Original subtitles

Oye, por ahí viene Bill Cosby. Oyele.

Okay. Will you please tell us that her daughter Rudy called?

Okay?

Bye -bye.

Who's on the phone?

I called Mommy, but she wasn't at her hotel.

Why'd you call her?

Because I miss her.

Well, I miss her, too, but Mom will be home from Hellman in a week.

That's a long time.

Well, look, if you really miss Mom, I have a great idea. Why don't you write

a letter?

Just the thing. Hot dog. We'll write mom a letter, and it makes you feel better

inside. You know, when you write a person a letter, you can get everything

that's in you out of it, okay? So you take that.

You take that.

You take the pencil, see?

And you start to write. So put this down. You say, dear mom, dad is a

person.

Wonderful meals, and I love his singing when he sings the lullaby. What are you

erasing? Your singing part.

You don't like my singing?

Dad, it's pretty bad.

All right, good enough then. Sandra can sing for you tonight. She'll be home

soon. Is Alvin coming too?

Yes. Are they going to be fighting?

Fighting? That's a pretty strong statement. What they do is they debate

everything. All the time.

You mean fight.

Hey, Dad.

Look who's here. Hello.

Hi,

Rudy.

Hi.

Fabulous. All right. How are you, sir? Fine, how are you? Everything all right?

Yes, wonderful.

The drive over was fine?

Oh, perfect. Lovely drive. Good. No arguments?

Of course not. Why would we argue? When you argue, you only lose precious

moments. Oh, Alvin, you're so sweet.

Muffin and I don't fight anymore.

Good. Come on, let's go upstairs and unpack.

Okay.

Bye, Muffin.

Bye, I'll be down soon.

Hurry.

Muffin?

It's a little nickname I gave her. She loves it.

Muffin Huxtable.

Well, it'll take a while for me to get used to that. I know, Dr. Huxtable,

you're not used to seeing us like this, but things have changed.

Your daughter has lifted me to the heights of emotional awareness.

Really? Yes, I wish I could put into words this feeling I have inside of me.

Well, you don't have to if you don't want to.

Right now, I am like a man standing on the peak of a snow -capped mountain.

The sun beams brighter, the sky seems bluer, the birds sing louder.

I only hope that you and Mrs. Huxtable have reached this height.

I'm still climbing, Elvin. I'm still climbing.

Sandra and I don't even have to talk.

I just hold her in my arms. She knows what I'm saying. I know what she's

Sometimes, early in the morning, Sandra will look out the window and I'll watch

her face. Wait, wait, wait.

Early in the morning?

Right. How early in the morning?

Nine, ten o 'clock.

You see, Sandra fixes breakfast and I come over from my apartment.

Ah, you come over from your apartment.

Oh, yes.

Because breakfast is one of the most important meals of the day.

Yes, sir.

Hey, Dad. Hey, Oven. How you doing? Wait till you see this.

I made the worst page of a school newspaper.

Check it out.

Monster Man Huxtable wins again. Theo Huxtable, the newest member of the

wrestling team, won his fourth match and remains undefeated.

Theo, I didn't know you were on the wrestling team. Yeah, the season just

started. I don't know if Sandra ever told you, but in high school, I was a

pretty good wrestler.

You were?

Yeah, I also wrestled in my freshman year in college. I only quit because of

hip injury.

You must have been good to wrestle in college.

18 wins, 2 losses.

Hey, that's great.

Did you know Dad wrestled?

Really?

Well, time.

What was your record?

They didn't keep records.

Come on, Dad. He told me.

Well, no, no. See, what happened was the backfield coach wanted me to wrestle to

keep in shape for football. That's all it was. He was 1 -14.

Well,

that one victory must have felt really good.

Well, he won that one because the guy didn't even show up.

The guy showed up. It said he had the flu. That's right, that's right.

The guy was so weak, he just fell down and dad sat on top of him.

Well, I mean, you know, we could discuss your brief football career, triple

threat, trip, stumble, and fumble.

