Original subtitles

You tell her, Freddie, that I heard that he said that you did, and he had a lie.

Freddie, just tell her.

Uh -huh. Seriously.

There he is!

Yes, I know what she looks like.

Vanessa?

Your sister just came down to my office, interrupted my work to tell me that you

bothered her.

She shouldn't have done that, Dad. You're a very busy man.

That's not important.

Yes, it is.

You bring new lives into the world.

Without you, women would stay pregnant forever.

The question is, why are you bothering your sister?

I don't know.

Well, didn't I tell you not to bother her?

Uh -huh.

Then why are you still bothering her?

All right, you two are going to have to learn to play together. Do you

understand?

Fine. Now, get away from each other.

Hey!

I was just hurrying her along.

That's all right. She's only five years old now, but she's going to grow up. And

she may begin to do bodybuilding.

Come back, find you, and say, remember all the times you pushed me? And clean

your clock.

Denise, didn't I ask you to look after them? Give me this. Hello?

Freddie? Hi.

I'm going to hang up now. You can keep talking if you want to.

You know, Daddy, this wouldn't happen if I had my own phone in my room. If you

had your own phone, we would never see you.

And you would come out of the room one day and we would wonder who you are and

charge you rent.

Of course you can. Where?

Any pay phone in New York.

Making

biscuits.

Now, stop.

Stop now. Cut it out.

Come on.

Now, look. You squash.

The mess of the fruit. You're bothering your sister. Tell Dad. Tell Dad. What's

the problem? Please.

Come on.

How come Mom takes Tay to see the new movie Death Track 2000 and not me?

Because you can't handle the scary stuff.

Everybody knows that. You know that. I read for you Little Bo Peep has lost her

sheep when you were a little kid. You cried for two weeks.

I doubt that very, very much. Yes, they did.

If you want me to, I will call Janet Meisner's parents and ask them that

and embarrass you all to pieces.

I'm going to the phone.

You better stop me.

This is your last chance.

Genesee Death Track 2000.

Aha.

All right.

And thank you.

She did.

And you know what that means?

What? Nothing, because you're still not going.

Daddy, it's not fair. Everyone gets to go with me.

Vanessa, how many times have you begged us?

To take you to see a scary movie, and then you wound up being so scared that

had to sleep with us.

Twice. Hundreds of times.

Not hundreds.

Not twice.

Dad, you missed a great movie. Yeah? It was non -stop. Blood everywhere. Did I

get any on me?

I'm telling you, she doesn't know what classic when she sees one. Oh, when they

were not shooting. or blowing up a car or a building. They just stood there

cursing. The foulest mouths I've ever heard. Yeah.

Dad, she was real embarrassed.

Let me tell you about the movie. Start from the beginning and talk slow.

Okay. Vanessa, Vanessa, out.

I can't even hear about the movie?

Vanessa, go on up to your room and play with your sister and stay away from her.

it gets worse.

Tell me about the plot of this epic.

Okay, see, there was this guy, Max Savage, and this gang took his car, and

had to get it back.

That's the plot?

Yeah, but you hardly noticed it.

What's really great is these guys had these machine guns that shoot fireballs,

and this one guy had this...

that blew up whole city.

Oh, boy, if I got to see this movie.

Vanessa!

I'm still upstairs, aren't I?

Now, I can take the stabbings and the beatings and those people that explode

every six seconds.

No problem. But what got me was when this movie let out, these kids left the

theater laughing.

It was fun.

See? We've got one in our own house, and we feed it.

Well, the reason why you think it's fun is because you don't know any better.

Now, next week at the Old Classic Theater, there's a movie playing that I

to love when I was your age. I'm taking you, and you are going to love it.

Yeah.

Sure, Dad.

I think that's a great idea.

Oh, yeah.

Yes. Take that boy to the movies and educate him. Yes, indeed. What's

Something like Humphrey Bogart and Casablanca? No. No, no.

Earl Flynn and Don Juan.

No. Lawrence Olivier and Wuthering Heights. No, we got Colt Kirby and

and Laredo.

You are on your own. No, no, listen. He had a horse, Coco the Wonder Horse. This

was the smartest horse in the world. Used to roll his own cigarettes.

Okay. Okay.

It was great. It wasn't realistic.

Wasn't realistic.

Mister, my girlfriend is in the building throwing H -bomb in, blow up everything

to get her. She comes out with her hair unsinged, says my movie was not

realistic.

Hey, his guy shot his six shooter 39 times without reloading.

men in the saloon and his hat never came off.

His guy rode his horse Coco 600 miles and passed the same rock 14 times.

Well, you don't go to a movie to count rocks.

You go to a movie to see Colt Kirby, who was a real hero.

honest, decent.

I thought he was a wimp.

Hulk Kirby tamed the West with a six -gun and a smile and not a blowtorch.

