Original subtitles

Oye, por ahí viene Bill Cosby. Óyele.

Hi, Theo.

Hey, Raquel.

What are you doing?

Well, Dad and I are putting up decorations for Denise's wedding shower.

Denise is getting married?

No, but her friend Veronica is.

And because Denise is the maid of honor, she's giving the shower.

What's the maid of honor?

Well, in a wedding, it's kind of like the best man, only it's a woman.

Why don't they call us the best woman?

Rudy, I'm a guy. I don't know these things.

What do you do at a shower?

Well, it's kind of like a party. All your friends come over and they give you

lot of gifts.

Can a man have a shower?

I don't see why not.

Then I'm getting married.

Who you gonna marry?

I don't know. It might be you, might not.

I might say yes, I might say no.

Tell you what, just in case, we'll save the decoration.

All right, let's go play second.

See you later, alligator.

After a while, crocodile.

Your brother's cool.

Our whole family's cool.

Oh, now, this is all right.

Now, I figured we could hang this above the stairs.

Hang? Is that all you're going to do is hang it? I thought you'd be a little

more creative. I mean, something like a big bow right here that would symbolize

the tying of the knot.

Yeah, I like that. All right. It's symbolic, yet festive.

Bold, yet artsy -craftsy.

You know, Dad, this is kind of scary.

What do you mean? Climbing up the ladder?

No, Dad.

You see, Veronica's Denise's age. That's only two years older than me. Uh -huh.

And she's getting married?

Yeah, so what you're afraid of is the age she's getting married at. Well,

See, I'm not getting married until I've had all the fun I can, which means I

want to go places where I want to go.

I could be footloose and fancy free.

Well, that's fine.

You know, Dad, I've been watching you. Uh -huh. And you've been married for

years. Yeah. Your wife won't let you do anything.

I don't understand what you're talking about.

You can't call the guys on the phone and say, hey, let's go hang out.

If you want to go to a party, Dad, you have to take her with you. And she won't

even let you have a sports car.

If I wanted a sports car, I could get one.

All I'm saying is I'm going to wait a long time before I settle down with the

woman and let her beat up on me.

is that to beat up on me? We're in love.

Maybe so, but I'm gonna squeeze out every ounce of fun I have in me before I

too old.

Okay, now what age is that?

24.

Yeah, you'll really be burnt out by then.

Dad, once you put the ring on that finger, it's all over.

Marriage is the death of fun.

Then these decorations we're putting up, maybe we better take them down, put up

some skull and crossbows.

How about if we get a giant rolling pin and hang it from the ceiling?

Yeah, yeah. And how about if I tell your mother when she comes home what you're

saying? No,

you're not playing. You have to give me some money now.

Want to play another game?

Okay, but

the

woman I'm at is gonna get me some juice.

Well, it's not gonna be me.

Because you're evil.

Where'd you get that?

The blues.

What blues?

When my brother plays the blues song, the man on the record always says,

mean and evil.

You do the things you ought not do. And that's you.

I could take you to skating this afternoon, but I can't do that if you're

to be fighting. We won't fight. Right.

You promise?

We promise.

Now shake hands and apologize.

I'm sorry, Rudy. I'm sorry, too.

Okay, let's go.

But you're still a donkey head.

And you're a mashed potato head.

Dad and I worked on it all morning. Wow, it's really great.

I'm so excited.

Yeah, me too.

I was wondering, what do you wear to something like this?

Usually a shirt and a blouse.

Yeah, right.

I guess I just wear a coat and tie.

Right.

What's wrong?

Theo, this is a wedding show. It's for women. Men aren't invited.

Are you serious?

Yeah.

Well, how come you didn't tell us this before we did all this work?

Well, I thought you were doing it because you wanted to help.

Well, I did, but I thought it was something, you know, for me.

Oh, well, there is.

Thank you, oh, dearest brother, oh, thou.

And that's it?

No, almost precious.

Number one, son, your diligent work will live forever in my memory.

