Original subtitles

Cliff, but I just couldn't pass up this shot.

There's something on top of my body.

I think it's alive.

Go in the kitchen.

Be quick about it. Get the giant spatula.

How did the two of you get into this position?

I don't know.

I know that earlier today...

Rudy and I had a disagreement about a cookie.

And she became enraged.

And she attacked me.

And we fought for hours until we passed out.

I'm sorry I've been so late the past few nights.

But that case is finished now, so things should be getting back to normal.

You know, Rudy never attacks when you're home.

Come on, let's get her up to bed. Don't wake her.

Don't wake her?

Watch this.

and don't wake up this child. This is the child on the 4th of July.

We sat up front. They exploded.

Two million dollars worth of firecrackers.

She never budged. The brass band played right in our faces. She never budged.

Put her in the car.

We drove her home. Took all her clothes off. Put her in the bathtub.

Gave her a bath. We did her nails.

And I think we took out her appendix.

You've got a lovely dinner waiting for you in the kitchen.

You've made dinner three nights in a row.

And? And every meal has been an adventure. And tonight, I want you to

to visit the island of Trinidad.

sandwich didn't you enjoy trinidad it was great you know dad's cooking is

delicious i just wish you wouldn't tell us what's in it well you know your

father liked it very much mom yesterday i had two helpings of something i really

enjoyed until i found out it was possum back in the bean curd sauce well what

did he say this is i wouldn't let him tell me are you still hungry no i just

want to eat something i know what's in that sandwich Peanut butter, jelly,

liverwurst, anchovies, and an onion for cleansing.

Huxtable residence.

Frank.

No, I don't want a settlement.

I think we have a very good case.

Uh -huh.

Hey. What is that?

Peanut butter, liverwurst, mint jelly, anchovies, and an onion for cleansing.

that thing up to your room and eat it. We're not allowed to.

Yeah, but nobody will know the difference.

Thanks, Jack.

Frank, you promised to take this thing to trial.

No, I feel very strongly about this.

All right, okay, if you have to drop the case, I appreciate it if you send the

work that you've done so far to me, okay?

Thank you.

So,

who was that?

That was Frank Simmons.

The attorney who was handling Sondra's case.

Was handling the case?

He wants my daughter to settle out of court. And we don't want to do that, do

we? If left, the mechanic ripped her off and somebody ought to nail his hide to

the wall.

I mean, settle him out of court. I mean, that's the easy way out. We're talking

about a guilty man here. And it's not just that it's our daughter. This man is

probably ripping people off nine days.

And when is the trial?

In three days.

Sondra comes home tonight.

So who's going to handle the case?

I can see by the flaring of the nostrils

that this poor man mechanic who ripped off Sandra

Huxtable is now going to face the wrath of Claire

Colt Kirby Huxtable.

work to do. Mm -hmm.

Oh, this is good. Yeah.

Where's the chicken?

Oh,

it's not veal. No, no.

Wow. Wrong.

See, I was in bazaars, and I saw this jar had green sauce, and I picked it up,

you know, the international gourmet restaurant, and it was sliced turtle's

This is very, very interesting.

So I took... You want some crackers?

No.

Well, where are you going?

I'm going upstairs. I'm going to get some of Theo's sandwich.

Now, Miss Huxtable, would you please tell the court exactly what Mr. Wilson

to you after he examined your engine for the first time?

You know, I have a perfect strategy for this mechanic fellow. I think that we

ought to just forget about the trial and the three of us go over to his house

and beat him up.

Would you do me a big favor? Would you please take Vanessa and Rudy out? I

to the museum or somewhere, because I have a feeling that if they're in this

house, they're going to disturb us.

Thanks for your help, Daddy.

Now, Ms. Huxtable, let's start from the beginning.

Would you kindly tell the court exactly what Mr. Wilson said to you the first

time he saw your engine?

He said that it only had another 1 ,000 miles left in it. Sandra, do not say he.

When you're referring to the mechanic, say Mr. Wilson, because this tells the

judge that we're showing respect to this guy that we're getting ready to nail.

