Original subtitles

Oye, por ahí viene Bill Cosby. Óyele.

What's the matter?

I have what you have.

The Andalusian flu?

Every fiber of my body.

Oh, no.

Cliff, you cannot be sick. You can't. You can't. I can't? No.

I'm not over my flu yet.

Just give me another half a day and I'll be all better and you can be as sick as

you want.

No, no, I'm sorry.

My teeth hurt.

I'm hot.

I'm cold.

This is it.

It gets worse.

Why did you give this to me?

I didn't mean to give it to you.

I caught it for one of the children who probably caught it for one of those

little thickly snotty -nosed kids at school.

You know, we ought to track that kid down and shake him.

Then we should go over, find out where his parents live, and sneeze on them.

And if they have a dog, we'll sneeze on the dog.

Hey, Dad, I found... What's wrong?

Your father's sick. He has the Andalusian flu.

Whoa! Well, Dad, you can kiss the next 36 hours goodbye.

But don't worry about anything.

I'll take care of both of you.

You will?

Sure. You took care of all of us last week when we had it, so let me do the

for you.

That's very nice of you, Theo, but there are a lot of things to take care of in

this house.

Maybe I should call my mother and father to come over.

Oh, no, because if you can't call them, then they'll get it. You don't have to

call Grandma or Grandpa.

I can take care of everything.

You're going to watch Vanessa and Rudy?

Sure. So who's going to watch you?

Dad, I'm 16 years old. I can handle it. Give me a chance.

Okay. You're in charge.

All right. Wait a minute. Theo, didn't you tell me you're taking Lana Herman to

the movies?

Oh, yeah.

Well, I'll just call her and tell her we can't go since you're not feeling well.

Listen, if you need anything, just let me know.

He's giving up going out with Lana Herman to look after his parents?

What a lovely boy.

You know, Cliff, there is a positive side to all this.

What's that?

Well... You and I get to spend the day together in bed.

Maybe.

Rudy, if Janet calls, tell her I'm on my way, okay?

Okay. Hey, Vanessa, where are you going?

Over to Janet. You can't. Why not?

Well, Dad came down with the flu. He's sick in bed with Mom.

Oh, no.

I'm going up there. They need me. Rudy, don't. You shouldn't bug them. But I

want to make sure they're all right. Well, they're fine. They just need their

rest. And they're probably going to be in bed for a couple of days. A couple of

days? Yeah.

Who's going to make dinner?

We'll make it. Who's going to tell me when to go to bed?

Theo and I will. Who's going to pay the bills?

Rudy, calm down.

Mom and Dad have been sick before.

But never at the same time.

I know.

We'll just have to pull together and run the house ourselves.

All right.

Pizza every night.

Vanessa, see right off, that's the wrong attitude.

We've got to be more responsible, which means we've got to eat lots of

vegetables and other stuff we don't like.

Yeah, I guess you're right. With a little teamwork, we can get everything

smoothly. What should we do first?

Well, first, you two make lunch.

Rudy, you empty the dishwasher.

Vanessa, you finish cleaning the kitchen, and I'll put together a work

Wait a minute.

What? What are you going to be doing besides making a work schedule?

Yeah. Oh, well, I have lots to do. I have to plan the meals and decide what

we're going to eat.

I have to figure out what chores need to be done.

I'll be doing all the stuff Mom and Dad do.

In fact, I'm doing the job of two adults.

So I would really appreciate some support from both of you. All right, I'm

you. Me too.

Okay, now I know we can do it. Let's get to work.

Go team, go team, go team.

Let's go team.

I'm thirsty.

So am I.

Well, who's going to get us some water?

You?

I can't get the water. I'm sick.

So am I.

So am I.

So am I.

He'll fit if we needed anything, we could call him.

Go ahead, call him.

I mean, I can't call him. My head hurts.

My head hurts too, dear.

Okay, let's call him together.

Okay. On the count of three.

One.

