Original subtitles

What would we do, baby, without us?

What would we do, baby, without us?

And there ain't no nothing we can't love each other through.

What would we do, baby, without us?

Hi,

Dad, what you doing?

Oh, I'm working, Andy.

Making notes on my new documentary, The Industrialization of Mexico from Nacho

Chip to Microchip.

I wrote that line.

It's a killer, Dad.

Oh, Stephen, are you working again on a Saturday?

Honey, I'm just doing a little extra PBS work.

You shouldn't be working on a weekend.

Yeah, even during the week it's debatable.

Dad, you know the doctor said that since you're a heart attack, you should de

-stress your life and try to relax.

Yeah, you need a hobby. I hate hobbies.

Oh, hey, hey, hey, come on.

Hobbies are terrific, huh? I got a million of them.

Where do you find time to fit them into your busy schedule?

Okay, I'll be in the kitchen, so please let me know when my friend gets here.

Sure, what friend is this?

Oh, just someone I know from school.

He... I mean, he slash she is going to help me bake some stuff for my French

club bake sale.

He slash she?

Yes, this person is a friend and I don't see how gender enters into it.

Now how do I look? Is this a good color for me?

Yes, Jennifer.

You're going to knock his slash her eyes out.

Jennifer, is this friend a boyfriend?

Well, maybe. I don't want to discuss my personal life, though.

He is so sweet, Mallory. He's shy. He walks me to all my classes.

I'm really not sure if he likes me, but he's been hanging around my locker a lot

this past week. Well, okay, when he's talking to you, does he lean against the

locker with one hand?

Yeah. Oh, Jennifer, then you're practically engaged.

I mean,

he's shy.

He walks.

You can lean on one hand.

That's one way to choose a mate.

It's better than you did.

You might know who he is. His name is Josh Wakefield.

Josh Wakefield?

Jeff Wakefield, a little brother?

Or a little brother slash sister?

Great, Jeff Wakefield.

Who is Jeff Wakefield?

It's a boy that Mallory used to go out with when she was in high school.

Nick, he's the guy who broke my heart.

He went away to college and asked me to go steady, and then when I went to visit

him, I walked into his dorm and found him kissing another girl.

Yeah, I was devastated.

I was a complete mess until I met you.

You're wonderful, Nick, but Jeff Wayfield's a complete jerk.

He's also a good friend of mine.

Well, they're not mutually exclusive.

I'm beginning to like this Jeff guy.

What? Oh, you see, if he'd never broke up with you, you and I never would have

gotten together.

Damn that, Jack.

He was a nice, shy boy. Remember, he'd come to the house, he couldn't even

himself to knock on the door.

Mom, that's not because he was shy. He was standing out there thinking of ways

to dump me.

No, I thought he was nice. He'd come in and call you pal.

Remember that goofy, high -pitched laugh he had whenever he got nervous?

The deranged little cackle?

He sounded like Flipper.

Boy, it's getting late. I hope Josh didn't get lost.

Josh! Hi, come on in.

Hey, pal.

Josh, these are my parents.

All of them.

He doesn't sound like Flipper.

He sounds like Shamu.

Well, Josh, come on. We better get baking. Yeah.

Jeff?

Okay.

This last batch will be done pretty soon.

Now all we have to do is glaze the cinnamon rolls.

Hey, Jennifer, you've got a little flower on your nose. Oh, gosh.

Is it gone?

No, it's on the side. Here, let me... Ow!

I'm such a jerk. I poked you in the eye. Yes, you did, but it was the nicest

poke in the eye I've ever received.

Hi. Hi.

Jennifer, can I talk to you about something?

I think you had a little overboard powder in your nose.

You don't think it's a good look for me? Oh, God, no.

I'll be right back. I'm going to freshen up. Can you stand up for me until I get

back? Oh, hey, Mallory.

Spoke to my brother Jeff the other day. He said to say hi.

As if I care.

Huh?

Uh, I said, oh, have you been to the World's Fair?

Gee, man, I could have sworn you'd said, as if I...

So how is Jeff

doing?

Well, let's see.

After Jeff graduated, summa cum laude in French from Princeton. He landed a job

over in Paris, vice president of a big French manufacturing company.

Well, I guess Jeff's so busy, he doesn't have time for social life.

Well, he doesn't really go out much. Not since he got married.

And Gigi kind of likes to relax when she gets home.

She says it's really tiring being an astrophysicist.

Oh, she says that, huh?

In French.

She sounds charming.

Charmante.

I always knew Jeff would wind up with a bookish little girl.

Well, actually, Gigi's quite tall. She used to be a model.

Well, she couldn't make it as a model. She had to go and become an

astrophysicist.

Is that like you, Josh? How you doing?

Well, I got into Princeton, early admission, just like Jeff.

And I'm going to major in French, too.

Like Jeff.

Just like Jeff, huh?

Yeah. I plan to follow in his footsteps.

Jeff's kind of my hero.

