Original subtitles

Marnit. Um, hi.

Thought you liked the other one.

I'll give you guys a couple of minutes to get yourselves together.

Thanks.

So... So... Should we talk about what this means?

This means something?

Well, just so we're on the same page. The page we're on is this is fun, but

night only.

Yeah, I was thinking the exact same thing.

That's super chill.

Uh -huh.

Sweet.

So, like, today on the bus, it's not going to be, like, weird.

Oh, my God. Why is this so hard for you?

It's not. You know, that whole, like, same page thing.

I just want to make sure you're, like, cool.

So last, I got a rental car, okay?

I have a pressing assignment today, so have fun on the bus.

Sweet.

Okay.

Yo!

Guess who's back? Back again.

Come here.

Where you been, girl?

Thank God you're back. Quinn's been all crazy.

Where's Quinn?

Beast the hell out of me. He's gone rogue.

Y 'all want to help a girl out?

Yeah.

Noah, that's you.

Cincinnati shower.

Hey, Jay.

Hey.

Long time no see.

Marissa, did you not go to D .C.? I did. I flew back as fast as I could. Did you

not get my message?

Oh, my phone died. I didn't have a chance to charge it.

Wait, so you saw your boyfriend?

Uh, I did.

Oh, you smell like McGrady's cologne.

Uh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I sat next to him at the bar last night. I can't shake it,

so... Yes, wait, do you have your job back?

Uh, sort of. If all goes right today, I'll be permanently back.

That's great.

Okay, listen up, youngsters.

And McGrady.

We are on our way to the Lincoln Luncheon. There will be a bland, shitty

with the locals, followed by a Q &A with the candidates.

Questions?

I have a question. Do you have a fun Iowa fact of the day for us?

Okay.

Here's a fun Iowa fact of the day.

I haven't felt the warm touch of a man in 43 days, and the pickings are pretty

slim around here, so don't fuck with me.

Does that work for you?

Yeah.

Good.

Anybody else?

No. Excellent.

Good to be back.

Well, that ought to reckon.

Hey, I found a willy hat.

Who in fuck's name fucked on this fucking bus?

Noah, I'm looking at you, you scotting little penis. Rin, swear to God, I've

never seen one of those in my life.

But seriously, it wasn't me.

And seriously, I don't use condoms.

No, no, I do.

Oh, God, I hope so. The idea of you procreating makes me want to drown

a tub of my own vomit. Oh, such vivid imagery.

Well, it wasn't me.

Not me?

I don't think it was me.

Maybe it was.

No, like, maybe I did.

I didn't think I was ever going to see you again.

Well, that would be a shitty way to leave things.

I'm sorry. I was a little out of line. It was confusing.

I can see why. We've gotten really close since we've been out here.

Hey, how about after the event, we grab a drink and talk about everything?

Yeah, I'd really like that.

Let me get back to work.

Yeah, with Steve Simon.

Top secret, but it's huge.

I'll tell you about it later.

The bus will do it.

What? No, no, no, no. We have to get to that luncheon.

This can't be happening. Hey, Jay.

All right, Jay, what are we up against?

The wheels of the bus?

They have stopped going round and round.

Call back a bus. Easy there, moneybags. What do you think this is, a Jack Stone

campaign? Damn it. How long is this going to take, Jay?

On one hand, it could be a minute.

On the other hand, I've never fixed a bus in my life.

I can help.

Both my parents are bus drivers, and let's just say they taught me a few

of the trade.

Great. Appreciate it.

Go team.

I'll go get my lucky wrench.

Yep.

The case of the condom caper must be solved, and there are only two gumshoes

can figure it out.

Who?

Detective me and Detective you.

Damn. Mark my words, I will not rest until we find a fickle.

Well, it goes without saying, number one suspect, Claire Dobson.

She has an airtight alibi.

Did you see her snap story?

She spent the whole night cow tipping with the wrestling team back in Iowa

Oh.

And everyone else is a suspect.

Bryn, Jay, Miles, Dobson.

