Original subtitles

What would we do, baby, without us?

What would we do, baby, without us?

And there ain't no nothing, we can't love each other through.

What would we do, baby, without us?

What are you guys doing here?

Mallory's reading Dad's tarot card. Just watch. It's going to predict a bright,

rosy future.

Oh, no.

It can't be. This is horrible.

What? What is it? Somebody got jam on this card.

I've had enough.

No, Dad, please sit. Please. There's nothing to worry about. I will show you

that the cards know all.

Okay. Oh, okay, okay.

It says here that in the recent past, you had a minor accident. Is that true?

Mallory, two days ago, while trimming my beard, I cut myself.

You knew that.

Yes, but the cards didn't.

Am I mentioned here at all?

Oh, yes, Mom. You're in the home area. You're represented by the high

So you're holding the three babies. That would be Jen, Andy, and me.

Well, where's Alex?

He's probably represented by the newt in the corner.

Alex, I will never let you drag me into one of these things again. I don't

understand. How can a human being not enjoy the Leland Economics jamboree and

clam bake?

I mean, that's absurd. You know, that was the best one we've ever had.

We've never had a kissing booth before.

Kissing money is disgusting, Alex.

What is your problem?

I mean, it just seems like everything I do today is wrong, wrong, wrong.

It's so typical of you.

Hi, how you doing?

Stephen, can I see you in the other room for a minute? What for?

The thing.

Excuse me?

Oh, right, right, right.

The thing, yeah.

Mallory, Jen, can we see you in the living room?

About the thing?

Alex, I think we have a serious problem here.

I feel like I'm having a hard time relating to you. We don't even talk

What are you talking about?

See? We're talking.

Alex, let's face it. Whenever the conversation veers away from politics or

economy or current events and heads towards something personal, you run like

little kid.

Lauren, what do you want from me? I want you to open up.

I want you to tell me what you're thinking, what you're feeling.

I love you.

You love me.

We're in a great place here.

Alex, emotionally, our relationship is right here.

I think it should be here.

I love you.

You love me. We're in a great place here.

Only higher up.

Alex, you may not want to deal with this, but from my perspective, we got a

of talking to do. And you're obviously not ready for it. Lauren.

Can I help you?

I doubt it.

Really? I happen to know you're having some romantic difficulties.

Oh, yeah? How do you know that? What do the cards tell you?

No, I was listening at the door.

But the cards might help you find a solution if only you'll believe in them.

All right, I believe. Hit me.

No, no, no. First you have to follow the ancient tradition passed down from

generation to generation.

And now available in this book from Hasbro.

What do I do?

First, we separate the cards into decks of three.

Put one on your forehead and one on your knee.

It's a personal low for me.

Okay. I see you purchasing six sweaters.

No, that's mine.

Great timing. Let me ask you something, okay?

I've been having a little problem with Lauren recently.

And, I don't know, she seems to think that I can't relate on an honest,

level. What do you guys do about that?

Well, your mother and I make an effort every evening to have at least one deep,

meaningful, personal exchange.

What do you talk about?

Well, it's personal.

Hey. Hi.

Hi.

I smell something burning.

I think it's the thing.

Well, we better get in there. There's nothing worse than that thing.

So, how are you doing?

Okay.

I've been thinking a lot about what we talked about this afternoon.

Yeah? Me too.

I, uh... Jan, do you mind? It's kind of personal.

Boy, the amount of times that I'm asked to leave places, I should just board the

get -out -of -the -room express.

It's leaving now.

Listen,

Alex, I didn't mean to imply that you don't have feelings or that you're

immature. I'm sorry.

Oh, babe.

I'm sorry that I didn't take you seriously.

All that arguing is not going to get us anywhere.

You're so right.

I love you, Alex.

I love you, too.

I think we should go to group therapy.

Let's try some interpersonal communication.

Bobby, tell me some more. You obviously have some complex thoughts on

relationships.

I do.

If Janie here so much as, like, looks at another guy, she gets it or he gets it.

But definitely somebody gets it.

Janie, how does that make you feel?

I don't know.

Do you feel that it takes away from your identity at all?

It depends.

What does that mean?

It's great to be here discussing relationships with the bottom of the

chain.