Katie, I'm back. How do I look? Oh, great. Okay. How's that glaze coming?

Great.

Well, it looks like it's done. Come on, Josh. We better get to the bake sale.

Oh, we got to hurry because I told Rebecca Phillips I was going to give her

ride, too. Okay, great. Let's go. See you guys later.

What do you think of that, Alec?

He's taking Rebecca Phillips to the bake sale, too.

Wow.

We better call the bakery cops and bust his crullers.

Okay, Stephen, you can start relaxing right now because we have the hobby of

your dreams.

You remember your favorite childhood toy? We got it for you.

A train set.

Oh, Lisa, a train set. That's a great idea.

Oh, I used to love those freight trains.

Climbing rugged mountains, crossing raging rivers, all of them pulled by

mighty locomotive.

Doesn't look very mighty, does it?

Yeah, it's mighty... tiny.

Comes with great accessories for the village, Dad. Look at this.

A miniature...

Young Republican headquarters.

With cute little miniature young Republicans running hither and thither.

They're not hithering and vithering in my village. Look at the box.

Hi, Mom.

Where's Jennifer?

Still at the bake sale with Josh.

Still?

Oh, Mom, when I have kids, the rule is going to be three at the most four hours

at a bake sale. Anything over that, they're grounded.

What has gotten into you?

Oh, I don't know, Mom.

Look, the truth is, I don't trust Josh.

Why do you say that?

Mom, I care about Jennifer.

Josh worships Jeff.

Josh is going to do everything Jeff did.

Now, my judgment, Josh will jilt Jennifer just as Jeff jilted me.

Gee.

Judging by Jeff, Jen and Josh are really jinxed.

Jello? Honey, history doesn't really have to repeat itself. You know, Josh

Jen are unique individuals in a unique relationship, which, as far as I can

tell, revolves solely around baked goods.

Lise, Alex isn't playing trains fair.

Life will separate you two again.

Mallory, guess what happened?

Josh asked me to the senior prom.

Isn't that incredibly romantic?

I don't know, Jen.

What's the matter? This morning you were so happy for me.

That was before I knew who he was.

Jennifer, I have to tell you, I don't like Josh.

Oh, I get it. You just don't like him because he's Jeff's brother.

That's right.

See? Jeff led me on and dumped me, and Josh is going to do the same thing to

you. I can't believe you, Mallory. Why are you trying to ruin this for me?

Jennifer, I'm telling you this for your own good.

Now, I'm your big sister. I think you ought to listen to me.

You know, I thought you were more than my big sister, Mallory. I really thought

you were my friend.

Excuse me.

Oh, excuse me.

Oh, hey. Hey, hey, hey, hey, girls.

How we doing, huh?

Jennifer, I'm only trying to look out for you. Well, maybe I don't want you to

look out for me. Who wants ice cream?

Jennifer, I think I know a little bit more about the world than you do.

Oh, the world of culottes, maybe.

Frozen yogurt, tofu -y, I'm flexible here, huh? I can't believe you made a

like that, Jennifer.

I'm telling you what it is.

What the hell is going on here?

Mallory doesn't like Josh, and she's not even giving him a chance.

Jennifer, I don't think you're thinking clearly.

Mallory, I can't believe you did it, Josh.

Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

Mallory, Jennifer, you're my sisters.

I love you both very much.

And it pains my heart to see you fight.

And snap at each other.

So please, do it in another room, all right?

Thanks, Alex. All right, all right, I'll tell you what. Okay, I'll tell you

what. I'll mediate your dispute. Oh, please don't. Oh, come on. It'll be just

like when you were little and you'd have arguments and I'd settle them fair and

square. No, you wouldn't. You always sided with Jennifer. Well, I won't this

time, okay?

Listen, I'll listen to each of your complaints.

I'll think about it, and I'll come up with a solution that'll satisfy both of

you. Okay, Jen?

Fine. Okay.

I think if I want to go out with Josh, it is my business, and Mallory should

butt out.

Mm -hmm.

I just think Jennifer should go a little slow with Josh.

Slow. Butt out.

Jennifer's right.

If you would take the time to get to know Josh, you wouldn't be saying these

things about him. Oh, hey, hey, hey, that gives me an idea. Why don't you and

and Josh and Jennifer all go out for dinner? That way you can get to know

That's a great idea, Nick.

What do you say, Mel?

What if after we go out, I still don't like him?

Well, I don't know. You know, I only get one idea at a time.

So, uh, Josh, you're fluent in French, huh?

Say something.

Nick, you're kind of putting him on the spot.

Oh, come on. Just tell me a word. You know, like, for instance, What's the

French word for, uh, I don't know, say, uh, croissant?

Croissant.

Oh!

Hey, so French and English are the same, huh?

Basically.

So, uh, what else is going on with your life, huh?

You know, Josh got accepted early admission to Princeton.

Well, hey.

Early admissions to Princeton, huh, Josh? You must be pretty excited. Or as

say in French, pretty excited.

