Original subtitles

Okay, Andy, time for breakfast.

I'll cook, but you've got to clean up.

Oh, there he is. Mom, can I take Andrew into the living room? It's my last

chance to play with him before I have to leave for school.

Well, honey, I'm about to give him breakfast, but you can help me feed him.

Okay, thank you. Okay, Andy, this morning it's corn mush.

I'll create a diversion. You make a rent for it.

Oh, there he is, Andy. How about a quick story before I go to work? What do you

say? Uh, Dad, he's all booked up right now, but maybe Mom can read you a story.

Not the same.

Come on, Alex, don't be so selfish. He's my brother, too.

Well, Mallory, look, today happens to be the first day of my sophomore year in

college, and I'd like a few private moments to share with my only brother.

Jennifer and I are about to give him breakfast now.

And if that falls through, I got dibs on him. Then I'm next.

Wait a minute. What about me? I want to play with you. Come on, Andy. All right,

all right, all right.

Let's let Andy decide.

Now, Andy, who's your favorite?

Well,

that seems clear enough.

I bet we've been together for a million years.

And I bet we'll be together for a million more.

Oh, it's like I started breathing on the night we kissed.

And I can't remember what I ever did before.

What would we do, baby, without her?

What would we do, baby, without us?

And there ain't no nothing we can't love each other through.

What would we do, baby, without us?

Love

is

a many -splendored thing.

It's the April that only grows in the early

spring.

Love is nature's way of giving a reason to

be living.

Kiss me, Dad.

I used to like that song.

Bear with me, Mom.

First day of college, beautiful girl strolling around the campus.

Surely you must remember what it's like to be young and in love.

Or at least in love.

Well,

now, this is big news, Alex. What girl are you in love with? Well, Dad, I've

narrowed it down to seven lucky finalists.

And you'll find their pictures in here.

Leland College freshman directory.

You met seven different freshman girls on your first day of school?

Well, I haven't actually met any of them yet, Mom.

I just thought it'd be more efficient to go through the book, pick one I like,

seek her out, and fall in love.

Wouldn't it be easier just to order a few, try them out, and then send back

ones you don't like?

You're a natural at this.

Alex, picking out girlfriends based on pictures in a book is a bit immature.

Not to mention sexist.

Right, Steven?

This is despicable, Alex.

I'm shocked at you.

Will you two cut it out?

Yes, really, Alex.

Come on, Mom.

Look at this one.

Trisha Armstrong.

Now, come on. Don't you think we make a good couple?

Well, you're both two -dimensional.

Here's my plan. I figure I'll drop her a note in the college mail tomorrow, tell

her I'm from the sophomore hospitality committee, and I'll be calling by later

in the day.

You're not Trisha Armstrong, are you?

No, I'm Ellen Reed.

Sorry to disappoint you.

Trisha's my roommate.

Well, she's your roommate.

Fabulous.

Hi. Alex P. Keaton, sophomore, hospitality committee.

Congratulations.

Hey, excuse me.

Do you mind if I wait around here for a while? I told Miss Armstrong that I'd

meet her here, and it's official committee business.

I suppose.

Ah, thanks very much.

So, you and Trisha must be pretty close, huh?

Met her yesterday.

Uh -oh.

How'd that go?

She said hello when I said hello.

Sounds like she's got the gift to gab.

Is it supposed to be this?

It's not supposed to be representational. It's abstract.

Oh, I'll say it's abstract.

What do you call it? Find the apple?

I'd explain the concept of abstract art to you, but I have a feeling I'd be

wasting my time.

Oh.

Oh, you do, do you?

Look, I know why you're here.

What do you think, I'm stupid?

I happen to know that there's no such thing as a sophomore hospitality

committee. There is two.

I'm the president.

And, uh, and founder.

You're here for exactly the same reason as all those other guys.

You saw Trisha's picture in the freshman directory and you came by here to hit

on her. That is not true.

What other guys?

Don't worry, you'll be fine.

From what I can tell about Trisha, you're her type.

Oh, oh, I see. And you know what type I am. I mean, you got me all figured out.

Well, let me take a shot.

You're an economics major.

You voted for Reagan.

You're in the debating club and the young executives club.

And you wear a jacket and tie everywhere you go.

Ha.