Two, three.

Theo.

Theo.

I yelled out.

Cliff, do you think any of them will ever come up and check on us?

Don't think so, dear. I think they have us right where they want us now.

Well, then how are we going to get the water?

I'll go get it.

Here.

We're going to need some help, please.

Vanessa.

What? There's more tape on one of those magazines, you know.

Theo, nobody sees that part of the table.

Well, I will if I pick up a magazine.

Then don't pick them up.

Vanessa, you wouldn't be this sloppy if Mom and Dad were down here, right?

All right, all right.

Good. Now, as soon as you're finished with that, you can get started on this.

And be sure to separate the wipes. Wait, I thought I was finished after I did

the dusting. She thought wrong.

Theo, I told Janet I was going to come over.

Look, Vanessa, when you're sick... Do Mom and Dad just take off and go to

girlfriend's house?

No. Well, then we should be showing them the same consideration.

And that's going to take teamwork and sacrifice.

You see, Vanessa, a chain is only as strong as its weakest link.

Don't be that weak link.

Yeah, don't give me that.

Okay, Vanessa, it's obvious that you don't want to pitch in and help for Mom

Dad's sake.

All right, I'll do the laundry.

And here's a grocery list, too.

I have to go to the store, too. What are you going to do?

Plenty. Not only do I have to sit here and finish your dusting, but I have to

organize the rest of the house.

All right, I guess I could go to the grocery store.

Oh, and also, you could bring home a dozen carnations to Mom and Dad.

It'll make them feel better.

You probably want me to grow them, too.

No, Vanessa, I don't need the sarcasm.

I'm being nice to you.

Can't you at least be nice to your big brother?

I'll try.

Hi, Rudy. How's it going?

I'm almost finished.

Good. Here.

Be sure to separate the whites.

I can't do laundry.

Why not?

I'm not allowed to use the washing machine.

Oh, right.

Well, you can still take this down to the basement and separate the clothes

because I have to go to the store.

Okay.

Oh, and when you're finished, be sure to do the floors in the living room.

That's your job.

Rudy, when you were sick last week, Mom and Dad took care of you, right?

Yeah. Well, it's time to return the favor. But that's going to mean teamwork

sacrifice. A chain is only as strong as its weakest link.

Don't be that weak link.

Do you understand?

I understand. You want me to do your work.

Rudy, I don't need the sarcasm.

I'm sorry.

Hey, Mr. Lucas, how you doing?

I'm back here to meet my new assistant.

Hi. Warren L. Davis. How you doing? I just hired Mr. Davis. Your father

recommended it. Really? Yeah.

I used to work at the hospital, but they laid me off. I gave them 20 years of my

life. They gave me the boo.

Sorry to hear about that. Oh, don't be.

Working for Mr. Lucas is one of the best things that ever happened to me. Well,

hiring Mr. Davis is one of the best things I ever did. He's good.

Thank you. You're welcome.

Of course, now, when it comes to fixing things, Mr. Lucas is a genius.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

So what are you here to fix?

The banister. Your dad called me about it last week. Well, yeah, it is loose.

Well, it won't be after Mr. Davis finishes with it. He's one of my best

Well, thank you. You're welcome.

I'll tell Mom and Dad you're here.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

Now, Davis, I'm going to leave you on your own. Can you handle it? Oh, sure.

Good. This is a nice house.

Yes, it is.

Come in.

Mom.

What's Dad doing on the floor?

He went to get us water, but didn't make it.

How come he didn't call me?

We were too weak.

Okay, I'll get you some water. Let me get Dad back in bed.

Dad? Hmm?

Come on, let me get you back in bed.

Who are you?

Theo.

Theo. It's the fever, son. He has 102.

He must be in bad shape.

Come on, Cliff. Get under the covers.

Who's she?

Your wife.

She is? Yeah.

She's nice.

I'll get the water.

No, no.

Don't look at me. I'm sick.

