Original subtitles

Rudy, come on. You're going to make us late.

Bye, Rudy.

I'm going to miss you all day.

Maybe I should go to the office with you.

You go to school and I'll go to the office. You sure you'll be okay?

I'll make it. You know, I worry about you sometimes.

Bye, baby. I'll see you later this afternoon.

Somebody must have run outside naked.

Claire! You forgot your briefcase. I know a lot of people forgot their

and went on to live normal lives.

Does this make sense to you?

A woman graduates from law school so she can run two and a half blocks to chase

a child who says she does not like the sandwich she made.

What kind of sandwich did you make for her?

Rudy made the sandwich for herself.

She said the tuna and peanut butter sounded great, but it just didn't look

between the bread. I agree with her.

I love my work, and I'm doing great.

But then I come home, and I have to help people who put their clothes on

backwards.

Or they want to cop.

They don't know how to drive.

Or they want to watch television all night long

sockets and roll under the couch.

There's the kids.

No. No?

No. I wanted to have the kids.

That's important to us.

But then I go to work and I sit at that desk for weeks, for hours, preparing a

brief, and Mr. Greenbrook Sr.

comes in to tell me the case has been settled out of court.

I want to scream.

So it was...

Look, I just told you. I'm sorry. But then I come home again.

People are crying. They need a button sewn on. Somebody drinking bubble bath.

Then it is the kid.

No. It's the kid and work.

No. Then it's me.

No.

Well, then, Claire, what is it?

What it is is a life that's so crowded I don't have time to figure out what it

is. because I'm going to be late for work.

Oh, well, then I can help. Now, listen to me. Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop,

stop, stop. Listen to me, okay?

Just listen to me. Just take it easy.

Tonight, you and I go to dinner.

Out to dinner, just the two of us, okay?

I'd like that. Good. Now, here, here, here, here. Think about this one. Here.

Go to the Biltmore Hotel because I know the manager there.

I delivered his baby, and he owes me because the baby does not look like him

his wife.

Okay, dinner at the Biltmore. Dinner at the Biltmore. Wait, whoa!

Now, listen, no, no, hear me now. Hear me now. We rent a limousine, take us

to the Biltmore for the dinner, and then... take a nice limo drive on the

with the moon bouncing off of the water and you can see lights of the buildings

and the boats going to the boats.

Oh, that's beautiful. Yes, it is. All right?

Oh. Yeah.

Thanks, Cliff. No, that's nothing.

I'll see you later. Oh, wait a minute.

I got one more and this is it.

We will stay over at the Biltmore.

We're going to spend the night? Spend the night at the Biltmore. Without the

children? Well, dear, if we take the children, why are we going?

Tonight, we are not taking the children because tonight is you are not a mother

night.

Look, I think that's a wonderful idea. All right. Good.

You like that, huh? I like that. Okay. Now, you relax.

Now? I'm relaxed. You feel much better. I feel much better. And you kind of just

smoothed out. I'm smoothed out. Yes, that's it. And you're late for work. Oh!

So,

Mrs.

Jennings, for a woman pregnant three months, you're all right.

Doctor, could I talk to you about something?

Sure. All my life, I have taken perfect care of my body.

I exercise every day. I run 30 miles a week. I work out with weights, and I

haven't eaten a piece of meat, chicken, or fish for seven years.

You do eat something.

But only pure, natural foods.

But last week, I was out just walking down the street, and...

I suddenly found myself in front of a hot dog stand ordering a jumbo frank

ketchup and relish and mustard. The works. Me.

I've been a vegetarian for seven years.

Who ate the hot dog?

Well, I did.

But it wasn't for me, doctor.

The baby wanted the hot dog.

The baby wanted the hot dog. The baby made me

eat it. Right, the baby.

And that's just the beginning.

This baby wants waffles with syrup and ice cream and hot fudge sauce.

It's all right. It's okay.

You can eat that as long as you have a sensible diet.

But the baby won't let me. He hates broccoli.

