Original subtitles

Thank you.

Thank you.

That banner looks great.

Sandra and Elvin are going to love that.

Thank you. They called from the airport. They're on the way over. I got Sandra

the most incredible gift.

The briefcase. Yes, but not just any briefcase. This briefcase is patent

with her initials embossed in gold letters.

This is perfect for law school.

And when they see what I got Elvin for med school, they are going to say, here

is a future surgeon general.

What is it? I'll tell you.

You're not going to even give me a hint?

Well, I'll give you a hint.

It's shiny and cold and rhymes with ethoscope.

Ethoscope. Oh, how did you get? This is state of the art, my dear. You put this

thing in your ears and you hold it up. Your patient does not have to leave

He's going to love it. Yes, he is. He is going to love it. I'm so excited for

Sondra and Elvin.

They're newlyweds. They know exactly what they want to do. They are both

to good graduate school.

It's the most exciting. Exciting time of their lives.

Uh -huh. And you know why?

Because they have no children.

Well, this is true.

But one day they might get lucky like us. I just think we have a daughter and

son -in -law who are following in our footsteps.

And you know what I love?

Huh? The very fact that our four remaining children might go to law

and marry doctors. And then if each one had five children, then they...

would go to law school and marry doctors, then I could open up a clinic

worry about being sued.

Mom, Dad, we're home.

Welcome home.

Thanks. Thanks.

Well, how does it feel being married an entire eight days? Great.

How was the honeymoon?

Unbelievable.

Sensational. Really? Better than I ever imagined. Wow.

Alvin, Alvin, Alvin, not in front of the children.

Did you fight?

No. Well, we fought once. We fought over who loved whom more.

And whom won.

We love each other as much as we do. It's hard to measure, Dr. Huxtable.

Elvin, we're married now. You can call him Dad.

May I? No.

I'm just joking. Welcome to the family, son.

Call me son.

Son, don't look.

What's all this?

We just wanted to welcome you home from your honeymoon and give you a good send

-off to graduate school.

And so, without further ado, have a good luck gift for our future professionals.

Oh, you shouldn't have done this, Dad. Oh, don't be silly. I wanted to.

What is it, a tie?

Oh, no, Rudy, the box is too big for a tie.

It's probably a stethoscope.

It's beautiful, but I really can't accept this. Oh, but you have to. Look

this. Put them right in there. Huh?

Now, listen to this. Ba -boom, ba -boom, ba -boom, ba -boom, ba -boom.

There's a reason why I can't accept this. I know it's expensive, but let's

at it this way. It's an investment in the future.

Dad, there isn't going to be any stethoscope in my future.

Yeah, well, I am not going to buy you an x -ray machine to hang around your

neck.

The reason is, I'm not going to medical school.

Huh? I've decided not to go. I don't want to be a doctor.

I don't understand.

You should have given them a tie.

Elvin, honey, tell them why. They'll understand.

Well, Mom, Dad, I've always had doubts about going into medicine. You see,

philosophically, I have a problem with charging sick people money.

Elvin, you can do a lot of community service where you don't charge patients.

There you go.

I know, but I'm also not sure if I want to spend the next eight years of my life

in school and training.

Hey, but once you get out, it's fat city. Right, Dad?

Theo, Elvin isn't interested in making a lot of money.

He just wants to do something that'll make him happy. What would make you

Elvin? Well, I'd like to open my own wilderness store.

Wilderness store?

Yes. You know, selling camping equipment and supplies.

I didn't realize you were interested in camping. I've always loved the outdoors.

Elvin, do you know anything about running a wilderness store? Not yet, but

our honeymoon, we met this great couple. Wendy and Dave Miller. You'll love

them, Mom.

Yeah, they're opening a wilderness store in Brooklyn this winter.

In... in... in...

In Brooklyn? Yeah, and they said I could train with them, and then once I knew

the business, I could have my own franchise.

Isn't that exciting?