Hey, Max Savage only killed people who needed killing or touched his car.

You touch Coco the Wonder Horse.

Oh,

he started it. All right, that's enough. Just go wash up for dinner with soap.

Yes, ma 'am.

Colt Kirby will kick Mack Savage's butt.

Oh, go on there, buckaroos. Now, what seems to be the ruckus?

What? In America, and that is, what's the trouble?

What did you say?

I call her a chicken baby.

I am not. I, too.

I am not. I... Stop. Stop.

Stop it!

Now, here.

Rudy, you go and you help Mommy in the kitchen, please.

Vanessa, go help Mom in the kitchen.

Now? Do I have to say now?

tonight's supper. How about you?

Yeah.

Salad, a little salmon.

Yeah. We ought to eat light more often. Yeah.

I'm starving.

Me too.

I saw some leftover chicken.

Uh -uh.

Cheese and crackers.

and crackers.

Okay. What kind of crackers?

Uh, we got saltines.

Saltines and cheddar cheese.

Okay.

Got it.

Make it bread.

Bread and cheddar

cheese.

Lightly toasted.

of that smile.

It's the kind of smile that makes fathers old.

Good night, Daddy. Good night.

Vanessa.

Hi, Dad.

Hi.

Looks almost done.

Are you here to join me?

Oh, yeah. Thank you.

Vanessa, can I ask you a question?

Oh, sure.

Do you have a nighttime job that I don't know about?

Like driving a truck or something like that? Why are you drinking coffee?

I'm afraid to go back to sleep.

Ah. Had a bad dream.

Had a bad dream.

Oh, that's enough. Thank you, dear.

doesn't it? Oh, yes, it does.

Tell me about your dream.

See, there was this real mean gang of kidnappers, and they took Max Savage's

car, and he had these guns. Wait a minute. See, you're scared because of

you heard Theo say two days ago. Now, imagine if you had gone to that movie.

Yeah, I did.

How'd you get a ticket?

It's easy.

There's this high school guy who stands outside the theater. He can grow a

machine.

movie day and for 50 cents we'll take a little kid in.

He is cleaning up.

Was it worth it? It was horrible.

First I covered my eyes and then I hid under my seat and then I went out into

the lobby and watched the guy turn hot dogs.

Why didn't you just leave?

Leave?

Okay.

What we have to do is get you in the bed.

Tomorrow...

to discuss a tremendous grounding.

Let's go.

There's supposed to be a child behind you.

Look, Dad, I go back to my room and I close my eyes and the kidnappers scare

so I'm right back here in the kitchen. So can't I just stay here?

Would it be better if you slept with us tonight?

Oh, thanks a lot, Dad. I wouldn't have to go in my room and I wouldn't have to

drink that coffee.

We had something like this in med school.

Take one sip and you were awake for six hours.

Two sips, you were awake for 72 hours.

Drink a cup, you never blink in life.

messed up daddy he takes me to this restaurant right and the whole time he's

looking at the waitress freddie freddie she's telling us the catch of the day

and he's looking at her legs

12 bucks.

I said, I'll have the Maine lobster, $24 .50.

And the cherries jubilee, $8.

And then, I said, take me home.

Well, dear, in the words of Colt Kirk,

Thanks, Daddy.

Good night, bud.

Mommy,

what happened?

Oh, honey, you fell.

Listen, baby.

Now, we need to talk about these, uh, sleeping arrangements.

You kicking me out?

Honey, I know what you're going through because I've been there myself.

When I was your age, I used to think I saw a witch in a tree outside my window.

You did?

Mm -hmm. She had slimy green skin, raisin teeth all bunched up together,

white hair, and she used to call.

I jumped up and I ran to my parents' room. You did the right thing.

After I stayed there for a while, my mother gave me something that helped me

go back to my room.

What did she give you?

This. She gave you some junk jewelry?

This medal has been in our family since 1859.

Wow. And when my mother gave me this medal, I knew I would never again be

bothered by that witch.

May this medal make you brave.

I feel better already.

And now it's time for you to go back to your room.

I knew it was coming.

It's going to be hard, Mom, but I'm going to go back in there.

I'm going to go to sleep, and I'm going to see those kidnappers staying straight

at me. But no matter how scared I get, I'm going to stay in my room.

Oh, I love you.

Mom. Huh?

Those earrings would look so great with my medal.

We have definitely got a daytime couch.

Look, Daddy, my bravery medal.

Mama gave it to me.

Oh, my goodness.

Well, congratulations.

Good night, Mama.

Good night, baby.

Good night, Daddy.

Good night, honey. I'll see you in the morning.

Let's hope so.

That's my 880 relay medal.

I had to run for two years to earn that medal.

Well, you gotta give something to get something.

In the words of Colt Kirby...