Original subtitles

Oye, por ahí viene Bill Cosby. Oyele.

tonight, right?

Right. Then we need to talk.

About what?

Well, Vanessa said that she's going to move into Denise's room right away.

That's right, and you're going to have your own room.

I don't want it.

Why not?

What if somebody comes in?

Like who?

The Wolfman.

Oh, no.

Come on, now. We talked about the Wolfman, and he exists only in the

The people in the movie say that. Then Wolfman eats them.

Oh, I see. So you want Vanessa in your room just in case the Wolfman comes in.

Right. He'd eat her first. She's much bigger.

Well, you know, if you think the Wolfman's coming into your room, you

always come across the hall and see Daddy and me. I may not have time.

Well, then I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I'm going to get a plate of

cookies, and I'm going to put it next to your bed. And if the Wolfman comes in,

he's going to see them. And while he's eating them, you can get away.

Good idea. He likes chocolate, too.

You can't.

Mom. All right.

Hi, Mom.

Where have you been?

I found the perfect trunk for school.

Ta -da!

Look at this.

Denise!

I thought I gave you money for a new trunk.

Yeah, but Mom, look at this. It is beautiful. It's unique.

It has character.

And it has mold.

Mold? Mom, her clothes are going to smell like somebody's basement.

It'll be very easy to get rid of the mold, Theo.

Denise, this is getting heavy. When can we put it down?

As soon as we get upstairs and hurry up before Mom makes the ticket back. And

watch the steps. What's that?

My new trunk.

It doesn't look new.

Mom? Yes?

Rudy is acting very strange, and she's being more of a pest than usual.

Now, I think it's because Denise is leaving.

I think you're right. But I think she's also afraid because you're moving into

Denise's room, and she'll be lonely.

Oh, she'll miss me.

Yes. Well, I can't blame her. I'm a pretty good roommate.

I'd miss me, too.

Well, I'll let her be a pair.

Claire! Yes?

Hi. Hey.

How was the delivery?

Oh, listen, it never fails.

You get a woman who's 4 '3", you give birth to a 12 -pound, 4 -ounce

baby.

So, how is Bob?

Well, his brother called and said we can relax. Bob does not need the bypass

surgery. That's wonderful. The doctor unclogged that artery with a little

balloon. Oh, the angioplasty. Yeah, that's it. Well, anyway, he's up and

And in a couple of weeks, he'll be back to work. Good for him.

You know, I was talking to his brother, and he says that he thinks it had a lot

to do with the way Bob eats.

Yeah, I would believe that.

You know how you like those fried, greasy foods?

Of course.

Oh, and the fat. The man practically lived off of cream cheese.

Butter and eggs.

Mm -hmm. And you know what else he had a lot of?

What's that?

Salt.

Uh, I just had a physical, and Dr.

Brooks gave me a clean bill of health, okay? Maybe he did, but you're eating

same kind of foods that Bob eats, and you're both the same age.

No, we are not the same age.

But Bob is 50.

I'm not 50.

Well, okay, so you're 49.

Dear, that is a different decade.

Cook, that is a year, one year.

Look, I have the metabolism of a young man, and I can eat whatever I want to.

Why? Because my body can absorb it. And you see me eat all of the time, and you

know for yourself I have never been full in my life.

That's why you get up from the dining room table, unbuckle your belt, go into

the living room and fall asleep on the couch for one hour. Because I work hard.

Because you eat hard.

And then you wake up from your nap with your mouth all dried out from all the

salt you put all over your food, saying... Claire,

I need something to drink.

No.

Something with bubbles in it.

Why are you picking on me?

Because you're 49 years old. Look, we've already established that, okay? Okay.

Okay. Okay, so it's now time for you to take better care of yourself. Cliff, you

have a tendency to eat large amounts of everything except fruits and vegetables,

which you don't eat enough of.

That's where you're wrong, because I eat raw vegetables. You've seen me eat

them. How do you eat them?

Put them in my mouth and chew. What is the matter with you?

Chris, you take a piece of celery, wrap it in three slices of bologna, and dip

it in cream cheese.

I do that for the taste.

If you are a salt food, junk food junkie, you could not stop eating this

food for one day, even if you tried. And do you know why?

Because you are weak.

that I possess something that people wish they had, and that is the Huxtable

Iron Will, which was given to me by my great -grandfather, who

took a piece of swamp land and drained it with his bare hands, built a

12 -room house with no tools out of twigs, leaves, and rocks.

You know why?

Because somebody said he couldn't do it.

He didn't even want the house.

I see.

So you could just stop eating this kind of food just like that.

Anytime I wanted to because I have an iron will. I've been eating like this

since I was four.

