Original subtitles

Hi, sweetheart.

Hi, F.

Well, how was the charming and beautiful Mrs.

Huxtable's day in court? F.

Well,

you get them next time. Oh, that's what you said the last time.

Well, then in that case, you blew it. Well, thank you.

Hi, Mom.

Vanessa, it is almost dinner time.

Dad made me do it.

I said she could have a snack.

After she practiced the clarinet.

So did she?

Did you?

Did a what?

Practiced the clarinet for the recital.

You didn't make me.

Will you tell your daughter how important this is?

What, you planning on leaving town right away?

Explain to this girl that she's got a featured solo in less than a week.

But dear, the girl is standing right there.

Vanessa. Vanessa, I want you to practice.

I will, as soon as I finish my homework.

How much do you have?

I have a history essay on the Hundred Years' War.

Okay, how long will it take?

About 15 minutes.

Well, that's not bad. That's seven years a minute.

That's if I want a D.

What if you want an A?

About an hour tops.

Go for the A.

Okay.

There, that better?

No.

What am I supposed to do?

When Mary Lopez's father kisses her, he says, I love you, Mary.

I love you, Mary.

Mr. Lopez is a troublemaker.

You know what?

What? Mary can have a snack any time she wants.

Oh, really?

Oh.

Mom's in the kitchen.

What?

My sentiments exactly.

Well?

Vanessa promised she would practice. When are we going to learn?

First, it was Denise and her ice skating lessons. We buy the ice skates, the

outfits. She left two weeks. Then there's Theodore and his karate lessons,

and a half. But we didn't go for too much there.

All we paid for was a white bathrobe and a couple pieces of wood.

How much did we go for with the clarinet?

Oh, well, you know how we agree that when a child shows an interest in

something, it's our parental duty to nurture it?

Right. Well, what did run us?

Not like we're hard up for money or anything.

What did it run us? And you know, you're not going to believe this, but in the

long run, it's a lot cheaper than renting.

What did it run us?

$245.

$245?

But that included the case.

Well, it better include a set of lips.

last two matches? That's because I toyed with you.

Go ahead. Put it down.

Do I talk when you're moving pieces?

Let's go.

Time is money.

You don't even have a job. What money?

Time is money. Time and money.

Time is money. Me, you know, I have a job. Not planning on getting a job and

can't even...

Queen check.

I know a check when I see one, man.

I'm the person who taught you how to play, you remember?

Yeah, he did a good job.

Are you playing chess or are you calling for the bellhop?

Have we moved closer to the river?

blowing to the right end?

I think she just

killed a goose.

It'll be great. And I hate to do it alone.

I don't think so. Ask Daddy to do it with you. Are you kidding? That's worse

than doing it alone.

Come on, Claire.

Get the lead out. And lift those knees.

Snap it up, woman.

Talking about jogging? What time do you want to go?

I don't. All right, 7 o 'clock.

Oh, oh, please.

No, come here.

Here, here, here, here. Where did you get this from?

This is not a toy. This is a goose killer.

Hi, Daddy.

Vanessa, do you know how much we paid for that?

No.

$245. Two, four, five.

can be purchased with $245?

Hmm? You can get breaks for six Chevys.

You can purchase a ticket to the London Philharmonic Orchestra in London and

sit on the same row as the Queen.

Dad, I do appreciate you buying this for me. If you appreciate it, why is Rudy

walking around dragging it down the steps, twirling it like a baton?

She is?

Yes. Dad, I'm telling you, you have to nail stuff down around here.

Some time ago, young lady, you came to us and you said you would do anything

if we would allow you to take up the clarinet. Now, what happened?

Dad, I just don't like it anymore.

And neither does Janet Miser. She quit two weeks ago.

So that means you have to quit too?

except there's only two of us.

Couldn't I switch to gymnastics?

No.

Is this the money? I mean, Janet's father hocked her clarinet and got $40

it. $40? I paid two for it. Look, you agreed to be in that recital. They are

counting on you.

Dad, they won't even miss me. Who's going to play the clarinet solo?

The tuba can do it.

No, you can quit later. We'll talk about it. But you have... a responsibility to

go through with that recital. Now, you are going to do it. Now, I want you to

practice. Do you understand?

I understand.

All right. You do understand me?

Yes. All right, then. You okay?

I'm okay. Okay. Now, is there anything you need?

No. You sure?

Positive. You don't want, uh, brighter lights in the room?

No. How about a pot of coffee?

No. All right. Now, don't forget.

You got a responsibility.

Practice. Right?

I'll do my best.

That's all I'm asking for.

Part of responsibility.

So, he wouldn't let you out of it, huh?

No. Did you get his responsibility speech?

Yeah. Long or short version?

The long version.

With a pot of coffee.

Uh -huh. So, what'd you tell him?

I told him I'd do my best.

Was that your best?

Yeah.

And the recitals went?

In five days.

I'm not jogging with you. Yes, you know that deep down inside you want to.

