Original subtitles

day of shopping. Did you get everything you wanted? No.

Hmm.

Hoagie.

What happened?

Oh, we had a fight in Grindel's department store.

About what?

Mega woman.

Mega what?

Mega woman. She's a doll. She's the latest rage. The woman can stop laser

and walk through walls. She has a galactic necklace, a power ring, and an

-matter suit.

And I would imagine that these items are sold separately.

Yes. And not only that, there's a whole family of them. There's a mega girl,

there's a mega boy. She's married to a mega man, and they all drive around all

day. And a mega mobile.

You should see what they cost.

Mega bucks.

A little doll this size cost $9. I said, Rudy, I just bought you a doll. I'm not

buying you another doll.

Rudy had a mega fit.

And I'm sure that you took out your anti -fit galactic shield

and saved the day.

Yes, I did.

Guess who called today?

Who? Okay, I'll give you a hint. Is this Dr.

Heathcliff combustible?

Oh, no, you don't mean Colonel Turner.

Colonel Sanford B.

Tailwind Turner. You want some mustard?

Dah!

Vanessa took the message, and he said he would call me sometime after lunch, and

I know what he wants.

A rematch.

Oh, Cliff, you are not seriously considering running against this man

Absolutely.

Cliff, you have such a short memory.

Last year after that race, you spent three days in bed, and I was the one who

had to fill the ice packs with ice, and I was the one who didn't get any sleep

because every time you turned over, I was the one who had to hear old Claire

Malaise. Claire, Claire Malaise. Malaise, Malaise.

So why ruin that?

Why ruin it by running a race? The only thing I'm going to ruin is his pride.

But, honey, you did that last year when you won.

No, we didn't win, dear. It was a tie.

No, it was not. Cliff, you won.

Hey.

Denise. What? The relay race your father ran last year, who won?

No, but it was a tie.

I told you it was a tie.

It was not a tie.

It was a tie. Don't listen to the child. She didn't have a good seat. She

couldn't even see the finish line.

Then we'll play the tape of the race. Come on. We don't have to play the tape,

Cliff. I mean, really, it's quite all right. We don't have to play the tape.

Denise.

Denise, I told you never to say it was a tie.

Honey, we just saw this tape last night. Really, we don't need to see it again.

Yeah, Dad, I was mistaken. You won your relay race.

You know, we've seen this tape over a thousand times. It's a wonder the thing

still in one piece.

Sit down.

Dad.

Now,

turn this thing on.

and he's still coming. Now watch this. You are winning, Cliff. Look, look,

You're winning. No, no, no, no.

You're winning.

No, no, no. Let your hair come. All right, now slow it down.

Bow.

You won.

Tie.

It was a tie.

You won.

What's that? Okay, I'll run it again. No.

I just finished running the tape of my race. Really? Yeah. How come nobody

called me?

Well, sit down. I'll run it again for you. Oh, well, I can't. I have to go to

Cockwood's house, and he does not like it when I'm late. Hey, I'll drive you.

Bye.

You know, I'm looking at the shape I was in then, and I can see how he caught

me. But this year, I am ready.

Cliff, what are you trying to prove?

You're a bunch of middle -aged men running around a track trying to

your youth.

No, not really. You're only as young as you feel. It's all in the mind.

Oh, well, I'm glad to know that. That's where I'll put the ice packs next time.

That's him.

Okay. All right, Cliff, you want to race, you race. But I am out of it.

You're out of it? Oh, you teared it.

Huxtable residence.

Is this Heathcliff Huxtable? Is this Tailwind Turner?

The man?

I fought off in the relay race last year.

Let me remind you of the rules of track, sir. The person that crosses the finish

line first is the winner.

That was me.

But I have news for you.

I'm in shape this year.

I don't want to run against you. I want you to run with me in a race for

charity. Do what?

Scott Oakley can't run. I want you to take his place on our relay team.

Uh, hold the phone just one second.

He doesn't want to run against me. He wants me to run.

But he wants me to.

It's you and me together?

Together at the Penn Relays.

Penn Relays.

He wants me to run with him in the pen.

Thousands of people rooting for me at the pen relays. It's all my

life I've wanted to run.

He wants me to run the anchor leg.

Dear, that's the leg of honor and glory.

In...

Well,

who are we running against?

That's the beautiful part. You're running against Charlie Stevenson.

Stevenson set the conference record in the Southeast?

When we were in college.

When was the last time you saw him?

Well, Tailwind, it's got to be, what, 30 years, I guess, I saw him.

He was about 5 '10", weighed 160 pounds, and all legs, that's what I remember.

Now he's 5 '10", both ways.

Really?

Well, I'm sorry, I need some time to think it over.

I need to know now. I accept.

Welcome aboard.

Thank you.

Dear, Tailwind Turner, the fastest man in the world,

is going to hand off...

To me, combustible, huxtable.

The fastest man in the universe.

