Original subtitles

Hi. Hi.

The science project Dad's been talking about?

The solar system.

The nine planets, including Saturn, with its rings. And if that isn't enough,

check this out.

It's pretty good.

Pretty good?

Yeah, when's it due?

Why'd you ask me when it's due? Well, if you had the time, it would have been

nice if you made each planet revolve separately.

And Vanessa, if this was a real solar system, you would have had a four

collision.

Denise, this happens to be a great science project.

It's as good as anything I've ever done, and I always get A's. Vanessa, you're

in the advanced class now. You've got to go beyond what you used to do.

How much time did you put into this?

Four nights.

And how long have you known about this science fair?

A month and a half.

I'm not saying it's not good. I'm just saying...

Theo, you almost done?

No. Well, okay, when you're finished, I want you to wash that bowl yourself

because I'm getting ready to start this load.

Finished.

Oh, no, it's broken.

Are you sure?

Theo, quick. We got to get these dishes washed before your father comes down

here. He comes down here and finds out that this thing is broken.

He's going to put on that engineer's cap, those coveralls, get that tool kit

try to fix it.

And then he's going to have me help him.

You remember the refrigerator.

Started with a teeny little light that wouldn't come on. And four days later,

the only thing that did work was the door handle.

Why don't we just wait till after dinner to start it? Good idea, Mom.

See that?

It's broken, isn't it?

I'll call a repairman.

You'll do no such thing.

I can fix that, and it's cheaper.

First of all, you call a repairman. What does he do? He comes here, charges us

$35 to tell us that the part that's needed to make it run is somewhere on a

mountaintop in Minnesota.

Dad.

When you fix it, we end up having to pay the repairman anyway.

We?

Since when did you become we for paying bills?

I hope you do remember the refrigerator.

I almost had it. I almost had it, dear, and you kept pressuring me.

That's because we'd been eating out of cans for three days.

Look what time it is.

I'd hate to be late for school. Listen, what are you going to do after school?

Does it matter?

My son, the repairman's helper.

Leave me alone, Rudy.

Let me carry Morris.

It's not Morris. It's Mars, and you can't have it. Please.

No, the last time I let you carry it, you bounced it. Because before it was

Mars, it was my ball.

Oh, yeah, but wait a minute. Now, just look at it this way, Rudy. You're making

a contribution to science.

Okay. Okay.

Dan. Huh?

You like my science project, don't you?

Do I like it?

I love it.

Claire, look at this.

Is this fantastic or what? It's fantastic. And on top of that, Claire,

de resistance, we have a nine -page report on the solar system. Now, stand

here. Genius of mine because the brain power comes from the huxtable side.

And you fire away. Ask a question. Go ahead.

What is the atmosphere like on the planet Saturn?

Read on.

The atmosphere on Saturn is composed of methane and molecular hydrogen.

The average temperature is 350 degrees below zero and the wind velocity is 700

miles per hour.

I'm very impressed.

Yes, indeed.

must be Janet. Would you let her in, Dad? Oh, yes, ma 'am. I'll go get a box.

Okay, honey, and I'll help you pack it up. Okay.

Hello. Hi, Dr. Huxtable.

Um, don't I know you from someplace?

Did we double date together somewhere?

No.

Well, who are you?

Janet Miser.

Oh, yes, you're my daughter's giggling partner.

Yeah, she's putting her science project together. She'll be right out.

Don't tell me what she did. We swore each other to secrecy until the science

fair. Hi, Mrs. Huxtable. Hi, Janet. How are you doing?

Fine. You nervous? A little. I was putting my project together until the

minute. Oh, I finished mine two days ago.

Wow. I bet it's good.

Vanessa built a life -size space shuttle. She did?

Good.

Dad, wish me luck. The winner gets a trophy.

Hey, I got a space right here for it.

Thank you. Bye, Vanessa.

Now, Chris, that really was not necessary.

What? These classes are competitive enough without us putting extra pressure

this girl. There's nothing wrong with a little competition.

