Original subtitles

What would we do, baby, without us?

What would we do, baby, without us?

And there ain't no nothing we can't love each other through.

What would we do, baby, without us?

Sha -la -la -la.

Hey, Matt, are you wanting to play catch?

Not at all. really feel like it, Andy. Ask Alex.

Okay.

Alex?

Alex?

Alex,

you want to play catch?

No, but I'd like to change seats.

Nick? Nick? Nick, you want to play catch?

I'm a bit whippity here.

Mom, babe, whip it in here.

Oh, Andy, honey, this isn't the place to play ball.

Sorry, Mom.

Hey, you're good.

You don't drop it as much as Dad.

That's true. I used to be a pretty good ball player.

For a girl.

For a guy.

Yeah, all the females in this family are better athletes than the males.

How about you, Mel? Would you...

If I wanted to, I could have been a great athlete, Andy.

But I just hate to sweat.

Oh, what am I doing? I forgot where I was. I'm sitting here laughing and my

husband's in surgery.

That's okay, Mrs. Keaton. There's nothing wrong with laughing.

It helps to relieve the tension.

Absolutely, Mom. Look at Shakespeare.

Any time the going got rough in one of his plays and the tension was

Big Bill would bring out some comic relief.

You know, a clown, a buffoon, a fool.

There you guys are. Amazing. Life imitates art.

Thank you.

It's very sweet of you to come, Skippy. Oh, Mrs. Keaton. I would have been here

sooner. They gave me wrong info down at the desk. Instead of Stephen Keaton,

they sent me to a Stephanie Kelton who was in for a lipo suction.

Well, sit down. Make yourself comfortable.

I brought some things to cheer up Mr. Keaton and I didn't know what he wanted

I brought an assortment of flowers, chocolates.

Archery set.

Oh, and the slinky is for you, Mrs. Keaton.

I hope you don't mind. It's slightly used.

It's my dad's.

Very sweet, Skippy.

Mrs. Keaton?

Yes, yes. I have some good news.

The surgery is completed, and it went very well. Oh, thank you, thank you, Dr.

Iggy. It's okay. Can we go see him? No, no, no, not yet. He's in the coronary

care unit.

Everything looks good, but we have to go slowly.

Now we have to wait and see how his heart adapts to the surgical procedure.

So it's not really over yet? No, no, not yet.

The next few hours are going to be critical.

Thank you. Thank you for your good work.

The will to live is extraordinary.

He obviously has a lot to live for.

I think I'm looking at it right now.

Thank you.

I just wish you could see him.

Oh, honey, just be grateful that the surgery went so well and just know that

we're going to have our daddy with us soon.

I can't wait to see E .P. again. Me too.

Where's Mom? We're all set to go. She's not here.

Well, she had a bunch of meetings. She's probably stuck in traffic.

Well, we sure can't go without her. We sure can't. She has the car.

No, I mean, it wouldn't be fun unless we all go anyway. You know, the whole

family. Well, it's sweet to hear you say that.

All right, let's do it. Let's go.

We can't go yet. Mom's not back.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Why can't we just, you know, leave her a note and catch a cab?

Fine plan.

Ditch mom.

That's not what I meant.

Well, no, that is what I meant.

What does E .T. stand for?

It means the least tardy.

It means extraterrestrial. What does that mean?

Over to you, Jim.

It means none of this earth otherworldly. Yeah, thank Mallory.

Oh, that's it, Dad. I am not going. He's been doing this to me all day.

Why, Alex?

Why do you persist in tormenting your sister?

It's a hobby.

All right, Mal.

I'm sorry, Mal, okay?

I didn't mean to upset you.

Please forgive me.

All right, I'll forgive you.

I'll go.

Now that was beautiful to witness.

That's maturity.

Thank you, Dad.

He meant me.

He didn't mean you. He was looking right at me. You were looking at me. You

meant me. Was that a snort? Are you snorting? It was not.

You know, we all want to go to this movie, but it's not the most important

in the world.

I mean, just look around you.

We're all together.

Granted, your mother is missing.

But all of us are here.

And we have a beautiful home.

People who truly care for each other.

We're all healthy and happy.

Here it comes.

When I was a boy, many, many moons ago,

going to a movie show, as we called it in those days,

was a very, very rare and special event.

Now, many nights, my mom and dad and Rob and I would entertain ourselves.

Do you know what we used to do?