Yes, Alex, is there something you'd like to share with the rest of us?

No, I don't share.

Alex, what is that beard you wear?

Excuse me?

A beard, a mask.

You hide your true self.

I used to do that. I used to have a beard.

She did.

And I really miss it.

Alex, I want you to face Lauren and look her in the eyes.

Can you feel her energy?

No, I feel Bobby's energy.

Why does she express hostility in that repugnant manner?

Yes, Alex, why do you?

I don't know.

Why don't we move on?

We'll come back to you. I'll be here.

Tom, why don't you tell us some of the things that you do to keep your

relationship with Vera fresh after all these years?

Well, for a long time, Vera and I... I didn't really talk much to each other at

all.

But recently, since I taught her how to use the TV remote, it's opened up a

whole new area for us.

Let's try some free -form interpersonal communication.

Lauren, why don't you begin by questioning your partner?

Alex,

did you have difficulty coming here today?

You know that I did. I mean, why do you have to ask me that?

I think it's important for you to express it.

Are you angry, Lauren, for revealing personal problems between the two of

No. Do you have trouble showing affection to Lauren?

No. If you were a tree, what kind of tree would you be?

I gotta go. I just remembered something I have to do. What do you have to do?

Runaway screaming.

Honey, let's just go, okay?

No, I'm not leaving. This is important to me. It's important to us. Honey, I

can't stand it here. I mean, I don't fit in here.

You didn't even try.

I ain't never played poker with tarot cards before.

But I think I got a full house.

Let's see. What do you got?

I got three ladies and a watermelon patch.

And two skeletons with floppy hats.

I got dragon high.

Two dwarves.

Read them and weep.

Four fools.

Hey.

Hey, Alex, what's all this?

This, this, Dad, is what's going to save my relationship with Lauren.

Now, what happened between you and Lauren?

Well, I'll tell you the truth, Dad. We had a little fight about the way I

fit in at that group therapy session.

There's a shocker.

But I'm going back, and it's not going to happen again, because I'm going to be

armed to my psychological teeth.

Freud.

Interpretation of dreams.

Ah, from a issue of Popular Neurosis.

Yeah, you know, this isn't exactly thriller -diller reading for me, but,

don't know, I feel like I let Lauren down, and I don't know, if it's

to her for me to be in touch with my feelings, then I'm gonna read these

gonna find out what my feelings are, and memorize them.

Alex, they're gonna be able to see right through you.

Mom, Mom, you're missing the point. The important thing is not what those people

think of me, but...

But that Lauren believes that I really tried to open up to her. I mean, I'm

doing this for her.

Hey. Dad, do you mind? This is kind of personal.

I don't know why I bother leaving my room.

Alex, the best thing you can do for Lauren is to tell her honestly how you

about her. That you love her. That you care for her.

No, Dad, that's no good.

In this day and age, relationships have become a complicated, sophisticated,

intellectual phenomenon.

And on that farm, he had some figgies.

Sorry we're late. The traffic was terrible on Court Street. Yeah, and I

like to share my feelings about that with all of you.

You know, sitting there in the mid...

of all that bumper -to -bumper traffic, I realized that my anxiety was a

manifestation of my subconscious desire to return to the womb.

That traffic, was it jammed up going both ways?

Alex, you amaze me.

You seem to have really blossomed since our last meeting.

Well, thank you, Dr. Davidson.

Well, you're welcome.

Well, has anybody had any further thoughts about their relationship since

last met?

Alex,

I'm surprised.

Well, honey, I'm here and darn it, I'd like to participate.

All right, Alex.

Let me share this with all of you.

I've been doing a lot of serious soul -searching since our last meeting.

Because I felt that I didn't come across to the group in a positive light.

All of you felt that I was holding back on my true emotions.

Afraid to confront my real feelings.

Well, you were right.

I was afraid.

And so today, I'm here to stand before all of you and say,

I'm Alex P. Keaton, and I'm repressed.

I'm so happy for you.

Thank you, honey. And I'd be happy, too, if I wasn't so darn repressed.

This is great.

Now that you know what the problem is, you can really dig down and address the

real emotional issue.

Oh, now, hold on, Lauren.

