Original subtitles

[intro music]

[imitates train] Tickets this way for the Chatsworth Express!

Come and watch pikeys making a mess of the lives

they were given by him upstairs.

And kids they're convinced aren't actually theirs.

[shouts] Stay away!

What sounds on earth could ever replace kids needing money or wives in your face?

Cos this, people reckon, and me included,

is why pubs and drugs were kindly invented,

to calm us all down and stop us going mental.

These are Chatsworth Estate's basic essentials.

We are worth every penny for grinding your axes.

You shit on our heads, but you pay the taxes.

[all laughing]

Imagine a Britain without Chatsworth buccaneers

who'd come on your face for the price of a beer.

Make poverty history, cheaper drugs now!

Make poverty history, cheaper drugs now!

[laughing]

Scatter!

Party!

[music fades out]

[sighing]

[orchestral music]

[Mimi] Being a mum, a wife,

I thought that's all I ever wanted.

Thought it made me happy.

How wrong was I.

For too long now, I've counted on family for my happiness.

Might as well have popped Prozac for the last 30 years

for all the good it's done me.

To think all those wasted years

I could have been a page three model, me.

Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't change it.

-[Shane] Full Irish, sir. -Full Irish, what?

[Mimi] But I can't help wondering how different life could have been for me.

Thought about council.

[Mimi] From now on, it's my time.

I want to do what makes me happy.

I'm getting me tits out.

Metaphorically.

-[Billy] Mrs Maguire... -Billy.

You're trying to seduce me, aren't ya?

Too fucking right.

[drumming]

[moaning]

-Dad, eh, I've been thinking. -Don't, son. It'll only hurt.

[Shane] It's been a while, like, since... A man like yourself has needs,

and, um, it's not like it's on tap any more.

You need to get laid.

A good shag'll put the spring back in your step.

[Shane] Look,

business is in good shape, you need some "you" time.

We thought we'd ease you back in the game. Our treat.

[drumming]

[Shane] Mam's happy.

We just want you to be.

I am happy.

I'm happy as a pig in shit.

[moaning]

[cheering]

Come on! Get in!

[laughing and chattering]

Don't bother, love. I've left my magnifying glass at home.

[all shouting]

[Mimi] A big well done for the match today, boys.

-[all shouting] -[Mimi] Billy...

Man of the match again!

[cheering]

[Mimi] And if we carry on playing like this,

we'll be sailing through to the final.

[all] Billy! Billy! Billy!

[Mimi] Come on, you, kit off, wash down.

I've hardly worked up a sweat sitting on the sub bench have I?

When am I gonna get a game?

-Haven't had a look in for the past three. -And we've won them.

You're slacking, Carl.

I want more commitment before I let you back on the pitch.

See, Micky's getting a shower, and he's only here as a supporter.

-[shouting] -That's commitment.

[all] Billy! Billy! Billy!

[chattering and laughing]

[Frank] Pint.

[knocking]

[Frank] Hello? When you're ready, pint.

Fucking smiling depressive.

-You all right? -[Mimi] Never been better.

[Frank] Facesmiling. Eyescrying.

[Mimi] You'll be fucking crying in a minute.

Thanks, Frank. I will have one of me own.

[chattering]

[all] Go! Go! Go! Go!

[boy] Go on, Micky, down it!

-Down it! -Bastard! Bastard!

[cheering and laughing]

[laughing]

Do us a favour. Drop a match so I can get a game.

-What's it worth? -[Shane] Back in your box.

He's our secret weapon.

[Jamie] Future Man City football star.

Whisky nose Ferguson'd be tripping over himself to sign him.

Billy bend-over.

I mean, bend it.

Bend it like Billy.

-[Shane] Want a pint, Dad? -Aye, just the one. Off into town.

Night out with my old comrades.

We won't wait up.

[chattering and laughing]

-What's that? -[Frank] What? I bought it here.

You get a cut of what I paid for it, anyway.

You tax the bootleggers.

-Hm? Anyway, it's medicinal. -[Mimi] Don't care.

Hand it over or get out.

[flute music]

Going down?

Then I shall bid you farewell,

Lady Jobsworth.

[Chesney] Gambling with the shop's profits?

-You've got balls. -Lucky balls.

This money's from my own private fund.

Thinking of renaming the shop.

-Show it's under new management. -What to?

Joe's Shop.

-That's shit. -Customers like simplicity, Ches.

First rule of business.