Got you.

Mom, this is great.

Sandra, that's another thing. Don't do that. Whatever you do, try to remember

when you're on the stand, don't say, Mom, this is great.

But it is.

I mean, how often do you get to have your own mother represent you in court?

Well, hopefully not that often.

Now, Miss Huxtable, would you kindly tell the court of the events that led up

your first encounter with Mr. Wilson?

I was driving back to Princeton.

You attend college there?

Yes. I have a 3 .5 grade point average, and I'm majoring in pre -law.

You were not pre -law.

I know. I just threw it in to impress the judge.

Rudy, come on. We're going to see the dinosaurs.

I don't want to.

Why? Because they're big and they're scary.

They are not scary.

Do you know that I happened to just go by the museum? I went in, and do you

what the dinosaur said to me?

Dr. Huxtable, where is Rudy today?

No, they didn't. What if we go to the museum and see something else like the

prehistoric man?

Well, these are people that lived thousands of centuries ago. They're

cavemen. Were they afraid of the dinosaurs?

They used to keep them as pets.

But they didn't stay long because, you know, the people would take them out for

a walk and never come back.

You know, and sometimes if the kid didn't go to the museum with the

they would say, here, take this one.

No, what are you doing? Are you doing a science project here? No, now you're a

pirate. But, see, they used to have the brinus on the Morris. Say that.

No,

no. The brinus on the Mormon fitness system.

Brinus.

Yeah. Mrs.

Mrs.

That's right. And then they had the pop -up. sore muscles, and he talked like

this. Let's go to the museum.

I'll be dead.

Thank you, son, for chipping in to keep this place ship -shape while your

mother's busy working on Sandra's case.

Every time you start using Navy words, it means I always have to do it over

again.

Let's put it this way.

See, Dad, I had some problems getting the sheets moved.

I understand, because it looks like there's somebody else underneath.

Don't be afraid of sheets.

You see, you must not be afraid of sheets.

You move quickly, take them down.

Now, look at that.

Wrinkles. See?

Put your hand like this.

Don't be ashamed.

Just bring them on out.

Now you cook it. Now, sheets.

You want to snap.

The sheets.

Snap. You understand?

And that... Snap.

Snap.

What's that?

I'll give you a hand.

That's it. Snap it.

You work... Just keep working.

That's it.

on Tuesday.

Rudy, you missed the spot.

No, no, no, no, no. This is not what I'm talking about.

Well, Dad, we tried to mop, but Rudy kept pestering us to let her do it.

you are supposed to swab the deck.

Oh, no. He's using Navy words.

Daddy, mopping's Theo's job.

Theo. is the deck above making beds.

I usually make the beds.

You have been promoted.

Seaman Rudy Huxtable.

Aye, aye, sir.

What is this?

A mop, sir.

That is correct.

And the proper way to mop, since you all don't know it, is to dunk it into the

water first of all, and then you bring it out. You look at it, and then you

don't wring it out. You gently ooze the water.

You understand?

So Theo does it. And that's why Theo is making the fans.

You see, you take him up, you do it the Navy way. You twirl it around.

Blah!

See how beautiful that is?

Then you thrust your hip.

So, throw the hip forward.

Shovel turn.

Slap. Shovel turn.

Slap. Shovel turn. Slap.

Shovel turn. Slap. Come on, get up. Shovel turn. Slap. Do it. Shovel turn.

Shovel turn. Slap.

Shovel turn.

Slap.

Shovel turn. Slap.

I need to be away a long time

Taste me.

I'd rather have Brussels sprouts.

I'm thinking it'll be bats flying around this kitchen.

Weren't you allergic to lima beans? Yeah.

Good, because I didn't put any in here.

I think I see a foot.

Okay, everybody dig in. Daddy, this is delicious. Thank you, dear.

Come on, come on.

I had more than three days to prepare this thing. This man's been brought to

court twice and has gotten off.

Ah, but that was before he ran into Claire Huxtable.

Claire... Colt Huxtable.

