Original subtitles

Oye, por ahí viene Bill Cosby. Óyeme.

Huxtable residence.

Yeah, Denise's home.

Is this an important phone call?

Oh, well, how long do you plan to talk?

Well, can you give me a guess?

Okay, well, listen, it would really help me out a lot if you could make it

shorter than that.

Yeah, thanks.

I'll get her.

Denise, phone!

Okay, thanks!

I guess you're wondering what I'm doing.

Well, you see, I'm trying to keep the line free because I'm expecting a very

important phone call.

Tanya. Well, no, Tanya and I broke up.

Yes, yes, yes. Now I remember.

Randy Taylor.

Randy went back to her old boyfriend.

Condola, Condola Burns.

No, it didn't quite work out with Condola.

Well, then who is it, boy?

Maxine Kirkwood.

Maxine. Well, I'm not interested in Maxine. I'm interested in her best

Lana Herman.

Lana Herman?

Yeah. Sounds like the name of an international movie star.

She could be, Dad.

You see, she and Maxine are studying tonight.

And Maxine said if they need help, they would give me a call.

They haven't called yet.

No. You see, I've never talked to Lana before, but I want to. Why?

Because she has it. She has it.

Right.

What is? That it's hard to explain.

But when I see her walk down the hall... Uh -huh.

You say that's it.

Okay. You say that's it. Okay. So now Tanya doesn't have it. Oh, no.

And Randy doesn't have it. No. No, and Condola doesn't have it. No. No.

Yeah. So what did they do? Did they give it to Lana?

Well, now, that's a different story. I sure hope that Lana calls before she

loses it. So do I.

Daddy, you ready?

Huh? Rudy, have a good time at Grandma and Grandpa's. Oh, hey.

My goodness. Wait a minute. Now, look. Hold tight there.

Farmer, when I packed this bag, It was not this full, ma 'am. I

put some more things in.

Will you look at all of this stuff? What is this in here for?

They're my necessities.

Oh.

I beg your pardon. These are your necessities?

Yes, things that I need.

And do you need all of these necessities? Why don't you just take one

Then the other two will be lonely.

What happened to the toothbrush, the pajamas, and the... and the comb?

brush that i packed for you there wasn't enough room okay i'll tell you what

we're going to do we're going to go back upstairs i'll get another suitcase and

we can put the non -essentials into it okay daddy yes do grandma and grandpa

know how to take care of little kids of course they do they brought me up and

how do you think i turned out tall tall

She's going to bring some friends down from NYU and we're going to meet in the

village. The village?

Oh, I hear it's so great down there. You guys are going to have a lot of fun.

Hey, you want to come with us?

Are you serious?

Yeah. You want me to go with you to the village?

Yes. I don't believe this, hanging out in the village with you and your

being cool.

I must be dreaming.

But what are your friends going to say when you show up with your little

Well, we just...

Well, tell him you're in college.

Can I be from UCLA?

Sure. Can I be in med school?

Now you're pushing it.

Okay, okay, I'll be a freshman.

What should I wear?

Well, we're going to the village, so we should look extra funky.

Okay, how do I do that?

Well, there's only one way.

Dad's closet.

You want to ask Dad to borrow some of his clothes?

Oh, no, no, no. We're not going to ask Dad. We're just going to go into his

closet and take them.

I don't know, Denise.

Vanessa, college.

Nightlife! The village!

Get funky!

Dad, I'm going to be angry.

No, we'll put them back before he even notices or he won't return them at all.

He forgets what's in his closet.

He does?

Yeah. How do you think I got this sweater?

Fuck the residents.

Lana?

Lana who?

Wow, Lana, what's wrong with your voice?

You have a cold.

Cockroach is the worst imitation I've ever heard.

Well, no, she hasn't called yet, and I'm trying to keep the line free, okay? So

goodbye.

Hey, I'm taking Rudy over to Grandma and Grandpa's. I'll be back shortly, okay?

Okay.

What's the matter with you?

Dad, I don't think Lana's ever gonna call.

