Original subtitles

Hey, Dad.

See you, Dad.

Hey, hey!

Come down here.

This is a banister.

When your mother and I bought this house, we cherished the fact that we had

banister. We looked at the craftsmanship.

And when we walked up the steps, your mother especially, I love the way she

walked, with a light touch.

And she came down.

We had children, and now look at it. It's a pitiful, weakened banister.

Okay, Dad, I'll fix it. No, I don't want you to fix anything, because if this

banister, knowing you, sees you coming with a hammer...

It will get up and run away.

All I want you to do is call Mr.

Lucas and ask him to come over and fix it.

Okay, Dad.

Cliff? Hi. I hope you are ready for this, because Denise has some news for

I got my driver's license. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I got some chairs.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I thought I told you to drive around and pretend you couldn't find the

Department of Motor Vehicles.

but she caught on.

Yes?

Oh, please, have them, put them in the office. I'll be right there.

Thank you.

Here, I have to go down to the office.

Now? Yes.

Well, I need to talk to you and Mom about something.

What?

It's okay. It can wait. I'll catch you guys later. No, what is it? It's okay.

I got my life, yeah, yeah.

I bet I know what she wants. She wants to borrow your car.

No, I think she wants to borrow your car.

Why? Because my car is a station wagon.

Now, when was the last time you saw a teenager driving a station wagon?

I better hide my car.

Two o 'clock.

Right, Mr. Lucas. I'll tell my dad.

Bye.

So, uh, how'd it go?

I got my license. Yeah, yeah.

All right.

Now you can take me to Cockroach's house. Hey, as soon as I get my car.

You're getting a car?

Shh. Mom and Dad don't know yet. I found a great used car for $1 ,600.

They'll never give you that much. They don't have to. I already have it.

You do? Yes, it's in my savings account. All I need is Mom and Dad's permission

to get it out, so I'm waiting for the perfect time to ask them. Before you ask

them, I think you and I should have a talk about responsibility.

Oh, responsibility.

Yes. Now, when you get the car, I want you to drive safely, wear your seatbelt

at all times, check the oil every week, and never, ever let anyone in the car

who's been drinking.

Leo, why are you telling me this?

Denise, you have to be responsible, because if you mess up, Mom and Dad will

never let me get my motorcycle.

So this is all for you?

Denise, it's important for a young, available man to have wheels.

Why's that?

Because he who walks, walks alone.

Well? Doctor, I'd like you to meet my husband, Paul.

Glad to meet you, Doctor. Mr. Kenton.

I called you both down here, Mrs. Kenton, because of the importance of the

results from your test.

Well, everything's okay, isn't it, Doctor? Everything is fine. You're

How did it happen?

Well, you see, you have these two Bs.

I do know how it happens. I just...

Didn't know how I could make it happen.

The human male is quite capable well into his 70s and for some beyond.

We're going to have a baby.

Well, I didn't do it.

Donnie is going to have a little brother or sister.

Donnie is your son.

He's 26.

He has a boy of five.

Our child is going to be younger than our grandchild.

Yes. You see, the uncle or the aunt will be younger than your grandchild. The

aunt or uncle will be younger than the nephew.

But that's all right, because, you see, you two will be older than everybody.

I think that we should treat this particular case with a special sort of

if it's all right. I'd like to talk about appointments.

Forgive me, Doctor.

I was just thinking, when I bend over to pick up this child, I may not be able

to get up.

Sorry,

Doctor, please go ahead.

Now, I think that if it's all right, Tuesday at 10 a .m. Fine, Doctor.

Well, come along, Mommy.

We'll have a special celebration.

That's what got us here in the first place.

Well, thank you, Dr. Huxtable.

We haven't had such a good laugh in years.

Yes, well, you should laugh more.

told a couple downstairs they're gonna have a baby yes yeah

well she's around 43

Well, it was funny when I was sitting there.

Great, Dad's laughing.

Okay, I'll say strike now.

But remember, my future as a man depends on this.

Hi. Hi.

You two look comfortable.

We are.

Great, because I want to talk to you about something.

You can't borrow my car.

I want to borrow your car.

Great, then she wants to borrow your car. Denise, I need my car.

I don't want to borrow your car either.

I want my own car.

I'm glad we're sitting down.

I found this great used car, okay, for only $1 ,600.

I want to buy it with the money in my savings account.

I mean, since I've been so good at saving my money, I think I should be

buy it.

You have been good at saving?

Yeah. Denise, the only reason you have that money is because we haven't let you

spend it.

You've been trying to get it ever since we opened that account for you.

I have not.

Do you remember the time she found the perfect bracelet at Grendel's department

store? Called me on the phone to say, I have found this bracelet. I want you to

go to the bank and bring me my money.