No, I think it stinks.

Dad? And I'll tell you why it stinks, Pally. We need to talk. No, no, we're

going to talk, because I want to tell him why it stinks. Yes, but we need to

meet in the kitchen first.

Well, when we come back from the kitchen, can I tell him why then?

Yes. You wait right here, mister.

I hope you're not angry, Dad. Not at all, Sporty.

Just calm down.

When I gave my daughter to this man, I thought he was going to be a doctor.

Clip, stay calm. No, no. I mean, look at the inscription on this, please.

To Elvin.

Straight from my heart.

Clip, this is really very sweet. That's right.

And he's going to pay me back for this.

Mr. Wilderness is going to have to sell a whole lot of sleeping bags and

campers and trail mix in order to give me the money back for this thing, boy.

Cliff, try to be rational.

Try to be rational? I'll tell you how rational I can be. I hope that he goes

into the wilderness and gets poison ivy and comes back and I have to treat him.

Then he will find out how much sick people get charged.

Jeff, you're going off the deep end. Now, you listen to me. This boy is our

-in -law. He has married our daughter. Please don't remind me.

You owe it to Sandra and Elvin to let them lead their own lives.

Now, it's obvious. Elvin's not interested in going to medical school

but that could change.

Give him a year. Just a year to do whatever he wants. If it doesn't work

could always reapply.

He's going to pay me for this stethoscope.

I think we should be getting upstairs while the getting is good.

Why? They're only mad at Alvin.

Hi, Dad.

She's going to open up this wilderness.

In Brooklyn sometime in the winter, you say, now, do you have a job between now

and then?

Yes, I do have a job. And I'm proud to say it's in the medical profession.

Really? Yes. I'll be working with a major pharmaceutical firm, Benex

Oh, that's a big company.

What are you doing for them?

Well, it's kind of an entry -level job.

Entry -level?

Yeah, when the pill bottles come to the end of the assembly line.

I check to make sure that the safety fields are on the caps.

I'm inspector number 36.

He's got a title, honey. He's inspector number 36.

Well, now, that sounds like a great job to me. It is. It really is. And I'm sure

that they'll have all the money they need while Sandra goes to law school.

Honey, this is going to work out.

Mom? Yes?

I'm not going to law school.

What?

I decided not to go to law school. What do you mean, you decided not to go to

law school?

Well, this is our dream, and so I'm going to get a temporary job until the

wilderness store opens, and then I'll be working side by side with my husband.

Sandra, what are you saying?

You have always wanted to go to law school. You've never talked about

else. I changed my mind. Change it back.

to Princeton?

Sandra, you owe us $79 ,648 .22.

And I want my money now.

I'm not going anywhere till I get my money.

I'll take whatever she's got. Empty her pockets.

I want to know now. No, I'm not having this. No.

Really, both of us, we have to be calm. You calm down.

If Elvin thinks that he is going to come in here and drag my baby off into some

harebrained business game and ruin what is potentially the greatest legal mind

of this century, he's going to have me to deal with.

And then he can come to you for treatment.

I understand and I agree with what you're saying, but you just said to me,

why don't we?

Give them a year, and if it doesn't work, then they can reapply.

That is the dumbest thing I ever heard.

What I want to know is how is it that you get to rant and rave and I'm the one

who has to be calm?

Because that is my baby in there. But that's my baby, too. No, Cliff, you

understand, honey. You did not have that child. I had that child. I was the one

who was on that table screaming, take it out.

my body.

Sondra is going to become a lawyer. Yeah, okay. What do you want to do?

Oh, it's very simple.

She'll divorce him.

Sondra is in love with the boy, dear. Well, then you take Elvin.

I'll take him? Yes, you take him. What am I going to do with him? You take him

on a long trip in the country and drop him off.

No, no, see, he will love it out there in the wilderness.

I had a nightmare.

