Original subtitles

Downloaded from YTS.MX

Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX

CLANDESTINE LAB, MEXICO CITY 23:12 HRS.

TWO DAYS TO HALLOWEEN

Shh, shh.

Hey, Doc.

Don't tell me you're leaving.

Are you taking the drugs with you?

This is not a game.

It's a very dangerous substance.

We know it's not a game.

Gringos like the hard stuff.

Wait.

The issue is that if someone takes this drug

and gets exposed to a gas, like methane,

that person will inevitably turn into a zom...

Ah!

Ah!

XOCHIACA LANDFILL, MEXICO STATE

ONE DAY TO HALLOWEEN

For fuck's sake.

Put on your suit! This whole place is toxic.

I'm sending Betty a selfie, to prove I'm still at work.

Just do what I say.

Fucking rats!

Check it out, man.

I'll show you.

-Look, try it. -Hell no.

-Just try it! -Get it away from me!

Who's that?

I don't know.

Move over.

Let me get over there.

Lash the boat.

-What are they doing? -I don't know.

It's a body, Don Segis.

-A body? -They're carrying a body!

Get down, they're dumping it.

-What do we do? -They're leaving.

Turn that off!

Dude!

Turn it off.

What are they doing?

Don Segis, let's go! I think they're coming.

Hurry!

Where to?

Easy, there.

Get on your knees.

OK, take it easy.

Let's kill them...

Do I look like a killer?

Fucking Jackie Chan.

I'm not killing them.

We're going to have fun. Do you want to have fun, guys?

-No. -Come on!

You're gonna like it.

What the...?

Trust me, you'll like it.

Stop, stop!

Leave some for your friend!

Come on! It'll be fun.

Trust me on this, you're gonna like it.

How does it feel?

-Pretty cool, actually. -I knew you'd like it.

Shit, Bruce Lee.

This drug is going to make us rich!

My name isn't Bruce Lee...

-Do you prefer your name? -My name is Roberto.

That guy's called Roberto?

The Chinese choose a new name

when they get to a new country.

This idiot picked "Roberto."

-Hang on, say it again. -Roberto.

It does sound funny, man. Stop saying it.

-They're mocking us. -Stupid Jap!

What? He called you a Jap.

You're more Chinese than Chinese ink.

Calm down. What the hell was that?

Maybe the chemist was right, the drug wasn't ready.

Tavo, why aren't you at school?

-Mom, it's Saturday. -Right.

Don't make a mess.

I'm going out.

Goodbye, son.

I'm doing drugs with my friends.

OK. Take care.

We're robbing a store later. You want anything?

-Don't be late. -OK.

Say hi to Cronos.

SIERRA LINDA GATED COMMUNITY, MEXICO CITY

HALLOWEEN DAY

What? It's not that easy.

Come on, Tavo.

Hey, buddy!

Can you give me a hand?

Thank you.

Thanks, man. On three...

What are you doing, asshole?

Give them back!

Fuck!

Little shit.

GATED COMMUNITY MAP

Fuck me!

Oh, man.

-Stay right there. -Sir, I'm so sorry...

-Cronos? -Here, I'll help you.

You scared the hell out of me!

Come on, get up.

Serves you right.

-Why? -Stop whining.

Wait.

Hey, wait for me!

Hold on. You're bleeding, I'm sorry.

No worries, it was also my fault.

Hey, why did you dress up as Woody?

FYI, I'm not the Woody you're thinking about.

I'm Tallahassee. The coolest zombie killer.

Woody Harrelson, from Zombieland.

A 2009 classic.

Pitch in with a few movies,

even if they're bootlegs.

-Are you saying I'm poor? -Exactly.

Speaking of you being poor,

where are your shoes?

Parkour gone wrong.

Hey, is that

a cockroa...?

Come on, zombie killer.

It's just a cockroach!

It's just a cockroach!

All right, try this.

Did you beat him up before or after he fainted?

-It was an accident, sir. -Call me Abraham.

-Abraham. -He could use a beating.

Fainting at the sight of a cockroach...

You didn't get that from me,

you got it from your mom.

From your mother, actually.

-Hi, sweetie. -Hi.

-Hey, Tavo. -look

Jacobo, sweetheart. Are you OK?

It's just a little blood.

Please, don't call me Jacobo,

call me Cronos.

Hey, did you find some sneakers?

Aren't you clever? You grabbed my new pair.

Don't worry, I'll give them back... Jacobo.

You, too?

What's wrong with your name?

Mom, I'm the future of Mexican cinema,

so I can't have a name like Jacobo.

Listen, young man.

Your name is Jacobo.

Is that clear?

Jacobo?

Little Jacobo? Understood?

-Yes, Dad. -Good.

Perhaps you could start acting like normal boys.

You might even get a girlfriend.

Leave them alone.

Man, your dad's right.

We're virgins, wankers,

we never get invited to parties.

-Cronos? -I love her so much.

-But she lives so far away. -What do you mean?

She lives next door. Ana is the one I like.