Okay, Chris, I just don't want Vanessa to get carried away like a certain

in this family.

Are you talking about me?

Yes. Yes, as a matter of fact, I am.

Now, let's take the way you play Monopoly.

What has Monopoly got to do with science?

I'm talking about the way you handle competition.

You see, most human beings view Monopoly as a game. But you take it as a means

to crush all those who dare to challenge you.

You are the worst.

If somebody gets a go -to -jail card, you applaud.

That's right.

If somebody lands on your property, you start making cash registers.

what you're talking about now this has nothing to do with science you're still

warm about the monopoly game we play

that table, Vanessa, and Janet, you're right next to her, okay? Thank you.

Mr. Robertson, there's a hole in my ant farm. They're escaping.

Let's see if we can't round them up.

But they're all over the place.

Whoops. My project's ruined.

I'll tell you what, Nancy.

If we can't find enough of them, you can go out and get some more over the

weekend, and we can judge yours separately on Monday. Deal?

made of all...

But it's nothing compared to what I have under that sheet.

Come on, Leigh -Eye. Tell us what it is.

Promise not to tell anyone?

Promise. Okay, under that sheet, I have a working tornado.

Wow.

Tornadoes aren't that hard. All you have to do is put a low -pressure warm air

system under a high -pressure cold air system, and you've got it.

But mine destroys the miniature farm community.

What's your project, Janet?

on it. Vanessa, the projects were due today.

But you gave dance in until Monday.

Well, yes, but that's because most of her project ran away.

Please, Mr. Robinson, I'd really like a chance to make it better.

I'm sorry, Vanessa, but we're going to start judging in a half an hour. Now,

come on, get yourself ready.

So how's it going?

Going just fine. I fixed it.

Fixed?

Dad.

Yes,

we're going to have clean dishes tonight.

But how do we get clean dishes if these aren't in the machine?

I made some modifications.

tradition up to now.

There's been a tradition of washing dishes, and we're going back to the old

Life's been too easy for you, boy.

Hi, Dad.

Hey, frickin' Frack, how you doing?

What happened?

Life's been too easy for me.

Well, want to talk about the science?

Who won?

Leon Haywood. His project was great. Really?

He had this tornado in a tube, and he kept throwing little cows and tractors

into it. And they'd spin up to the top and fly out.

I didn't know that tornadoes could be so devastating.

That'd be hard to beat.

How'd you do? Janet came in third.

Happy for you. Third place.

All right. And number two.

Where'd you come in?

14th. 14th? But her project was really great.

Get them next time.

Right, Dad.

Okay.

Listen, get that stuff back in the washing machine before your mother gets

You've never seen a coffee pot before?

I'm sorry you came in 14th.

Well, I'm sorry I came in third.

Look, you don't have to apologize just because you were smart enough to have

someone help you. I didn't have anybody help me. Your father's an engineer.

He must have had something to do with it.

understand. I don't need a repairman.

The machine is past repairman.

What I'm asking for is if you have a machine that's the same model as the one

that I had, you do. Now, can you get a man here to put it

in before 5 .30, before my wife gets home?

Yes, I want to give her a present.

You can?

Oh, you're great.

Thank you.

Dr. Huxtable?

Mrs. Wizard!

I think I want to go home.

You think you want to go home?

Yes. Could you take me?

You really want to go home?

I really want to.

Well, yeah.

I have to go up and get my keys, and then I'll come down and I'll take you

Thank you, Dr. Huxtable.

It's Dad.

Come in.

Hi, Dad.

Hi.

Everything okay?

Yes, Dad.

Well, Janet came downstairs and asked me to take her home. That's a short visit.

Yes, Dad.

What's happening?

Ever since she won third prize, she's been impossible.

She only won it just a couple of minutes ago, honey.

She won't admit it, but I bet her dad helped her. He's an engineer.

Did you ask her if he helped her?

Yes. What did she say about it?

She said he didn't.

And do you believe her?

Every time I sat down to work, Rudy was always bothering me.