You're hardly here. There must be a rule against that.

Second rule: delegation.

Scrape off the dates on any of the stock past its sell-by.

And no more tick to Sohail.

Right? He's to pay by Friday or it's kneecaps.

I've taught you well.

How about returning the favour? You got a tip for me?

Never trust a man who wears white shoes.

White shoes?

[Shane] Whoa, watch yourself,

they're still wet.

Assuming the print dries, it's fucking ace work, mate.

Fancy earning more?

-For a bigger cut. -Sixty forty.

To you.

[flute music]

[Kelly] You're home early.

-Was it a good night? -Aye, a quiet night philosophising

and skirt-chasing with my good pals Mossy and Tommo

Although to the untrained eye, we looked like degenerate binge drinkers.

[giggles]

Just like old times.

[Kelly] Only one of them phoned to say they couldn't make it.

[Shane] Not funny.

[drumming]

Piss.

[muttering]

[mumbling] Oh...

[mumbling]

[mumbling]

Ah!

Ah!

[yelling]

[sighing]

Are you ashamed of me?

What's brought this on?

All this sneaking about.

[sighs] You, this, it's all new to me.

I need to get me head round it first, before telling everyone.

Because once we do, it's everyone's business.

I'm not ready for that yet.

This is ours.

I like what we have. It's simple.

You never let...

-You're always pleasing me. -Force of habit, pleasing everyone.

Even meself.

Don't worry,

I've never met a man yet

who knew the right way to tickle the little man in his boat.

[sighing]

[panting]

[panting]

[panting]

[distorted music]

[cawing]

[Frank] Carl? Carl! Liam!

I'm alive, I'm alive!

Don't bury me!

Thought I was a goner.

I stay out for one night and you piss all over my stuff!

[sighs] What time is it?

Have you been drinking Russian aftershave?

I told you about drinking bootleg vodka, it's poisonous.

-People have died. -Yeah, yeah.

Just switch the light on, Professor Know-it-all.

[Frank sighs]

Switch the fucking light on!

[flute mysterious music]

What have you got there, love? That for me? Show Nana.

-Where did you get it? Those boys. -[laughing]

Oi, dickheads! Which one of you, twats,

gave my granddaughter a spliff?

Oi! You heard her, who was it?

[uneasy music]

[breathing heavily]

Doctors say you're doing well.

It's going to be a bit of trial and error with the medication,

but it always is with bipolar, apparently.

Can we talk about something else?

This is the only time I get to feel normal in here.

How is everyone? They don't come and visit.

-They don't give a shit, I suppose. -[sighs] They do.

It's been mad busy, everyone's chipping in to help out.

They send their love.

We just want you better and back home, the way it used to be.

[baby wheezes]

[baby grunts softly]

I've got a joke.

Husband comes home to his wife and he shouts:

"I've won the Lottery, so pack your bags."

So she says, "Well, what do I pack?"

And he says...

We'll get through this.

-He says... -[Jamie] Be a proper family again.

[kiss]

And he says...

And he says...

-[Mimi] Anyone see you? -No.

How old?

Fourteen.

[Billy] I'm 15 next year.

I let you...

Don't come near me!

You was the only one there who understood.

It was a sympathy wank that got out of hand.

Does it matter? We love each other.

[Mimi] If this gets out or I see you again...

I'll kill you.

Got it, yeah.

-Will he be okay? -[Kelly] What's the diagnosis?

[mouthing]

[Liam] That vodka had 15 ml of pure methylate in it.

Dad's the 30th case in the last two days.

Sit with me.

For the first time in my life,

I'm incapable of looking after myself.

Now, I don't want to be a burden, but...

I've raised you three with me own hands,

and we've come full circle.

The father has become the son to...

the father's sons.

Get lost! Blind or blind drunk, how is this different?

It's only temporary.

The chance of your eyesight returning is 99.98%.

-I thought this was something serious. -It is!

I'm taking you out of school to look after me.

-I'll need a full-time carer! -[Kelly] He's already missed school.

cos of you, he's not missing any more.

Hey, you don't live here, you don't get a say.

Grab us a beer from the fridge.

If you want your sight back, you've got to detox,

no drink, smoking or drugs. Doctor's orders.

Oh. Oh, I see.

Well, you can't, that's the point.

[laughing]

Should've known better than to rely on this family for support.

Your sister made a terrible job of bringing the three of you up.

[laughing]

We're trying to help you.

