr. Foster's class.

She did.

She did? She did.

Uh -huh.

Well, we didn't know about that.

Well, perhaps that's because she was in class for only one day.

One day?

One day?

Uh -huh.

It's not uncommon for students to drop out of my class on the first day.

That's when I hand out the work schedule for the semester.

So you mean to tell me that a certain person who will remain nameless but is

this room dropped out of your class?

After she saw the work schedule.

Uh -huh.

Uh -uh, no, no, that's not what happened. Dr.

Foster's class is so early in the morning, I was afraid that I'd oversleep

I'd miss it because of all that late -night studying that I do.

Uh -huh.

Stay in the heat while you're in the kitchen.

So, um, Dr. Foster.

Yes, dear? You know, there's a rumor going around campus that you're thinking

retiring. I think about it every day.

Oh. But don't you worry. I promise to hang in there long enough for you to

my class.

That's a friend of mine, Jonathan Lawrence.

My son, Heathcliff. How are you, sir? Nice to meet you. Nice to meet you.

You were right, Russell. Here's your dollar.

What did you give him a doll for?

Well, three blocks away, we detected the smell of charcoal in the air.

So I said, who would be daft enough to barbecue in 30 -degree weather? Okay.

And I said, there's only one person I know, my son.

I didn't believe him, so I bet him a dollar.

All right, well, give me the dollar, and you can both stay for dinner.

Well, sorry, son, but we planned on having dinner in the village. We're on

way to the Blue Note to hear some jazz.

Well, why didn't you tell me? Dr.

Foster's in the kitchen.

That's a good idea, keeping a doctor around when you barbecue in bad weather.

No, no, this is not a doctor -doctor. This is a doctor of literature, Hillman.

Jonathan's kidding.

He teaches drama at Columbia.

I thought the two should meet.

You're kidding.

Why don't you stay for dinner?

Well, it's fine with me. How about you, Jonathan? That's a mighty generous

offer. I'll accept.

All right, follow me to the kitchen.

Son, if we're staying to dinner, at least I should go out and get some

Don't have to. It's already on the barbecue.

Hey, Cliff, this is the best indoor barbecue I've ever had.

Well, thank you, sir.

It's not a bad meal for only a dollar.

Dr. Lawrence, do you really teach acting? Yes, along with theater history

directing. Well, you know, I don't have a major yet. Maybe I should become a

drama major.

You still have to take my course.

Dr. Lawrence, have you ever taught any actors who became famous?

I most certainly have.

Who?

Michael Youngfellow. Who's Michael Youngfellow?

Oh, come on, you know.

The television commercial where the car engine comes to life and all the spark

plugs begin to dance?

Well, Michael Youngfellow was the third spark plug from the left.

Wow, he is famous. Yes.

Four years I worked with Michael.

Four long years.

I taught him everything I knew about the history of the theater, the art of the

theater, the magic of the theater.

So he could make a living as a dancing spark plug.

Dr. Lawrence?

Yes, Theo? Do you happen to know the girl in the Diet Cola commercial who

on the beach wearing a bathing suit?

Sorry, she wasn't one of my students. That's too bad. She's a good actress.

What does she say?

Well, she doesn't say anything.

She just acts.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I've admired her. Her work.

Is everybody ready for dessert?

Yeah.

You better count me a cockroach out. Why?

We have to hit the books.

No, wait a minute. You guys are passing up dessert to do your homework?

We have a ton to do. No, no, wait one second here. Are you showing off because

there are two professors in this house? Oh, no.

What are you gentlemen studying?

Shakespeare. Oh, the tonics or the play?

The play, Julius Caesar.

Ah, now that's a good play. Yes, it is.

We keep hearing that, but I'm sorry, it's boring.

You have to just keep at it, Walter.

Many of my students have difficulty with Shakespeare at first.

What? We have to take Shakespeare in college, too?

When you take my course, you do.

Can't wait.

But, listen, how far are you into the play?

Well, we're up to the point where all those senators are ready to ambush

Oh, you mean the part where Cassius is trying to recruit Brutus to participate

in the plot against Caesar?

Yeah. Oh, yeah, well, that's a marvelous scene.

