Original subtitles

What would we do, baby, without us?

What would we do, baby, without us?

And there ain't no nothing we can't love each other through.

What would we do, baby, without us?

Sha la la la.

Mom, quick, hide me.

Are you all right? No, Mom, I'm scared.

What's the matter, Alex? Did you see a rerun of The Wizard of Oz?

Are the flying monkeys after you, Alex?

Oh, the flying monkeys are after Alex.

Come on, come on, Mel.

Knock it off.

Oh, the flying monkeys, Dad.

Please.

Honey, stop scaring your father. He'll be up all night.

Ooh, the flying monkeys, my people.

Ah, leave him alone.

He's starting to cry.

Alex, if this is scarier than the flying monkeys, I don't want to hear about it.

It's the paper girl.

She sees me walking down the street.

She pedals her bike towards me.

Fast as she can. When she gets real close, she throws the paper right in my

head.

Thank God she doesn't deliver pianos.

Oh, Alex, it just means she likes you.

When I was little, that's how I showed if I liked a boy.

If I thought he was cute, I'd just punch him in the arm.

And if I wanted him to go out with me, I'd pull his hair like that. But if I

wanted to go steady with him, I'd knock him unconscious.

I married her, and I'm thankful to be alive to talk about it.

Oh, God, that's her. I'm out of here. This is like a little Archie's version

Fatal Attraction.

Hey, Alex, if you don't want her, I'll take her.

Hi, Marla. What can I do for you?

Um, you owe me two bucks for the paper, and I'm in love with your sign.

Hey, Mel. Hi.

Hi.

Jen, this is the happiest day of my life.

Being paid to be your social studies partner is a natural high unlike any

my little Ohio Buckeye beauty.

Simon, listen.

I like you, and it's going to be fun to be your project partner, but you have to

stop calling me those names.

What names are those, my flaxen -haired dove?

Tell your sister the wonderful news.

Simon and I were paired together for a project at school.

Paired together by faith, by the gods.

What's the project?

We're supposed to do a paper on entering the workforce, so Simon and I got after

-school jobs.

Jennifer, that's great.

Oh, for the first time in your life, you'll be earning your own money. You'll

able to go where you want to, buy whatever clothes you want to. I mean,

won't have to rely on Mom and Dad's measly little allowance.

Hi,

Mom and Dad.

The kettle's ready.

Kettle's in here.

The sofa. The sofa's ready.

What's this about getting a job? Oh, it's for school. Simon and I are going

be working at a fast food restaurant.

Chicken Heaven.

Heaven for chickens and heaven for me. I'm going to be working side by side

the alluring Jennifer Keaton.

Not to mention those alluring chickens.

You notice how popular our children are these days?

You're also wearing pants.

Is Alex here?

Oh, hi, Marla. You look pretty today.

Thank you, Mrs. Keaton.

Even wearing a little blush on your cheeks?

Oh, it's not blush. It's newsprint from the Sunday supplement.

Very becoming.

Oh, my God.

Oh, Alex. Alex, be nice to her. I've never seen a girl so much in love.

Mrs. Keaton, you gave birth to Alex, huh?

Well, someone had to.

You're pretty.

Scram, kid, I don't go for Todd.

Not as pretty as I thought.

I got a present for you, Alex.

Well, you don't have to give me presents.

Yeah, I do. I wanted to give you something personal.

I got you this because I couldn't find the jar that my tonsils were in.

That's a shame.

I saved up my pennies, my nickels, and my dimes, and I bought you a $20 bill.

I hope you like it.

Well, Alex, she sure knows the way to your heart.

It is a beauty.

Hate to have to give it back.

She should learn a lesson from this.

Okay, Jen, what's the price of a heavenly chicken combo deluxe?

$4 .95 plus tax.

Jennifer, you're amazing.

You've got the mind of a chicken.

Thank you, Simon. You've got the body of a chicken.

Mallory, mystical woman of the Midwest, would you test us on giblets?

Okay. How many giblets in a quart?

You know, Jen, I'm really proud of you, and it sounds like a wonderful place to

work. Well, that's not exactly the most prestigious place in the world. What are

you talking about, Jennifer?

Chicken Heaven is a completely highbrow establishment.

Simon, highbrow establishments don't usually have a drive -thru lane where

customers scream their orders directly into a chicken beak.