Churn butter?

No, Jennifer.

No, we'd sing. Oh, Dad, please.

She'll be coming round the mountain when she comes.

She'll be coming round the mountain when she comes. Yahoo.

She'll be coming round the mountain. She'll be coming round that mountain.

She'll be coming round the mountain when she comes.

She'll be riding six white horses when she comes.

She'll be riding six white horses when she comes.

She'll be riding six white horses. She'll be riding six white horses when

comes. She was really stuck in traffic when she comes. Oh, yeah. She was really

stuck in traffic when she comes. I'm sure.

She's really, really sorry. But, baby, if we hurry, we can all get to the

when she comes.

That's right.

She'll be riding six white horses when she comes.

Yeah.

This is ridiculous.

Why did you guys all just go home, and if anything happens, I'll call you? Hey,

absolutely not.

Absolutely not. Look, you're the one who's the doctor. Why don't you go home,

and if anything happens, we'll call you.

Absolutely not.

Sounds to me like we're all staying.

Mrs. Keaton?

Yeah, yeah. Your husband's awake.

Jim! Yes, Jim.

Right now, if you like. Okay, wait.

I made it.

I'm alive.

Or is this heaven?

Hey.

I guess not.

It's going to be great to have Dad home again.

When are Mom and Dad coming in?

Well, it's going to take a minute or two to walk up the driveway, Andy. Dad's

going to be a little slower for a while.

Yeah, that's right. Now remember, when Dad walks in, we have to act really

Alex.

What? What? Come on, what are you talking about?

Well, let's face it, Alex, you're just not nice.

Yeah, but I can act nice.

You know, I noticed that Dad was a little crabby on the way home. Of course

crabby, Mallory. He's been in the hospital.

I can really get to you.

Yeah, that and the fact that Mallory wouldn't stop jabbering all the way

No, I was trying to make him feel comfortable.

Yeah, but the guy was trying to climb out the window. No, he wasn't.

What are you talking about?

You know, Father...

And hello to you, daughter.

Dad, welcome.

Come, sit down, please.

Can I have a snack?

Your beverage of your choice?

May I brush your hair?

Please, guys, you don't have to treat your father like a guest.

Sit down, honey. Please make yourself comfortable.

Someone will be along shortly to take your order.

Please, stop.

I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm the same guy I was ten days ago. Just go do what you

usually do.

the bank could see all the dollars doing against the yen.

Well, attaboy, Andy.

I hope your brother and sisters will follow your example.

Dad, everything is normal.

But with a few little changes, we've decided that your life around here

be easier now. You won't have to lift a finger.

You know how no one ever wants to take out the garbage?

Well, Dad, I'm gladly going to do that for you. No, Jen, please, let me do it.

Okay.

I say again, could you all just go do what you normally do?

Okay, Dad, just don't get upset. I'm not upset.

Well, because the doctor said... I don't want to hear the word doctor.

Okay, the guy with the stethoscope said... Please.

Go. Get on with your lives.

Grow older.

Come on, everybody. I know what you're trying to do, but it's... Okay, I'll go

read. I'll go spend some quality time with my clothes.

Before I go, Dad, there's just one little thing I want to show you. Okay,

one. All right? Dad, be incredible.

Dare lift -o -matic.

Okay, Dad, think about it. Sit yourself down, and you will be zooming from

basement to attic in mere seconds.

Alex, that is absolutely out of the question.

We are not installing a chairlift in our house. All right, I wish you would have

told me that before, because I've got this incredible deal on the stairlift -o

-matic Stairbuster X90.

It comes with rear -view mirrors, it comes with air conditioning, and cruise

control.

All right, look, hold it.

I know what you're trying to do here, and it's...

It's all very nice, but there's no need for it.

Yes, I've had a heart attack.

Yes, I've had open heart surgery, but no, I'm not an invalid.

All right.

Do you mind if we get the stair buster for my own personal use? Alex.

Okay, I'm sorry.

No,

I love you, and I'm just happy that you're home.

It comes in four colors.

Are you okay?

Fine.

You seem a little edgy with the kids.

Well, excuse me, Elise.

If I'm not Mr.

Congeniality, I've got a few things on my mind, okay?

Well, if you've got to take it out on someone, why don't you take it out on

I mean, they're just trying to help.

I don't know.

In the hospital, all I could think about was how great it would feel to walk

through that front door. Now that I'm here, I...

