Original subtitles

What are you doing, soldier?

Hey, that's where Bill Cox is coming from!

What did you get for number 19? Number 19, Birdman Magellan.

All right, Magellan. I got that, too. One more ride and I ace the test.

Okay, ladies and gentlemen, this is the final question.

This one is for the car, the washer -dryer, and the trip to Hawaii.

Number 21.

Coronado. No, it's Pizarro.

Yeah, it would have to be Coronado. Honey, I'm sorry, but we're talking

Senor Pizarro here.

Ask Andy. He gets straight A's in history.

Hey, Andy. Yeah. What was number 20?

Cortez.

Oh, we got one wrong.

Theo? Yeah.

We'll see you after band practice. Okay. See you later.

Hey,

Theo. Theo, what's up? Hey, Joe. What's up?

Listen, we're still getting together tomorrow, aren't we? You mean a study

the college board? Mm -hmm. And good news, we got a little help here from our

friend Mr. Rojas, our main man on the honor roll. All right.

Cockroach, do you have to make such a big deal about me being on the honor

Listen, if I was on the honor roll, I'd print it on the front of my shirt.

I'll be glad to help you guys, but you can't really study for the college

You're being tested on what you already know.

Mm -hmm, that's right. And we want to know what you already know.

Catch you tomorrow. All right, see you later. All right.

I have to read 25 pages of geography by Monday.

Read it later.

Rudy, I can't. Today's Saturday.

Rudy, I have to buckle down now. I'm in the eighth grade.

So? I'm in the second grade.

So? We don't take naps anymore.

Rudy,

I can't.

The next thing you ask me to do, I'm not doing it.

Really? Why don't you stay down here and keep me company?

No.

a form of punishment?

No, I'm studying.

What, bats?

No, geography. I study better this way. Why?

Because whatever I read goes straight to my head.

It's been on my mind all night.

All right, what is it? Okay, it's kind of a relationship thing.

See, Tanya and I have been going out for a while now, and we really do like each

other. So what's the problem?

Another girl is after me.

Her name is Randy Taylor, and, Dad, she's incredible.

Every guy at school has asked her out and failed.

And she wants you.

Dad, no matter where I am, whenever I turn around, she's looking at me.

And it's not a regular look. It's one of these.

All the time?

Every time I turn around.

So let me ask you a question. How come it is that every time you turn around,

you're looking at her?

To see if she's looking at me.

I see. Yeah, she starts it. Well, does she know that you're going steady with

Tanya? She has to, but I don't think she really cares.

You mean she's willing to throw caution to the winds to get her man?

Well, I don't know about all that.

But look what she left in my locker.

Hi, Theo.

Randy.

Wait, check out the way she dotted the I in her name.

She made a circle.

Dad, no, look. It's not a circle. It's a heart.

If you look at it long enough, it'll be a heart.

So what should I do, Dad?

That's a tough question.

See, I like Tanya a lot, and I don't want to hurt her feelings.

But, Dad, it's obvious Randy has a thing for me.

And if I don't do anything about it, she'll feel rejected.

So you don't want to reject her? No, not at all.

So as a courtesy, I should at least take her out once, right?

You want to tell me what I should do?

No.

Daddy, I'm a father. I'm coming to you for guidance.

You're coming to me because you want me to tell you it's all right to go out

with Randy.

So you think I should take her out?

I didn't say that.

So I shouldn't take her out?

I didn't say that either.

Dad, what are you saying?

I'm saying that I have five children. I've lived through two older daughters

here, and I've tried to deal with matters of the heart. I'm not doing that

anymore. All I want you to do is tell me when you're planning to get married,

what the date is, I will show up, I will bring a present,

and I will have a card that says congratulations to Theo and Randy or

Theo and Tanya or Theo and the Ice Capades.

So I'm on my own with this.

Son, you have a problem. Matter of the heart.

You want somebody to talk to who will just listen and not give you an answer?

I'm here all the time.

Thank you, Dad. You're welcome.

Come in.

Hey, T .A., what's up?

Ready to hit the college boards?

Yeah, I guess so.

Come on, a little more enthusiasm, will you? We're talking higher education

here. Cockroach.

When did you get so excited about college?

One day, I just realized I wanted to go.

It was the day his dad told him that if he didn't get a college degree, he

wouldn't get the family scrap buyer business.

That helped me, so could we jump on it? Okay, but before we get started, can you

guys keep a secret?

Yeah, sure.

You can't tell anyone.

Do you know Randy Taylor?

Are you kidding?

Burger Supreme.

Well, uh, see that for me.

Oh, wait a minute. Are you sure? Yes. How do you know? Because she left this

my locker.

Oh, you are set.

See the heart?

Where? Where?

Oh, the eye.

Uh, that's the circle.

That's a heart.