I dreamt that Sandra and Alvin came home from their honeymoon and told

us that they didn't want to go to law school or medical school. And then they

told us they were going to open up a wilderness shop in Brooklyn.

And, oh,

it was just horrible.

Horrible.

I'm glad I was dreaming.

Cliff. Huh?

You were not dreaming.

I wasn't?

Hi. You can't come in here without a note from a psychiatrist.

Oh, Dad.

Mom, today was a tremendous day. Ta -da!

Our first lease, Dad.

Wonderful, Elvin.

Oh, what happened to son?

wonderful apartment. It has a view of the Verrazano Bridge.

Oh. The best thing about it is we can move in tomorrow.

And as soon as we get everything set up, we want you two to be our first dinner

guests. Yeah.

Will you be able to afford the food?

Of course.

Come on, Elvin. Let's go upstairs and pack.

You know, Cliff, those two just might pull this off.

They are moving ahead very well.

Now, that doesn't mean that I approve of all their choices now.

But then again, I guess there were some choices that we made along the way that

maybe our parents didn't approve of either.

Like what?

Well, for one, I know my parents would have liked for me to have married a good

-looking man with a lot of money.

And a smaller nose.

Sandra, do you know what I love most about this apartment?

What?

That you're in it.

Aw, Elvin.

I can't believe it, they're here!

Our first dinner guests.

Hi, Mom, Dad.

Come in.

Well, what do you think?

So this is it.

Dad? It's an apartment, all right.

Have a seat. Make yourselves at home. Thank you. Thank you very much.

Comfortable, isn't it?

Yeah. Can you believe it? We found it on the street. Somebody actually threw it

away.

What, the apartment?

under the place. Yeah, you should have seen it before we moved in. It was

Thank you.

It was Alvin's idea to put up this curtain to separate the kitchen from the

dining room. Oh, that's nice.

So, where's this view of the Verrazano Bridge?

Right this way.

Can I help you up there? No, no, I'll just roll right on out.

That's the, uh, the cave from the Valley Fair milk sign. Ah, does it blink all

the time?

Yeah, but we were lucky. The people next door look out and see a bobbing cow's

head.

Okay, so this is it, huh? Yeah.

Well, now where's the break? It's over there. Huh?

To the left. Ah.

Well, I just, I just see the toll booths.

You see how they sparkle in the twilight?

Yeah.

Sandra ought to set some chairs out here on the windowsill and just have a good

time with some iced tea.

That's why we usually keep the window closed.

There's a fire station next door.

Well, how do you sleep at night?

Oh, there isn't a fire every night.

Except when Sandra and I look into each other's eyes.

Well,

I hope you're hungry. We're having spaghetti.

I knew there was something that I forgot.

The basil for the sauce.

Well, Sandra, there's a wonderful produce market right up the street.

Why don't we just go there and get some?

Great idea.

You want to come, Dad?

No, I'll just stay here and talk, husband talk with Alvin. Love that, Dad.

we'll be right back.

Okay.

Sandra, what's this?

Oh, I was going to tell you that at dinner. I got a job at a restaurant

table. I thought you were applying to the U .N. for a job as a tour guide.

But they postponed the interview for a week, and we couldn't wait that long. We

really needed some money right away.

Why? Doesn't Elvin have money coming in from his job? I was going to tell you

about that at dinner.

I lost my job.

The company had an efficiency expert come and visit, and they decided they

needed 35 inspectors.

Now, don't worry, Mom and Dad.

Sandra spoke to the guys at her restaurant, and they said that one of

busboys might be leaving soon and that they'd be glad to give me a chance.

Sandra, let's go for the baby.

These are your degrees from Princeton?

Yeah. Fell down?

Yeah. Rather symbolic, don't you think?

Elvis? Yes, Dad?

How long are you going...

How

long?

How long are you going to keep my daughter living like this?

Well, we have a five -year plan.

That's about as long as it'll take to get the wilderness store off its feet,

then we'll move into a bigger place.