What happened with your Canadian girlfriend?

Oh, the Canadian...

She's good.

You know long distance relationships.

They never last, Tavo. They never last.

Since when do you like her?

You need to aim high, Tavo.

What about you? Do you even like girls, or...?

I only have eyes for you, hot stuff.

I'm serious. What's your daily jerk-off quota?

How many times a day do I spank the monkey?

Yeah, how many times a day do you blow your own horn?

How many times a day do I wax my carrot?

How many times a day do you burp the worm?

How many times a day do I do the devil's handshake?

-That makes no sense. -Why?

Maybe you don't get it, you're too young.

When you finally grow up, I'll teach you.

What's up, losers?

Another day of loneliness and masturbation?

David, don't be such an asshole.

Cronos, Tavo. How are you, guys?

-Hi. Good, right? -Yeah, great.

Great. Do you have plans for later?

Yeah, we're meeting with...

Friends...

-Girls. -Girlfriends.

You're not coming to my party before the Club House event?

-It's a shame. -Really?

No, you idiot. You're not invited.

Just go home.

I can picture you two jerking-off all night long.

Did you picture us jerking-off?

-What? No. -That's what you said.

Yeah, he did.

It's OK, it's a free world.

I mean, it is kind of weird that you picture us masturbating.

-With all due respect. -I'm gonna kick your ass, kid!

Hey, leave them alone. It was a weird thing to say.

Well, have a nice time with your... girlfriends.

It would've been nice if you came.

No, it wouldn't. Baby!

I didn't picture them jerking-off.

I know, baby. I know.

Bye!

Look, man. What's Lalo doing?

I guess he went all out with his Halloween costume.

-Don't say that. -What?

He looks really upset.

What's this, Lalo?

It's my dad.

-Don't worry, he's dead. -I'm sorry, Lalo.

I hadn't seen the old man for a long time.

He left us when I was little, but he was still my father.

Why did they bring you his corpse?

I'm his only relative and since I'm pretty broke,

I had to arrange the service here.

Want some?

If Mom saw the lame-ass service

I arranged for him,

she'd come back from her grave

and give me a spanking.

Parents are always such hard-asses.

And...

-What was his name? -Segismundo.

They called him Don Segis.

He died in some landfill. Literally drowned in shit.

They say that drowning is one of the best ways to go.

What, guys? They call it the sweet death.

Like Jack in Titanic.

The sweet death is by inhalation of CO2,

not water, idiot.

Wow, you did learn something in public school!

How can we help, Lalo?

I have to set up the sound system at the Club House.

Then I have to stop by David's house

to fix the lights before his folks get back from Acapulco.

Lalo, why don't you stay here with your dad?

Nah, it's OK. I could use some distraction.

But you can stay if you want. There's weed, beer.

The porn film collection.

No one watches those anymore.

You gotta respect old formats. For example, VHS is a classic.

No, you're not getting it.

That there... is the only legacy my father left me.

Come, I'll show you the best ones.

-Everything's here. -Holy crap!

Look, eighties, nineties, hairy, waxed,

Asian, interracial...

No, not that one. You're not ready for that one.

This ones over here are fun to watch with friends.

I'll leave you to it. Just don't make them sticky.

Black and white... What the hell, man?

-Look at that! -Red-heads, massages...

Sit down, weirdo.

Listen up, Tavo.

All the greatest filmmakers are weirdos.

Think of my colleague, the creator of Cronos,

Guillermo del Toro.

Tarantino, Spielberg, George Lucas, Hitchcock...

To become a great filmmaker, I have to remain a weirdo.

And what about me?

You will be the politician who'll make Mexico great again.

-Come on, Cronos. -Hell, yeah.

-You're a leader, king. -Yeah, right.

You're dedicated, aspirational,

working-class, charismatic,

you've had a rough life.

You have friends from the hood,

but also from the suburbs.

That appeals to voters.

"Tavo, the hope of Mexico." What do you think?

-Wow! -Wow.

These kinds of movies need narrative structure,

a climax,

and a resolution, of course.

Gustavo.

Gustavo.

I like you.

I can see your huge...

presidential character.

I need you to clean my...

my pool, Gustavito.

-Fuck! -Holy shit!

-Fuck, man. -Fuck!

-Dude... what was that? -That was Don Segis.

That's impossible, Don Segis is dead.

The only explanation is that Don Segis is...

-Don't say it. -Don Segis is a zombie!

How could he be a zombie?

Do you have a better explanation?

Yes! Literally any other!

Go see if he's still out there.

-No way. -You're closer! Go!

Fine! I'll go. The poor guy dies first.

Did he run or not?

-Are you recording, dude? -I'm filming!

There's a zombie in my street, why wouldn't I film it?

Now tell me, did he run or not?

I don't know!

-I don't hear anything. -Then it's a slow zombie!

-Like in Romero's films. -What are you talking about?

Like in The Walking Dead. They don't grab you!

Except when they do, we're screwed!

Dude! Don't leave me!

Let's get out of here!