Yes, darling.

But now you are 49.

And your little arteries don't unclog the way they used to.

And who should know better than me?

Could you not eat that sandwich?

Of course I could if I wanted to.

Don't eat it.

Do you think you're psyching me out?

Maybe that's really an old, old game.

I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I am not going to eat this sandwich.

Not because you said so, but because I think so.

I will not eat it.

Oh, good. I could throw this away. No, no, no. Don't throw it away.

No, no, because Denise loves it. I'll give it to Denise. She's going to

tonight. I promise you I'm not going to eat it. I promise you as a husband and a

gentleman, my lips will not touch the sandwich.

You're sure?

Okay. Because the lips that touch this sandwich will never touch mine.

Well, you know, Denise, at every college, they bring all the freshmen

big room where they tell you, now look to your left and look to your right.

Those people won't be here when you graduate.

But wait, won't some of them be looking at me?

Yes.

So why should I bother even showing up?

Well, Denise, if you work really hard at Hillman, you'll do fine.

We grew fungus like this in my biology class.

Hi, everybody.

All right. Can I have some? Well, no, no. This is for Denise. Oh. Before you

away to college. Thank you. All right, I'll share.

All right.

Here.

Dad?

Well, I really shouldn't.

No, no, thank you. Dad, this is one of your special sandwiches. We always share

these. Maybe just a goodbye bite.

Just have a goodbye bite to you and to say goodbye.

I don't believe you. You don't believe what? You are so pitiful.

I didn't do anything. You couldn't even last five minutes. Oh.

Your father has promised me that he is going to give up certain foods for one

day. Yeah, but... And the reason he's doing it is because a friend of ours,

Ramsey, who is the same age as your dad... No, no, we're not the same age.

I'm sorry, he's a year older than your father, has developed a heart problem,

and we think it's because of the types of foods that he eats. Foods that your

father has promised me he is going to try to avoid for one day. Seems to me

he's going to need a little help.

I don't need help. I have... Will. Yes, darling, the will is strong, but the

flesh is weak.

Well, I have an idea, Mom.

Oh, no, no, no.

Why don't we make a list of all the foods that Dad shouldn't have, and then

any of us sees him eating anything from that list, we should tell him to stop.

Why don't we make a list of how you can get out of this house?

Sandra, I think that's a great idea.

No, wait a minute. Why is everyone picking on me? They're the ones eating

sandwich. Because they're going to eat one quarter of what you were going to

all of. And who knows what you're going to put in your mouth next. Because

you've never been full.

Nice home.

have to wear those sunglasses in the house? Yeah.

Mom.

Now do you have to wear them?

It just does not pay to look cool in this house.

Mom? Yes?

You need to borrow some of your luggage.

What do you need?

All your suitcases.

Why? I thought you were putting everything in your trunk.

No, no, I'm not taking that trunk. Theo, open one of the drawers.

Found a skeleton of a dead frog in there.

leaving that frog in my room, are you? No, Theo took the skeleton over to

Cockroach's house.

Okay, honey, we'll find something for you. Here, take this. Okay.

When do we eat?

Right now, and you can tell everyone that dinner is ready.

Dinner's ready!

Oh, Julie, I could have done that myself.

Oh, smells good.

Yes, bring on the grub. Better enjoy it, Denise. You're not going to get food

like that in the dorm.

She's welcome home anytime.

Where's Theo?

He's over at cockroaches. He said he's going to be late, so we can start with

that. Hey, chicken!

Mashed potatoes.

Okie dokie. That's not for us, Cliff.

We're having salad.

Salad, sure.

Love salad. So we have the salad, then we'll have the chicken and the mashed

potatoes.

No, Cliff, the salad is the dinner.

Just for today.

Just for today?

Huh? All right. Nothing wrong with that. Just for today.

Low salad.

That'd be nice.

Mom, stop and pick it.

Sorry,

Dad.

It's okay.

Stop. No salt.

That's on the list. I did it for us to have it. Thank you, Rudy.

Anytime, Dad.

Dad, I'm really happy that you've decided to try and change your eating

I hope you're going to stick to it.

Absolutely. Good, because men your age, in their upper middle years, have to

monitor both their salt intake and their cholesterol levels.

In fact, studies show that if you lower your cholesterol intake by 25%, you

reduce the risk of having a heart attack by 50%. Where'd you learn

that? From my nutrition class. We also learned that men in dad's age group

should have a cholesterol level of around 200 milligrams.

Yeah? What's yours, Dad?

One milligram.

Your father's cholesterol level is normal.

Well, I think Dad should be allowed to eat whatever he wants to.

You do?

