Original subtitles

Oye, por ahí viene Bill Cosby. Óyele.

Pardon me, ma 'am. Have you seen my daughter?

Where'd you get that?

You couldn't wait to go into Denise's closet before you would pull out her

You love it now she's away at college, right?

Yeah. Yeah.

So what's so funny?

Tommy Turtle, he's hilarious.

Oh, really?

What's hilarious about him? He lives in a swamp with all his friends.

Ah, yeah, well.

He was on his way to a picnic and he got stuck in the mud. All right, well, then

that is funny.

That's not the funny part. Oh, I'm sorry.

Alan the alligator walks by and steps on his head.

Well, that is funny.

That's not the funny part either.

Oh, I'm sorry. It isn't? Funny part is, Tommy Turtle says, Hey, you, I could

have done that myself.

Huxtable residence.

Yes, Mrs. Gregory.

How far apart are they?

Okay, I'm on my way over.

All right, bye -bye.

On my way to the hospital.

Have a good baby.

You made it up, Tommy Turtle.

No, I made it up.

I'm on my way to the hospital, son.

All right, Dad. All right, I'm putting you in charge of Rudy until your mom

comes back from the community center.

Okay. All right. What are you doing?

I'm getting a loose change from the couch.

Really?

Any luck?

Well, so far I got $1 .63.

Oh, good. Well, when you finish, you go upstairs and put it on my dresser.

But, Dad, I found the change.

But that's the couch where I take naps. That's my change that fell out.

Yeah, but, Dad, I take naps on the couch, too. But you don't have money to

out of your pocket.

Well, now I have $1 .63.

Hi. Hello, Janet.

How are you?

Okay. This is my friend, Althea Logan.

Hello. Pleased to meet you. Well, I'm sorry I can't stay. I'm on my way to the

hospital. I'll see you later. Get it? Get it?

Time to turn this thing up. I'll see you, see you, see you.

Thea Logan. Hello.

Hi. Is Vanessa in her room?

Yeah. Come on out, Thea.

You were right, Danny. He is cute.

Okay, very good. Thank you, Nancy. You're welcome, Dave.

Well, now, this is a real hospital. You know how I know?

Because Dr.

Eckert, my favorite resident, is on board. Hello, Dr. Huxton. How are you,

Doctor? I'm okay.

Mrs. Gregory was admitted at 10 .05.

She's in birthing room number one.

I checked her. She's seven centimeters dilated and the vertex is at station

minus two.

Ah, you see.

You're a gentleman who's still writing things down. You're on the case. Oh, I

plan to continue writing the rest of my life. Really? It's my job.

Uh -huh.

What color was her overnight bag?

I don't know.

Call yourself a doctor?

We've got to get it together, son. Right, sir. Let's go.

I think it was green. No, no, it doesn't count now. Green doesn't count.

Hi, Karen. How are you doing?

Not as well as I will be this time tomorrow.

Dr. Haspel, I'd like you to meet my father, Clayton Lee.

How are you, Mr. Lee?

Hello. Hello.

Uh, Mr. Lee, are you going to be all right?

No, I'm miserable.

All right.

My father's not too happy about being here for the delivery.

And I wouldn't be here if her husband, Chuck, hadn't gotten stationed in

Iceland. I've never had a baby before.

I mean, my wife and I have three children.

But those were the days when they didn't let men in the delivery room. I

understand. The good old days.

Have you gone to any classes?

I went to Alaska, too.

Okay, that's fine.

Stuff they show you in there, those movies. I don't know if my heart can

this.

Mr. Lee, do you have a heart condition?

Not yet.

Dad, you don't have anything to worry about. I'll be right here next to you

through the whole thing.

Thanks. I appreciate the support.

There she goes.

That keeps happening.

It's going to...

Or else the baby won't be born.

When will that be?

Two to four hours.

So soon?

Yeah.

Are you all right?

I'm fine. There's just not enough air in this room. Mr. Lee, you're

hyperventilating. Is that bad? It's bad if you do it during delivery.