You know that you're going to wake up in the morning with an irresistible urge

to go jogging with your husband.

Jogging with all that?

Looks like you're going on a face walk.

Claire, in order to go jogging and do it properly, you must have the necessary

equipment. Clip.

Why can't you be satisfied with a nice, pleasant jog in the park?

Because serious joggers are not satisfied with a nice, pleasant

jog in the park.

Now, I have this, which measures the distance, this, which measures

the time that I ran the distance in, and this, which measures the hydro...

ratio, you say? It means wet.

Yes. Okay.

Cliff, jogging with you is not fun.

Claire, let me tell you. You want to talk about fun?

You want to talk about what is fun?

This is the way I jog.

See, I'm serious.

I have the pepper.

You understand?

I have the pepper. This is the way I'm moving.

jobs must have at least three of these tucked here and then she burst

in full speed carrying 59 pounds of unnecessary equipment while you scream,

it, Claire, move it. No pain, no gain.

Now, we always get in an argument and I end up walking home alone and... I hate

jogging with you.

Okay. And whoever's up at this hour had better have a good excuse.

I can't sleep.

Good enough?

What's the matter, honey?

Let's recital.

Why?

I have a sore throat.

The recital's in four days.

It's one of those slow -building sore throats.

Vanessa, it's after midnight.

Now, what's wrong?

Mom, I'm worried.

What are you worried about?

You've heard me practicing.

I'm really bad, aren't I? I think you're doing pretty well.

11 years old, nobody's asking you to play like Benny Goodman.

Who?

Look, you're going to be just fine. I can understand your doubts. I had the

doubts when I went out on my first date.

Dad, this is not the same thing. You have to practice to do this.

Listen, I'm telling you, my first date, I had to practice.

Now, when I was 13 and a half years old, My voice was cracking, and I was

embarrassed about it. And people would say, what is your name?

And I'd say, my name is Heathcliff Huxtable.

And I didn't want to sound like that. I wanted to sound smooth and mature.

So I practiced.

What is your name, son?

Heathcliff Huxtable.

Heathcliff Huxtable.

Heathcliff Huxtable. And then I began to practice my smiles. I had three of

them. I had a full smile.

I had a three -quarter smile.

And then I had a quarter smile.

And I practiced all of those things. And then the night of my date, I walked up

to the house. I was nervous, but I had practiced.

I rang the doorbell, and the father opened the door, and he said, what do

want? And I said, my name.

And I ran away.

ran for about a block, and then I stopped myself, and I said, no, no, no,

practice. Go back there. Give it to him. Three -quarter, one -quarter, full.

And I went back, and I rang that bell, and he said, who are you? And I said, my

name is Heathcliff Huxtable.

Now, do you understand that?

Yes. All right. And so, now, you feel better?

No.

Checkmate! That's four in a row for the man on the comeback trail.

Dad, you're a bad loser, but you're a worse winner.

Boo. Wait a minute, Dad. Hold on.

Was there something troubling you, son?

No. What? Are you looking for rain?

No.

Perhaps are pennies from heaven being played on the clarinet by your sister?

Hey, I don't know what you're talking about.

Well, forget it. She's not playing till Mr. Hampton gets here.

When's that?

Soon.

Hampton?

Mr.

Hampton is coming to give your sister some instructions on the clarinet.

He told me he knew you when you were a little boy.

That's true.

Mr. Hampton is an old friend. He was a music teacher when I was in school.

Some. Did they have potato chips?

Yes, we had potato chips.

Did they have TV?

No, they didn't have TV.

I do some for you.

Me too, Mr. Hampton.

Vanessa!

Yes, Dad?

Come on down, please, hon.

Yeah, yeah.

Mr. Hampton, what are you doing here?

Got us a little insurance policy on the recital.

He's going to take my place?

No, he's going to give you private lessons.

Come on, let's get started.

Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. That

was Bobby Tucker on the bassoon, giving you his rendition of...

Flight of the bumblebee.

Looks more like a wounded moth.

In just a moment now, we will hear from our beginner's class.

That's me.

Good luck, honey.

Better be good. I gave up hanging out with my friends to see this.

Go get them, kid.

Hey, where are you going?

My kid already played.

Who, the bumblebee?

than my kids going on. I'm paying $4 an hour for parking.

Yeah, well, I don't care about $4. I paid $6.

Come on. Watch my kid.

And now, ladies and gentlemen, our beginner's class with their medley of

songs was soloed by Miss Vanessa Hudson.

Master of the mouthpiece, Wizard of the Whitwoods. No autographs, please.

She's going to be impossible to live with.

Okay, way to go, Vanessa.

Yeah, you were real good.

Well, now that you're a star, what are you going to do?

Beauty? Enjoy.

Oh, boy!

$245.

Vanessa.

well this evening. Don't you want to at least reconsider? No, not really.

Gymnastics.

Janet Miser hated gymnastics. Really? What's she doing now?

Horseback riding.

Horseback riding? We're renting.

The Cosby Show is videotaped in front of a live studio audience.