Okay, Dad, you're right. I was pretty bad at football, but I'll never forget

what the coach said to me. He said,

I played with your father, and all I can tell you is, like father, like son.

He didn't say that. He did. He didn't say that, and you're grounded for eight

years.

Hi, Rudy.

What are you doing?

I'm finishing my letter to Mommy, and it's good.

Well, it should be. You've been working on it since yesterday.

Want to read it?

Dear Mommy, I miss you.

Well, I have to be going now. Bye.

This isn't going to do. Why not?

Well, it's not the correct form. I mean, when you write a letter, it has to be

done a certain way. My teacher taught us all about it in school.

Will you teach me?

Well, I'd be glad to.

You see, it's important to write a letter properly because a well -written

letter gives a good impression.

I want to make a good impression.

Then listen closely.

Now, when you write a letter, it's important to pay attention to structure.

Now, any letter, whether it's a business letter or a personal letter, must

contain five essential ingredients.

The heading, the salutation, the body, the clothes, and the signature.

Are you following me?

Do I look like I'm following you?

Pay attention.

Now, the heading goes to the top of the paper, and it contains your address and

the date. Mommy already knows my address.

It doesn't matter. Now, listen.

Next comes your salutation.

Your what?

The salutation.

It's a greeting to whoever you're writing to.

Okay. Now, most salutations begin, dear so -and -so. Who's so -and -so?

Mom. Why can't I write to Mom?

That's what I told you to write.

Vanessa, you're a lousy teacher.

And we have walked...

I am.

Being around Elvin fills me with such a special feeling.

Sort of like being on a snow -capped mountain.

No, it's more like running barefoot through a meadow of fresh clover covered

the morning dew.

How early in the morning?

No, Dad, I'm not really running through the meadow. It's just a symbol of the

joy that I feel when I'm with Elvin.

We have so much in common.

Like experimental theater. How many men do you know are interested in minimal

experimental theater?

I don't know how many men could say it.

None. Yes, you do.

Elvin. Oh,

Elvin. Okay. Guess what he did? What? He bought us two tickets to the Festival

of Experimental Artists in Soho this weekend.

That devil.

Oh, Dad.

Yeah? I feel like I'm the second luckiest woman in the world. Second

Sure. Mom's the luckiest.

Hmm.

Well, that's wonderful. You know, you ought to come around here more often.

Yeah. Well, Dad, I'm gonna go make Rudy a bubble bath.

Okay. Yeah. Come around here more often.

Hey, Dad.

How was practice?

Good. Good.

Dr. Huxtable, your son is too modest. He was outstanding.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah, during scrimmage, he pinned his man in seven seconds.

I'm telling you, Theo knows where his man's gonna move before he moves. If you

don't learn that, you're born with it. Ah, so you're saying that he inherited

it.

Absolutely.

These things are known to skip a generation.

Good one, Elvin.

Dad, don't worry. I'll restore the family name by winning all my matches.

Theo. The guy you're up against tomorrow is undefeated and a senior.

Do I look worried?

Theo, I think I could show you some things that might help.

Well, now, wait. Alvin, he already has a coach. And he's a good coach, and I

don't want to get in the way, but I know a couple of simple techniques that

might really help Theo.

If it's all right with you, Dr. Huxtable, we could work out in the

Okay. Great.

Theo, why don't you go get changed?

Okay. I'll go get my sneakers out of the car.

Alvin. Yes, sir.

Um...

I just want you to know that I appreciate what you're doing.

You do? Yes, sir. What am I doing? Well, my daughter is running through the

meadow.

And my son is learning to be a better wrestler. And I just want you to know

that I appreciate what you're doing for my family.

I love this family.

Well...

Well, the family loves you.

Yay!

Eight, nine, ten. Stop.

But I can do a lot more.

That's enough upper body work for tonight. Let's work on mental tactics.

Mental tactics?

Right. You want to keep your opponent psychologically on edge at all times.

the moment you two step on the mat, You want to stare him down.

You mean like the evil eye?

No, not the evil eye.

The eye of the wolf.

It lets your opponent know he isn't competing against just another wrestler.