Fast? Fast.

Faster than the speed of light?

Faster than the speed of light.

Good, then you'll be too fast for the camera and there won't be a tape.

have known to do that.

You know who else could run fast?

Who?

Mega Woman.

I don't know her.

You would like her.

She could stop laser beams.

Really? And breathe underwater.

Oh, she's a fish.

of money please please if you get me this you'll never have to give me

else again you mean if i buy you this mega woman i don't have to buy you

gift present or anything for the rest of my life right why i like this deal yes

indeed oh there's mom we'll ask mom

I don't have a job.

I'll get one. Doing what?

Cleaning up my room.

You already do that for free.

No, wait a minute, Cliff. Suppose Woody does extra work around the house. We

could pay him for that.

What do you want me to do?

Paint the kitchen.

No, no, no, no, no. You can start by helping me clean out the cupboards.

Okay. I'll do it for $9.

It paid 50 cents.

I'll take that.

He wanted to get some sprints in.

I thought he ran this morning.

He did. But it's the day before the race. He wanted to work out twice.

Twice a day?

Should he be doing that? I mean, he's almost 50.

He's just 49.

50 is right around the corner, though. Are you trying to say the 50's old age?

Well, yeah.

Well, then what's middle age?

Um, 25.

Well, then what does that make me?

Just right.

I just said that.

I finished acting.

Good.

Can I have my 25 cents now? As soon as I inspect your work.

Okay. Theo, you owe me a dollar.

For what?

I cleaned out your closet.

I didn't ask you to.

But I already did it. You owe me a dollar.

Rudy, I'm not giving you a dollar.

Then I'm messing it up.

Mess you up?

Get away from me!

All right, you two.

story each other.

Mom, we're back.

No, Dad, that is not the way we act. You do.

What are you talking about?

Dad was acting all weird in the car.

Weird? All I did, dear, was act the way my children act sometimes when they're

in the car and I'm driving.

Well, she was driving, I'm sitting on the passenger side, and so I decided to

turn the radio up loud. and i had the sound going so it's bouncing all over

car and i just sat there and i was just

here's dad okay

sounds

like the three of you had a good time you should have seen dad at this track

was great talk slow talk slow

real handsome. Thank you very much. You're welcome.

We were very proud that he was our dad.

Until he got into the car.

Thank you for the ride.

I saw 19 today.

19? I was resting, recovering from my 400, and this 19 -year -old boy

was running the quarter, just practicing.

And he went past me.

And I just watched it.

19.

And it had speed, it had power, it had bounce.

19.

Cliff, do you want to be 19 again?

Only if you'll be 19 with me.

Sure. And the children could be 49.

combustible axle.

Look at that stride, ladies and gentlemen.

No one's ever seen a stride on a man this old before.

Ladies and gentlemen.

Cliff. Yes, dear.

What time is it?

It's ten and a half hours before the race.

Are you nervous?

No, just excited.

Are you disappointed that the children won't be there?

Oh, no, because I asked Dr.

Morrison to film the whole thing from the time that I get on the field to the

time I take my victory lap so that they can see it whenever they want to.

Or you can see it whenever you want to.

I'm so excited about going there. You know, I could run down to Philadelphia

right now.

The only thing about it is the speed limit is 55, and I might get it.

If we have a long drive tomorrow, honey, we have to start early in the morning.

I don't need sleep. My body is well -tuned.

Yes, I must admit, you are looking good.

are looking real good.

Well, I'm sorry I'm an athlete.

company team.

The anchor legs of the race will be run by Heathcliff Huxtable and Charlie

Stevenson.

Struggling to get the baton to Charlie Stevenson.

Huxtable moving out to a big lead.

Wait a minute. There seems to be a substitute for Charlie Stevenson. We

have the name of the runner. Run the anchor leg for the company team.

She's going to catch us, fool.

I ran against an Olympic champion.

I think you should be very proud of yourself. You ran a good race.

Yes, I did. Yes, you did. Yes, I did. My favorite part was the look on your face

when you realized that it was a woman who had passed you.

And then the look on your face when you realized that the woman was Valerie

Briscoe Hooks. Well, they had to get a three -time Olympic medal winner to

beat me.

and when she passed me, pet me on my boom -boom.

Because she couldn't resist that fine -tuned body.

How do you feel about what they did to you?

Oh, are you kidding?

Tailwind set me up so good. I looked at him, I started laughing.

Oh, I'll tell you what.

For 30 seconds, I thought the people were cheering for me.

And then the next 30 seconds...

I knew they were laughing at me.

I felt pretty good about this.

Yes? Who is it?

Rudy! Come in.

Mega Woman wanted to say goodnight.

Well, goodnight, Mega Woman.

And how is Mega Woman enjoying her new home?

apart from her family, do we? No.

So I think that tomorrow you

and I will get up and go down to the toy store

and give her back to her family.

The Cosby Show is taped in front of a live studio audience.