[Frank] By depriving me

of the very few pleasures I have in this life?

No fucking way.

I shall see again on my terms.

Oh! The fuck... Ah! Fucking piss off!

[laughing]

Is it cos of me,

-why you're here? Cos if it is... -[Karen laughs]

Don't fool yourself.

-You seem fine to me. -Why? What did you expect?

Strapped to a bed, off your tits.

That happens later when you lot all fuck off home.

What's new with you, Joe?

The way I see it, Chatsworth's a gold mine,

and no one's taking advantage,

so I'm digging in for the long-term.

With the shop, I can undercut suppliers to other businesses with my own stock.

Everybody benefits,

especially us.

Starting here.

I know Jamie's struggling, and there's no way he'd take it from me.

Just want to help.

You want to set your mind at ease, more like.

Keep it.

[soft music]

And the husband says, "Everything!

Get the fuck out of my house!" [laughs]

The joke! I've remembered the end of the joke.

I'll be waiting.

[TV] Look at the contrast.

How's Max?

It's sound.

So how is she?

Same as you, just getting on with it, you know.

I know it's hard for... for both of you.

It's fine, honest.

When I said we'd stay mates, I didn't expect...

-It's just... -[Kelly] Awkward.

I don't want to hate her, but I do...

-and I don't. -[Ian] That's normal.

[Kelly] Give it time. I reckon you two are meant to be together.

Like me and Shane.

[Ian] It could be a lot worse.

[laughing and chattering]

Micky, smell my finger.

[chattering]

-What's that? -Your mam!

[laughing]

-Urgh, what's that? Smells like shit! -Your dad!

Do you want me to tell you what he had for his tea last night? [laughs]

-[cackling] -You know he hasn't got a dad, you tosser.

-He's not got a...? -No.

Four beers, please, Mum.

Ah!

-[laughing] -Hey, Frank!

Didn't realise you and Billy were so close off the pitch.

He's staying at ours.

Poor bastard, he's been kicked out for selling his granddad's medication.

He's in Micky's old room till he can sort something better.

Tell Billy to pop upstairs when he gets a chance.

Micky's sheets come with their own natural starch.

I've got some clean ones he can use.

I told you to disappear.

I tried to let you down gently.

By threatening to kill me?

-You wouldn't kill a kid. -Given the choice,

I wouldn't fuck one either.

You sure?

Cos I want more than just a wank from now on.

One word,

just one word from me about what's been going on,

police, family...

It won't be worth living.

And I don't want that.

It's like you said,

no man round here will touch you, cos you're Mrs Patrick Maguire.

-I'm the best you can hope for. -What is it you want? Drugs?

-Money? -You!

Ever since we first met.

Just you.

Tonight, 11, round the back.

[kiss]

-What do you want me for? -Little Liam, is that you?

Give us your tie, will you? I'm not throwing three quid in the pot

for the privilege of drinking in this shithole.

-Is that it? -Yeah.

He dragged you over here for that? Don't let him take the piss.

I'm sorting it.

-What he can't see can't harm him. -Nice one.

[Liam] Tea will be ready at six.

[Mimi] What are you gawping at, numb nuts?

Carl, is that you?

-How did you know it was me? -[Frank] Who else would it be?

Here, fasten this tie for us, will you? You know I'm invalid.

[Frank huffs]

Never noticed it before, but this place fucking stinks.

I can distinctly smell the putrid odour of stale beer and piss.

That's you.

Oh.

I'm cancelling tonight.

I'm not in the mood and there's not staff.

I can't afford to cancel.

-Mam, you promised. -[Mimi] Fine.

-But I'm finished at 11 on the dot. -[Jamie] Fine.

Drink.

[Frank yells]

-[upbeat music playing] -[chattering]

Listen, you've no need to hide your new man from me.

I don't know what shite people are spouting, but I haven't got a fella.

And for your information, I don't need one.

This smile's me own.

Surprised she's not beating men off with a stick.

It's her legs, see. Irresistible.

Pins like Anne Bancroft in her heyday.

He's not a charity, Shane.

-You're best leaving things as is. -I can't, Kel.

-Just focus on the deal with Joe tomorrow. -Have a look at him.

It's not easy for him, you know. Men like me dad are a dying breed.

Not interested.

-[bell rings] -[hubbub]

Fucking hell!

[loud chattering]

[cheering]

[shouting and cheering]

[man shouts]

[laughing]

[man] He loves it!