Well, thanks.

It's nice to know that you're laughing with me and not at me.

Right.

Well, hi, Cliff.

Hey. Things are coming together very nicely.

Did you see my bow?

Yes, I... I thought you were a poet. The best, and so are you. Thank you. And

because you are, I have something for you. What is it? It's out in the car.

a surprise.

What? When I saw it, I said, that's Cliff.

What? What is it?

Shelves.

Shelves? Yeah, but not just... shelves i mean this is a do -it -yourself kit

from france this is what you've been wanting for your office oh well i'll go

and get it and i'll assemble it first thing tomorrow tomorrow why don't you

start today are you trying to give me something to do so that i

won't peek in on your little sad tired shower yes

i know how you are so you cannot take it when people are having fun and you're

not included out of here.

It's true, and that's why I bought the shelves, so that you'll have something

do and you won't come upstairs and bother everybody.

Yeah, well, I happen to be a wizard with tools, so I will have finished

assembling those shelves before your little tired shower starts.

Okay.

You can come upstairs if you finish the shelves, but they must be fully

assembled. Is that a deal?

Sure, it's a deal. All right. But after I finish them...

and I get Theo to help me, I may not even want to come up to the shower.

I may just decide to go out someplace by myself.

Good. I might even go and look at some sports cars by myself.

And eat a hoagie and put extra mayonnaise on it by myself.

Well, I'm going to leave this room so you can sit here and continue talking to

yourself.

That's all right. He's trying to beat up on me all the time.

Hey, Veronica.

Hi, Bill. How are you doing? I can't believe how much you've grown. Well, I

can't believe you're getting married.

Well, if I'd have known you were going to turn out so handsome, I'd have

Really? You bet.

You know, Veronica, I never told you this.

But there was a time when I was really in love with you. Well, why didn't you

say something?

Well, I was only eight.

Veronica? Denise?

I'm so excited. Oh, you look so good. I'm so excited. Everybody's coming.

Charlie is coming. Charlie is coming.

Hey, hey, hey.

Dr. Hathaway. Yeah. How are you, honey? Oh, great. Oh, Veronica.

Oh, you are.

You look great.

Thank you.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

having a good time up there. Yeah, but they're not having as much fun as we

Yeah,

but Dad, they're laughing and we're not.

Laughing doesn't always mean you're having fun. I mean, there are times when

can experience joy from within.

Like the joy we're feeling now. That is correct.

Now, let's get started.

Breaking up the shelves, boys.

Haggard. Dad, could you hand me the instructions?

Okay.

These instructions are in French.

Okay, well, they have an English version around here, so take a look.

I don't see the English version.

Okay, well, then you translate.

Why me?

Because you're taking French in school.

Dad, I've only had one semester of it.

Well, so what? You got nouns, verbs, and numbers, right?

Yeah. Hit it.

Assemblage.

Hey, that means assembly.

Okay, now, the picture says you're supposed to hold the vertical part up.

Okay, now, I led Don Malay with a mallet.

Okay, with a mallet.

Pound your ankle into slot A.

That's a chevelle.

Read on, please.

Pose, modriette, soil.

Un chevalier.

Put your mother on a horse.

Wow.

Lizzie, candlesticks are beautiful.

Lizzie, for all your romantic candlelight dinners. What romantic

They're getting married.

There once was a girl named Veronica who liked to play the harmonica. I don't

play the harmonica. I know, but it rhymes.

She loved a man named Jim, and when she married him, they made music like the

Philharmonica. Well,

we were all deeply moved by that wonderful work of art, but it's time for

next gift.

Here, this is from me. Thank you.

It's something for your wedding night.

Can't show this to Tim.

Hi,

hi, hi, hi.

You know, I'm making so much noise, the police are going to come and raid the

joint.

Excuse me, what are you doing up here? Oh, I came up to get the French -English

dictionary, dear.

No, I need the French -English dictionary because I'm assembling the

Get the dictionary.