Yeah, but I changed my mind. You certainly did after I went down there

changed it for you.

Okay, that was one time. Right.

How about the time we got to call from the stereo store? Oh, what about that

waterbed? Oh, but better yet, what about when the tropical fish arrived?

C -O -D and D -O -A.

You guys, I was young then. I didn't want those things. I really want this

Really want the car? Fine, okay.

And I'll go down with you and take a look at it. You don't have to. Monica

test drove it last week, and it runs great.

What? You and Monica?

Yeah. Great pair. I'll go down and check the car out.

Well, you can if you want to, but I already made my decision.

Oh, really?

Mom, you know what Dad's gonna do? He's gonna go down, he's gonna say, like, you

know, one little scratch or wobble, and then he's gonna say no.

Denise, you are not getting this money to buy this car. Your father doesn't

approve.

Well, now, wait a minute. Well, I don't understand the problem here.

It's my money and my bank account and my name. You're acting like I'm asking you

for your money, and I'm not.

It's my money. and I can do what I want with it. Are we still in America, or

what?

Hi, Mom and Dad.

What?

Feel, feel, feel, feel, feel. Dad, Dad, this is important.

Wait in the kitchen, please.

Now, um, do you want to go first, or should I?

I want to go first. Okay.

Come sit here.

You see, you're ready to plunge in and buy this car.

just like you were with that bracelet, the waterbed, and the dead fish.

And at this point in your life, you can do pretty much what you please because

you know in the back of your mind that we're always there to bail you out.

your safety net.

You see, we're so good at it, half the time you don't even know we're doing it.

Well, your father and I accept that responsibility because we're your

And you better remember that, young lady.

Because if you ever take this attitude with us again...

You can take whatever is in that bank account of yours and go discover

I'm sorry.

$1 ,600.

So after you pay for the car, how much money have you left in the bank?

Nothing.

What about insurance?

I don't know. I'll get some.

Denise, a girl your age living in this neighborhood would have to spend at

$800 a year every year in auto insurance.

$800? Of your money.

Of which you have none in the bank.

And what about gas?

You have to find some way to fill the tank.

With your money.

Of which you have none.

And what about registration, oil changes, and tires?

Okay, I guess I didn't think of those things.

Well, see, you mentioned America a little ways back there, you see. And

what America is all about, I guess.

To own a car and have no money at all.

just drive around and bills are paid left and right and you just say, well,

I'm in America.

If you just loan me the money, I swear I'll pay you back.

You already owe us $472 ,000.

Come on, let's go take a look at this car.

I'm not going to do it.

I'm going to laugh.

That's your child.

Yeah, this is definitely a rickety banister.

Mom, I don't think this could be my fault because I mostly use the back

Mr. and Mrs., would you please check the railing on the back stairs as well?

No problem.

Well, I can fix this. Great.

But I'm going to have to take the whole banister out for a while to do it right.

Well, when he takes it out, Vanessa, I want you to spread the word, because I

don't want to come in here and find my family all balled up at the bottom of

these stairs.

Right, Mom.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, sure. A few minor adjustments.

That's the worst thing I've ever... Hey, how'd it go? How'd it go?

Well, it's a fine car if you don't want to stop.

Daddy! Yeah, please get me something to drink, because I... Whoa!

We're talking about a car now.

I knew something was wrong when we went down there, and the man saw that she

brought her father. So the man said, well, I don't think I can find the keys

the car.

So I said, well, I don't think I can find the money.

So the man found the keys.

So we get into the car. Now, first of all, to be honest, this is a beautiful,

beautiful -looking car. I mean, if Denise is sitting in this car, her

are going to say, Look out, Denise.

Or chilly down or cool back or whatever these people say when they say.

I put the key in the ignition, turned the thing, and it went.

the right side said oh she's sitting there like this you

know like she's dancing but it has not started

up yet the car has not started so i pressed down on the

gas and you think i'm lying the car said what

And pushed down on the gas, and the car said...

to fix this car?

I don't know. $200.

$200, huh? Let me tell you something. First of all, you got a major steering

problem. Oh, so you get a new steering wheel. The wheel was the best thing on

the car.

Hi, Dr. Huxtable. Denise.

How are you?

Yes. Can I wash my hands? Oh, sure. Go right ahead. Oh, thank you very much,

miss. Now, look. We'll go look for a car. A nice, safe, used...

a nice, safe, used car.

Go look for one. Okay.

Did I hear you say you're looking for a used car?

Yes,

Mr. Lucas.

Do you know someone who's selling a used car?

Aunt Margaret.

It's a 1962 Oldsmobile Starfire.

Mint condition.

Dad! Just cool it a second.

Does your Aunt Margaret know that she's selling her car?

Sure. She asked me if I knew anybody that wanted to buy it.

The public doesn't even have a radio.