I can't believe this! Zombies in the neighborhood!

Let's go, Cronos!

-Shit! -Come on, get up!

-Look who's there. -What's up, Lalo?

-Hey, Lalo. -Hi.

Hey, dude. Can you hook me up?

I'm dry, man.

-Come on, it's Halloween. -And there's a party, bro.

I have some at my place, but don't take all of it.

Don't be a pussy, Lalo. Take everything, I'll pay him.

-All right. -Go get it, man.

-Don't cause a short circuit. -Nice beaver costume, David!

Lalo!

Lalo! There are zombies in the neighborhood.

Of course, it's Halloween They're trending.

-No, we mean real zombies. -And it's your dad.

Not cool, guys.

You don't mess with the dead. Didn't you watch Coco?

You have to believe us. I saw it with my own eyes.

Very... closely.

I know what I'm talking about.

From Romero's films, to Shaun of the Dead,

also like Re-Animator, or Brain Dead,

and of course, Peter Jackson's classic films...

There are zombies in Mexico. They are...

They are...

They are Mexzombies!

I get that you don't trust a guy who blow dries his hair,

but what about me? why would I lie to you?

I have complicated hair. Don't judge me.

-Here, take a look. -You guys are crazy...

What the fuck?

-Is that my dad? -Yes.

Is he alive?

Look, if a zombie bites someone, now you have two zombies.

And if that new zombie bites three others,

in only a few hours, this place will be infested.

Damn.

That would suck.

I know it seems like we smoked all your weed,

-but I swear it's all true. -My weed!

There are more important things than your weed right now...

No, listen. I sent Ari over to get weed.

-We have to go get him. -No. You guys get help.

If what you're saying is true, we're going to need it.

Besides, only I can reason with my dad.

He's not your dad anymore. I'm sorry.

He's stuck in the door.

Lalo! Be careful.

-Let's go tell my dad. -OK, let's go.

Hey, do you think Don Segis

is the only zombie?

What if there are more in the city?

Nah, it would've gone viral by now.

Look, today's trending topic is still a pop album.

I think I'd prefer zombies.

Pop music isn't so bad, don't you think?

Ari?

Ari!

Dad?

Daddy?

-That's a good one. -Dad, Dad!

There are zombies in the neighborhood!

Zombies?

-Here? -Yes!

-That was funny, Jacobo. -Cronos!

For real. There are zombies in the neighborhood.

You don't live here, do you?

Why is that relevant?

His mother is a seamstress, the best there is.

All right, neighbor. I should get going.

It was nice seeing you, Valeriano.

Say hi to the guys.

Say hi to the zombies.

Time to go! Come on, darling.

Wait, Dad. Listen!

-I got the zombie on video. -That's nonsense.

Give it a rest, son.

No one has gone rich making videos.

-Otherwise, I'd do it myself. -Just listen, Dad.

Enough.

For once in your life, just listen to me!

Stop being a weirdo.

Go play outside.

What a dick...

-What did you say, Gustavo? -Nothing, sir.

Abraham.

Holy crap!

They ate Lalo.

That or...

he turned into a zombie.

Ew!

Ari, too.

-We have to find them. -We?

Cronos, you're not Tallahassee.

You're afraid of cockroaches.

We're only fourteen years old.

What do you want us to do?

We don't know where they are,

or how to kill them.

We know nothing. Nothing.

All the zombies have something in common.

-What? -They're attracted to...

They're attracted to noise.

-The Club House party. -That's happening later, but...

David's party.

That's where they're headed.

We're going to save the neighborhood.

Ana, you look amazing!

Thanks, Rex. You look great, too.

How cute! Are you Rambo?

He's my parents' friends' son.

I'm showing him the real Mexico, right Johnny?

It was this,

or trick or treating with my sister.

-Well, thanks, Rex. -No, I didn't mean that.

I'm just not sure if I'm cool enough

to hang out with your boyfriend and his crew.

He's not my boyfriend. We're on a break.

We're figuring things out. He promised he'll change.

He has grown a lot.

Open your mouth. Open your fucking mouth!

-You are a pansy! -He sure has.

All right.

I'll go in, grab Ana, and then we bolt, OK?

Dude, you're not grabbing Ana.

-Sebas, can you put these away? -Sure, no worries.

Thanks.

-Sebas, another plastic cup? -So what?

I asked David not to get plastic cups.

-Relax, Greenpeace. -No, the straw!

-Ana! -Tavo!

-We need to leave right now! -What do you mean?

It's gonna sound weird,

but I'm here to save you from a zombie threat.

Cronos and I were at Lalo's when...

Hey, Tavo! Calm down.

The only threat I see here is plastic for our oceans.

Right, Sebastian?

Please don't play music.

Ana, I need you to listen very carefully.

Is this the part where you say you're in love with me?

How did you know?

What?

I was joking, Tavo. It was just a joke.

Yeah, no. I was joking, too.

Play some fucking music, already.

Jacobo, why are you here? You weren't invited.