Will you come and watch?

Of course, it's just going to be a little civil case. It's really not going

be that exciting.

Not that exciting? You're going after this man with both barrels.

I just want to be prepared.

You said I've been talking about that cool attorney talk.

Now tell me, just what is in store for Mr. Wilson? Mr.

Wilson is going to get exactly what he's got coming.

I like your style.

I felt it in your lips. Okay.

I really got a lot of work to do here.

Want me to give you a back rub?

No, I really have some things to attend to here.

Come on, Chris.

Don't do that. Your back rubs are lethal. If you rub my back, I'm going to

asleep.

But I tell you what, I'd love a back rub when I'm finished.

How long is all this going to take?

About an hour.

I'll probably fall asleep.

If you do.

Thank you, Mr.

Wilson. No further questions, Your Honor.

Your witness, Counselor. Mr. Wilson, how long has your garage been in business?

Six years and me.

Have you ever made an unnecessary repair?

Absolutely not. I'm an honest man. I never cheat anyone.

Just answer the question, Mr. Wilson. Yes or no?

No.

You come to a lot of these things?

Once in a while.

I'm here every day.

Mr. Wilson, are you aware that in the past 18 months, 27 complaints have been

filed against you?

Objection, Your Honor.

Counsel is defaming the character of my client.

Your Honor, Mr. Wilson brought up the question of his character when he

he never cheated anyone.

Injection overruled. People are always griping about mechanics.

You might say we're a lot like lawyers.

That's amusing, Mr. Wilson.

He's going to pay for that one.

Want a bite of my orange?

No, thanks.

I generally bring an apple, but...

The clerk says I make too much noise.

Mr. Wilson, what percentage of your business involves engine replacement?

I guess 20, 25%. I see. So one out of every four of your customers gets a new

engine. What do you do with the engines you remove?

Well, I keep them around the shop.

You never know when you're going to need a spare part.

She's setting him up.

If you've been in business for six years, one out of every four of your

customers gets an engine removed.

You must have tremendous storage problems.

Well, I mean, we keep some of them, and others go to the junk dealers.

She just drew blood.

When the plaintiff, Miss Huxtable, brought her vehicle into your garage,

replaced her old engine with a rebuilt engine that you purchased from Olympus

Engine Company. I have an invoice here which states that the serial number on

the rebuilt engine is RN7294938. Is that correct?

If that's what it says, then that was the number on the engine.

Your Honor, I'd like to submit this invoice as Exhibit A.

She's sharp.

Not bad looking either.

Mr. Wilson, where do you find the engine serial number?

On a metal sticker that's riveted onto the engine block.

Oh, it's never stamped into the engine itself?

Oh, not anymore.

They stopped doing that sometime back in the 70s. 1975, to be exact.

Yeah, well...

You say so.

She's going in for the kill.

Mr.

Wilson, is this an engine sticker?

Yeah. When I removed this from the rebuilt engine that you placed in Ms.

Huxtable's car, I found another serial number underneath that was imprinted on

the engine itself. And that second number is identical to the serial number

the car's original bill of sale.

Your Honor, I contend that Mr. Wilson has charged Ms. Huxtable for an engine

never replaced.

Your Honor, can I take a five -minute break here?

You can't ask for a recess.

Your Honor, if it pleases the court, the defense asks for a 15 -minute recess.

All right, this court stands recess for 15 minutes.

Mom, what does all this mean? It means we're about to win.

Calm down.

That's some kind of woman, man. I think I'm going to ask her out.

I don't know, man. A woman like that probably has a boyfriend.

Yeah? Yeah.

Well, I can't help myself. I'm going to ask her anyway.

Pardon me, ma 'am.

I really, really enjoyed the way you handled that case.

Thank you. You're welcome. How long have you been out of law school?

About a year.

You probably have a boyfriend, don't you?

No. Well, would you like to have one?

Well, if the right guy comes along.

Well, would you like to discuss it over a cup of coffee?

Okay. And then maybe after coffee, we could get married.

Okay.

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