Original subtitles

Oye, por ahí viene Bill Cosby, oyele!

Once the chest wall is opened, the heart is in full view.

As you can see, the aorta and atrium are connected to the heart -lung machine

with tubes.

After the heart has been stopped, it is packed in ice.

and the heart -lung machine takes over the circulation.

Do you have to watch this?

The surgeon finds the coronary arteries, which need to be bypassed with new

blood vessels, as you can see in the following.

Cliff.

I'm a doctor, dear.

Bill, but can you watch this another time? I have something to tell you.

What? Now, I'll give you a hint.

Go ahead.

It's your oldest friend from the Navy, and you are his daughter's godfather.

Scott Kelly.

Give me the phone number.

Oh, you don't have to call him. He's on his way here.

He's coming here? Yes. He and Jill are coming to New York for a couple of days.

I get to see Scottster and Jillster.

They want to take us out to dinner tonight to the Golden Palm.

Mucho dinero.

Oh, I'm looking forward to this, me and my man. We will get together.

Huh? Jill and I are not... going to be embarrassed this evening.

But dear, you will be. Don't but dear me. When the two of you get together,

act so silly.

Nay boo, nay boo.

When the two of us get together, we are just clever and witty.

No. You're a couple of goofballs.

You married us.

The heart is then restarted. and taken off the heart blood machine.

The entire operation takes approximately two and a half to three hours.

Hi, Walter. How are you?

Is Theo in? Theo's upstairs doing his homework, I think. Oh!

Where do you think you're going? Well, normally I wouldn't interrupt him, but

see, this can't wait.

It can't? What is it? I have a career opportunity that's going to make me and

Theo rich and famous.

Is this career opportunity legal?

Yes. Will this career opportunity cause any trauma to

anyone's face or lips?

Well, I have to dip into my pocket to support this.

You're not a penny. Then go ahead, my boy, and seek him and find him quickly.

Theo, close your book and open your mind. I have seen the future and we are

famous. What?

How would you like to be in the next rock video the mannequins are doing?

Are you kidding? The mannequins are my favorite group. Then you're going to

this. I was hanging out in the lobby of the Brill Building. You know where all

the showbiz and music people have their offices?

Yeah. And I ran into this guy who's an assistant to Bertha Barrington. Now,

she's the hottest casting director in the video business.

She is?

And the assistant told me they are looking for 12 high school guys to be in

their next video. They don't have to have any experience or special talent.

That's us.

And there are only two requirements.

One, you have to be good looking.

Well, hey, that's us too.

And two, you gotta shave your head.

You mean bald.

I mean bald.

They don't want any hair at all.

Well, Cockroach, I'm not sure I want to do that. I kind of like my hair. The job

pays $100.

$100?

Not to mention all the gorgeous women that would be down there hanging out on

the set.

Well, it would be kind of fun to be in a rock video.

And our hair would grow back. Of course. But we might look so good, the girls

might not let it.

So what do you think?

Can you do it?

Maybe I should talk to my parents about this one. Hey! our parents always

saying, get a job, get a haircut. We'll be doing both.

Okay, I'll do it if you do it. Good. Meet me tonight at 8 o 'clock at the

Tornado Club. That's where they'll be doing it. Well, I'll be there with no

hair.

No, listen, you have to go. I have to finish doing the studying.

You're studying on Saturday?

Well, yeah. Lana's coming over in an hour to do homework.

I like to go over the material first so I can impress her with how much I

already know.

That's pretty smart. You know, I never thought of doing that with a woman.

And it helps you get good grades, too.

I'd just settle for impressing a woman.

I'll see you later.

All right.

Hi. Hi.

Did I get any calls?

Yeah.

Didn't you write it down?

No. Well, why not?

Because I was going to remember.

Rudy, if you do this, you know my calls are important.

I'm sorry.

Well, do you at least remember what the boy wanted?

He wanted to ask you to come dance.

The eighth grade dance?

Yeah, that's it.

See, I remember.

What else do you remember?

Oh.

Okay, okay, okay. Let's take this nice and slow.

The phone rang and you picked it up. You said, hello, Huxville residence?

And he said, is Vanessa there?

And you said no, but may I take a message? Am I right so far?

Yes. Okay. Then he said, I'd like to ask Vanessa to the eighth grade dance.

My name is... I have no idea.

Come on, Ruby. The eighth grade dance is the most important dance of the year.

You've got to remember the boy's name.

Was it John, Teddy, Eddie, Lyle, Bob?

That's it. Bob.

Great. I know a Bob.

Wait a minute. It sounded like Bob.

Rob?

Yeah, that's it. Rob.

Great, I like Rob.

Or was it Todd?

I know three Todds.

Oh, this is terrible.

Somewhere out there, romance is just waiting for me. I don't know its name.

Hi. Hi.

Mommy, there was a phone call for you and Daddy.

Oh, yeah? Who was it?

It was Mr. Scott Kelly. He said he and his wife, Jill, are staying at the

Madison Plaza Hotel.

Oh, thanks.