She shows you what you know. I quit the debating club last spring.

I misjudged you. Wait a minute.

What is going on here? Why are you giving me such a hard time?

Maybe it's because I've had to spend the last two days making inane conversation

with insecure guys like you who fall in love with photographs.

Insecure, huh?

Let me tell you something. You have really got a chip on your shoulder. I do

have a chip on my shoulder. I am a very nice person except when I'm around

people like you. Oh, people like me. People like me. I happen to like people

like me.

I can tell you do. And of all the people like you that there are, you probably

like you the best. Yeah, well, let me tell you something. You are about the

unfriendly, self -righteous person I have ever met.

Alex B. Keaton, sophomore hospitality committee.

How you doing?

Oh, hey, Alex. I left some dinner for you.

Oh, thanks, Mama. I already ate.

Oh.

How'd your girl shopping go?

Was that one young lady as pretty in person?

Uh -huh.

You seemed happier with her picture.

No, no, it was fine. She was great. She was really great. I mean, we went to a

movie, and we're probably going to go out tomorrow night.

You've got this roommate, Ellen Reed.

I got into a big argument with this girl while I was waiting around for Tricia,

and it really bugged me.

You know, she had the nerve.

to accuse me of going over there just to hit on Tricia.

Well, isn't that why you went over?

Oh, what?

What is the big deal?

I was just asking.

And then she starts saying, we don't know it all. You know, like she knows

everything about me.

You're an economics major. You voted for Reagan. You're in the debating club.

You're in the young executives club.

Well, all that is true.

I quit the debating club last spring.

And then she tells me I'm insecure.

I mean, I mean, you don't think I'm insecure, do you, Mom?

Because I would hate for people to view me as insecure.

Because I'm not.

I'm really, really not.

You know, Alex, it was really nice of you to come over the other day to meet

All the guys at Leland have been so nice to me.

Well, that's the Leland motto.

We're nice.

Easy, Trish.

Oh, hi, Ellen. Hi, Trish.

Hello. Hello.

Oh, Ellen, your boyfriend Dennis called a couple of hours ago.

said he'd call back tomorrow.

Oh, thanks, Trish.

Ellen's boyfriend is a senior at Franklin and Marshall.

He's going to be a psychologist and they're probably going to get married.

that great?

Swell.

Trish, you have a phone call. Oh, thanks, Jack.

I'll be right back, Alex.

Well, you two seem to be hitting it off.

Well, that shouldn't surprise you.

After all, we are the same type.

Listen, I won't bother you guys. I just came back to get a book. I'll be out of

your way in a minute. Hey, it's your room.

You

need

any help?

No.

Here, here, let me get that.

No, I can do it.

The same thing happened yesterday. I fixed it myself.

You did a nice job.

Okay, fine. You seem to want to help so badly.

Right.

Just right.

All right. Okay, no problem.

Just get this...

There we go. Gently, gently, gently.

Ah.

It's a cake.

Anything else need fixing?

the other day.

Sorry if I came out a little strong.

I'm sorry, too.

Hey, hey, did you do these? What?

Oh, yeah.

They're mine. They look very good.

Oh, come on. These are great.

I mean, now these look like real things.

I mean, look at that. That could be a real painting.

It is a real painting.

Yeah, this one, too. This is great. Who is that?

A guy I know.

An old friend.

And a... Oh, your boyfriend.

Well, I guess that depends on what you mean by boyfriend.

Uh, Trisha said you were gonna marry him.

Oh, well, if that's what you mean, yeah.

So, uh, so you are getting married.

Well, if he really wants to.

Of course I do, too.

I probably will. I'm sure I will.

I don't know. Maybe not.

Well, as long as you're sure.

What a nice call that was.

Who was it from?

A guy named Brent from the senior class welcoming committee.

Listen, Trish, you got to be careful, you know. A lot of those organizations

bogus.

Trust him.

He knows.

pledge dance.

Which one would you most like me to wear?

Uh, Patricia, this is silly. I mean, I'm no good at pretending I'm a sorority.

I never have been.

Oh, the pink one's you, Alex.

Jennifer Mallory. Oh, hi, Mr. King.

I'm gonna go try these dresses on. Will you tell me which one looks best? Sure,

let's go.

Okay, bye.