Maybe a pencil. Who cares? Who cares? Even if nothing comes of this, you've

lived a full life. How do you do it?

I didn't do anything. She made the first move.

Unbelievable. Theo, I'm not surprised. A lot of girls like you. Get out of here.

No, it's true. I've heard them talk about you.

Really? Yeah. You know what they say?

What? You're a good -looking guy, but you don't know it.

Man, get out of here. No, no, no, Theo, he's right.

That's what drives the women crazy. A guy who looks good, but acts like he

doesn't know it.

Look, cockroach, I'm an okay -looking guy.

See, there you go.

They love it when you're not conceited about it.

That's why the women like you.

Jeez. See, when I learned how to act like I wasn't so good -looking, it

me out a lot.

That's my problem. I don't know how to act around girls.

Just be yourself.

With a little of me thrown in.

Yeah, very little.

So you got a spread here?

I don't know.

Perfect. See, that attitude will get her even more interested. I'm not sure if

that's what I want to do.

Well, have you talked to her? Not yet.

Look, let's drop it. We're supposed to be studying.

This is better than studying field. This is life.

No, no, Gerald. Theo's right. We came here for one reason. To get me my scrap

iron business.

Okay.

Let's start with the verbal section.

These are word analogies.

Number one, magnet is to metal as A, hammer is to nail, B, radar is to

or C, Theo is to Randy Taylor.

Macadamia nuts?

Yes. You're sending her macadamia nuts? Yes. You know Denise hates macadamia

nuts. Why are you sending them to her?

You know Denise loves macadamia nuts. No, she doesn't. She doesn't? You know

I love macadamia nuts, too.

Well, if you go to college, I'll send you some.

Have you spoken to Rudy?

No, why?

Well, Rudy wants to have a tea party. She invited Theo and Vanessa, but

busy, and I have to go to the office for a couple of hours, so could you have

tea with Rudy? Are you kidding? I love Rudy's tea parties.

She makes the most delicious -tasting invisible tea.

She ought to be thrilled. Where is she? In the living room with Bobo. All right.

Hey.

Hi. How you doing?

You know what?

I'm very upset.

Why? Well, I heard that a certain person, I'm not naming any names or

is having a tea party and didn't invite me.

I thought you were busy. Everyone else was.

Busy? Do I look busy?

Do I look like a busy person?

I'll go get the tea set. No, no, no, no, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Now, if

we're going to have tea, we have to do it the proper way. We have it...

At tea time.

When's that?

4 p .m.

And we will dress sort of, um, fancy -like.

I'll wear a dress.

You'll wear a jacket and tie.

No pants?

Daddy!

Every fire is to hear as microscope is to see. Right. All right.

Let's take a break.

Good idea.

Yeah, my brain cells are smoking.

You know, Theo, I can't stop thinking about your problem and how I'd love to

have you.

Okay, who's it gonna be, Tanya or the ever -popular Randy?

Maybe what I can do is keep Tanya as a steady girlfriend and date Randy once in

a while.

Dream on. That's not how it works.

Theo, if you ask me, you have to stay with Tanya. Why?

You gave her a ring. So we could ask for her back.

So you're voting for Randy.

Absolutely, and you don't have to feel sorry for Tanya because I'll start

her.

You're not going out with Tanya.

I will if you break up with her.

I don't believe it.

Theo, would you rather her going out with strangers or someone you know?

Strangers.

Theo, you break up with Tanya. She's a free agent. She could go out with

she wants. Mm -hmm, and I think it should be me.

Give me one good reason.

Because I haven't had a date in four months.

Wait a minute. What about that date with Lisa Worthington?

We didn't go out. We've never gone out. Wait a minute. You told me that you went

out six or seven times. All right, I bent the truth a little. What I meant to

say was I've asked her out six or seven times. She just won't go.

And you keep asking it. That's tremendous.

See, I'm on the long race. I believe if you give a girl time and you ask her out

enough, eventually she'll go.

Can I offer you some advice?

Sure. A girl who says no to you seven times may not want to go out with you.

You think so?

Definitely. You think girls sit around and talk about us like this?

Nah. Are you kidding?

I have sisters.

I've heard them. Really? What do they say?

Everything. And they're worse than us.

Wait a minute. You mean like they sit around and talk about our bodies and

stuff? Absolutely. And they show no mercy.

That's disgusting.

So you think there's some girl sitting around talking about us now?

Somewhere.

Either of you guys see yourself as being married?

I don't know. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to be with the same

person for 20 years.

Well, my folks been together 25 years and they still kiss.

Mine are all over each other.

I'm not getting married until I find the perfect woman.

Yeah, right.

She'll have to love sports, watch kung fu movies, and never pick up after

herself.

Is it all taped up? Yeah.

Is it all taped up the way you want it?

Yeah.

Ready to go?