Tell me to go to the Golden Palm Restaurant at 6 .30. He said, be there

square.

That's very good, Rudy.

Anytime, Mom.

Excuse me. Yes?

We're with Mr. Kelly's party.

Oh, are you the Huxtable?

Yes. I have a message for you from Mr. Kelly. His plane arrived late. He and

wife are very tired and regret.

They will not be joining you this evening.

You're kidding.

I never kid, sir.

What time was it he called and said that?

I told him as soon as your car pulled up so you could be horribly embarrassed.

How did you do that?

I pulled a little string in his back.

I just want to say this is all Gus's idea. I told him not to do this. Sir,

sorry.

That's all right.

Sir,

I would just like a table for my wife and me. Party or two, because we don't

want to sit with this man. He's supposed to be clever and witty, yet he's just

dumb.

Smart enough to fool you.

Claire, why don't you and I go to another restaurant?

Why, they'd only find us. Your table is ready, Sam. Thank you.

Claire, it's been a long time.

Well, how's everything?

Let's get the important stuff out of the way. How are the children?

Oh, well, everybody's getting straight A's down the board. That's very good.

Ours get all A pluses.

How old is Rudy now, dear? Yes, well, she's just been accepted to med school,

and by the time she's 11, she'll be a practicing physician unless she wants to

specialize, you see.

Well, you must be very proud of her. I am.

I feel the same way about Tammy.

She just won the Nobel Prize, you know, for her doctoral dissertation on

how she spent her summer vacation.

Don't they give that out in Sweden?

Yes, they do.

Vanessa was just named the ambassador to Sweden.

Okay, name two achievements of Charlemagne during his reign.

Charlemagne ordered that all nations under his domain be committed to

and he began a grammar of his native language, Frankish.

How did you know that?

Well, learning fascinates me.

I have a real thirst for knowledge.

Well, I'm glad I have you to study with.

Come on, let's keep going.

Lana, do you think we can knock off a little early?

Oh, sure.

Good, because that's something I need to ask you.

What? Okay, you and I have a really good relationship.

Would it change at all if I shaved my head?

Well, I'm not talking about keeping it shaved. I would shave it once and let it

grow back.

But why would you want to do that?

So I could be in a rock video with the mannequins.

Wait, you mean that group from England with no hair?

Yeah. They're so weird.

Yeah, but the videos look great. And I could be in one if I shaved my head.

But Theo, you have beautiful hair.

It was one of the first things that I noticed about you.

Really?

Yeah.

Well, it'll grow back.

But you don't know what your head looks like underneath there.

It looks like your regular head.

No, wait.

Okay.

You have a dent here.

I do? Yeah, and you have a bump right next to it.

Well, I knew about the bump.

Well, it's gonna look even bigger next to the dent.

Well, maybe shaving my head isn't such a good idea.

Well, it's a few.

Yeah, but I promised Cockroach we would do this together.

This video means a lot to us.

You understand, don't you?

Sure.

Well, would you still go out with me if I did it?

Of course I'd go out with you.

Probably.

Well, uh, I guess I better go up and do it now. I have to meet Cockroach at the

tornado club in an hour.

You want to come up and watch me shave?

No, no, I'll stay right here.

Okay, well, this is it.

Well, good luck.

Here I go.

Okay.

I'm really going to do it, Lana.

Oh, hi, Cockroach. Where's Theo? He's upstairs shaving his head. Excuse me.

Theo! Theo!

Theo!

Don't do it. Don't do it. Stop.

Stop. What?

Don't shave your head.

We're not in the video.

What? I've been trying to call you for an hour, but your phone's been busy all

day. Well, it's Vanessa.

She's been on the phone all day. What's wrong?

Oh, man, I'm beat.

I ran all the way over here.

Let's go sit down. This is really terrible.

What happened? You're not going to believe it. I went down early to hang

the set, and I couldn't even get on the set.

You're kidding. There were 200 guys there already, and every one of them had

shaved head.

Whoa. They took the first 12 and sent the rest of us home. I went up to the

assistants, and I said, hey, you told me I was in. And he just looked at me and

gave me $50 for showing up.

$50? Man, that's great.

Yeah. But look at this.

would he see you like that?

Yeah, you're right.

I don't know why I got so freaked about it anyway.

What are you doing?

I think there's been a little mistake.

I ordered salmon.

But I have you down for the trout.

Well, but you have me down wrong. You did this to me, didn't you?

No, I didn't.

If you would like to order salmon instead of trout... I'd like to order

I did, as a matter of fact.

There you are, sir. I'll get you salmon.

Honey, I'm proud of you. You stayed calm.

Yes, what is the matter with you?

Nothing. I'm always calm.

Really? No, Cliff, it's true.

Scott really has learned to control his temper. He had to.

Well, how'd you do that?

It was easy. I had a heart attack.

When did this happen?

Six months ago.

I finally saw the guys. They come to get me.

Who? The four horsemen.

Come over the hill about sundown, right to my door.

Said, saddle up, buckaroo. You're riding with us.