If you have a five -year plan, you don't have a job.

Now, Dr. Huxtable, I understand your concern, but do you know the story of

Milton Hershey?

Uh, no, I'm sorry, I don't. Milton Hershey went bankrupt six times before

it big in chocolate. Elvis, you're not planning on taking my daughter through

bankruptcy six times?

Dad, I think I understand how you're feeling.

No, no, I don't think you can because it's my daughter.

Right, but I have to remind you that your daughter is also my wife.

She was my daughter first.

But she's my wife now.

And she will always be my daughter.

But she wears my ring.

and braces that I paid for to keep her teeth straight so she could live with a

man who's going to take her into bankruptcy six times.

Dr. Huxtable, we could go on like this forever, but what good would it do us?

I guess you're right, and I don't mean to interfere, but I do think, Elvin, if

it's all right with you, I'd like to help out with some money.

Money. Money!

Oh, no, thank you. Sandra and I determined to make it on our own, but

Take it as a loan.

No. Listen, Milton Hershey would take it.

Tonight was fun.

You know,

after we had been in the apartment for a while, I started to get a warm feeling.

I think it was the heat from the hot plate.

So we were doing the dishes, and Alvin decided he would tell me the story of

Milton Hershey. Oh, yes, Alvin told me that story also.

Yeah, well, then I decided I should tell him the story of Ivan Marshall.

Now, who's Ivan Marshall? Well, you wouldn't know Ivan Marshall, you see,

because he went bankrupt only once.

Then his creditors came to his apartment, dragged him out in the

beat him up.

With our luck, Alvin's creditors would beat us up.

Who is it?

It's Theo. I need to talk to you. It's important.

Come in, honey.

Hi. Hey.

I want you both to know that I'm really sorry about what Sandra Nelvin did to

you.

Well, it's okay.

No, I mean it. Now, you two were thrown a curve.

If Sandra had come to you in her senior year of high school and said, Mom, Dad,

I want to open a camping store, you would have been braced for it.

But to do it after four years of college was really unfair.

And I want you both to know that I would never do that to you.

Thank you, Theo.

And that's why I'm telling you now that I'm not going to college.

I'm going to open up my own business right after I graduate from high school.

And where are you going to get the money?

Well, that's why I'm here.

See, all you have to do is give me the money you're going to spend on my

education now.

How much are we talking?

Well, I brought my calculator in this research so he could figure it out.

Here you go.

Now, to go to Bennington College. Wait, wait.

Bennington is the most expensive school in the United States of America right

now. Yeah, but you and mom would have wanted me to go to a top school.

Of course.

Yes. Good.

Now, tuition plus room and board will cost $17 ,999.

Now, multiply that by four years and add a 5 % increase each year for inflation.

Then add $7 ,000 for books and lab fees.

Lab fees?

I was going to be a chemistry major.

We would have been proud of him.

Thanks. Now, Bennington College is in Vermont, so we have to figure in the

of coming home every weekend.

He would come home every weekend.

He's a good boy.

That comes to $8 ,000.

Now, plus $3 ,000 for incidentals. Don't forget askadentals.

What's an askadentals?

Askadentals is the money you ask for when you misspend the incidental money

asked for.

All right, I like that.

Okay, so we add on another $5 ,000 for askadentals.

Okay, so the grand total is $112 ,500.

Mm -hmm.

That's pretty steep. Yes, it is.

But I'm willing to deal here.

Now, because you two are such great parents, I'm going to take off 18%.

good. Absolutely.

It does?

Sure. Now, all you have to do is take the college boards and be accepted to

Bennington as a chemistry major.

I'll tell you what.

If I don't get accepted into Bennington, I'll take 50 cents on the dollar.

I think I'm going to tell you what.

If I were you, I would get out of this room while I was ahead and alive.

Well, can I at least borrow $3 for some pizza?

The Cosby Show is taped before a studio audience.