I have it.

Now get out. I don't believe I've met everyone here. You don't need to meet

everyone. But you're embarrassing me. No, darling, you're embarrassing

Oh, it's okay.

I hope you get to play it to Phil Harmonica.

And I saw what was in the box.

So, what's next?

What's next? Oh, sorry, Dad. My mind was somewhere else.

Upstairs, right?

Dad, I can't help it.

Upstairs are the most incredible women, and they're all the perfect age.

What's wrong with a girl your age?

Well, they try too hard.

You see, the girls up there don't have to try because they have it all together

because they're college girls.

They know how to dress.

They know what perfume to wear. They're better drivers.

Why are they better drivers?

Because they have cars.

I'm sorry. I lost my head. Dad, you know, I would love to be able to ask one

them out.

Then why don't you?

Dad, I don't stand a chance.

I mean, I have the poise, I have the looks, I have the mustache for it. It is

coming in nicely.

Thank you.

So what's the problem?

Dad, the problem is I don't have any heavy armament. The air power, the speed

power. You want a boat and a plane?

No, Dad.

I want a sports car.

Dad, a sports car would give me the confidence to talk to these girls and

them out.

I think what you should do...

is go down to a college campus and walk around.

Look at the cars, and the one that you like, lean back on it and

fold your arms like this and build up that confidence.

You know, like that's your car, and when you see a nice -looking person come by,

then you look at her and you say, hi, and act like it's your car.

You like that idea?

Dad, I've tried it, and it doesn't work.

Thank you, but I think you all went a little overboard on the gift. Wait a

minute, wait a minute. There is one more. This is for me. Thank you.

You like it?

I took some old photographs and I put together a history of you and Jim. This

great. Look at this. Thanks. See, there is your first date.

And there's the bra.

Special. Yeah, I left some of these blanks so you could fill them in after

get married. Oh, that's a great idea, because you could fill it in with

of your house and your pets and all the children you're going to have. Yeah.

Well, I'm starved. Let's eat. All right.

Let's eat.

The dining room is this way.

What we have is fattening coffee.

Oh, my God.

Hi.

You okay?

Oh, I'm fine. I just wanted to get away from everything for a minute. No, that's

okay. Your room looks different.

It's not my room anymore. It's Vanessa's. Oh, then maybe we should

no, it's all right. She allows me to sleep here when I come home.

You know, I always liked this room.

Yeah, we did spend a lot of nights up here together, didn't we? Right?

Talking about boys.

And we're going to travel all over Europe together.

Oh, then come back to New York and open our own high fashion boutique. Right,

right.

Well, it's going to be kind of hard traveling all over Europe now unless Jim

wants to come along and take care of the baby.

All right, what's the baby?

It must be healthy because I'm sick every morning. My mom said she was the

way when she carried me.

Yeah, how's your mom doing?

Oh, she's been great. Very supportive.

Yeah? How about your dad? He's still having problems with it, but they are

letting Jim and me move in with him until we can save a little money.

Oh, that's good.

Denise, be honest with me.

Am I fat?

the show no you're not don't even notice in a couple of weeks i'm gonna be out

to hear the blimp bride you guys are gonna have to roll me down the aisle

gonna look beautiful denise i don't know if i'm ready for this of course you're

everything's gonna be fine but it's not working out the way we planned

This thing wasn't planned to sort of happen, but you're making the best of

Well, it didn't just sort of happen. Well, no, it didn't just happen. I mean,

you guys got lost in the passion and forgot.

Denise, I got pregnant on purpose.

Right. Come on, Veronica.

No, I'm serious.

We planned this.

Veronica, why would you do something like that?

Well, you know how Jim and I always talked about getting married and how my

said it was out of the question until I finished college?

We figured this would be the best way to get his permission.

I don't believe this.

Well, we knew we'd have children someday, so we just thought we'd get

sooner. Well, this is real soon, Veronica.

Yeah, but we planned everything.