Well, could you at least give me your phone number?

Here you go, Mom.

Thank you, sir. Here's your water, Dad.

Water? Yeah.

What for?

For you to drink.

Oh, good, because I'm thirsty.

Come on, Dad.

Now, Dad, I don't want you getting out of bed, okay?

Yes, Theo.

Now, keep the covers on you at all times. Yes, Theo. I'm gonna go

I'm gonna get a whistle. I'll bring it up here, and whenever you need me, just

blow on it. Yes, Theo. And, Mom... Mr.

Lucas and his assistant are here to fix the banister. Is that okay?

Yeah, it's fine.

I'll be right back.

Yes, Theo.

Lovely boy.

Yes, he is.

I wish I had a son like that.

You do.

Really? What's his name?

Theo. Oh.

Same name as the boy that just left you.

Just go to sleep.

Come in.

That's downstairs, honey. That must be the work on the banister.

Well, make him stop.

I'll get Theo.

More air.

I'm sorry. He probably can't hear because of the hammering.

Cliff, you go downstairs and tell that man to stop.

I can't go, Jay. I can't go. You go.

Oh, honey, I really can't go. I'm not decent.

I'm in my pajamas. I don't want to work in the city in my pajamas. Come on,

Cliff. Well, Claire, you really don't look that good anyway.

Excuse me? Okay, okay, I'm going.

Where's my banister?

Oh, it's all over the place. I had to take it out.

Do you have to hammer?

I don't have to.

But I wouldn't feel right if I got paid for just standing here.

Mrs. Huxtable and I are very sick people.

Well, what's wrong with you?

Adalusian flu.

That's bad.

Your head feels like it's been smashed between two semi -trucks.

Then you get this shooting pain between your eyes, just like a woodpecker been

tapping away on you.

Oh, no, sir, I never get anything.

You don't? No, because as soon as I feel something coming on, I drink me a pint

of quinine and a bottle of seltzer. That'll wipe them germs right out.

Dr. Hudsonville.

Dr. Hudsonville.

I think you better go back to bed.

Yes.

Thank you.

Banister. Oh, well, it's coming right up. Yes, thank you.

Oh, right up.

No, thank you, Rudy.

Mrs. Davis packed me a lunch.

20 fish on rye with a slice of onion. You know onion is good for your blood?

You remember that, and you'll live a long time.

Okay. I used to eat that sandwich every day at the hospital, but then they laid

me off.

I was there 20 years, and they gave me the boot.

Well, excuse me. I'm going out to the truck and have my lunch.

Is Mr. Davis fixing the banister?

Yeah, he got laid off from the hospital. He was there 20 years, and they gave

him a boot.

Oh. Did you come to help him?

No, but do you want me to help you?

Yes, here. Do a good job.

I'll try.

Myra!

What are you doing?

Rudy, you don't ask the guests to clean.

Why are you doing the floors anyway? That's Vanessa's job.

Vanessa told me to.

Where is she?

In the kitchen.

Excuse me, Lana. I'll be right back.

Rudy, come with me, please.

Vanessa, why was Rudy doing the living room floors?

Because I had to go to the grocery store.

Yeah, and she made me do the laundry, too.

Vanessa! I did not. I just asked her to put the clothes in the washer.

All you had to do was turn it on.

I had to do more than that.

Wait, wait, come on, come on.

What's happening to our teamwork here?

It doesn't matter who does what job because we're all in this together.

Right. Rudy and I do all the work and you watch.

Yeah, Mr. Big Shot.

Okay. If that's the way you guys feel about it, I'll increase my share of the

work. Good.

Oh, you got the flowers.

Great. I'll just give these to Lana.

Lana. Well, yeah.

I went all the way to the store to buy flowers for your girlfriend?

Well, no, see, half of these are for Mom and the other half are for Lana.

She's going to love these. Thanks.

I don't believe this.

He tricked me into buying flowers for his girlfriend.