Listen, we're going to take your pulse and your blood pressure just with the

precaution. I didn't bring my checkbook.

Don't worry about it. This is on Dr. Eckert. Take him outside. We'll be fine.

I'll be back.

Don't start without me.

He's kind of cute.

Do you think he's going to make it through the delivery?

Don't worry about Pop at all. He does this all the time. He breathes like that

at my graduation.

He breathes like that at my wedding. He breathes like that every time he sees

Gone with the Wind.

What new look? The one Alfeo put together for me. It took me a whole

to read a lot of magazines.

Here's the hair.

Oh, great hair.

And look at this dress.

Fabulous.

Check out these shoes.

Wait a second. This is an ad for dishwashing detergent. Yeah, but look at

shoes the model's wearing.

Oh, you're right. They'll go perfect with the hair and the dress. I know.

I'm going to be a fashion consultant when I grow up.

What are you doing?

Oh, well, I thought I'd smoke a cigarette. Do you want one?

No. Janet? No, thanks.

Okay.

Alfie, I don't think you should smoke in here.

Well, why not?

Because my parents won't like it. But they're not here.

My older brother is. Don't worry.

He'll never know.

That's a smoke eater. It absorbs smoke.

And what the smoke eater doesn't get, this will.

Ew.

How long have you been smoking? Only a couple of days.

I can't inhale yet, but I love the way it makes me look.

You really don't look that different.

Well, I feel different.

Well, Althea, don't light that.

Why not?

Well, because I don't want you smoking in here. You're infringing on my right

not to get in trouble.

I have a right to be in my house, in my room, and not be in trouble.

I wouldn't go over to your house and get you in trouble without your permission.

Nessa, don't worry. You're not going to get in trouble. Nobody's going to know.

Are you sure?

Look, I'll tell you what. I'll just take a couple of puffs, and then I'll put it

out. Well, they have to be tiny, tiny puffs, and you have to blow the smoke

directly into this thing and spray immediately afterwards.

Dr. Hunstable. Yes, sir. You didn't believe the patient that just came in.

-hmm. And she's yours. Really? Oh, I had trouble convincing her and her husband

to go into the birthing room. They insisted on handing out gifts to all of

staff. Uh -huh. This one's for you.

Uh -huh.

Mm,

banana bread.

Mr. and Mrs. Schrader. Right.

And that lady and her husband seem to be friends with everybody that works here.

Well, if you come here eight times, I guess you would have a lot of friends.

Eight children?

Nine. Last time she had twins.

It's a fun couple. Come on.

Three of diamonds. You need it?

Yeah.

Right on schedule.

Camp Schrader. Hiya, Doctor.

Every five minutes.

Mm -hmm.

Be right with you, Dr. Huxtable.

All right.

Which one should I discard?

That one.

I thought you were supposed to call me.

We called your house, but Rudy said you were already here, so we thought we'd

just show up.

Well, I like that new furniture in the downstairs lobby. Well, we tried to

change the furniture around for our regular customers, keep them from

bored.

So. Every five minutes?

Yeah, we got plenty of time, Dr. Huxtable. Why don't you sit down, have

banana bread.

Thank you very much.

Nancy, will you go over and check on Mrs. Gregory, please?

I certainly will, Dr. Huxtable. And I'll be over in a minute to check on her

father. Very good, Dr. Huxtable.

I like her.

Yes, she's a good nurse.

I have a feeling Dr.

Eckert likes her, too.

Oh, really?

Is that true, Dr. Eckert? Well, she's very efficient.

Good answer.

Dr. Eckert, I saw the way you two were looking at each other. There's more than

efficiency at work here.

I don't know what you're talking about.

Well, now, now, come on, come on, come out with it. Out with what? I mean, our

relationship is strictly on a professional level.

That's too bad, because I can tell that Nancy definitely has her eyes on you.

You can?

I have a pretty good instinct about these things.