He won't touch turnips. I show him a spoonful of wheat germ. He sends me out

a triple -decker burger with double fries and a chocolate mullet.

The baby...

Fends you out.

Yes.

You have been pregnant three months.

Yes. The baby doesn't even have a face yet.

Mrs. Jennings, you say to me it speaks English and knows exactly where the

hamburger place is.

Doctor, I don't want a hamburger.

Yes, you do. No, I can't. I shouldn't. It's okay.

It is?

Sure. As long as you have a sensible, balanced diet, have a hamburger, it

won't hurt you.

Doctor, I have some chocolate marshmallow cookies.

Would you like to try one? No, I don't want to deprive the baby.

Yes. Just have to make some plans for tonight. That's all.

Hello, Mr. Brenner. I want to treat my wife to a wonderful night in your hotel.

Big suite, first class, everything.

No, I'll pay for it myself.

Mr. Brenner, I'm not coming to your hotel unless I pay the bill. Right. I

want to be sure that everything is taken care of first class.

All right?

Thank you, sir.

And good night to you. Bye -bye.

I'm going to have to get a second job.

Doctor, that's a wonderful thing you're doing for your wife. Thank you. Your

husband will do it for you someday.

Oh, certainly. I hope so.

How long have you been married?

21 years.

How many kids?

Four at home and one in college.

Five children, 21 years.

What are you celebrating?

Survival.

Who asked you?

Fine, look like that.

Hey, everybody, I want to see you.

Please, go sit down. My nails are wet.

Well, don't touch the couch.

Hello there.

Where's Vanessa?

Up there.

Will you go get her for me, please?

Okay. Thank you.

the sound down. Turn off the TV?

Completely.

Later on, pull it out, it comes back on.

TV's wonderful.

Yes, Daddy?

Oh, where's Rudy?

Up there. No, don't go get her, please. I'll deal with what I have here. Come

on.

Come sit over here.

Well, what's going on?

Your mother is...

going out tonight.

Have fun. No, whoa, whoa, whoa. Please, please, please, please. Thank you very

much.

We're going to be out late.

How late?

Till tomorrow.

Have fun. No, no, listen, there's more. Now, Denise, you are going to have to

babysit. Daddy, that's not fair. Cancel my plans without any warning.

Yeah, and look, you leave in charge. The dragon lady.

Here comes your mom. Everybody, line up. Line up. Boy, this must be serious.

He's making us line up again.

Well, what do you think?

Does your mom look clean?

Say goodbye to your mother.

Goodbye. Goodbye, Mommy.

Now, Mrs. Davis is going to spend the night here tonight. As soon as she gets

off from work.

And I'm going to leave you the number for the hotel.

Please, before you use it, think.

your decision if it's necessary.

Think again.

All right. Now, dear. Mom, can we sit down for dinner or do I have to make it?

Don't answer that.

Mom, can I do my homework after dinner? Pay no attention to these people.

Mom, what about my science project? Do you want me to do it all by myself?

You are not a mother tonight.

Goodbye, baby.

his child.

Here, clamp on to your sister.

I hereby declare that you are not a mother knight is now.

was she dancing with?

I thought they broke up.

Denise? Hold on. What?

Can I watch Frankenstein?

Do you want to watch it? Yes.

Then watch it.

that you've been cutting out pictures from his medical books and selling them.

Well, I've got stuff on you too, you know. Like what?

You worried?

No. Good.

Take this.

I'm fine. Come on now, take this.

Cliff, that is pigeons.

Well, listen.

That is cow.

Now, take this.

All I can think of are the pigeons on the ledge outside my office.

Those are the rejects.

Now, this once had a head on it, long eyelashes, and said...

Okay?

Now, come on. Let's take a little bite.

Please. Huh?

How about it? It's not bad.

Yeah. Want another bite?

No. Come on. You know you want another bite.

I do not. You are dying for another bite. I do not want another bite.

some of your steak you don't like yours this is pigeon i

don't know why you went through all that you wanted a piece of steak all you had

to do was ask for

the feeling. We are very fortunate to have the children, Cliff.