Cronos. My name's Cronos. Look.

-Ew. What's that? -It's Ari's.

It was Ari's, before he turned into a zombie.

Ari didn't get a zombie costume. Music, now!

You don't understand...

-It's not a disguise. -Ana, we need to leave now!

-For real? -Ari's coming here to eat us!

What are you doing here?

Let go of my girlfriend or I'll beat your ass.

-All right. -David, don't you get it?

We're done. We're taking a break.

Baby...

Take these inside, but don't let the kids see.

It's going to be such a fun surprise.

Dad, zombies!

Oh!

You scared me, Lalo. Let me see you.

No, don't give me that look. Help me with these.

Cut it out, Lalo! Show some respect.

What happened between us

gives you no right to act like this.

Gosh, you're stubborn! Well, OK.

But this time, I'll be on top so you don't...

You're here to rob us, right?

What? Sorry, but that was funny.

-Why are you here? -Because I invited him.

Fucking racist. He's my friend.

Don't push me, Jacobo!

-His name is Cronos. -David...

-You should go to therapy. -Shut up, boy.

Hey, cut it out!

We're losing precious time.

The zombies will be here any minute,

and they're going to eat all of us!

Guys,

are you sure you didn't smoke anything?

Last warning! Next time, I'll kick your ass.

Let's go, baby.

Cronos, what were you doing there,

among such decadent people?

Well, they invited me.

No way, your own grandparents

don't even invite you to Sabbath.

Ana, you know I couldn't let them stay.

They couldn't stay, baby.

-Baby? -Cronos, let's get out of here.

What about the zombies?

Dude, if they won't save themselves,

it's not our problem.

-No. Don't say that. -They humiliated...

Why?

Am I right?

-Oh! -Tavo did nothing wrong.

Stop defending that low-class!

David, what's with your eighties racism?

Didn't you see Roma?

-Ana stood up for you, right? -Yeah, she did.

-So? -But Ana is...

Ana is different, she...

-Ana is... -The love of my life.

Yeah, exactly.

You've liked her for so long!

We're getting married. I have it all planned.

A beach ceremony...

Lucky, come back here!

Lalo, what the hell? Let go of my dog!

That's not Lalo anymore.

Don't!

Did he eat Lucky?

-Lucky! -Let's go!

Stop yelling!

Get down!

-What the fuck was that? -Shh.

Don't you get it? They're zombies

and they are attracted to...

-The zombies are... -Zombies?

-Yes, zombies! -What, here?

Zombies are attracted to noise!

Shh!

You've reached the federal police.

If you're in danger, be safe.

An officer will responding, just a moment.

Shh.

Stop fighting!

You'll get us all turned into zombies.

-Ana! -She's in danger.

-David, that's not the point. -You're feisty.

What's the point?

-The point is... -Are we having comeback sex?

-David, to have comeback sex... -Yes.

-We need to have sex first. -OK. Let's have sex.

You, me...

Vikings, role-play, just think about it.

I'd rather not!

-What do we do? -I'll go.

What? No way, man. She's my Ana, I'll go.

Why? It's my turn, Cronos!

Why do you have a turn?

Because you're too soft to handle this.

It's true that being a hood rat gives you experience...

Exactly!

Cronos, stop that! Let Tavo go.

-Why? -You're too soft for this.

Fine, you have a point.

Besides, all this meat is Kosher.

Wait.

Take this.

Please, be careful.

Where's Ana?

Where is Ana?

Turn that off! Please, turn it off!

This is a robbery!

You heard me, bitches! I'm going to kill you all!

Leave before I fuck you up! Did you hear me?

I'll kill you!

Ari?

The burglar stabbed Ari!

Hurry, man! The pleb stabbed Ari!

-Who? -What the hell?

What the hell did you do to Ari?

Tavo, what have you done?

-I'm gonna... beat... -David!

Ana, they're zombies.

We have to go. Trust me.

-Through here! -Tavo!

Ana! Are you OK?

Run! Run!

Cronos!

Get this thing off me! Get it off!

Get him off me!

Move!

-Cronos! -Tavo.

-Cronos! Are you OK? -Yeah, thanks, guys.

-So that's how you kill them. -That's right.

They're classic zombies.

We have to aim for the brain.

Wait, what's going on?

Zombie apocalypse... baby.

Well, David is still inside. We have to go get him.

-Ana, if they bite you... -Sorry, David is dead.

-He's a zombie now. -What?

Ana, you have to step out of your bubble.

Says little miss boho chic.

It's not like you're from the hood.

We don't have time to fight each other!

Plus, it's not cool to trash Tavo's hood, right?

-I'm not from there, dude! -Shit! Mom won't pick up.

Guys, we need a plan... Follow me!

Be careful!

-Cronos, hurry! -Sorry.

Here's our mission:

No matter what happens, we can't let the zombies escape.

Understood?

Bro, what are you doing? Wait, bro! No!

This is getting out of control.

-What's going on? -Ana, don't!

Dude, I thought we were friends. Please, don't!