And then what happens? The chicken tells the cook?

And 12 cents as your change. Thank you.

Jennifer, you're beautiful when you make a change.

Simon, will you stop it and get to work?

Excuse me, sir.

Simon, I think he wants you. Oh.

Look, you completely screwed up our order. And we had to wait 20 minutes

you made it in the first place. I am sorry. I'll fix that right up for you.

Great. And what are we supposed to do in the meantime?

Would you care for a lozenge?

I'd like to see the manager.

Simon, you really got to get it together. You're really screwing up

put some more fries on.

I'm sorry, sir. Here you go.

I really don't know why I keep coming back here.

Service is bad. The atmosphere is worse.

The food is inedible.

How about a coupon for a free meal?

Hey, thank you very much.

See you tomorrow.

Did you put the fries on? Mission accomplished, my poultry goddess.

Hi. Welcome to Chicken Heaven, where you get more cluck for your buck.

Give me three heavenly drumsticks.

Ordering three heavenly drumsticks.

French fries.

Ordering French fries.

Coleslaw. Ordering coleslaw.

The kitchen's on fire.

Ordering the kitchen's on fire.

Is that one of our specials?

No, the kitchen's on fire, you idiot.

Make that ordering the kitchen's on fire, you idiot.

Would you like a drink with that?

Simon, the kitchen's on fire.

That's a really popular dizz.

Simon!

Quick.

Simon? Jennifer?

Who's responsible for this? Can we ever say in the philosophical sense that

anyone is responsible for anything?

Yeah. Watch me.

Look, Mr. Parker, we were really jammed up with customers, and I think it's

possible that the fries were left on a little too long. I will tell you what

happened.

This chicken -flicking nitwit screwed up my order and ignored my repeated

warnings that the fire was starting.

Will there be anything else for you today, madam?

This young lady saved the day.

You should be proud of having her as an employee.

I am.

And you should be ashamed of having him.

I am.

Simon, you're on probation here.

Thank you, sir. I'm honored.

Jennifer, you're real chicken heaven material.

I think you have what it takes to rise to the top of the coop.

No one's ever said that to me before.

How would you like to be assistant manager?

Yeah.

first realized that alex was the most wonderful human being in the whole world

when you told us and before that uh when he told

us let's move on now what's his favorite chair well probably the one you're

sitting in

Let's not tell her where his bed is.

Mom, can you tell Alex to stop leaving his plates all over the house? I found

this outside his door like room service.

She gone?

Alex, you have to do something. You have to talk to her.

Yeah, not yet, Mom. I think she's about to give me some more money.

Hey, what's with the paper girl?

She's standing on the corner staring at a fork.

She's in love with your brother.

No, seriously.

My sister, ladies and gentlemen.

How was work, honey?

God, Mom, it was worse than ever.

I mean, since they made me assistant manager, Simon has become even more of a

problem. We took the job together, but now I'm his boss.

I don't know what I'm going to do.

He's completely incompetent. If it were anyone else, I think I'd fire him.

Yeah, so what's the problem?

Alex, he's my friend.

Yes, what's the problem?

I don't know what I'm going to do. Maybe I should just quit and get a job at

Jiffy Burger.

No, no, no. I've seen their hat.

Simon. Hi.

Simon, this isn't the army. You don't have to wear your uniform off duty.

Oh, I know, but I like it. So I've incorporated it into my wardrobe.

Sometimes I wear just the hat and ski boots.

I'm sorry we had to hear that.

Simon, we have to talk.

Yes.

Simon, we were paired together to do a job, and I don't feel that you're living

up to your end of the bargain.

What do you mean, pretty lady?

Simon, I've got a job to do, and I take that kind of responsibility seriously.

Now stop concentrating on me and start concentrating on your job.

What job is that?

Why am I both drawn to you and repelled by you?

I don't know.

My mother asked the same thing.

Sorry I'm late, but I'm ready to go.

Simon,

when you're late, I get in trouble with Mr. Parker. Now stop fooling around and

get to work.

I love it when you're bossy.

Simon, I don't want to hear it. Get to your post.

You again, Simon?

No, sir, it was me. I accidentally bumped into Simon, and he knocked the

over, and then I asked him to clean them up for me.

And I'm happy to do that for her, sir, because I'm her knight in shining armor.