Don't be depressed about it, okay?

because Vanessa and Denise are going down to Greenwich Village. I'm taking

over to Grandma and Grandpa's house. I will come back, and it'll just be the

of us, the Huxtable Men, here, together.

Sounds good.

What we'll do is we will have the first meeting of the Huxtable Men's Club.

No women allowed, all right?

And what I'll do is I'll go out and I'll rent some black and white cowboy

pictures, you understand?

And then I'll go over to the White House and we'll get some hoagies, ha, and

load up.

All right, I can go with you. All right, good hoagies. But, Dad, you know, Mom

doesn't like you eating that stuff.

Your mother's 500 miles away at Hillman.

You understand?

And one of the main rules of the Huxtable Men's Club is whatever you eat

secret.

The secret will remain locked within

me.

Mon frere.

Mon frere.

Hey, Dad.

You know what else you should get?

What? Near beer.

Near beer?

Well, yeah, you know, the stuff that looks like beer and tastes like beer,

it has no alcohol in it.

What do you want that for?

Well, I figured that since this is a men's club, we should do what men do.

I'll bring back a big jug of grape juice. We'll have some...

I was standing outside and this little girl came up to me with luggage in her

hand and said, I need a home. And she's got one right here.

Rudy,

did you bring your appetite with you?

Yes, Grandma.

Oh, I hope you won't be disappointed because I thought we'd have spaghetti

dinner. Are you kidding? I love spaghetti.

And I'm afraid that I only have corn on the cob to go with it.

And open your mind that for dessert, we only have chocolate cake.

Are you kidding? I love chocolate cake.

Are you kidding? This child may never leave here.

And we'll just keep her here.

Yes. All right, hon. I'm going to go now, all right?

No, why don't you stay for a while? No, no, no. I can't stay. I have to get back

to Theo, all right?

Okay. Give me a kiss.

Thank you very much. I'll come by and pick you up in the morning, okay?

Drive safely.

I've got to...

Well, are you kidding? Of course we're my seatbelt. Are you kidding?

He'll have to go with Daddy.

Why?

He might get scared.

Well, why would he get scared?

Because sometimes there's a monster in his closet, and it has to come a scared

way. Oh, well, maybe Theo will help your dad.

The monsters are afraid of Theo.

Well, we don't have any monsters in our closet, so there's nothing to worry

about in this house. That's right. I'll take your bags upstairs, and you can get

settled.

You bought your stuffed animals.

Yes. They said they might get scared. Maybe I should take them home.

But how about if I talk to them and make them feel better?

No, they won't feel better at home.

Rudy, I'll make you a deal. I'll talk to your stuffed animals, and if they feel

afraid and want to leave, we'll take all of you home. All right?

All right. Let's go.

Are you sure there's no monsters upstairs? I promise there's not.

Why are you two dressed like that?

Because we're going to the village.

Well, those are Dad's clothes. If he sees you, you're in trouble.

Well, that's why we're not going to let him see us.

Wait, Vanessa, that's my tie.

Looks better on me.

Give me a break, Theo. If you want, you can wear something out of her closet.

Right.

Have a nice time, gentlemen. And Vanessa, please don't spill anything on

Are we going to drive down there? Oh, no. We're going to take the subway. The

train lets us off right in the middle of the village.

Oh, great.

Hey, are you expecting someone?

Hello? Hi. Does Theo have to live here? Yeah, this is where he lives. Oh, good.

He's our brother.

I'm Denise, and this is Vanessa.

Hi, I'm Maxine Kirkwood, and this is my friend Lana Herman.

Hi. Hi.

Come in.

Take off your clothes.

Did Theo invite you over?

No, we just thought we'd surprise him. Ah, well, he'll be surprised.

I'll go tell him you're here. Thanks.

Have a seat.

Who's in the living room? Who? Lana Herman.

Yeah, right.

No, she is, and she brought her friend Maxine Kirkwood.

And they both want to take me dancing, right?

They're in there, to be honest.

Then how come I didn't hear the doorbell ring?