I say, if you're gonna go, go happy.

May I have some dressing, please?

It's on there.

I mean the kind of dressing you can see.

I can't see the dressing. But there's dressing on there. There's lemon juice

a splash of olive oil.

No, I'm talking about dressing.

You know, something that's creamy and cheesy and I can see it. See, I can't

splashes.

Don't worry about it. I've got something better.

This is herbal seasoning.

This will bring out the natural flavor in your food without salt or chemicals.

Hi. Sorry I'm late.

Cockroach's mom made that great Caribbean dinner, and she would not let

until I had some.

Well, what did Cockroach's mom make?

Well, it's called pepito, and it's delicious.

It's a sausage that's made from beef and pork and ham and onions and boiled

eggs. It was unbelievable.

I'm going to go finish packing.

Oh, I'll give you a hand.

Who would like to help with the dishes?

Come here. I want to show you something.

Sure. Mom, I'll be right there. Okay.

What do you want to show me, Dad?

This.

It's empty.

Dad, you had a big ballot.

I want some food.

Sustenance.

Now. Well, what can I do about it?

I want you to go over to Cockroach's house.

And I want you to ask his mother if she will make a low serving for me

of the... The potato.

Potato.

Potato.

You mean with the ham and the pork and the onions and the sauce.

Well, Dad, I'm not sure if I should do this.

Oh, you should.

should.

But, Dad, isn't it dishonest? Yes.

Dad, Mom may not like me to do this.

You're getting a driver's license this year, right?

Oh, yeah.

And you're going to need a car, and Denise won't be here, right?

Right. Now, you bring the pulpator, and you and I can discuss borrowing

Denise's car.

You got it, Del. No, no, no. I'm down in my office.

Hurry. Okay.

Mr. Porpeta?

Si, papacita.

Did he see you come down here? Nope. Came through the front door and got down

here as fast as possible.

Right.

Oh, sustenance. Thank you, man. Dad, we don't have to talk about Denise's car.

We don't what?

Well, I asked her before about borrowing, and he said no.

But I brought you the food anyway because I've never seen you look so

The fun that's about to end right now.

Yes? Honey, Denise needs some help getting her suitcases downstairs.

Well, I'll be up in a minute, dear.

Thank you.

Oh, and Claire, Walter's mother called and asked if you are enjoying your

pulpeta.

Are you enjoying your pulpeta?

in there, too?

Kind of.

Well, son, when you're done running around like a little rat taking people

you're not supposed to have, I'll need your victims, too.

Thank you.

Dad, I think I am going to need that car to get out of town.

I'll drive.

we were, there'd be less luggage.

Dad, when are we getting Denise's truck out of my room? As soon as we get back

from the airport, okay?

Good, because when I think of what was in it, ugh.

But even if you get it out, your room may still be haunted by the frog's

Frog ghost?

No, Rudy, Dad, just kidding.

Okay, you guys get ready. I'll bring the car around.

Wow, I didn't realize I packed so much. Well, there's nothing left but our

furniture.

Actually, I could use this couch.

Sure, if you want to carry it.

Maybe when I come home next time. And I'm planning to come home last.

You better.

I am. Virginia's only an hour away by plane.

Denise, there's one thing. Before you leave, your father's going to take you

aside to give you a little talk.

Just like he did with Sondra.

And he's going to say to you, I feel like I'm forgetting to tell you

I feel like I'm forgetting to tell you something. He's going to say that over

and over again.

Just listen to him.

And you understand what he means.

Okay.

I want you to know that I am very proud of you.

I'm going to miss you.

Not because I love you.

But because I like you.

I like you, too.

Come on, you two. Dad says you're going to be late.

All right, let's go. All right, I'll be right back.

I was wondering if there was something I forgot to tell Denise.

No, honey, you told her everything.

I did?

Mm -hmm. I want to thank you for today.

The diet.

I'm telling you, my blood flows through my veins clear and pure.

And I feel healthier and hungry. I want a snack.

I was nine.

I thought you might feel this way.

Have I got something for you.

Yes, man of iron.

Ta -da!

What is it?

Delicious rice cake.

35 calories, Cliff. Zero salt, zero fat, zero cholesterol.

Zero taste.

The air in my mouth tastes better than this.

This is not right, dear.

I want something I can savor, something with some flavor.

All right, honey, okay. You can have those foods that you like.

I can?

Sure you can, but you can't go overboard.

No. Oh, tomorrow.

Por beta.

What are you doing out of bed?

I can't sleep.

Vanessa's not in my room.

Well, are you afraid?

No, I miss her breathing.

Want to come in here with us?

Daddy, you're eating in bed.

It's all right. It's not real food.

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