Give him ten of the best! He loves it, the dirty bastard!

-Hickory Dickory? -Fifty to one, Jay.

Dead cert.

-Thank me later. Sharing the wealth. -Cheers, mate.

[upbeat music]

[laughing]

[Shane] Jamie, we're taking Dad out tomorrow night, all of us.

-[Jamie] Too much on here. -Come on.

You work too hard. You need a break.

Give your mind a rest for one night. I'll square it with Mam to baby-sit.

-Me and Micky will sort out your drinks. -All right. Cheers, lads.

[cheering]

I feel fucking everything.

He thinks his cigs taste different cos his senses are heightened.

Party carries on back at ours if you're up for it.

[shouting]

[Carl] Best make sure he gets home all right.

-[Billy] Oh, fuck. -[Frank] Where the shit am I?

[Frank] Oh, hello?

[Frank mumbles]

Come on, I know there's someone here cos I could hear a squelching noise.

Yeah, come on, just here.

Oh, come on, just point us home.

Sod you, then. As you were.

[tinkling]

Roll out the barrel.

-[tinkling] -[Carl] What you doing down there?

Er... I'm blind, not fucking soft.

There's someone at it down there. Either that or they're milking a cow.

[Carl] Er... That way.

[beating]

[Frank] Oh, fuck!

Oh! Oh! F... Can you help us, anyone!

-Hey! Come on! -[woman] Oh, you poor thing, you!

-Oh! -Let's get you cleaned up.

Oh!

Thanks very much, love. [sighs]

Ow!

Clothes on spin dry, shouldn't be long.

There was a library card in your pocket. I put it away safe for you.

I think that chapter of my life is closed.

[Val] Oh...

-[Val] Do you miss it, seeing? -[Frank] I can't...

My memory's... Val...

There's no point dwelling on the past, is there?

You know, you've got to move on

and make the best of now.

Any man in your life?

-Just one. -Oh.

Ronald.

I've put him out of my life.

-Oh. -Just a memory now.

You are naughty for asking, Frankie.

It is nice having...

A man's touch?

-I couldn't take advantage. -You took me in,

fed me, cleaned and undressed me

when no one would care for me.

It's me who's taking advantage, Val.

[panting]

[Frank pants]

[Frank whispers] I think we both want the same thing, don't we?

Companionship. Love.

I mean, it's only natural when two lonely souls find each other.

It has been a long time.

[pants] A very, very long time.

[Frank yells]

The best blowjob

in my life!

Oh! Oh! Oh!

Oh... [sighs]

[dogs barking in distance]

["Stayin' Alive" by Bee Gees playing]

♪ Well, you can tell By the way I use my walk ♪

♪ I'm a woman's man, no time to talk ♪

♪ Music loud and women warm ♪

♪ I've been kicked around Since I was born ♪

♪ And now it's all right, it's okay ♪

♪ And you may look the other way ♪

♪ We can try to understand ♪

♪ The New York Times' effect on man ♪

♪ Whether you're a brother or a mother ♪

♪ You're stayin' alive ♪

♪ Stayin' alive ♪

♪ Feel the city breakin' And everybody shakin' ♪

♪ And we're stayin' alive, stayin' alive ♪

♪ Ah, ha, ha, ha ♪

♪ Stayin' alive, stayin' alive ♪

♪ Ah, ha, ha, ha ♪

♪ Stayin' alive... ♪

Al Pacino.

[music fades away]

-[courier] 12. -[Joe] Hit me.

-[courier] 16. -[Joe] Hit me.

-[courier] 20. -Hit me.

That's not how you win, Ches!

Hit me.

-[courier] Sir, you have 20. -Hit me!

-That's how you win! -Yeah!

-[both laughs] -[clapping]

[disco music playing]

-It's like a sausage factory in here. -Nah, it's grand.

We just need to liven things up with a game of pull a pig!

Kelly.

Yeah, I couldn't pull a pig if I tried, me.

I'm a magnet for model types, I can't help it.

-Nah! -No.

Anyway, it's misogynistic and sexist.

Extra points if you get one with a hump!

Come on, in the middle.

[electronic music playing]

I've never seen him like this. He's even creeping me out.

I can't believe I promised him he'd get laid tonight.

Should I have a word or summat? I feel responsible.

He's doin' me 'ead in!

It's time to make a move, yeah?

Nonsense! I'm on to a winner over there.

Buck-eyed and harelipped!

Yeah, well, it's just...

A problem?