You better pay attention to her instincts.

Nine children.

Maybe we shouldn't be discussing this.

I agree, I agree.

Stop picking on Dr. Eckert. Okay, everybody agree on that? Okay. Fine, all

right. Fine.

So when are you going to ask her out? Right.

I'm not!

Dr. Osterman?

Yes? Aren't you covering for Dr. Bruchette?

Sure. Well, then you have another patient.

Oh, okay. Birthing room number three. You have three patients delivering at

same time? Sure, I can handle that.

Don't worry about us. If you get too busy, we'll do this one ourselves.

All right.

Just make sure you send me the check, okay?

Hi. Mr. and Mrs. Mira?

Si. I'm Dr.

Huxtable. This is Dr. Eckert. I'm standing in for Dr.

Burkett. How are you feeling?

¿Cómo?

Perdonen, nosotros no hablamos inglés.

Dr. Huxtable, I speak Spanish.

Well, then hit it.

Buenos dias.

Buenos dias? I could have said buenos dias.

Yo soy el Dr.

Eckert. ¿De dónde son ustedes?

De Venezuela.

Yo tuve que venir a los Estados Unidos por negocios.

Si, ya tenemos acá dos meses.

They're from Venezuela. They've been here about two months. He's here on

business. Esta es el Dr. Huxtable.

El hombre que la atenderá.

Bueno. I told them you were their doctor.

Okay, well, just tell them I'm a good doctor. El Dr.

Hoxtable, un doctor bueno.

Muy. Muy bueno.

Tell them I'm better than you are.

No, no, I'm just kidding.

El Dr.

Boucher ha dicho muchas cosas buenas acerca de él. Dr. Boucher told them a

of good things about you. That's right.

Okay.

How far apart are the things, you know, the states?

Ah, contraccioni.

Contraccioni. There you go. There you go.

Contraccioni. Seis minutos.

Seis minutos.

Six minutes. Six minutes. Well, just tell them, welcome to America, and that

next member of their family will be a citizen.

Doctor Oxtable dice que hoy un miembro de su familia sera un americano.

Que bueno. Gracias. All right.

Bye -bye. Muchas gracias. Agradecemos mucho. Yes, yes.

Yeah, and somebody should really tell her. She looks so much better in long

skirts. I'll see you. That's your second cigarette. No more.

Okay. I wasn't going to have any more anyway.

Vanessa, I wouldn't worry too much. I can hardly smell it.

Vanessa, what's going on in here?

Nothing. Then how come I smell cigarette smoke in the hallway?

Let me in here.

Uh, just a second.

Don't worry.

Take care of it.

Vanessa, Dad left me in charge. I am the law.

Hold on. I'm coming.

Vanessa, you have five seconds. 1 ,001, 1 ,002, 1 ,003.

Open the door.

1 ,004, 1 ,005, Vanessa.

Using that spray doesn't hide anything.

Theo, it wasn't me.

Look, I don't care who was doing the smoking.

Just please, please don't do it in here.

I'm telling you, it's going to cause major problems.

How would you know?

Dad called me and Cocker were smoking in my room once.

He yelled so loud I still have cracks in my wall. So please don't do it in here.

If you love me, you'll stop.

Okay, I'll see ya.

What's going on in here? Nothing, Rudy.

Mrs., isn't smoking?

No, you mean you can smell cigarette smoke?

All the way downstairs.

You see, this is all your fault. You just had to have a cigarette.

You know, cigarettes aren't...

Smoking can cause forest fires.

That's why we never say animal smoking.

Rudy, I think she gets the message. Come on.

None of my friends smoke.

Hi, Mr. Lee.

Is it time? No, no, no, no. I was just saying hi.

Oh, hi.

Yeah, hi.

My daughter thought I should stay out here for a while. Uh -huh. Well, you

be okay? Oh, sure.

All right. Tell me, Doctor, do you do this every day?

I'm here quite a bit.

It's very simple.

She's gonna breathe. You're gonna breathe.