Okay, I never had armor, but I had braces for a while.

You should have had a muzzle.

All right, get back to work, both of you. I like that idea.

Jen, I really appreciate your covering for me.

I don't know how to thank you.

Maybe I do.

You are so beautiful to me.

Thank you very much. Where are you from?

The assistant manager.

Can't you see you're everything?

Herman.

Thank you. The next show is at 3 .15.

Hi, honey. What are you guys doing here?

I just came by to get a little free food.

Alex, I can't do that.

We're out of here, then.

Excuse me, miss.

Miss, hey, you miss?

Hey, you.

Mister.

That's no miss. That's my sister.

Yeah, she's my sister, too.

And you better listen to him. He's my brother. Want to meet my parents?

We're them.

And she's right.

You have a problem with her, you go through us.

You see, if one of us gets a job, we all get the job.

You got that?

I just wanted some ketchup.

Jen.

It's over there.

It's over there.

Nice meeting you.

So how's it going, Jen?

See for yourself.

In

the

true sense of the word, he is a soda jerk.

Granny, you've got to do something about son.

Oh, just ignore him. It happens every two or three hours.

What do you guys want?

Well, Jen, what do you recommend?

Eating somewhere else.

Look, why don't we try four of the wing -a -ling delights?

No, no, no, I don't want a wing -a -ling delight.

I want a gizzard blizzard.

I'll have the tub -o -necks.

one gizzard blizzard and one tubble next.

You know what I'd really like? A mesquite grilled free range boneless

chicken on a bed of radicchio with a mustard vinaigrette.

Ordering one heavenly slop pile.

You have a milk mustache.

I like that in a man.

Marla.

Marla.

I'm very flattered that you have a crush on me. Alex, are you going to tell me

it's not going to work between us?

Yeah.

Well, fine.

If that's the way you feel about it.

I can handle this very maturely.

Why not?

Paula, look.

I already have a girlfriend.

And I go to graduate school.

I mean, I'm twice your age.

Where do you want to go for the honeymoon?

I like the Poconos.

Well, it's not going to work, okay?

I mean, it's completely nuts. I mean, it's impossible.

I can't believe I'm wearing a stupid bow in my hair.

The bow is beautiful.

Is it not? I look like Rosemary.

Not true.

Alex, you've broken my heart.

Look, I don't want to do that.

In a very little while, you're going to forget all about me.

In that case, I want my 20 bucks back.

There's no reason to break this off entirely.

Look, Marla, any guy your age... It would be crazy not to fall for you. Get

of here.

I mean it. I mean it. You know, who knows? Maybe 10 or 20 years, you're

hearts left and right.

Maybe our paths will cross again.

Bye, Marla.

Wow. I'll never wash my forehead again.

Not that I ever did much before.

Okay, she's young. She's still got a little wrist. I'm talking about me. I

to give the 20 bucks back.

Hi. Is Jennifer here?

I'll get her.

Well, secret's out.

I'm a real goofball.

I'll be honest with you, Simon. That hat's not working for you.

Hi, Jan.

I'm sorry about how things went today. I'm here to turn on my uniform.

I'm going to miss this.

Got a lot of compliments on it from my therapist.

I'm sorry, Jan. I guess I just got carried away.

See, when I'm around you, I can't even function.

Simon, you've got to grow up.

Don't you realize what happened back there?

You could have gotten me fired.

You weren't even trying to do a good job.

That's not true, Jen. I wanted to do a good job.

I'm sorry I embarrassed you.

I guess I do have to be a little more responsible.

I just wanted to impress you so that you'd like me.

Simon, I do like you. If you say as a friend, I'm going to spontaneously

combust.

Well, then I guess I'd better take a few steps back.

As a friend, huh?

Yeah.

I hope you can deal with that, Simon.

Actually, I'm driving a fake through my heart.

But I can live with that.

Tell me something, Jen.

Would you really have fired me from chicken heaven?

Absolutely.

Would you ever fire me as your friend?

Never.

Next on KSWB, get wacky with Jackie. Jackie Chan Adventures, just part of Kid

WB. And at 5, stay tuned for the magic of Sabrina the Teenage Witch. There's a

full afternoon right ahead on KSWB, San Diego's WB. Watch the frog.

Sit, Ubu, sit.

Good dog.