Yeah, my brother Jeff went there. Loved it. Says you can meet all sorts of

interesting people.

Really? Yeah.

College can open up a lot of doors.

Both academically and socially.

Do tell.

So wise.

You two is going to the prom, huh?

That's great.

Isn't it, Nick? Yeah, you know, I never went to a prom.

How come?

Well, I was never in school when the year ended, so... Um, Josh, getting back

your social life, what exactly do you think you'll be doing?

Well, I... I guess in the fall I'd go to football games.

Alone or with someone?

Mallory, what does that matter? Oh, hush, I'm just curious, Josh.

Mallory? Jennifer?

Who...

can roll their tongue.

Listen, Josh, I'm sorry. I just think Jennifer has a right to know where this

relationship is going.

Mallory, stop it. Just leave him alone.

Look, I don't know what's going on here, but I really don't think this evening

was a good idea. I better go. Wait, Josh, wait. No, I'm sorry. I gotta go.

Thanks a lot, Mallory.

Well, so long. Or as they say in French... Oh, Nick.

What's next?

Glue, glue, glue, glue. One drop in each of the slides.

All right.

Okay. Okay. All right.

Okay. There you go.

I can't do it, Alex.

I haven't got the hands anymore.

You can do it, Dad. You can do it.

You're a champ. You're a winner. You're a model building machine.

Yes.

Yes. Okay.

All right.

All right. Yes.

Go for it, Dad.

Tab 82.

In slot A. It's done. All right. Okay. Okay. Take a break. Take a break.

One more. One more.

Thank you, Alex. Thank you. Come on, buddy.

Thank you. Come on, buddy.

Thank you. Thank you. Yes.

Done. We did it. We did it. Oh, shit. Oh, Alex, I love it. We've done it. Yes.

We've done it. We built our very own Republican savings and loans.

Alex, this is an authentic replica of a Wild West saloon.

No, it's not that.

I mean, look, look, look. If it's a while, where are all those cute little

bankers doing in there?

Those aren't bankers. Those are drunken cowboys.

Look,

look.

Now, look what you've done.

How's your hobby coming, honey? Oh, it's tremendously relaxing, Elise.

The trains are so small, you can barely see them.

Alex has turned the village into a bastion of Republican banking.

You can hardly put the buildings together, and when you can, you glue

to them.

Great. I've got to make a presentation at work tomorrow, and now I have to

explain why I've got a saloon stuck to my hand.

It's the Republican Savings and Loans.

ran out of the restaurant after Josh.

Oh, dear. I'm sorry to hear that. Why?

Oh, I started asking him all these questions, Mom, to find out if he was

like Jeff.

And I went a little too far.

I alienated Josh.

I mortified Jennifer.

I made a complete fool out of myself.

Nick have a good time?

Yes. He learned French.

Honey, look, even if Jen is making a mistake, there is nothing you can do

it. It's the only way she's going to grow up.

In other words, butt out.

You got it?

I'll be upstairs.

How did things go with Josh?

Fine, fine.

He's a really sweet guy, so he didn't hold anything against me.

You're another matter, however.

Jennifer, I'm sorry.

I'm really, really sorry.

Miller, you had no right to do what you did.

I think I'm old enough to handle these things by myself.

I know that.

In my head, but in my heart, you're still my little baby sister.

You know, before you were born, I used to dream about what it would be like to

have a little sister.

And then when you came along, I was so happy.

Glad I could help.

I used to sneak into your nursery and sit there and look at you through the

of the crib and I'd talk to you. Do you remember what I said?

Not offhand.

I promised that I would be the best big sister in the world and that I would

protect you and care for you and teach you. You've done that. You've always

there for me when I needed you.

I'm sure when you're a toddler, I'd tell you how to sit up patty cake and

catalog shop.

But then, when you got older, you went in a different direction.

I mean, books and school and intellectual discussion, things I don't

anything about.

And I realized that you're not like me at all.

You're like Alex.

That's an awful thing to say.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, forgive me.

What I mean is that Alex took over and kind of became the one who gave you

advice and that you looked up to.

Look, Mel, I know we don't have loads of stuff in common, but you're still my

big sister.

Your opinion means a lot to me.

If it didn't, I wouldn't have cared what you thought of Josh.

Jen, it means a lot to me.

Listen, I'm sorry I didn't give Josh a chance.

Well, do you ever think you'll change your mind about him?

Why don't we all go out after my scurvy clears up, and I'm sure I'll like him.

You're on, Mel.

And Mel?

Yeah?

I still love you, big sister.

Ann, I love you, too.

Or as the French say, I love you, too.

Watch the frog.

Up next on KSWB, get wacky with Jackie. Jackie Chan Adventures, just part of

Kids WB. And at 5, stay tuned for the magic of Sabrina the Teenage Witch.

There's a full afternoon right ahead on KSWB, San Diego's WB.

Watch the frog.

Sit, Ubu, sit.

Good dog.