Original subtitles

What time is it?

Three o 'clock in the morning. Go back to sleep.

You know, they say that every nine seconds a child is born.

And I think today they picked our hospital to do it in.

I'm telling you, dear, babies were coming from all directions.

I was afraid to move out of the spot I was in. I walked past the vent and two

them came by.

I'm not kidding. I started spanking people by the time I got to the car. The

fellow that gave me the car, I hit him on the back.

And it's a good thing I had Mike Newcomb there today to give me a hand.

Oh, how is he?

Just fine.

And guess what?

Told me he's got a new girlfriend.

He has?

And every time I bumped into him, he wanted to talk about her.

I think that's terrific.

It's about time he started enjoying himself.

It's been almost two years since Marianne died.

Well, I know he's serious because he's bringing her by here tomorrow.

Well, I certainly am glad he's happy.

And Cliff, I just want you to know that if I die, you have my permission to

marry again.

I... I have your permission?

Yes.

But you're dead.

I want you to find a woman who can make you happy and help take care of the

kids.

Thank you.

Would you?

Would I what?

If I died, would you marry again?

Well, talk about it when it happens.

We can talk about it then.

Okay.

No, the answer is no, I wouldn't. Under no circumstances, if I died, would you

marry again? You would be single forever.

Yes.

Would you date somebody?

No, I wouldn't.

Okay, Cliff, I'm dead. I'm gone.

And you're still in the bed with me?

A gorgeous international type beauty.

Not interested.

What if you met a woman who could sing jazz?

Like Lena Horne? And can scat.

Like Ella Fitzgerald? You see.

Not my type.

Well, what is your type?

You.

Okay, say you met me.

you're dead but there's somebody out there just like me you're dead gone

okay now you're not coming back are you no i'm serious you're not

coming back i'm not coming back so you're dead i'm dead and then i bump

this woman and she looks exactly like you exactly and you're dead

So then what I would do is I would call her up and I would ask her if she would

go out on a date with me. And then I would call her and I would send her

and I would call her and I would introduce her to the children. And then

marry her and bring her in here.

Would you keep my picture up?

Well, dear, I don't have to keep your picture up because she looks exactly

you.

Good night, Cliff. You need some sleep.

I found it.

It had come down the hallway.

It went into my room.

And I thought it was going to eat me up.

You see, there are certain ways that I'm accustomed to

waking up.

Bacon, the smell of bacon, the smell of coffee, Perkins, the twerping of

birds.

The cold, wet nose of a sea lion licking my toes.

This is what they created so we wouldn't have to hear

this in the house.

Then put your heads together.

You know, Dad, if you just gave this music a chance, you might get into it.

Really? Oh,

what a thrill.

Is this it? Yeah, Dad, that's Clyde. He's really talented.

I see.

But he's sticking his tongue out, and tattooed on his tongue is a cactus.

Well, Dad, if you don't pay attention to Clyde's tongue or his makeup and just

listen to what he's trying to say... What is he trying to say?

He's saying that the world is closed.

The world is closed.

Could they open it up and let it out?

Come on, Dad.

You're not going to keep my picture up, huh?

Yes, I'll keep your picture up, dear.

in the closet.

Where?

I put it over the bed. A blow -up over the bed, Cliff. I want a blow -up over

the bed. With lights.

Yes.

What are you going to do with my clothes?

I'll wear them.

Just be sure you don't let her wear them. What will the children call her,

Cliff? Lola.

Our friend of 20 years, Mike, is coming over this afternoon. We got to get

downstairs.

Well, I don't know.

I'm thinking about it. Oh, dear.

You know, you've gained weight.

Ah!

You've lost weight. You've lost weight. You've lost weight.

I'll make you some coffee.

Okay.

You know, I made that statement under duress. What was that? I said you're the

best.

old Nelson?

Because she put shaving cream in my shoe and she won't admit it. Did you do that

to your brother?

Yes!

Did he do something to you first?

No! Oh, well, then carry on.

Now, you go upstairs and clean his shoes out.

Yeah, you clean them. I want you to polish them.

I want you to meet Nicky.

Hi.

Nicky. Nicky Phillips.

Okay.

It's nice to meet you, Dr. Huxtable. I've heard an awful lot of nice things

about you. Oh, just call me Cliff.

Come on in.

Thank you.

So, did you recover from last night and get some sleep?

Yeah, got a little sleep.

Nicky, this guy is bad.

Last night, he takes Mrs. Summers, who delivered in 20 minutes, and he talks me

into Mrs. Shipley, whose husband was running around taking pictures of

everything. He kept saying to me, I missed it. Could you do it again?

Well, let me go get Claire.

Okay. Okay. This is a beautiful house.

Yeah, I built it from a kit.

Are they here?

Yeah, they're here.

Well, what's she like?

She's got two arms, two legs.

Oh, come on, Cliff. She can't be that bad.

No, she's not bad at all.

Where is she?

Sitting beside him on the sofa.

Cliff,

that isn't a woman. That's somebody's child.

Now, look, it's all somebody's child.

Well, she certainly does look young.

Yes, but you're looking at her from a distance.

Well, what does she look like up close?

Young girl.

No, no, no, no, no. Wait a minute. Maybe she's from that part of Russia where

they eat nothing but yogurt all the time.

Now, look.

Look at you.

Come on. Look, you've got to behave.

No, you behave. No, no. You behave. No, you.

You behave.

I'm not saying anything.

Well, what is that?

Well, I can't help it.

Now, look.