Yeah, and she's sitting in the living room now.

This is amazing.

I can't go over to Janice, but he can bring his girlfriend over here.

Oh, I have had it with him.

Me too.

You want to know something else?

Have you noticed the way he never lets us see Mom and Dad?

I bet he's telling them that he's doing all the work and we're just goofing off.

embossing us around. Do you know what Theo is? He's a dictator.

Right. You know what you do with the dictator?

You overthrow him.

Let's throw him.

These flowers are so beautiful.

If I could, I'd give you flowers like that every day.

That's so sweet.

You know, Theo, I think it's really neat the way you're taking care of your

parents. Well, I can't let them down. I am the oldest in the house now.

That's so mature.

You know, I bet you'd make a great dad.

Oh, you know, it's not really that hard. You just have to be good at organizing.

Hey, how's it going, team?

What are you guys doing?

You're overspoken. We're not taking this any longer. Hello, Lana.

Hi, Vanessa.

We've taken our last order from you, Theo.

You're out, Pat.

Excuse me, Lana. There must be some kind of misunderstanding.

I'm going to go into the kitchen and talk to my sisters.

Be right back.

I'm not going anywhere with you.

Please. Can we talk about this somewhere else? No, but I'll tell you who I am

going to talk to. Mom and Dad. I'm going up there right now and tell them what

you've been doing.

I'm going to.

Don't. They're sick.

We need the rest.

They've got to hear this. And when they do, you're going to get it. Let's go.

Wait a minute. Stop.

I command you to stop.

Now.

Lana. I've got it all under control. I'll be right back.

Don't go in there. You're going to wake them up.

You just don't want to get in trouble. Yeah. Come on. Don't go in there,

I'm sorry.

Who are these people?

Your children.

Well, why are they making all the noise?

Now, one at a time. What's the problem?

Theo's a dictator.

I am not.

Yes, you are.

Mommy's giving us all the work while he does nothing but order us around.

Mom, I'm just delegating responsibilities, like you and Dad do.

Look, I have a blister. Rudy, get off the bed. Mom and Dad are sick. Rudy!

All right, that's it.

Starting from this moment, henceforth, now and forevermore, I declare myself

well. How can you do that? I gotta do that or these people are going to tear

my house.

Now, Theo, you and Vanessa.

Go down to the kitchen and await further instruction.

And you with a face, you come with me, and I'm going to fix your finger.

Things are going to be different now, Buster.

Had a rough time over there, huh, son?

Dad, I don't know what went wrong.

I tried my best to be a good leader.

I guess I just have wrong followers.

Come over here, son.

Have a sit down. I'll explain it to you.

Are you sure, Dad? No, you're sick. You need to rest.

Come on over.

What I have to say is important.

A long time ago when I was a little boy, my grandmother said to me,

chew your food 22 times a day.

Dad, maybe we should talk about this a little bit later.

No.

Talk about it now.

It's important to...

Brush your teeth before you cross the street.

Okay, Dad.

And if you meet a stranger with a candy bar,

you tell him you'd rather have water.

Yeah, Dad.

Dad?

What was I saying?

You were saying that I should get a sports car for my birthday.

Sports car?

Yeah. Every 3 ,000 miles, you change the oil.

You know, maybe we should put this sports car thing in writing.

Whatever you say.

Okay, Dad, here, you just sign the bottom.

Just sign right here. I'll fill in the rest.

Dad. Come on, Dad. Don't fall asleep on me now, Dad.

Dad.

Oh, Dad, come on. Don't fall asleep on me.

What's the matter?

Hey, Dad.

Theo. Oh, man.

I was having this terrible, terrible dream.

I had a horrible son.

Who's trying to get me to sign a piece of paper so that he can get a sports

You're kidding.

No.

I'm happy to see you.

Yeah. Yeah. Thank you for looking after me.

No problem, Dad.

Okay.

Dad?

The Cosby Show is taped before a studio audience.