I'm sorry, Ana.

I'm so sorry.

We need help.

I know where to go, but...

I can't go alone. It's not safe.

No, we should tell the guards.

Yeah, good idea.

We need them to close the gates.

Let's split up.

-Cronos, you, too. -OK.

-I'll go with Tavo. -Yeah, perfect.

-You guys like each other. -No, no.

They don't like each other.

I'm going with him because he doesn't live here.

The guards won't listen to him.

Yeah, she's right.

All right, then.

No matter what happens, you have to close the gate.

All right. Let's go.

-Hey, Tavo. Hold on. -What's up?

Help out a friend. Put in a good word for me.

Dude, her boyfriend just turned into a zombie.

-Yeah, but she... -Listen up.

-What? -I hate to interrupt,

-but we have to go. -OK.

Shit. Run, guys.

Good morning, Joel!

I'm glad I ran into you.

Hey.

Can you put some more effort into upkeeping my roses?

Every time I go run-walking

I come out and see my roses looking like crap. Explain!

Joel...

Did you hear me?

Are you drunk? What are you eating?

What's wrong? What are you doing?

Joel, no!

Where is everybody?

I hope they're not zombies.

Tavo, sorry for using the hood as a reference with Rex.

Don't apologize. I'm not from the hood.

Then, sorry for assuming you were from the hood.

Ana, you don't have to apologize.

Besides, the hood is pretty cool.

You're right. I have to stop apologizing.

Sorry...

There I go again.

Don't worry. It happens to me, too.

You're perfect.

What?

I said you're perfect.

The guards!

Excuse me! We were looking for you.

Afternoon, Miss Ana.

What do we have here? It's you again.

Please step away from the lady.

Why? I haven't done anything.

You know this is private property.

It's a civil infraction, pretty serious stuff.

Take it easy, it's not a big deal.

It is a pretty big deal. You jumped the wall again.

You're always spying on Miss Ana.

What? You spy on me?

With all that's been going on, that's what you focus on?

Shh, shh.

Hey, don't touch him. He's my friend.

Ouch!

You're in the friend-zone.

Sir, we need you to see the CCTV footage.

What are we supposed to be looking at?

-Zombies! -Sunbeams?

Zombies. You have to close the gates.

-They can't get out. -Right there!

Look! Those three are zombies.

You're wrong, miss. Those are David's friends.

I don't want to rat anyone out, but they have a drug problem.

-They're potheads. -Pot doesn't do that to you!

Close the gate.

-It's Halloween, kids. -You need to calm down.

Nothing ever happens here. You know why?

Because we're here, keeping this place safe.

Ana, follow me!

This is not enough.

We need weapons.

How are we supposed to get them?

Desperate times call for desperate measures.

That's true.

Good evening.

Afternoon?

Morning?

-Can we talk to your husband? -There's no husband.

Isn't this the residence of Jefe Vargas, the narco?

Please, excuse her.

My mom says a narco lives here.

-Rex! -What?

Isn't it always better to speak plainly?

What makes you think a narco lives here?

-Well... -Right.

Is it because of my Italian silk blouse?

Or is it my anti-terrorism armored pick-up truck?

Also, why can't a woman be in charge?

I don't have candy, so scram.

No, ma'am. We don't want candy.

-We want weapons, Mrs... -Vargas.

Jefe Vargas.

Is he DEA, or what?

So, you want weapons.

I mean, not that I have them...

but what for?

Zombie apocalypse.

-Come again? -Listen.

This place is filled with brain-eating zombies.

They're currently trapped

in this luxurious jail we live in,

but if they get out...

Did you watch World War Z, with Brad Pitt?

-Are you serious? -Yes.

Is that a no on the movie? What do you watch, ma'am?

Crime dramas.

I don't have time for this, bye.

No, no, please, ma'am!

What? I have a fantastic backhand stroke.

Ana!

They're going to eat him.

-Let's go. -Yeah.

Wait, Ana.

I'll distract them while you close the gate.

-Got it? -OK.

Hey, you!

Hey, over here! Follow me!

Go, Ana! Look at me! Eyes on me!

I've got something for you!

Ana, close the gate!

Ana, hurry up!

Tavo, it's not working! The gate is stuck!

Hell, yeah!

Ana!

Ugh.

Let's go!

Can you tell me how I lost my best chemist,

my product, and investment on the same day?

Boss, I swear to you,

we're going to fix this.

Why did we hire a Chinese guy if I can't understand him?

Cheap labor, ma'am.

Nothing.

I posted Don Segis' video on Instagram,

but it was useless.

Still, it has been my most liked post so far.

Cronos is at the Vargas house.

What are they doing there?

-No idea. Can you get us there? -Sure. Take a right.

Tavo, watch out!

Take that, zombie!

Your chemist's drug was defective.

Your chemist said

that if the drug was mixed with...

something or other, they'd start acting funny.

He said they'd act like...

like zombies, that's it.

So we injected someone

to see if it was true,

but the guy simply

dropped dead.