How we'd have the baby, still go to school, and get part -time jobs.

It sounded good at the time, but nothing's working out.

Denise, I can't get a decent job without a college degree.

And Jim had to drop out of school to work full time, and he hasn't found a

yet.

We don't have any money at all.

Denise, everything's falling apart.

Everything is going to work out fine.

You really think so? Yes, I know so.

Denise, it may not seem like it, but I am having fun at my shower.

Who's skating?

Fabulous. Where's Kenny? I dropped him off at his house.

Are you all right?

Mom, this was the worst day of my life.

Those two wore me out.

I mean, they fought constantly, and when they were fighting, they were chasing

each other or running away from me. I mean, I didn't get to skate all day.

Well, I'm sorry you had such a rough time.

Mom, they're big.

They ate everything they got their hands on. I don't know how you've done it all

these years.

Kids are rotten.

I'm just glad I was never that way.

Me too.

Okay.

This is it.

And I am finished in the dining room. Good.

Mom? Yes?

Veronica's a really good friend. Yes, she is.

Do you think she's feeling to get married?

No. But she is a little young to have a baby.

You know?

Well, now, Denise, she has announced her engagement, had her shower, and is

getting married all in the same month. It doesn't take a genius to figure that

out. I guess.

And she's beginning to show.

Oh, Mom, don't tell her she'll freak.

Oh, I won't say anything.

Mom, I've tried to be positive about it. I told her I think everything's going

to work out great, but I don't think I really believe it.

I mean, if this thing happened to me... This wouldn't happen to you.

Yeah, I know, but just let's say... It won't.

But, Mom... It won't.

Well, let's say I... I sort of planned it.

Denise, are you trying to tell me that you want to have a baby?

No, no, no.

Okay, then why are you bringing this up?

You promised not to tell anyone.

Tell anyone what?

Veronica got pregnant on purpose.

What? Yeah, see, she and Jim wanted to get married now, and they knew this way

their parents would have to say yes.

Wait a minute. Let me get this straight.

Veronica and her boyfriend, who do not have jobs and who are moving in with her

parents, decided to have this baby on purpose?

Yes.

Do you know if one of you pulled a stunt like that, I would wring your neck?

I believe you. I hope you do, because that is the most selfish and

thing I've ever heard of. Mom, you don't understand. No, I do understand.

No, I understand.

This child hasn't gone off on her own and done this. She is moving in with her

parents. That means that this becomes their problem, too. And I am sure that

they did not plan on having another baby.

Yeah, well, now that Veronica's done this, she's really afraid.

Oh, she shouldn't be afraid. She should be more than afraid.

Mom, I understand what you're saying, but Veronica's my friend.

I mean, whatever she's done, I have to help her. I just have to make sure she

can handle this. Denise, I know you feel this way, and I'm glad you feel this

way. But, honey, you have to learn how to care about people without taking on

all their problems.

Now, Veronica has created this situation for herself.

This is for her to deal with, not you.

I know.

As her friend, the most that you can do is to love her and to let her know that

you're here for her.

I've done that, but it just doesn't feel like it's enough.

Trust me.

It is.

Okay. Thanks, Mom.

Wow. I thought as you got older, life got easier.

I don't know why you thought that. Me neither.

Hi.

Oh, hello.

Are you finished?

No.

We still have not assembled the shelves.

I came up to get a soda.

If it's all right to have one in my own home.

It's all right. Sit down. I'll get it for you. Thank you so much, kind woman.

I am very sorry that you didn't finish the shelf in time to join us for the

shower. Yes, you are sorry.

Because if you'd had any intelligence at all, dear, you'd have purchased the

thing and made sure that it had the English version of it. This way, all I'm

doing is dealing with a son downstairs who's had one year of French, and I

know what that comes through because he's got me driving my mother with the

mallet through the ankle.

Let's see.

The English version.

You had this the whole time, didn't you?

I didn't want to come to your raggedy party anyway.

The Cosby Show was taped before a studio audience.