I put an AM FM stereo cassette in it. You did?

Yeah. Why don't we just go take a look at it? Can we? Sure. Yeah? Why not?

Come on.

What's this thing look like? It's red with a big silver streak alongside.

Looks like a rocket. Please don't say anything about rockets because I was in

one that went backwards.

Sorry, Rudy, this is frozen and it's too hard to break.

Wait.

Okay.

Turn around first.

Are you going to put something in your mouth here to use a hammer on?

It's only candy.

Well, okay, Rudy, as soon as you finish breaking your teeth, I want you to go

upstairs and brush them.

Okay.

When was the last time we took you to see the dentist?

You're right, Mom. I should be a little more responsible.

Thank you.

And you know, I think Denise is also becoming more responsible.

You do?

Yeah. You see, it was smart to bring Dad along on the test drive.

Oh, you think so?

Absolutely. I think it's important to include your parents in a big decision

like this one.

Uh -huh. When I'm Denise's age, I want you and Dad to be with me every step of

the way when I get my motorcycle.

No. Mom, I wear a helmet. No. They get great mileage. No. You know I'll... No.

Oh, wow.

Dad, I love it. No one has a car like this.

They are getting rare. This one's vintage.

What is this? A 1962 Starfire.

Rides like a dream, doesn't it, Dr. Harkin?

Yes, pretty good. This thing runs great. We stopped by Dad's mechanic, and he

says it's in excellent condition.

You know, this thing would probably cost more than a new motorcycle.

Theo, no.

Daddy, this is the car that I want. Are you sure?

Yes, I love it. It'll look good in it.

Mr. Lucas, I would give anything to have this car.

Just do me a favor and just let me handle it, okay? Dad, I want this car. I

understand, but we want to get it for a price that you can afford.

The knee.

Leave it up to Dad.

You see, when it comes to something we want, Dad always comes through for it.

CEO?

Yeah, Dad.

No.

Dad, don't blow that.

Looks like your daughter's fond of the park.

Yeah. What do you think it's worth?

Well, it's hard to say.

What do you want for it?

I just want a fair price.

I want to give you a fair price.

Then we should have no problem.

Okay, so what's your fair price?

I don't know. What do you think is a fair price?

Well, I think my daughter would be happy paying $500 for it. I just hung up on

you.

Well, you want me to dial again?

I hope I'm home.

$750. I hear it ringing.

$850. Hello.

Can I use your phone for a moment? I want to call Aunt Margaret. Sure.

Oh,

congratulations. You have the owner.

Oh, God. So great. I own a car. I own a car. That's so cool.

Aren't you interested in what you paid for?

Okay, how much did I pay for it?

$850. I made a great deal.

Congratulations. Thank you.

Come here. You have to see this.

Oh, stop.

Denise, your car drives beautifully, and I like the way you drive. You're a good

driver. Thank you.

Yes. And I was impressed, especially when she pulled up to the four -way stop

sign and you stayed there for a half hour.

And just let cars go. I mean, even the people behind you. It was just

Well, you can never be too cautious. Wait a minute now. Wait a minute. She

passed the Huxtable driving test. Now she must pass the Huxtable. Quiz, young

lady. Question number one. A friend of yours wants to borrow the car just to go

around the corner to the store.

Do you give her your keys?

I do not give her the keys.

Okay, let's say you are driving down the street on a rainy night and you see a

fine hunk of masculinity.

He's got hair like Lorenzo Tucker, eyes like Billy Dee, and a smile like Nat

King Cole.

Do you stop the car?

I don't stop the car. Okay, multiple choices. All right.

Your car is in need of a repair.

Do you, A, come to us for the money?

B, find a way to get the money yourself?

C, find a way to get the money yourself?

D, find a way to get the money yourself?

Can I come back to you on this one? No.

B,

B. Indeed.

Congratulations, you passed your test.

Thank you.

Hey,

hey, hey, Dad.

We just got that thing repaired.

Just testing Mr.

Lucas's work.

Right.

Dad, I need to talk to you about something.

Come ahead.

I decided I don't want to get a motorbike. You don't? Because I found

I'm going to buy.

Really? What?

It's a 1980 Ferrari.

You're a Ferrari.

Dead hot. Red with red interior.

Star -type mag wheel.

A 1980 Ferrari, son, has to run around $40 ,000, $50 ,000.

No problem.

No.

How much money do you have in your account?

$788.

Okay, so you expect me to come up with $39 ,200 and some odd dollars. Dad, I

wouldn't think of having you help me.

You got me worried.

Dad, this is the car I'm going to buy.

This is a model.

I came downstairs because I wanted to talk to you about your motorbike.

Yeah? You want to go down and take a look at one?

Are you serious?

No.

taped in front of a live studio audience.