The senators are applauding and cheering Caesar, and Brutus...

leans over to Cassius and says, another general shout.

I do believe that these applauses are for some new honors that are heaped on

Caesar. It is, it is.

Well, then, and Cassius says to Brutus, why, man, he doth bestride the narrow

world like a colossus, and we petty men walk under his huge legs

and peep about to find ourselves dishonorable graves.

Men at some time are masters of their fates.

The fault, dear Brutus, is not in our stars, but in ourselves that we

are underlings.

Brutus and Caesar.

What should be in that Caesar?

Why should that name be sounded more than yours?

Write them together. Yours is as fair a name.

Sound them. It doth become the mouth as well.

Weigh them, it is as heavy.

Conjure with them.

Brutus will start a spirit as soon as Caesar.

Now, in the name of all the gods at once, upon what meat doth this our

feed?

But he has grown so great.

Dr. Foster!

Me? Yes, you!

I vaguely recall a few passages. Will you please stop it? You were born before

the man started writing.

Come on, doctor, favor us, come on.

Age, thou art shamed.

Rome, thou hast lost the breed of noble bloods.

When went thereby an age since the great flood?

But it was famed with more than with one man.

When could they say till now that talked of Rome that her wide walls encompass

but one man?

Now it is Rome indeed and room enough when there is in it but one only man.

Oh, you and I have heard our fathers say there was a Brutus once that would have

brooked the eternal devil to keep his state in Rome.

As easily as a king.

The class dismissed.

I fear we're boring the

youngsters.

This is the first time I've actually understood this stuff.

Dr. Lawrence, do you remember any other speeches?

Well, Cesar has a speech that I'm particularly fond of.

Cesar fought the slim Cassius, one of the conspirators.

And first to his friend, Antonius, let me have men about me that are fat, sleek

-headed men, and such as sleep on ice.

John Cassius has a lean and hungry look.

He thinks too much.

Such men are dangerous.

Fear him not, Caesar. He's not dangerous.

He's a noble Roman and well -given.

Would he were fatter.

But I fear him not.

Yet if my name were liable to fear, I do not know the man I shall avoid so soon

as that spare Cassius.

He reads much. He's a great observer.

And he looks quite through the deeds of men.

He loves no plays, as thou dost, Antony. He hears no music.

Seldom he smiles.

And smiles in such a sort as if he mocked himself and scorned his spirit

could be moved to smile at anything.

Such men as he be never at heart's ease, whilst they behold are greater than

themselves.

Therefore are they very dangerous. I rather tell thee what is to be feared

what I fear.

For always I am Caesar.

That's my father.

Your father can't do that.

Oh, I'm very impressed.

Well, thank you, but it's easy when you have such beautiful language. Yes, Mr.

Shakespeare was no mean writer.

I'm a writer, too.

You are?

Yes, I wrote a fairy tale, and it is good.

Now, I would like to read that.

Really? Yes. Oh, let us see the work of this young scribe.

Young Rudolf.

Run thither and yon to thy roometh.

And get thy writings and bring them down to the minute.

What? Walk to your room and get the script, Jack.

Grandpa, when did you learn Shakespeare?

Well, it started when I was traveling with the jazz caravan. When you're on

with a band, you spend a whole lot of time on a bus. So I started reading

Shakespeare. I've read all the plays many times.

And nobody made you read them?

No, I read them because I wanted to also.

I respect that, Mr. Huxable. I don't understand it, but I respect it.

Here's my story.

Now, I have seen original manuscripts by William Shakespeare, but I want

to tell you, they are not as neat as this.

Thank you. Can you read it out loud, please?

It would be my pleasure.

But I'm going to have to seek the assistance of my fellow thespians.

would you join me, please? Thank you.

I'll be happy to join you. No, no, no, no, no.

They don't need you.

Woman, go hide thyself.

Ladies and gentlemen.

There you go.

We would like to present the world premiere of The Beautiful Princess and

Dragon by Rudy Lillian Huxtable.

Once upon a time, there was a

beautiful princess named Rudy.

She lived in a magic forest where there was a dragon named Bud.

No. No, no, that's Bud.