He's doing battle with an animal.

Oh, all right. All right? Now watch me. The eye of the wolf.

All right? You try it. Okay.

Right. Good. Now, growl.

No, no, like this.

Good. Louder.

Louder!

Louder! Hey, hey, hey!

Hey! You guys want to come up here and have dinner or you want me to throw the

raw meat down there?

We're just going through some drills, Dr. Huxtable. We're doing reflexes next.

Go ahead. Don't let me disturb you. Okay, Theo. Now, good reflexes are

essential. I want you to put your hands out. Palms up.

All right. Now, using either hand, try to slap my hand before I move it away,

all right? Okay.

I can't do it. Not many people can. I thought you were supposed to restore the

family name.

Why don't you try it, Dad?

Well, I don't think your father should do this, Theo.

Why not?

Well, Dr. Huxtable, with all due respect, it's a scientific fact that

a man's reflexes slow down considerably.

Step over here.

Now.

Okay. Come on, get him up.

All right.

Now, you hit me.

You want me to hit your hands? Oh, yes.

Okay. All right.

Just get him up.

Okay. Here we go.

That's one bad.

You weren't ready. No, I wasn't ready for it. Come on. Here we go.

There's two.

What are you guys doing down here?

We're doing a reflex test, of which I have none.

Well, Elvin, you better start getting ready to go. Go where?

To Soho. Peter McNair goes on at 8 o 'clock. Remember the experimental

tickets? Sandra, I don't think I can. I promised Theo I'd help him with his

wrestling. But, Elvin, we drove all the way from Princeton to see this. You

bought us the tickets. I know, Sandra, and I know how much this event means to

you, but because I'm willing to miss it, that should give you some indication of

how important it is for me to stay here and work with Theo.

Elvin!

Yes, Sandra?

If you think it's more important for you to stay here with Theo, then I'll

understand.

It is nothing. It really is.

Okay, then you really should stay.

Thank you.

Dad, would you like to come to see Peter McNair?

See who?

Peter McNair, he's a performance artist. He combines acting with painting and

music. Will there be any jazz?

Oh, I'm sure there'll be some jazz mixed in. Okay, sure, I'd love to go. Good,

it'll be fun.

Thank you, Doctor.

Thank you.

Bye, Elvin. Bye, Martin.

Okay, Theo, let's get back to work. All right. You know, I love this. With four

sisters, I never realized how much I miss not having a big brother.

Well, Theo, if your sister and I keep getting along like we have been, I think

you might be getting a big brother -in -law.

Are you serious?

at Love Rudy.

Huh? Well, in the body of the letter, you've already stated I love you. Huh?

Look, there are a lot of ways to close the letter.

As always, warmest regards, respectfully yours.

Use one of those.

This is like Homer.

It's easy. I'll just put him in a half Nelson. But you don't want to do that

before your opponent is on the mat.

Why not? Because if he has a good step -over maneuver, he can escape.

Not my half Nelson.

Anybody's half Nelson. Theo, every move has a counter move.

Right. And now we're telling you about pinning your shoulders to the mat.

There's no way.

But I'd pin you in a second.

Theo, here we are.

Wrestle here, here, and now.

Well, don't you think we ought to go down in the basement?

Well, no. It's too much junk down there.

Or are you a... Let's move the furniture.

Come on, Dad. You have to admit Peter McNair was sensational.

I do not have to admit to that.

Now, I just don't know what it was that I saw.

That's the beauty of performance art. What you see may not be what I see, and

what I see may not be what you see. Ah, well, I saw a man come out with some

baby diapers on and a football helmet, and then he climbed into a piano

and fired a starter's pistol.

Well, Dad, well, you thought a night was only a part of Peter McNair. Now,

tomorrow night, when Elvin and I go, he's going to have his entire orchestra.

Oh, and they'll all crawl inside a piano and fire a starting pistol.

Oh, Dad.

Yeah. Listen, there's something that I'd like to talk to you about.

Um, I haven't said anything about this since I've been home, but Elvin and I

getting pretty serious.

Well, how serious?