[all three] No.

Good. My round.

I've got some business to sort. Be back in an hour tops.

Shane!

[moaning]

[bumps]

Shit!

-You a bouncer? -I'm Paddy Maguire.

[chattering]

[Chesney] All night it's had me on edge. His chips aren't adding up.

He's got more than he's won. I've kept count.

[Jamie] If I'd known we'd baby-sit Dad, I wouldn't have bothered.

I know. I'm sorry.

Well, one of us should go back.

-He's probably fucked off home by now. -What if he hasn't?

-[both laugh] -Piss it!

Shit!

Fraud? Fuck off!

If you don't want me taking your money, you shouldn't make it so easy, pal.

I tell you what,

I roll a seven and I'll leave.

Roll an eight and I'll stay.

Come on...

-Please-- -[grunting]

[Joe] Come on!

[grunting]

[man] Come here!

[Joe shouts]

[electronic music]

[girl] Are you on your own?

Thought so! [laughs]

[loud electronic and distorted music]

[laughing]

[door closes]

Shane with you?

-[Patrick sighs] -[Kelly tuts]

I knew this night were a write-off from the start.

You've got issues and a night on the tiles ain't going to solve 'em.

-What would you know? -I come across men like you every day.

Shaving their balls and trading in the people carrier for a convertible.

Well, they also realise there's no such thing

as feeling as young as the person you're poking!

And your lot, treating you like you're something different.

I'm sick of it!

Do you know what I'm sick of?

[guitar music]

Shane made me a promise tonight.

Didn't deliver.

Can't have that, can we?

-I clocked off an hour ago. -Clock back on.

[Kelly snorts]

Wash your cock in the sink, and throw on a condom.

["Cats in the Cradle" playing]

This were just a job for me.

What's your excuse?

[beep]

[Frank] Liam!

Membership of Club Blunkett has expired, son!

Look at that! I am glowing!

I'm actually glowing!

Told you I'd cure myself, didn't I? My way, like I always have.

You didn't do anything. We swapped your vices for virtues.

We swapped your lager for non-alcoholic, your cigarettes for herbals,

and you've been popping paracetamol the last few days, not e's.

You've been getting drunk. It's the placebo effect.

Feel good, did it?

Stamping all over your father's pride? Laughing at me behind me back?

"Oh, ha-ha. Look at Dad tripping on Anadin!"

You know, it's been a real eye-opener, this...

abused by me own blood.

Treated as a third-class citizen in me own house.

I was a very sick man, son.

I needed respect, compassion,

delicate handling.

Actually, you know, it's good that the truth has come out,

cos it makes what I'm about to say ten times easier.

I'm off.

You are on your own from now on.

I've met someone, and she cares.

We care! That's why we did it.

We love ya.

[sad music]

Yeah, well...

Hitler loved fuckin' eugenics. Don't make it right, does it?

[door closes]

Frankie.

Ronald?

[slamming]

[Chesney] Different name... same old shop.

[Joe] As long as I break even, I'm happy.

It's enough to get me by and then I can live off my winnings.

Winnings? You're barred from every casino and bookie in Manchester.

-Next person round that corner, woman. -Man.

-Ah! Pay up. -Void bet, it's Lillian. [laughs]

[laughs] Fuck off!

[door closes]

Shane.

Don't worry, I'm not about to tell him.

As far as I care, you're just another sad twat who pays for sex.

Except I'm your sweetheart's da.

[sad music]

-[sighs] Shane is worth ten of-- -[Patrick] What?

Me or you?

Both.

[Shane] Tough shit on the fuck-up, Joe.

But I played my end, 60%.

Never say that Joe Pritchard didn't keep his part of the deal,

even if he is out of pocket.

Oh, cheer up, Joe.

Arrested, tagged and skint, all in 24 hours?

You're proper one of us now.

Compliments of Joe.

Shane!

A bit of everything goes in the pot, it always has.

It wasn't Maguire money!

-It was for a savings on our own place. -She's right.

Anything you make off your own bat is yours.

Add it to your nest egg.

Oh, déjà vu.

Time of the month, babe.

["Mrs Robinson" playing]

We're getting loads of young ones lately.

Don't know what the attraction is.

Not complaining, though.

Hey, do us a favour? Watch the bar while I check on Connor?

Okay, man.

-Something funny? -[Pete] Three pints and a...

when you're ready.

What, a milkshake?

-I meant a wank. -I know what you meant.