Especially Dobson.

What about Quinn?

Yeah, right.

Wait, what if he's one of those guys who jerk off into condoms?

Oh. All right, you guys realize I hear everything you're saying? And maybe

heard some people's privacy.

Bring him to the press, bro. Hey, the moment that perv jizzed on his butt, he

lost his right to privacy.

DJ and Noah.

Couple of Horatio Keynes.

CSI Miami?

Oh, stop it, Crossword. I love it. Here, let me help you. Do you mind if I...

I'm just gonna... Okay.

All right, your turn.

Damn it! How is this happening?

Well, my best guess is the spark plugs probably wore out. No, no, no. How is

this happening to me? My life, it's falling apart.

Hey, you holding up okay?

Well, I'd be better off if I could get signal. If I don't go to the luncheon,

career's over.

Oh, for God's sake. I've never seen someone so desperate to make it to a

luncheon. Brynn, not now.

I don't want to have to go back to D .C. Would that be such a bad thing?

It's where you live with Colin. Right now, I need to be on the trail a lot

than I need to be home.

Got one.

What's the nearest Uber? It's four hours away.

Okay, 90s film starring Michael Douglas. Jesus, that could be anything.

Beetlejuice. What?

Multiplicity.

Stop lying to us, McGray. We know you're the bus fucker. Why don't you just cop

to it already? Because I haven't had sex since Bush was president.

Bush 41 or Bush 43.

I think you know.

Where were you between the hours of 11 p .m. and 2 a .m.? I was playing words

with friends against myself.

Is that the secret code for fucking on the bus?

Look, guys, I gotta get back to fixing Seabiscuit.

The hell's a Seabiscuit?

The name of the bus?

Free to go.

For now.

Thank you for your time.

We can probably take him off the list. Yeah.

I'm sorry, you want to investigate Governor Dobson?

Absolutely not, you fucking idiots. We have shit for fucking brains.

What do you think this is? Are you fucking ten years old? It's a fucking

prom. It's a campaign trail, you Nancy Drew wannabe chuckle fuck.

He is the fucking governor.

That's fair.

However, we will still be requiring your DNA sample.

They can scrape my DNA off of your dead body. How's that sound?

Yeah, let's keep her on the lift.

Listen, do you bozos really want to catch this burp?

Meet me out in the field.

Five minutes.

Miles just said the bus

would probably be another hour.

What, an hour? Are you kidding?

I'm screwed.

What is the top secret assignment?

Promise me you won't tell anyone.

Scout's honor.

Okay, I'll take that as a yes.

When I was in D .C., I uncovered something.

Almost got it.

Hey, guys.

You think you could give me a hand real quick?

Give us one minute.

Okay. I'll be here.

He collects hair? I know. It sounds crazy, but it's the kind of thing that

change the way people see him as a candidate. These weird stories can flip

election. Men fought and died for a right to have presidential campaigns

on meaningless bullshit.

So who's your source?

Come on.

The Senator Crittenden.

Holy shit.

Wait, did he go on the record?

Yeah, but I need to confront a source from Prez's camp to confirm today.

That's why I need to go to the luncheon.

It starts in ten minutes.

Yeah, but they never start these things on time. I can't believe Spectrum is

going for the story.

Uh, well, actually, I paid my own way back here.

I, uh...

I realized last night this is where I belong, out here, you, you know,

Spill the soybeans, McGrady. Who's the bus fucker?

Oh, I'll tell you.

I need a favor in exchange.

Name your price.

I'll name the bus thruster if you attach a word doc to an email for me.

That's it?

Is that a flip phone?

Hand it over.

All right, wise guy.

Who is it?

Sid? And Quinn?

Yeah.

I thought he liked the other one.

Okay, um, I think if we walk a couple miles up the road, we might be able to

catch a bus that overshoots Davenport. Wait, what about Sid? Doesn't she have a

rental car? She's probably ready at the luncheon.

Quinn, Quinn, Quinn, the man of the hour. A word?