We always... to him.

We are his closest friends.

Be nice.

Give him a chance, okay? Okay, you take the coffee and I'll get the chocolate

milk.

I told me that he was your resident physician when you were an intern, Dr.

Huxtable. That is correct.

Yeah. Nicky, of all the interns I ever had, this guy was the best. Come on.

Isn't that what you kept telling me?

How did you two meet?

We met at NYU Extension.

I was taking Shakespeare and he was taking a cooking class. Always wanted to

learn how to cook.

He got in the elevator with me and he had a finished souffle that had fallen.

And he looked really depressed and cute.

And very romantic.

First day, Cliff came over to my house and just sat there for two hours.

Why don't you tell him that your father sat between us?

Mike says you have the perfect marriage. Oh, well, I don't know if we can live

up to that.

Yeah, well, I keep up my hair.

Hey!

Hold it down up there!

Stay there.

I woke up to that mess this morning.

You don't like Clyde?

Cliff and Clyde aren't exactly the best of friends. Well, you've got to develop

a taste for him. You should see him in concert.

You didn't go to a Clyde concert.

I got him tickets for his birthday.

We had a great time.

This is Clyde, the guy with the tongue and the tattoo of a... Wait a minute,

Cliff. I've got to tell you something. Some of his lyrics are pretty good.

Listen to this.

In the heart of darkness, I look for the flame.

In the sound of the wind, I listen for your name.

I stop and discover you're all things to me. That's lovely.

It's lovely because he said the words.

Mr. Clyde says... Well,

Cliff, I gotta tell you something. I am now... listening to her Clyde albums,

and I got her listening to my Miles Davis albums.

Ah, now.

Now you like that, don't you?

No, not as early a recording.

But I like his more recent stuff.

I just wish he would sing.

We're supposed to be on a racquetball court in about five minutes.

You're teaching me how to play.

Well, it's certainly nice to meet you.

Thank you. I hope we can all go out sometime.

Yeah, we'll go to Miles Davis' concert. I'll go backstage and see if I can get

him to sing.

Nikki,

do me a favor. You want to stop the car for a minute? I'll be out in a minute,

okay? Okay.

Bye. Bye, Nikki.

Listen, I suppose I should have told you how young she was before I came over,

but... I didn't want you to make up your mind before you met her. Well, she

seems like a very lovely person.

We wish you the best of luck. That's great.

Thank you, Claire.

Bye, Mike.

I love you both. Thank you. Take care, Mike.

How old is Mike?

He's 53.

How old do you think she is?

Under 53.

Well, Cliff, I have to confess.

The whole time they were here, I kept looking for something to be wrong with

her. You know, like maybe she was a bubble brain or something.

Mm -hmm. She wasn't. No.

Well, she's very intelligent, and they look very happy together.

Who are you guys talking about?

Mike Newcomb. He was here today. Dr. Newcomb? How is he? He seems to be doing

pretty well.

Dr. Newcomb is 53 years old, and he is dating a very young woman.

How young?

About your age.

Really? Is it serious?

Well, they seem compatible.

Ah, good for him.

Would you consider dating a man that age?

Well, if I met a man that I really liked, I wouldn't care about his age.

So what you're saying is that age has nothing to do with happiness.

That's right. Well, let me give you an example.

Suppose I died and your mother came home

with a 19 -year -old boy.

Yeah. What do you mean, yeah?

I mean, I'm dead, and you can't even mourn for a tenth of a second?

Dad, you're not dead. You're sitting right here. This is a hypothetical

Okay, it's a hypothetical death, but you didn't even take time out for a

hypothetical mourning.

I mean, it's almost like you wish I was dead.

No, Dad, I don't want you to die.

Are you sure?

Yes. Cliff. What? What's the point?

The point is, I'm dead, and you all have me out on the sidewalk with the

garbage.

So if you're a wonderful husband and a loving father, but darling, you do have

problem. You never get to the point.

I am trying to get to the point. All right, Cliff, okay. Go ahead, if you

Never mind.

Never mind what?

Denise. Hey.

Denise, my friend, sit down.

Now, I want to ask you a hypothetical question, okay?

Okay. All right. Now, Suppose I died.

Yeah?

Boy, this is a cold family.

What? Daddy, what's the point? Suppose I died and your mother came home

with a young boy.

Well, how cute are they?

A hunk.

How young?

19. Well, where are his parents going to sleep?

going to sleep?

Well, this is your father's story and he will have to designate where the young

man will sleep.

I do hope it's with me. Oh!

Okay, he's with you.

Yeah.

In this house.

Thank you.

But my ghost is in that room.

Daddy, why are you bringing this up?

I'm bringing this up because

I don't remember.

You were trying to make a point to me.

Yes, that's right, I did.

What was the point?

Hey, what's going on? We're having a discussion.

Suppose Dad died.

It would really tear me up.

My turn.

Tomorrow, I'm taking you out and I'm going to buy you a car.

the question wrong.

I thought it was the 19 year old.

Claire, listen to that.

What?

The sound of our children playing at your mother and father's house.

You know, Cliff, I've been thinking a lot about Mike and Nikki.

They have a great relationship.

Must be wonderful to have new and exciting things to talk about all the

Like what?

Well, I don't know, but all we ever talk about are bills, report cards, work.

We are...

dull and boring and beyond words.

That's what you think, huh?

Don't you?

Come here.

I don't want you to say another word because we are beyond words.

Sit down.

Thank you

The Cosby Show is taped in front of a live studio audience.