Thirteen likes, twelve without the self-like.

I can't believe you like your own posts.

We may be killers,

but we didn't kill that guy.

Varguitas?

Varguitas? My doggy?

Move, you assholes! They're going to eat my baby!

Oh, no! Monsters! Stay away from my dog!

Tavo!

And Ana!

Shit!

Hurry up, you idiots! Get in the house!

Run, guys!

Come on, Varguitas. Get in the house.

Run!

Come on!

Shut the door!

-Shit! -They're everywhere.

Just like in Word War Z. We have zombies,

a devilishly handsome man, me, of course,

and a terrible human drama.

-That isn't the movie I saw. -Agree to disagree.

Thanks for helping me save Varguitas

-from those things. -Zombies.

-Yes. They're zombies. -How's that possible?

Zombies aren't real. They exist only in movies!

Right?

-How many are there? -A shitload.

-Like the Chinese. -That is a shitload.

A shitload.

Listen, guys, I've done terrible things,

but never something like this.

Zombies are attracted to noise. They go where people are.

-The Club House party. -Exactly.

My mom is there!

We've had this tradition for many years.

My daughter Rex made these.

Give mommy a kiss. This is Victoria.

I'm going to help you. I'll give you those weapons.

-No way. -Wow!

I'll teach you how to use it.

Now we're talking. All I need is a Twinkie.

Actually, I meant my "submarino."

-Well guys, we're off. -What do you mean?

-You can't leave. You can't! -Sure, we can.

This shit's scary, OK? All this...

-Zombie apocalypse. -Yes, that.

I know nothing about it, I've never seen one,

so we're off to the mountains, right, guys?

We must stay and fight.

-What did he say? -He said we should run away.

-Hell, yeah. -Idiot.

-Jefe Vargas. -Yes?

I understand if you're scared, but if we don't stop this now,

-there may not be a tomorrow. -Maybe, but I'll tell you this.

If I were in your shoes, I wouldn't save those people,

because they wouldn't do it for you,

so we're getting out of here, OK?

Not cool, Jefe Vargas. Not cool at all.

It seems like no one in this country has balls.

Hang on, Johnny.

Show me that.

Ana, do you wanna be my girlfriend?

No, thanks, Cronos. I'm OK.

Tavo?

-I was gonna tell you, Cronos. -Damn, Tavo.

-Damn. -Cronos, I'm sorry.

But that doesn't matter now, we have to kill the zombies,

-and save the neighborhood... -Wait! Hold on.

I'm not done with you.

-Hey, Dad. -Jacobo!

I can't hear you. What?

-...it's urgent... -What?

-Hello, Dad? -It's an emergency...

What's to the phone signal here anyway?

-I have to leave. -Really? Now?

My folks are having an emergency.

Don't leave, man.

I'm sure it's just your dad being silly.

OK, but you can't go by yourself.

I'd rather go alone than with you.

Fucking traitor.

Cronos... please, man.

The hope of Mexico my ass. You're just as...

corrupt as the rest.

No. I'll catch up later.

Wait, Rex! Where are you going?

Be careful.

Meet us at the Club House.

You got it!

Hey! Hop in.

-Seriously? -Yes, of course.

If we don't help each other, we're doomed. So, hop in.

OK.

Hold on to me, Cronos, or else you'll fall.

OK.

Oh I, I just died in your arms tonight

It must have been Something you said

I just died in your arms tonight

I keep lookin' for somethin' I can't get

-Hey, don't get grabby. -Sorry.

Well, since my best friend

turned out to be a traitor,

if we both survive this thing, would you go out with me?

Really? Do you think I want Ana's sloppy seconds?

You're tripping, Cronos.

But in the post-apocalyptic world

we're going to live in...

No. If the only survivors are women and you,

I'm becoming a lesbian.

In that case, I'll have to become a woman.

What is it?

-Tavo... -I can't go faster, sorry.

No, that's not it. Tavo...

Do you like me?

-Why are you laughing? -I'm not laughing, Ana.

The thing is, no matter what happens,

no matter what I do, you and I are not...

we're not a good fit.

I don't know what you think about me,

but I know what everyone else will think.

Why do you underestimate me? I can date whoever I want.

Well, I can't.

You should.

Are you serious?

Damn it, woman! My mom isn't picking up.

-Send her a voice note. -I hate voice notes.

-Let me. -What are you doing?

Hello, Rex's mom. Stay right where you are.

Hide somewhere safe and send us your location.

We're on our way.

This is Cronos, your son in law.

What's up?

What's with the blood?

It's Halloween, Abraham.

-It's makeup. -Oh, right.

I'm glad you came, son.

Help us connect the TV to the internet.

We can't watch our series.

Is this your emergency?

Great. Let's go, Cronos.

Wait. Don't go.

I'm glad you're hanging out together.

-It's nice to see you, Regina. -You, too, Mrs. Sarah.

And here I thought we had a little girl.

Hey, get off his back.

-This is bullshit. -Language, young lady.

Sorry, ma'am.