I asked Mom if I could work at the kitchen table, and she said no.

I don't even think Mr. Robertson likes me.

Are you finished?

And you only gave me $10 to do my project.

So a whole lot of people ruined this project for you, huh?

Look at me.

You know, there's two people in this room who really know better than that,

don't we?

Come here.

Come on, now. Come over here.

You tell me, what is the real problem, ma 'am?

Dad, I thought what I did was good enough, but when I saw what those other

did, I knew I could have done a lot more.

Mm -hmm.

How much more?

A lot more. Well, then why didn't you, dear?

I don't know.

Oh, I don't know. Now, you come on, level with me. You don't know what I

know.

I guess I just didn't work hard enough.

Is that class too fast for you?

No. Are they asking you to do things that you can't do?

Uh -uh.

Then how much more could you have done?

I could have done 75 % more.

Denise was right. I should have made each planet rotate by itself.

I should have put moons around Mars and Jupiter.

Should have put comets and satellites.

I could have put the Starship Enterprise.

Okay. It's my girl.

Dad? Yeah?

Could I borrow $20?

Why, you want to run away from home?

No, I want to finish my science project.

Uh, the competition is over, honey.

I know.

You want to do it to show Mr. Robertson, right?

No.

You want to do it to show Dad?

No.

I want to do it for me.

That's my girl.

Dad, I can't breathe.

You have to understand, dear, that love hurts sometimes.

Now, Janet is downstairs.

Do you... Do you want me to take her home?

No. Okay.

If I can talk her into it, can she stay for dinner?

Did her father help her with the project?

No.

I'll take the two of you for pizza.

Can I be crushed?

You're pushing it.

Dad, Vanessa said we're all going out for pizza.

Yeah, as soon as your mom gets home.

Is it okay if I don't go?

The only time you ever missed out on pizza was when you had your tonsils out.

Dad, whenever we take Janet and Vanessa out to eat, they always make fun of me.

That's because you're funny.

Listen, when the pizza comes, everybody waits except you. And we all say the

same thing to you.

Please, it's hot. You say, I don't care. You reach in, you grab the slice.

Pull it up. The cheese is still clinging to the thing. It's got a long line of

it. You turn around, open up your mouth, and you bite down.

And the heat is coming out of your mouth. And then you start saying, And

then you pull it away. There's cheese coming from the pizza.

You've got cheese down here.

And then you grab anything.

Remember that time you grabbed... cup and it belonged to some people who had

just left the table and there was cigarette butts in it and you just drank

I'll give my coat back. Yeah.

We're ready.

Thanks for inviting me to dinner, Dr. Huxtable.

I don't know what you're thanking me for because you're buying tonight.

Now, do you have money in there?

No. Do you have credit cards?

Look, you go upstairs and get your sister. When Mrs. Huxtable arrives, you

get the car.

Hey.

Hi.

Don't take your coat off, because we're going out for pizza right now.

Okay. Okay, well, where are you going, dear?

I'm going to the kitchen.

What are you going to get?

A little glass of juice.

Well, look, they sell juice in the restaurant, dear.

So tell me, how did Vanessa make out in her science field? Vanessa did just

fine. She came in 14th place, and I asked her if she was in over her head.

said she felt good about herself. She asked me for $20 so she could go back

do the project all over again.

She is not in over her head.

Very good.

we could just do something about the other child in the family who is in over

his head but refuses to admit it.

Well, if you tell me what Theo's problem is, I'll be glad.

Theo is not the child I'm referring to.

The child I'm speaking of wears an engineer's cap, coveralls, has a

has never fixed anything.

Now, I want you to go straight up to your room, and Vanessa will come up and

have a long talk with you about being...

In over your head.

Can I have some pizza first?

Only if you promise to never ever again, as long as we both shall live, to try

to fix anything in this house.

I promise not to ever try to fix anything

in this house again.

Promise not to try to fix anything in this house again.

The Cosby Show is taped in front of a live studio audience.