Well, because just as we were walking out, they're walking up the stairs.

Is that the best you two could do?

Theo, it's the truth!

Listen, this isn't funny. You cannot joke around when it comes to a woman

Lana Herman.

Okay.

one because tonight's men's night.

It's the first one we've ever had, and I plan to eat a whole Guinness, but I

think I would much rather go upstairs and change so we can do our homework,

okay? So you guys help yourself at home, okay? The peanut butter's there and the

celery's in the kitchen.

Just don't leave.

And Rudy's grandmother and I have always loved animals, so Bobo, Clouds and

Marsha, if you're willing to stay, we'll show you the time of your life.

That's right.

How do they look to you now?

They still look scared. I think they really want to go home.

Okay, we tried.

Do you think we should take them home now or after she's had her spaghetti?

After the spaghetti.

Okay, but before we eat, do you know what would be fun?

Looking at some family pictures.

Good idea. Is that all right with you, Rudy? Sure. Well, come on over.

Now, most of these pictures were taken when we'd only been married for a few

years. That's right.

Rudy, do you know who that little boy is in that picture?

No. That's your daddy when he was five.

He looked funny.

He always made a goofy face when he saw a camera.

Rudy, this was our first car.

I just told him. We posed in front of it right after we drove home.

We look pretty good here, Anna. We sure do.

That's a pretty hat, Grandma.

Thank you. That was high fashion back then.

Especially if you were a hipster. What's that?

A hipster was someone who knew the latest dances and the latest things and

the latest clothes. We could straighten up and fly right.

Are you hip to the job?

Dolly. Then slip me some skin.

Beautiful.

Can I have some skin, Grandpa?

Absolutely beautiful.

Well, I think we got a hipster in our midst.

I believe you're right.

Rudy, I think I still have that hat up in the closet upstairs.

You want to go up and try it on?

Yes. Come on.

And maybe I can find some accessories to go with it, and we'll come down and

marvel for Grandpa.

Rudy? Yes, Grandpa?

I'll plant you down and dig you later.

Beautyful.

is the hardest teacher in math.

Yeah. If you hand in an assignment and don't put the date on, it takes off ten

points. Don't you think he's tough, Lana?

Mm -hmm.

Yeah. Lana, don't you think you should go call your mom?

Why? Just to let her know that we're at Theo's house so she won't be worried.

Okay. You can use this phone.

Oh, is there another phone?

In the kitchen.

Why don't you use that one so you won't disturb us while we study?

Lana is really nice.

Yeah.

We've been best friends forever.

She can be kind of shy, but when she gets to know her, she can be a lot of

She's a great dancer.

Really? Yeah. So why don't you ask her out?

What? Ask her out. Lana likes you.

She does?

Theo, why do you think we came over here?

Well, to get help with your math.

Why would we do that when we get higher grades in math than you do?

Well, I guess you're right.

Do you like Lana?

Yeah. Good. Then when she comes back in here, ask her out on a date.

And what if she says no? She won't. How do you know? Because I know.

Mom wasn't worried at all. Oh, good.

Excuse me.

What problem were we on?

Page 165, problem 26.

Lana,

would you like to go out with me?

On a date?

Yeah. I'd love to.

You would?

Yeah.

Actually, I've been wanting to go out with you for a long time.

Really? Yeah. Well, I never thought you were interested.

Well, I was, but you never tried to talk to me.

Well, you never tried to talk to me.

Well, that's because you never looked at me.

Oh, I was looking. I just pretended not to.

How come you never looked at me?

Well, because I knew you were going out with Tanya Simpson.

So you were going out with George Dutton.

I only went to one dance with George.

Well, I broke up with Tanya. Yeah, but then you started dating Randy.

That's because I heard Chuck Jordan ask you to go steady.

Well, I said no.

Well, I heard you said yes.

No, I said no. Wait a minute, you guys. Forget all that. When are you two guys

going out?

How about tomorrow night?

Oh, I can't. I made plans.

What plans?

Well, I told my family I would go out with them.