-Mom? -Hey.

Mom, get them to turn off the music!

I'll go somewhere quiet, I can't hear anything you say.

-Are you there, Mom? -Yes, I can hear you now.

-What was that about the music? -Forget it, where are you now?

I'm in the kitchen.

-Oh, my God! -What?

-What, mom? -The canapés!

Over half of them were left over.

I specifically told Cristina

I'd be in charge of snacks.

Mom, that's not important! Well...

Yes, yes, funny eyes! Yes, sweetie.

No... Wait, Mom! That is important.

I'll go help with the canapés.

Stay in the kitchen! Don't move.

I'll be there in ten minutes.

OK, sweetie.

Cronos! I have to go.

It was nice to see you, Regina.

You, too, ma'am.

Hey... where are you going?

Dad, the zombies are heading to the Club House.

They're going to eat the whole neighborhood!

That's good. I hate my neighbors!

I hate my neighbors!

-Dad, I'm serious. -Me, too.

I can't watch my series.

Fix the TV, or you're going to Jewish school.

Are you going to disobey me, Jacobo?

You're dead meat, Cronos.

Even if we survive the zombies, your parents are gonna kill you.

My mother-in-law needs our help, Rex.

Thank you, Cronos. Let's go.

We can't risk getting thrown off the motorcycle.

What? What are you doing, Cronos?

-Cronos! -Hey!

-What are you doing? -Hey! Over here!

Over here!

What are you doing?

Chino, open the gate!

Move it, asshole!

Hurry up! There's a dead body!

Where's the police?

What's the fucking hurry?

-Don't you see there's a body? -Of course, I'm not blind.

Then move your car or break the gate!

No, we can't do that.

Because if we do, all the zombies will escape.

The whole city will get infected

and I'll lose my clientele.

No fucking zombie is getting in here.

Move it!

Stop honking or I'll shoot you

in front of your daughter.

No, she's not my daughter, she's my date.

Shit!

Just in case.

Change of plans.

Chino, grenade.

Wango!

No one's getting out of here!

Tavo, I don't get it.

-Just say what you mean. -What I'm saying is...

What are you saying?

Ana.

-Do you want the truth? -Yes.

You don't dare to fight for what you want.

Fuck!

They're so many...

Just because you spy on me and stalk me on Instagram

doesn't mean you know me.

What gives you the right to judge me?

I'll show you I can fight for what I want.

Ana, wait a minute. What are you doing?

Rex?

Rex!

Where's Cronos?

-He's a hero. -What?

Where's Ana going?

Ana, wait up!

Wait! Why is he a hero?

Abraham.

Abraham, do something.

Mom, Dad, listen to me very carefully.

I want you to lock the doors and the windows.

Go straight to your room and lock the door.

Sit on the bed, and whatever happens,

please, don't make a single noise.

Understood?

-Yes. Yes, Jacobo. -Cronos.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to help my friends.

And my girl.

-Be careful... -Cronos.

Not now, Johnny.

uhm...

This is a big problem...

You're right.

Let's save this fucking place!

Hi, there.

Do you guys even live in this neighborhood?

-Rex! -Mom.

Hey!

Hold on, Mom.

-Thanks, Cronos. -My pleasure, baby.

What's going on?

Mom, I'm so glad you're OK.

Sister-in-law, mother-in-law.

I have to get you out of here.

Mother-in-law?

-Come on, let's go. -Watch out!

Let's go.

-Cronos? -Tavo?

-Fucking marry each other! -Regina, watch your mouth!

I saved my parents, Rex, my sister and mother-in-law!

Shh!

Yeah, the zombies are coming this way.

-Let's go, Mom. -No, no.

I'll be fine, trust me.

You stay here, your friends need you.

I'll take Victoria somewhere safe,

-and I'll get help. -OK.

Mom! Don't stop until you get home.

I don't want you to get hurt.

God bless you all.

-Thanks. -Let's go, sweetie.

-Where's Ana? -Wasn't she with you?

No. By the way, I'm sorry about all the...

Forget it. Really, I don't mind.

To be honest, you and Ana make a great couple.

But don't try to steal Rex from me, or you'll see.

Dude, I'm not even your girlfriend.

I mean, no worries. We're taking it slow.

Oh, no.

Cronos... not now.

Stay with me. Focus on your breathing.

Cronos, don't!

Look at me. Cronos!

Thank you. I've pulled myself together.

Come on.

Come in! Welcome.

Drink! Drink! Drink!

They're all here.

Everybody, run!

Let's get this party started, you sacks of bones!

You suck.

-What's with this kid? -You go, Johnny.

I think he's actually DEA.

Close it, Tavo! Hurry up!

Out of the way!

Move, Tavo!

Back off, motherfuckers! Don't move!

What the hell was that?

Will you shut up for a second?

Ana!

-Ana's in there. -Ana!

Tavo. Tavo!

-Let's get this off. -Come on, we have to help her.

Cover me, Johnny.

-We have to save her. -Yeah, let's go!