Well, Alex,

You got that book, picked out the girl you wanted, sought her out, and now

you're a happy couple.

You took all the surprise and romance out of love and reduced it to what it

should be.

An exact science.

You know, it's not as exact as I'd hoped, Dad. What do you mean?

I don't know. Here I am. I'm with Tricia.

She's everything I'd hoped she'd be. She's beautiful.

She's fun -loving. She's vivacious.

And if I have to spend another minute with her, I'm going to strangle both of

us.

Well, these things take time.

The crazy thing is, she's got this roommate, an art major, for crying out

who I have absolutely nothing in common with.

And for some unknown reason, I think about her constantly.

And she's got a boyfriend who she's probably going to marry.

Alex, I hope I'm not interfering in your personal life if I say, good luck.

There you are, Alex.

Did you look after Andrew for a while? Yeah, you got it, Mom.

Oh, and Dad?

Yeah. I hope to win that time.

Alex, we jog for exercise and fun and not a competition.

Yeah. You ready to go? Yeah, all set.

Whoops. Do you mind getting that for me, dear?

Uh, yeah.

Well, big guy, looks like just you and me.

What do you want to do, Alex?

I don't know. I thought maybe we'd pop open a couple of cold beers.

Okay, but I'm only nine months old. Make mine a light.

You're corrupting a minor. I'm calling the police.

When did you get here?

Just a second ago. I came by to pick up Tricia.

Who's that little guy?

This is my brother, Andrew.

Andrew, this is Ellen.

Hi, Ellen.

Trisha needs a guy's opinion about her dress. I think Andrew's our safest bet.

Well,

I guess I'll go tell Trisha I'm here. Yeah, uh, wait. Ellen, uh, just a

I, uh, I got you something.

You did?

Yeah, it's no big deal. I was at this art show, and they were having a sale on

Picassos.

And I knew you liked this stuff, so I got you one.

Alex, it's not a Picasso.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, it is. Sure. Look right here.

Uh, Picard... Picardo.

Uh, Vince Picardo.

Gotta admit, though, he is good.

Alex, thank you. This... This was very sweet of you.

It was, uh, it was nothing, really. I mean, I was there and everything, and I

knew you liked art. It was still very sweet, thank you. No, no, don't worry

about it. It was a couple of bucks. Even so, it was very sweet, now shut up.

You're welcome.

So, I guess I'll see you guys at the dance tonight.

Oh, you, uh, you gonna be there? Yeah, just to make some money. I'm working the

refreshment table.

So come say hello if you get bored.

I will.

In fact, I don't know, maybe we could... Oh,

hi, Ellen. Hi.

I didn't know you were here yet. Yeah, she just got here. Just now? A second

ago.

You having a good time?

Oh, it's wonderful.

Everybody looks so nice, and the decorations are beautiful.

Hi, Ellen.

Hey, it's 10 o 'clock.

Showing a tape of last week's pep rally up in the lounge.

Oh, wow. You want to go, Ellen?

Uh, no, Trisha. Why don't you go ahead?

I'm going to stay here and relax.

Enjoy these decorations.

Okay, I won't be long.

What did you think?

I would do at this moment when you're standing before

me.

Hey, how's it going?

Fine.

Excuse me.

Nothing wrong?

No, nothing wrong.

Well, listen, why don't you take a break? Let's dance.

No, I can't. I have to make sure there's enough punch available.

Ellen, there are 8 ,000 cups of punch here.

Please, Alex, I don't want to dance. Why not? Because I just don't.

You just don't love me no more.

Did you think I could hate you?

Or raise my hand to you?

What?

Nothing. What is it?

Nothing. You were going to say something.

No, no, no. I thought I was going to say something and then I realized I wasn't.

And you know, I'd never hurt you.

What do you think I would

give at this moment?

Ellen. What?

Nothing.

At that time, it was really nothing.

Kiss the ground that you want.

If I could just hold you again.

Ellen. Alex, please let me go. Ellen, I'm sorry.

Dancer. I dance with Ellen.

Really? Well, did she tell you?

Tell me what?

Maybe she doesn't want anybody to know.

Know what?

Promise you don't tell anyone I told you? Well, Trisha, I'm not fooling

here. What is it?

Well, she just...

against the ground!

Sit, Ubu, sit.

Good dog.