[Pete] Billy's told us everything.

We've got money.

-[slamming] -[Mimi] One more word...

out of you, smart arse, and you'll be picking glass out of your face

-for the next two weeks. -What are you doing? They're only kids.

Billy Tutton's a lying piece of shit and not to be trusted.

Do you hear?

Sorry.

And that's what happens

if I catch anyone underage drinking in here!

This isn't a fucking youth club.

♪ And here's to you, Mrs Robinson ♪

♪ Jesus loves you more Than you will know... ♪

You were out of order back there.

And all those kids weren't lying.

Mind your own fucking business!

I saw you with Billy.

Sort your head out, Mimi.

[Mimi] Carl!

-[Carl] You really didn't know? -On me babies' lives.

So what are you going to do?

-Get rid of him. -Fuck, that's a bit drastic, isn't it?

It was only a wank.

What do you take me for, Carl?

I mean sending him on a holiday. Permanently.

He's always banging on about some auntie.

-How you going to do that? -Spread a rumour,

then you're gonna chase him out of town...

And if that doesn't send the bastard packing, plan B.

[Jamie] Mam!

-Could do with some help. -Just telling Carl the good news.

He's our new star striker!

[door closes]

-["Bright Eyes" playing over the TV] -[sobbing]

[door locked opens]

-[door closes] -Oh, what have I done?

Look, I understand why you did what you did, son.

You wanted your dad back.

The house has gone to shit without me.

♪ There's a fog along the horizon ♪

♪ A strange glow in the sky ♪

-[Frank sighs] -I'm sorry, Dad.

[patting]

I promise I'll always be here for you.

For as long as I'm collecting your benefits.

Now, come on, dry your eyes.

Things didn't work out with your new girlfriend?

[Frank grunts]

When it came down to it,

I couldn't leave you.

[orchestral music]

[rapid orchestral music]

[panting]

[Shane] Kel!

Dad's given us his room.

-More space. -You need it more than I do.

I'm making some changes.

Wasn't there something else?

Kel?

You heard about Billy?

[breathing heavily] Everyone thinks I'm a kiddie-fiddler!

I know. I started it.

All it took was one quick word on the rumour mill,

and, bingo, you're about as popular as an immigrant at a BNP rally.

For your own good.

I've been chased home from school, fucking battered cos of you!

-Tell me about it, stud. -I'll go to the police.

-I'll tell them the real truth. -Be my guest.

The police are probably looking for you.

I phoned your auntie

and explained you were having a bit of trouble with the locals.

-Said she'd be glad to have ya. -No! [stutters] I love you.

That's what I thought.

-Then I realised it's not me you love. -I love you.

-You miss your mum. -I love you.

I'm not your mother!

A one-way ticket and a few quid to see you through.

One thing they love round here is a fucking good witch-hunt.

You're a lamb to the slaughter if you stay.

No! You're going to sort it. Everything you've done to me.

Do you even give a shit what you've put me through?

I haven't put in years of hard graft raising a family

so that you can come along and fuck it up!

They're a gang of thieves and freaks.

They don't deserve you!

-This is your last warning. -No!

Calm down.

You were right.

I could never kill a kid.

Not a defenceless one, anyway.

Self-defence, Your Honour.

Don't worry,

I'll make sure you're buried with your slag of a mother.

[Billy whimpers]

[shot]

[Billy breaths heavily]

[Mimi] Being dead is a funny way of putting life into perspective.

It makes you appreciate everything you had,

everyone you left behind.

But before you know it, you're six feet under,

and it's too late when you finally realise: "Fuck!

Everything I thought I needed to be happy was all an illusion."

[distant shouting]

"I was always happy."

Good job he shot me first, my gun had real bullets in it.

Ladies toilets. Two minutes.

[Michelle] One hour's work. And you get this.

I said I had bills to pay, not that I wanted to become a fucking man whore.

With Lillian away, I thought it would be a chance to do things my way.

Number 64. You're up.

After school specials. You're a genius.

-I pretend to be her doctor boyfriend. -Boyfriend?

Ta-da!

-[Ian] You saw us. -[Micky] To fucking right I did.

Ruined me dinner!

I'm having a bit of tough time of it.

-[Frank] Could be worse, could be a poof. -But you can't like her.

She doesn't even have a cock.

[ending music]

[squelching noise]

[Mimi] Not so bad on the sub bench now, is it?

[Carl moans]

[Carl moans loudly]