I mean, Alex has made a major breakthrough.

I think that is quite an accomplishment for one night.

All right, let's move on to somebody else.

Vera, how about you?

We'll come back to you, Vera.

Lauren, how about you?

How do you feel your relationship is working?

Fine. No complaints.

Do you feel that you hold back in the relationship at all?

No. You hesitated.

Did I?

Yes, you did.

Come on, honey.

Do what I did. Tell them you were oppressed. They'll get off your back.

start torturing Vera.

Well, Alex does tend to emotionally shut me out at important moments.

To kind of build a wall around himself.

We want to know about you, Lauren.

How does that wall affect you?

Oh, I recognize it for what it is.

A projection of his latent insecurity.

Lauren, not in psychological terms.

How do you really feel?

Well, I... Come on, Lauren. How do you feel?

Lauren, you're not going to accomplish anything until you let go.

Come on, Lauren.

You can do it.

We're all here for you.

All right, look, everybody hold it for a minute, all right? If Lauren doesn't

want to talk, that's okay.

I mean, I know how she feels.

How do you really know if she doesn't express it?

I'm sorry, I have to go. Wait.

Lauren. Lauren!

Okay, it says here in the relationship area that you're very happy and secure

your relationship.

Uh, that's true.

Oh.

There's somebody else in the picture.

Another woman.

Nick, how could you?

What? What'd I do?

The court say you're seeing another woman.

Hey, you ain't done lying. I'm going to knock their heads off.

Should we put a stop to this?

Oh, it's harmless enough, Elise.

Now you know you are the only one for me.

I'll prove it to you. I'll marry you.

All right, that's enough.

Hello, Lauren.

Hi. Hi.

Is Alex here?

Yeah, he's in the living room.

That's him.

What's that we all go in the living room and watch some TV?

There's a good movie on.

The Thing.

At least I've seen that a thousand... Oh, The Thing!

Yeah, why didn't you? You say so.

Oh, I love The Thing.

Okay, everybody out.

They do that very smoothly, don't they?

Say, how you doing? Are you okay?

I don't know what happened to me today.

Someone asked me a few questions and I ran out of the room like some kind of

wild woman.

What kind of psychologist am I going to be?

Not a real busy one.

I've never admitted this before, but I have a real problem confronting my own

emotions.

I love listening to other people and helping them.

But I don't really like talking about myself.

Hey, I love talking about myself.

Just not in front of Bobby and Janie.

Well, you didn't seem to have a problem opening up to them today.

You didn't believe that, did you?

I mean, I was just telling them what they wanted to hear.

I mean, I'm not repressed.

Yes, you are.

All right, I just don't like to stand around talking about it.

I only did that for you.

Oh, great.

Where does that leave us?

You said what you didn't really feel, and I panicked.

We're in the same place we were when we started this.

Jen, do you mind?

That's it. I'm moving out.

You know, we gotta get this thing worked out so she can feel free to roam the

house.

I'm sorry that I dragged you into this.

I just want to be closer to you.

I don't want to feel like you're holding things back from me.

I'm a very private person.

I mean there are things about me that nobody knows.

There are things about me I don't even know.

But I've opened up more to you than I ever have to anyone else.

I mean when I look in your eyes.

I feel like I could tell you anything.

Really?

All right. Well, tell me something that you've never told anyone.

All right.

All right.

You got to promise you're not going to tell anybody this. I mean, not a living

soul. I promise.

All right.

I'm worried about Quail.

And there's one other thing that I gotta tell you.

And I'm not really sure how this is gonna go over with you.

You're right.

There is a wall around me.

I built it.

And it's real high.

And it's that, um...

that controlled Alec that I want the world to see.

I'm just afraid that if I let that wall down, you're gonna see who I really am,

and you're not gonna love me.

There. Sad.

Is the wall down now?

Yeah.

I still love you Alex.

I love you too.

Next on KSWB, get wacky with Jackie. Jackie Chan Adventures, just part of

WB. And at 5, stay tuned for the magic of Sabrina the Teenage Witch. There's a

full afternoon right ahead on KSWB, San Diego's WB. Watch the frog.

Sit, Ubu, sit.

Good dog.