She's gonna push.

You're gonna breathe.

I'm going to do what's left.

You mean that stuff I saw in those movies?

Yeah, but you've been in this position before. Your wife had three children.

I didn't see it. They wheeled my wife away.

And when they wheeled her back, she was smiling, holding a baby.

Okay, all right. Well, your daughter said to me that if you don't feel like

it's all right.

No, I want to be in there. All right, now you're sure?

I'm with her all the way. You feel okay?

And if she asked me, I'd have the baby for her. Yeah, well, you're going to

to get a different doctor for that.

Hey, tea time.

Yeah, I hope you like Cinnamon Delight. I hate Cinnamon Delight. I also have

Snappy Apple.

No, just bring me a cup of warm water, please.

Any updates?

Well, I checked everybody out. Mrs. Schrader will go first.

Oh, wait, Dr.

Huxtable. Mrs. Gregory's fully dilated.

The station is plus one.

I hate to contradict, but she's going to go first.

Mrs. Schrader's been here eight times. I know the Schrader babies. When they see

daylight, they run.

So it's your experience against my data.

Excuse me, Dr. Huxtable. I think room number... Wait one second.

Is it Mrs. Schrader?

Yes.

I'll be there in a minute.

Okay, and will you be assisting Dr. Eckert? Yes, Nance.

Uh, Dr. Eckert?

You just called her Nance.

No, I didn't. What did he just call you?

Nance, but I don't think he meant anything by it. I didn't mean anything

I didn't mean anything by it.

Hi,

Dad.

Hey, hi.

How did things go at the hospital?

Everything went just fine. Brought back some banana bread, delivered three

babies.

Do you want to know how things went at home?

Well, how'd things go at home?

Something happened while you were gone.

What?

Dad, I tried to stop it, but I couldn't. I just didn't know what to do.

What happened?

Althea smoked in my room.

Smoked what?

Two cigarettes.

The kind you buy in the store?

Yeah.

Did you smoke any of them?

No, I told her to put them out, but she wouldn't.

Okay.

Okay?

That's all you're going to say?

Yeah.

Come here.

Come here.

Listen.

You're 13.

13.

You got a lot of things.

You got cigarettes. You got drugs.

You got what?

Lipstick to wear. You got boys.

You got to make up your mind about peer pressure. Good and bad.

And... Listen, sometimes you may not know what to do.

You're not mad?

No. But Theo said when you caught him and Cockroach smoking in his room, you

yelled so loud you cracked the wall.

Yes, because those two fools were upstairs smoking.

I went up and knocked on the door, and I don't know what they were thinking.

Just a minute, just a minute, just a minute, please.

And I hear all this, so I open the door. Now there's smoke in the room so thick.

And they put the cigarettes under the bed. The cigarettes are still burning.

Smoke is coming out.

And Ed's sitting like, hi, Dad.

Hi, Dr. Huggins. I asked him a dumb question. I said, have you been smoking?

no. Smoke coming out of the sides of the mouth.

So I said, come here. I said, let me smell your breath. I said, what is that

your breath? Oh, we've been eating some really strong beef jerky.

So they're lucky I didn't crack more than just the walls yelling.

Dad, thanks for understanding.

As long as you understand that with this family, your honesty is important, your

love is important, and while you're 13, you'll be a pain

in the behind.

Claire. Hi, Claire.

It's 2 o 'clock in the morning, dear.

I know.

Well, what are you doing up?

Honey, I couldn't sleep, so I decided to come down and try to do some work.

Be honest now. Was I snoring?

Like a buzzsaw.

Well, why didn't you turn me over?

I did. I turned you over, I turned you around, and then you turned me out.

I never leave you when you're snoring.

That's because I don't. Ha!

Are you kidding me? When the head is back, mouth wide open, little camel

flying around and just... Well, come on now.

Come on and go to bed.

If I'm sorry, I'm just not sleepy.

The Cosby Show was taped before a studio audience.

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