Okay, what about Sunday afternoon?

Sunday afternoon sounds perfect. Good. Good for me. Okay.

Where should we go?

Go to a movie.

Good idea. Yeah.

Well, you want to come with us? Yeah, come along.

No, thanks. You guys are on your own now.

a sophisticated lady.

You're the cat's meow.

What is that?

It means sharp as a tack.

In fact, when I see ladies look as good as you, it's hard for a gentleman to

resist asking them to cut a rug.

What does that mean?

It means may I have this dance?

Of course.

Anna, would you turn the record player on?

Hi.

We're friends with Theo. I'm Maxine Kirkwood. I'm Lana Herman.

Well, Lana Herman.

I guess my son is somewhere in this house in a good mood.

He's in the kitchen making popcorn.

Yes, all right. Thank you. Have a sit down.

Hey.

Hey, Dad.

How you doing? Did you see who's in the living room?

What are you talking about? There's nobody in the living room.

You mean they left?

Wait, wait, wait.

Kidding. I didn't know you were going to run over your own father.

I didn't call them. They just came over. They didn't want to come over. I'm

talking about Matt, but that's not the reason they came over. They came over

because Lana likes me.

Yeah. She told me herself. So we're going to go on a date. She and me. Her

I. Me and her. The both of us.

You are?

Yes.

This was the first meeting of a huxtable...

Men's club.

And there you go, and you break the first rule. No women allowed.

Dad, it's not my fault.

It doesn't make any difference.

You got women in here.

How are we going to enjoy the hoagies?

We're going to have to eat with napkins.

We just have to cancel the meeting. That's all there is to it.

Do you want me to tell them to go home?

And if I did, I think I would have to sleep with one eye open for the rest of

life.

You take this, and you take the ladies out to the White House, get some

and buy them some near soda.

You mean you don't mind that I'm leaving you here all by yourself?

Son, one of the rules of the Huxtable Men's Club is if you can find a good

woman, then the meeting is adjourned.

Thanks, Dad.

And the other rule is, if you can get rid of the other members, you can have

the hoagies to yourself.

Hear ye, hear ye?

The first meeting of the Huxtable Men's Club will now come to order.

We'll take roll.

Huxtable? Present.

Anybody else in the club? No.

Okay.

first. Want to eat? Okay.

Now, here we have some food here. We have some things that Mrs. Huxtable

suggested. Throw it out.

Now,

listen, first we have healthy rice cakes.

We don't want any.

Okay.

Now, we have here something else Mrs. Huxtable would like us to eat to live

longer and drink.

Apple juice. Throw that out, too. Okay.

Now, here we have a giant hoagie. It's full of preservatives and additives.

may not live as long. Let's try it. Okay.

We have salty chips. That'll kill you soon, too. Yes, let's die.

And we got some cola for gas and burping loud and sounding crude. Let's do it,

right?

We have popcorn with no salt. We'll take that and throw it away, too.

All right. Now, we got some movies up here. Let's see. No, we want dancing

girls. You can't have dancing girls.

Denise, this was the best night of my life. Yeah?

You mean you'd invite me along again?

Sure, you're not so bad.

Poor little sister.

Uh -oh.

Dad's on the couch. He's watching a movie. What if he sees us?

Oh, Vanessa, don't worry about it. He's watching cowboy movies and eating

hoagies. He won't even notice us.

Are you sure?

Yeah, he'll trust me. We'll slip by.

Hi, Dad. How are you, everybody?

All good.

Want to go party now? Oh, yeah.

Do me a favor.

What? Take my clothes off and put them in the closet.

Okay. All right. I'm on my way.

Okay.

Hello?

Hello? I have to leave.

Okay.

Oh, what's happening?

Club's over.

Meeting's canceled. Oh, you're kidding. What happened to the dancing girls? We

don't want them anymore.

We have to go deliver babies.

Why? Well, because I'm a doctor.

Well, what did they do before doctors?

I don't know. They just came out by themselves again.

This show is taken for a studio audience.