Not now.

Oh, no.

Just take a second.

Why not? I'll be right back. Okay.

What do you want?

You're wearing the same shirt as yesterday.

Yeah, I ran out of clean shirts. And your socks are inside out. Classic move

from a guy who doesn't have a change of socks.

Your hair smells like fake nugs.

What's your point? We found a roach on the bus. It all adds up. You're the bus

fucker. Look, we grew up. Oh, come on, admit it. You and Sid did the nasty.

No, we didn't.

We didn't.

We have evidence. The DNA confirmed.

What DNA? Look, I don't have time for this.

We have an eyewitness.

McGrady.

He's a senile old man. You just admit it. We won't rest till you confess.

Dude, this is your Johnny Cocker moment.

We will rest till you confess. Okay, fine, yes. Okay, I'm the bus fucker.

Sid and I had sex. So are we happy now? Can we get on with our lives?

Wow.

You two actually did some reporting.

And you had sex.

I don't know which is more shocking.

Hey, guys. I fixed Seabiscuit.

All right, then. Let's get this bang bus on the road, shall we?

Look, let me explain.

Sid? Really?

I really wasn't expecting it. We got high on the bus. I don't need to know

details.

Okay, I just... Why wouldn't you mention it to me earlier?

You wanted me to tell you that?

No, but... I mean, it's Sid. We hate Sid. You hate Sid. I think she's

okay. You clearly think she's more than okay.

All right, well, you were with your boyfriend last night, so I just didn't

that it would be a problem.

I'm sorry.

I just thought that there was something... I'm happy for you.

Good for you and Sid.

Of course, it's not like that. Look, I gotta get back to my story.

I don't want to be mad at you, but I said mad props.

Shut up, Connie.

Oh,

fuck.

Marissa, you're back.

Is it over?

Yeah, the event ended like 15 minutes ago.

Are you okay?

Where were you guys?

The bus broke down. Did every candidate leave?

Yeah, I mean, there might be a couple in the parking lot.

But I'm sure Desk will understand.

Same old talking points.

I really needed that story.

Hey, I didn't expect to see you.

Quinn must be thrilled that you're back.

You know, we were up really late last night talking. Okay, I got it.

Well, well, well.

Here she is, the accomplice.

The accomplice?

Oh, you know what they say. It takes two to tango. Fuck, I'm a boss.

Oh, free food.

You're an idiot.

Hey. Hey, what's wrong?

I blew it.

I can't believe it.

Well, I'm sure it'll be fine. I'm sure someone got some audio from the event

can help you out.

Maybe Sid?

I don't need Sid's help.

Okay. Easy there.

She sucks.

I never want to see her again.

I was gone for one night and Quinn sleeps with her.

What, so you're upset that Quinn slept with her?

No.

It's just kind of blurry. We've gotten really close over the last few months,

and he's so nice and so thoughtful.

And we're on the same wavelength about everything, you know?

Yeah, that became very clear when you guys started falling asleep to Bonnie

there.

I know it shouldn't bother me, and it's not fair to him, but I hate this.

But you do have a boyfriend, remember?

Yeah, and Colin is amazing.

But when I went back to D .C., I couldn't stop thinking about Quinn.

Oh, Marissa.

I know, I shouldn't be saying it.

Okay, girl. Come here.

Deep breath.

First things first.

We need to figure things out with Colin.

Right?

Okay. There's nothing you can do about Quinn until you figure that out.

Second thing, you are here to do your job first.

Just focus on that.

Yeah.

I just need to clear my head.

Do you mind talking to him for me?

Yeah, I got it.

Hey, Marissa, we need to talk. Give her a second, man.

No, no, no, no. It's cool. Man, what are you doing?

Okay, swear to God, she just told me she doesn't want to talk to you. So just

back off.

What's your deal? Why are you trying to be a hero?

Because you've been all about Quinn.

And you know what?

That's fine.

Do you.

But leave Marissa the hell alone, all right?

Back off.

He got it.

He got it.