Otherwise, we would never know the joy of leaving them at home.

Let's not go back.

You mean tomorrow?

I mean forever.

No, I'm serious. Let them have the house, and we'll stay here, and what

is maybe we'll call them when we get old.

I just had another urge.

You want to take somebody to the bathroom?

I haven't told anybody to shut up in the past hour.

Oh, go ahead. Tell me. I don't want to tell you. No, go ahead. Say it to me.

Just say, shut up, Clint. Shut up. I'm not going to tell you to shut up.

let it out. If you've got to shut up inside to make you feel better, just let

out. Shut up.

You are crazy. No, no. I'm not kidding. Look, which one of the children could I

be? I know.

Oh, mother, this is my life. You're so...

Shut up.

Now,

let me think of another one. Mom, Rudy's bothering me.

Shut up, shut up, shut up.

and knows he has labor pains.

Have you eaten anything unusual?

No, this isn't the doctor.

This is his son, Theo.

No, he's gone for the evening.

Dr. Daly is covering for him. I'll give you the number. I hear he's good.

No, but he came over here once and he looked pretty smart.

555 -1639.

Thank you.

No, I'm not going into medicine.

Dad won't let me. Bye.

Cliff? Cliff? How far apart are they?

Oh, now, how could you do that?

Do what?

You were sleeping.

Correction, napping.

Sleeping is under the covers and don't come out till morning.

Napping is on top of the covers, which is over now.

This is your idea of a fun evening. You come up here to take a nap?

No, my idea of a fun evening is to put my pajamas on, get into bed, and wait

hours for my wife to come out of the bathroom.

Because that bathroom is very nice. It's nicer than our living room. It even has

a phone in there.

And you can call all the other bathrooms in the hotel.

Is that what you did?

I didn't think you'd mind the time it took once you saw the finished product.

You know, you're right.

Let's get it on.

have to say that.

Well, I mean, so what did I say? Let's get it on.

Well, I mean, it sounded good to me. Well, that's not a very romantic line.

I didn't know this was a script. I thought we were supposed to make it up

go along.

But you could try something like, you know, you look really beautiful this

evening. Sure.

Okay, so why don't you try that?

No. But it's very romantic.

Yeah, it's romantic if I... say it, but it isn't romantic if you tell me to say

it. Well, I was just trying to help. Well, but I don't need your help.

So what do I do?

You let me say what I want to say.

If I let you say it, you are going to say, let's get it on.

No. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Let's get it on is retired.

That's finished.

Okay? Okay. All right.

You like that?

Mm -hmm. I made that up.

How's that feel?

It's pretty enough.

I made that up, too.

And I'm making up some more.

Pay close attention now.

More,

more. No, no, no. Wait, wait, wait. You can't brush me

off.

You know something?

I love you very, very much.

It's a privilege to wake up in the morning and see your face.

You are my life.

And I mean that.

Oh, Cliff.

Let's get it on.

one who's supposed to say that. Yes, dear, but you said it too soon.

I see. So it's timing, right? Right.

Timing.

All right.

Oh.

Hello?

This better be necessary.

It's for you.

Take a jog around.

Come on. All right. All right.

Oh, Rudy.

Now watch it. It may be a trap.

and what do we see? The attack of the ant people.

Sit down.

Now, I want all of you to just relax. You're making your mother's face do like

this.

And if she continues to look like this, you're going to grow older, get married,

and she'll show up at your wedding looking like this.

You want your mother to look like this forever?

No.

Then I want you to go into the kitchen and clean it up together.

Me too.

Watch and learn.

Claire, I'm sorry.

I know you probably want one more day, don't you? Oh, no. Last night was just

enough. I think you could have used the whole weekend. No.

with the food and the wine and the passion, and you're the one who wants

whole weekend.

No. Could have used a month.

The Cosby Show is taped in front of a live studio audience.