Why?

This is where it happened.

I fell right over here.

I'm afraid every time I walk in this room, I'll think about it.

I love this room.

Sure, you're going to love this house. It's quite a charming fixer -upper.

It's got four bedrooms, three bathrooms, and there's a separate dining room over

here.

Oh, Stephen, this is beautiful.

Don't you think?

Yeah, yeah, Lise, yes it is. But don't you think it's also maybe a bit out of

our price range?

Oh, we can manage it now that you've got that promotion.

Stephen just got a job as program manager at WKF.

Public television.

Oh, yes, public television.

How nice. We don't get that.

Channel 3.

Oh, yes, I know. We had it, but we asked to have it removed.

Alex!

Mallory! Come on in and look at the house.

Oh, this is going to be your third child.

Oh, yes.

Well, good luck.

Two children is something, but three can really put you in the poorhouse.

Oh, thanks.

You're quite a saleswoman.

doing some research in the neighborhood, checking out resale values, property

taxes, and my conclusion is that this house is wildly overpriced.

Oh, aren't you a clever little fellow.

How would you like a nice stick of gum?

Don't change the subject, lady. You're 7 ,000 over and you know it.

Mommy, mommy, mommy.

What is it, Mallory? I love this house. You can see them all from the front

porch.

Please, please, kids.

I think we can handle this.

7 ,000 over, are you sure?

Were you happy with your tax return this year?

What kind of space looks like?

There's one in every room.

They're sweet.

Would you like to see the kitchen? Can we just talk together for a minute?

Oh, sure, sure. Take your time. I'll be right in here with my ear to the door.

I'm getting real good vibes about this place, Stephen.

Well, so am I, but she's got a lot of other houses to show us.

I don't need to see any other houses. I mean, everything we need is right here.

All we need to do is open it up a little bit.

Oh, can't you just see it? We can open up this stairway here, put in a great

bay window.

No, I'll get this fireplace working. That shouldn't be too hard.

Oh, Stephen, it could be wonderful.

What?

You're very beautiful when you get all architectural like that.

Honey, I can just see our family sitting in this living room.

You and I holding each other?

Mallory sitting on the sofa, talking on the phone.

Alex on the sofa, digging under cushions, trying to find loose change.

Would you guys mind taking a small bedroom?

Can I borrow some turtle food?

Hey, wait a minute. You're not the Epsteins.

Oh, no, we're the Keatons.

Hi, I'm Stevie Hahnemann from across the street.

Well, these are our children, Alex.

Va, va, va, voom.

Marry me, marry me.

Well?

Let's take it. Oh, honey.

What am I gonna do, Lisa?

What am I gonna be like?

How do you know that?

You heard what the doctor said.

I don't want to hear the word doctor.

You heard what the man with the stethoscope said.

It's going to take some time to readjust.

What am I readjusting to?

What kind of a life am I going to be living here?

The same kind of life you led before. You heard what they said. They said an

active and full life. What do they know?

Doctors.

Don't say doctors.

Nat Pearson.

Oh, yeah, well, he's been on everyone's mind.

Who is he?

Sales rep for PBS. Big, brash, full -life kind of guy.

Huge fan of my documentaries.

I think his favorite was probably The Salmon.

From River King to Croquette.

Sounds like one of our kind of people.

Anyway, six months ago, he doesn't show up for the annual sales meeting.

And I ask about him. Turns out he's had a heart attack.

He's five years younger than me, at least.

I saw him recently. Completely different guy.

He looked terrible.

Thin, tired, skittish.

Scared of living.

Told me his doctor said he was as good as new, he could do anything.

But he's afraid.

Afraid he's going to get another heart attack.

Are you afraid?

I am.

Afraid of becoming another Nat Pearson.

A living, passionless... Ghost.

I need passion in my life, Lise.

Passion for the kids, passion for my work, passion for you.

It's all still there.

It's just going to take some time.

I'm just thrilled with every minute I have with you.

I love you.

One second, son.

I don't think we're going to have to worry about that person coming back.

So go away, there's more Family Ties coming up in less than 30 seconds. And

tonight at 6, check out San Diego's favorite comedy lineup. That's right.

Friends, Will and Grace, and everybody loves Raymond.

Smile.

You're watching San Diego's home for comedy, KSWB. Watch the frog.

Sit, Ubu, sit.

Good dog.