Bud.

Thank you.

The dragon liked to walk through the forest, and he would say to everyone...

am Bud.

Meanest dragon in the world.

I breathe fire.

I eat... Anything that moves.

He was a scary dragon.

One day, Princess Rudy walked up to her flying horse named Theo.

And Theo said, Princess Rudy, you are the loveliest princess in the land.

Where would you like to fly today?

Princess Rudy said, Let us fly to Canada.

And just then, Bud, the dragon, burped.

The dragon jumped out from behind a tree. Princess Rudy, if you try to leave

forest, I will blow fire on your horse and eat him up.

Barbecue.

Theo tried to fly away, but the dragon swallowed him whole.

Princess Rudy was afraid. She ran into a cave made of chocolate.

Bird said, Princess Rudy.

Come out, or I'll eat the cave.

Princess Rudy yelled, Leave me alone, Bud. Go eat your feet.

Bud huffed and puffed and said, I'd rather eat your feet.

Princess Rudy ran to the back door and opened it, but a witch was there named

Vanessa.

You made me a witch? How could you do that?

He said, Didn't want to be a dragon.

Well, I don't want to be a witch.

Let him finish.

Vanessa said, I am not a bad witch.

I am a good witch.

All right.

I have a magic wand, and I will save you.

And Vanessa hit Bud on the nose with her magic wand.

Ow!

And when Bud opened his mouth, Theo flew out.

The dragon ran away. Theo, Vanessa, and Rudy flew to Canada and lived

happily.

Well?

That does it for me.

Huh? I'm done.

No, wait a minute. Wait a minute. What do you mean you're done? What did you

Well, I did what I said I was going to do. We have an agreement.

You were going to take care of the barbecue. I was going to take care of

everything else. I've taken care of everything else. I'm finished. Yeah, but

honey, all you had to do was take the paper plates and put them in the trash.

I'm going to the living room, Cliff.

I'm going to curl up on the sofa and watch an old movie. What old movie?

Captain Blood with Earl Flynn.

Well, Captain Blood is my favorite movie.

I'll tell you what, I'll leave those soaking in there, because in the morning

when I come down and see the little bubbles, we'll have eaten the grease.

You know, like on the commercials, the little bubbles go up and they eat the

grease. So let them eat the grease now, and then I'll watch the movie with you.

And I can come down here in the morning and find that nasty thing floating in

the greasy, grungy, scummy water. No, thank you.

Okay.

You know, I thought that a marriage...

was something that was sharing, you know, but It seems like that isn't what

is. So I just go back here and scrub these up Do you promise me that you will

wash that thing first thing tomorrow morning first thing in the morning after

the little bubbles eat the grease, you know Okay, come on. Let's watch the

movie. Okay. Well, wait, wait, wait, wait.

This is a marriage We're sharing

Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!

Hey! Hey! How you doing?

How's the setting?

We're done.

Yeah. After what we heard tonight, Shakespeare really started to make you

And now we've made it make even more thin.

How? Well, we were upstairs practicing Mark Anthony's feat, Friends, Romans,

Countrymen. You want to hear it?

Well, go with all this.

Okay.

I say friends, let me hold your ears. And Romans, let me hold your ears. I say

countrymen, let me hold your ears. Now I'm Marcus Antoine's, but they call me

Mark. I didn't come to bite, you see, I came to bark. About the holes that the

brothers put in Julius D., as far as I'm concerned, it is cool with me. You see,

Brutus and the boys must know what they were doing.

Caesar was about to run to Rome to ruin, cause Brutus is cool.

All Caesar did was to romanize the world and put some bronze in the palm of

every boy and girl. Put the man so chill that when they handed him the crown,

Caesar said, No, baby. And turned the crown down. But Brutus, he said, because

it was in too weak, which is how he justified the eyes of Mardi. But Brutus

cool.

A fake chill homeboy in my house with Dr. J. So let's get busy till it comes

this way. Dr. was singing to the bridge.

last little season's theme before homeboy blue was to drop some old gold

one of you jc was your father jc was your brother and what i want to know

comes such another great season's ghost the great season's ghost

This show was taped before a studio audience.