I said, where we going? Is it hot or is it cold?

They said, dress light.

I said, come back and get me another time.

So, they gave me the zipper instead.

I was about two weeks in the hospital.

Are you kidding?

Quadruple bypass.

You know, I just saw that on television. You should have told me. I could have

done it for you half price.

Hey, make yourself at home. I thought I was at home until you turned the noise

off. Vanessa, turn that back on.

Vanessa.

Oh, you're back.

Yeah. Son, you remember Mr.

and Mrs. Kelly?

Yes, hi.

Yeah, you got big.

Yeah.

We could hear the noise all the way out in the street.

Oh, I'm sorry, Dad, but you see, Cockroach and I are in the kitchen

pizza. I wanted to listen to the stereo, and he wanted to hear the television.

Did you understand what my son just said?

Perfectly. Really? Yeah, well, you have a rule against pizza in the living room

like everybody else, don't you? Right. So, to eat pizza in the house at all,

have to turn the volume way up on the living room TV. I thought you knew this.

You're as bad as they are.

You know, I'll put the leftover pizza in...

Walter? Fine.

Good.

Well, aren't you going to say something about my head?

What is there to say? It's already out there.

Walter, these are our good friends, Mr.

and Mrs. Kelly.

Hello, Walter. Hello.

And why did you do that?

To get into show business.

Was this the career opportunity you were talking about?

Yes. And it didn't work.

Excuse us. We're going to go upstairs. I promised Cockroach we would go through

my hat.

You're the big one.

Jill, let's go get some tea. I think that's a good idea.

No, allow us. Allow us. Sit back down.

Yes. We're going to give you our special brew.

What is this special brew?

Uh, well, it's whatever you have in the little bag.

Well... It's good to see Scotty back to his old self.

Well, I hadn't noticed any change in him. Oh, you should have seen him when

came home from the hospital.

He sat on the couch, holding his cocker spaniel, and all he could say to me was,

Yes, dear.

I know, dear.

I'll try, dear.

You're right, dear.

Oh, well, Cliff does that already.

Oh, yeah.

Well, finally, after a month of... this i told scotty honey you have got to

knock this off you are boring dull and you are depressing me you did the whole

thing was very scary not that he just could have died but but i was so

unprepared well who was ever prepared for something like that no claire i'm

talking about something else I didn't know anything.

You see, Scotty managed all our finances.

I didn't know where he kept the insurance policies, the bank statements,

deed to the house.

Well, Jill, if you ever need legal advice, I'm here for you. Oh, thank you.

But I'm okay. I really am.

You see, I've learned in a very short time that I am a pretty good financial

manager. And you see, Scotty and I, we have an agreement.

I promise to pay the bills and handle the insurance policies.

And he promises never to have a heart attack again.

And I think that's good.

So Denise still doesn't have a major. I said, all right, dear, you just go to

your final year. I hope you have a major by then.

My beloved son, Mark, just transferred to the fourth college of his choice.

I believe he's majoring in interstate transportation.

I used to threaten his life on a regular basis.

Then after the zipper, I perceived that was a threat to my own.

Now, I don't care about this anymore. I just throw him out of the house on a

regular basis.

I don't want the zipper.

How do you keep from getting it? When something really gets you steamed, you

have to wait until you can hear this.

Then you know.

that my four friends are riding right beside you.

You've done it all out.

And no zipper.

Of course, you have to do a few other things, too. You know, you have to

exercise. Well, I do that.

And you've got to eat the right stuff.

You know, Claire's always on me about that stuff.

Jill's on me, too. I've got to eat carrot sticks and celery sticks and...

Broccoli clump. Do you eat that stuff?

When she's around.

Get the milk out of the fridge right away. Yes, sir.

Hey!

There's pizza in here.

With pepperoni and anchovies and extra cheese and everything.

broccoli on it? No.

Good.

You know what would go absolutely great with this right now? Potato tip.

You mean to tell me that Claire lets you eat potato chips? Lets me eat potato

chips? Shoot, I'm a man. I eat what I want.

top of the pizza. There you go.

There you go.

Now.

We need something to wash this down with.

Oh, got some distilled water.

We do not want that. What do you want?

Well. Beer.

Beer. Get your beer. Now, what's it for horses to care about the beer? Well, I

can't hear them. I'm just not listening right now. But I'm not going to eat any

of this stuff. I don't care what you do.

You know, people drink this stuff and, uh...

Now, what should we do?

Oh, I say we ignore them. They are beyond hope.

I say you're right, and I say we should take our tea and go into the living

room. You mean to tell me that you really, that your children eat this kind

of... That's exactly what I was telling you. This is the way they eat it. This

is the way they do it.

That's terrible. You touch that pizza and you're dead.

Well, one little piece of pizza hasn't got over. I'll kill you.

Okay? Come on.

Goodbye, guys.

All right.

And, Cliff?

Yes, dear? When you're done, you know those potato chips that you have hidden

underneath the table?

You can stick them back up in the chimney.

The Cosby Show was taped before a studio audience.