OK, I have no idea how I pulled that off.

-Why did you come here alone? -I'm no princess, OK?

And I will fight for the things I want.

Ana, you're right about everything!

-I like you! I like... -Tavo!

What the hell, Johnny? Those were mine.

-Cronos! Help me out! -Oh, right.

There's no time. Let's go! Now!

Move, people!

-Johnny! -Johnny, no!

-What are you doing? -Johnny!

-He's out of ammo! -Tavo, don't!

Johnny! Johnny...

We'll find a cure, Johnny!

Come on, Rex. We have to go.

You guys were amazing.

Look who's here!

Holy shit! This is bad!

-What are you doing, Ana? -Tavo, plug in the speakers.

Seriously?

Power ballads soothe them.

Like, why?

It's working.

What's this? Turn it off.

-What did he say? -You don't know this song?

This is the best power ballad ever,

it's music for the soul.

Let's get out of here.

No way, I refuse to kill zombies with this playing in the back.

-Yeah, I get it. -Listen up, kids.

Get out of here. I'll handle this.

Fuck, no! We stay here and fight.

Language, young lady.

You, get to my truck, bring me a black bag.

And you, go with him. I left Varguitas in there.

He's probably suffocating. Now, scram!

-Let's go! -Yes, ma'am.

Turn that shit off.

Ready? Let's do it.

-Varguitas! -See anything, Ana?

Nothing.

I found it.

Here, Varguitas.

Right on, pull the lever, take the clip out,

release it, and boom!

What?

I spent years going to the Texas Rangers Summer camp.

-Sorry, let me translate. -I speak English just fine.

Run for the gate, I'll meet you there.

-No. We're going with you. -No, Cronos.

Make sure not a single zombie got out.

I'll take this to Jefe Vargas.

All right.

Tavo...

Be safe, please.

You, too.

-Magazine! -I don't have any.

-I left it in my other pants. -Are you kidding me?

Chino!

-What the fuck is he doing? -Wango!

Chino, hand me the grenade!

Hurry!

Guys, I've always wanted to say this:

Say hello to my li...

-To my little what? -To my little friend.

-What? -My little friend!

No. No!

No!

Tavo...

Where are you, Tavo?

-Tavo! -Tavo!

-Are you OK? -Did he bite you?

-Yes. -Was it a zombie?

-Relax. -Cronos, what do we do?

Well... I don't know.

We can't do anything. You know what you have to do.

-Don't say that. -You'll have to...

-kill me. -No.

There has to be another way. Cronos, what do we do?

-There's no other option! -Wait. Cronos.

-What would they do in a movie? -Yeah, think.

What would they do in the movies?

Cut it off!

Yeah, the whole...

Is there no other way?

Uhm...

We could try to suck out the virus.

-What? -What? Yeah,

like in every Western, like in Rio Bravo.

I love you so much.

Guys, I'm not an expert on Rio Bravo.

Just like John Wayne sucked the venom out.

Just suck and spit.

What? Did it sound weird?

-Not me! -Not me.

Here I go, Ana.

Sorry.

No, Tavo! Wait!

What if you get infected and turn into a zombie?

Ana...

If I have to be a zombie in order to be with you,

then so be it.

I'd rather be a zombie than lose you.

Tavo, that's the sweetest thing anyone's ever said to me.

-I like you. Even if you're... -Dirt poor.

-No. Even if you're... -Dark skinned.

No! Even if you are...

Ugly, sour-faced, poorly dressed.

No, idiot.

Even if you're...

friends with the dorkiest kid in the neighborhood.

I like you, Tavo.

You have another friend?

The dog's not infected!

Fuck, yeah!

Let's get out of here.

Varguitas! Here, boy!

There were zombies all over this place.

We just saw some witches in the fancy part of the city.

They were wasted.

Like every weekend, right?

It's Halloween, ma'am.

Tell us why there's a body by the gate.

What about the burning car?

Or the reports of an explosion?

I know it's hard to believe. Trust me, officers.

I'm talking about real zombies!

There are zombies in Mexico.

Oh, yes.

What will people say about us

saving Mexico from the zombies?

Nothing. They won't even thank us.

But it was worth it, right?

-Yeah, it was. -You like each other!

It's a poor boy, rich girl romance!

Stupid Cronos.

We saved the planet from the zombie threat.

Not bad, huh?

Rex, you're the best girlfriend I've ever had.

Cronos, we're not dating.

Also, you've never had a girlfriend.

But don't worry, me neither.

And there's an easy way to fix that.

That means... Are you coming on to me?

That body there is a zombie.

Was that a yes?

See you, guys.

-Bye, Rex. -You go, Cronos!

See you tomorrow.

Goodbye, Cronos.

I'll see you tomorrow.

See you.

Don't forget my sneakers.

You know what?

I'll keep on fighting.

Really? What are you fighting for?

Well... for my country.

Would you like to be my First Lady?

Not really. I have my own causes, Tavo.

But I would like to fight...

by your side.

Mexzombies.