Yeah. Good.

Then it's too late to get these in.

Chris, you are terrible.

How'd the studying go? Pretty good. We covered a lot of subjects.

Anything to have to do with college?

Some of them.

Pucksville residence.

Hi, Tanya.

You do?

Oh, okay. I'll be here.

Yeah. See you then.

Tanya? Yeah, she wants to come over.

You don't look too happy about it.

Mom, my relationship with Tanya's in trouble.

Really? Well, matters of the heart.

Proceed with caution.

Theo, what's going on with you and Tanya?

I don't know.

It's not working out the way it should be.

We're not like you and Dad.

Well, honey, your father and I have been married for almost 23 years.

Yeah, I know, but you started dating when you were younger than me.

You always knew you were meant for each other. I don't know about that now.

I had my doubts at first.

I never did.

I always knew that your mother was the one from the first time I laid eyes on

her. You mean you never wanted to see anyone else?

Never.

See, that's how I wanted it to be with me and Tanya. But it's not working out

that way. Wait a minute, Cliff.

You never wanted to see anyone else?

Never.

What about Eunice Chantilly?

Eunice Chantilly?

Mm -hmm.

Mm -hmm. See, Theo, all through high school, your father had a severe case of

overheating for one Miss Eunice Chantilly, a flouncy little tart in high

and tight sweater who was 18 and still in the ninth grade. Thank you.

Son, she was just a friend and someone I could talk

to.

Tanya Chantilly was known for many things, but conversation was not one of

And I am convinced that your father still has a picture of that woman

hidden in this house.

Now, is it that you want to start seeing someone else?

Yeah, but I don't know what to do. I still like Tanya. That's okay, because

you're young, and you have lots of time.

But, um, just whatever you decide to do, be honest with yourself and with Tony.

Okay, I will.

Okay. And, Mom, I want to thank you for helping me out.

Anytime.

Hi. Hi, Theo. Come on in.

Can't they get cold? No, I'm not going to stay very long. I have to get back

home and help with dinner.

Okay, well, have a seat.

Theo, I want to talk to you.

And I want to talk to you, too.

You do?

Yeah. And, Tanya, I want to be totally honest with you. So do I. Good.

I know about the note from Randy.

You do?

Marsha told me about it.

Well, that's really what I wanted to talk to you about.

You know, I see how you look at Randy.

You seem to be interested in her.

Am I right?

Well, not really.

Yeah, you're right.

Do you think maybe we should stop seeing each other for a little while?

What do you think?

I think we should.

You do?

The last couple of weeks, things have been different with us.

I know.

Oh, it isn't just you. It's me, too.

Do you know Charlie Myers?

Yeah. Isn't he in the band?

He's my section leader.

And we've been talking a lot lately.

Well, doesn't he know we're going steady?

Well, we've just been talking.

But I think maybe we'd like to go out.

You mean like on a date?

Yeah.

Whoa.

Aren't you thinking of going out with Randy?

Kind of.

Are we breaking up?

I guess.

I should give this back to you. No, keep it.

It's a friendship ring.

We're still friends.

Right.

And who knows?

Dear, you know, you're the first guy who's ever been wild about me.

Come on. Really, I want to thank you for that.

When a guy likes you that much, it gives you confidence, makes you feel good

about yourself.

If it wasn't for you, I don't think I could have talked to Charlie.

Oh, I'm glad.

Better be going, huh?

Okay.

Well, I guess I'll see you at school.

Hey.

Bye, Tanya.

Bye, Theo.

Would you care, old bean, to join me for some tea?

Dad, I need to talk to you. I'm serious, okay? No fooling around.

We need to talk.

Okay.

Connie just left here.

You want to hear something?

She dumped me for another guy.

Well, weren't you going to dump her for another girl?

But, Dad, Charlie Myers, she dumped me for Charlie Myers.

What's wrong with Charlie Myers?

Well, nothing, Dad.

I just can't picture him and Tanya together.

I don't think you can picture Tanya with anyone except you.

Now, come on.

Let's have some tea, my boy.

Tell me, though.

Charlie... Charlie Myers, Dad.

Charlie Myers.

I know.

with me, my friend, Theo Huxtable, the Earl of Melancholy.

Do sit down.

Thank you. Have a seat, my good man.

delightful. Yes, what do you think, Earl?

Whatever you think, Dad. I have to apologize for the Earl's behavior.

He's quite depressed, you see.

Woman problem?

The phone.

Constable residence.

Just call it.

Maxine. Well... Maxine?

I'll take it.

That's Maxine Kirkwood.

She's a majorette.

Looking for a major.

I'll take it in the living room. All right. Good luck.

like to propose a toast to the beautiful lady rudy whose teeth

happen to be much larger than her face but this is a toast an

english toast not about your teeth well i said about the tea tea

who's

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