The word marriage hasn't come up, but...

I think we're both experiencing the same feelings.

How can you say the word marriage and you haven't been talking about it yet? I

mean, does this have anything to do with the breakfasts and running through the

meadow and the snow -capped mountains?

No. You're lying.

And you know how I know you're lying?

Because it's the same thing your mother and I saw. We would see the

mountaintops. We would see the meadows.

And we would see all of that. And then when we got married, you know what we

saw? What?

Bills.

Bill, you don't see a time is for us.

Give us the time is for us. Hey, hey, hey.

What's wrong? You couldn't find anything on television?

We were just practicing.

Bill, you were losing. and you would have won if you had used the atomic

forearm. I don't need the atomic anything.

I'm invincible because I am a monster man.

You mean a monster jellyhead.

I think Theo is doing really terrific. I'm really looking forward to seeing him

wrestle tomorrow night.

Elvin? Yes, Sandra?

You're going to be where tomorrow night?

At the wrestling tournament.

Elvin, tomorrow night we're supposed to see Peter McNair and his New Age

orchestra. Yes, I know. Maybe your dad would like to go.

No, he wouldn't.

But I hear it's gonna be really good.

That's right.

He's got this whole orchestra showing up. You gotta see it, man. He's gonna be

in there and they have all their starter pistols ready to go.

Sandra, I have a great idea. Why don't you and I go to see the wrestling match?

Peter McNair is on a national tour. We'll catch him when he comes back to

York.

Well, I don't know.

Muffin, it's your brother.

Okay, I'll go.

Thank you, my friend.

Oh, but it's a shame to let those tickets go to waste. Who can we give

Dad,

do you have any friends that you can give the tickets to? Yes, I do. And if I

give them to them, they won't be my friends anymore.

Who are you calling now?

I thought you were going to write her a letter.

No, come on now.

I thought you were going to write her a letter.

It's too hard.

What do you mean it's too hard?

I don't know anything about greetings and salivations.

What? You know, salivations, dear so -and -so and respectably yours.

No, no, no, now who told you about this?

Vanessa. She wants me to... to write a big person's letter, but I'm only in the

second grade.

Okay. Now, here's what I'm going to do, and I'm just going to do this one time

for you. You tell me what you want to say, and I will write it for you. I

think so.

Mommy says your handwriting is like chicken scratches.

you won thank you all you know see i'm glad you won your match but i thought it

was boring i mean nobody wore masks or capes or hit anyone with a chair i loved

it you did yes it was so expressive two wills locked in conflict that symbolized

the struggle of all men exactly now you know why i love the sport and it's not

just the struggle between two men it's the ultimate struggle man's attempt to

control his faith I am so glad that you talked me into going.

I feel enlightened by the whole experience.

Only a mind as beautiful as yours could allow itself to be enlightened.

Oh, well then.

Would you like to join me in a soda, my little muffin?

Yes, my little croissant.

they saw, but I know I saw my son jump on that mat and growl and the

next thing I knew he had pinned a guy. I'm telling you, I'm proud of you.

Thanks, Dad. I like winning. It's a great feeling. Yes, indeed.

How did you feel when you lost your match?

Well, first of all, let me explain.

I didn't know what I was doing.

The coach really didn't give me any techniques or anything.

I went out on the mat. I looked at the guy. The next thing I knew, my face was

on the mat. I was getting burned all over. And then the guy stood up, and it

all over.

It must have been terrible.

Well, yes and no.

Because, you see, after it was all over, after I showered and came out, there's

burn marks on it, strawberries on it.

cheekbone your mother was standing there and she she kissed this

mark here and then she kissed that one and then she slide her her

arms around my waist you know and she'd say you're still a winner to me so

listen i was one of the happiest losers anybody ever wanted me

you need to have Have little nicknames for each other?

Yeah.

Did you call her anything?

I called her Lum Lum.

Lum Lum?

Lum Lum.

Okay, what did she call you?

Cupcake? Beefcake?

Baby cakes.

See you later, Baby Gage.

The Cosby Show was taped before a studio audience.