Original subtitles

Welcome to the annual

All Valley Tournament board meeting.

We are, of course,

missing Daniel LaRusso,

as current senseis

cannot serve on the board.

But we have a lot to discuss.

Last year's tournament was epic.

It's time to take it to the next level.

We want to make sure

that karate in the Valley

gets the respect

and the honor it deserves.

Can we please just calm down

and keep this professional?

- We cannot spend money we don't have.

- Enough of this bullshit!

It might be bullshit to you,

but some of us care about tradition.

Don't go there again.

Clearly the blue mats

led to a surge in attendance.

- Come on!

- Why would we go back to red mats?

As you can see, our core demo

are middle-aged men and their sons.

But we have seen an uptick

in young female interest.

We need to speak to that audience.

How about instead of karate

we put on a baking class?

It's a wonder you've been

divorced three times, George.

[jeering]

I've said it in years past,

and I'll say it again.

We have a vibrant and active

community of local celebrities.

What about a grand marshal?

Or a musical performance?

One of the dads on my son's fencing team

is a talent agent.

Oh, God. This is the Malcolm-Jamal

Warner debacle all over again.

- We all had egg on our faces that day.

- First, this is nothing like that.

- I'd go through the proper channels--

- [scoffs]

You couldn't get Louie Anderson

to show up for a free buffet, Ron.

- You're out of order, Daryl.

- You're not a judge.

- Why do I have this gavel?

- Not anymore.

- [woman] Put the gavel down.

- Drop it now!

You drop it!

[grunting]

[Gavin] Let me get something straight.

We're sanctioning an event

where boys are encouraged

to kick and punch girls?

Have any of you thought for a moment

this could be perceived as problematic?

Remember, this proposal

will revolutionize the tournament.

This is our legacy.

By a show of hands,

do we all agree on the changes?

The motion passes by unanimous support.

It's time to step into the future.

Send out the letters.

God help us all.

[triumphant music playing]

Easy. Save some for Cobra Kai.

If we're ever allowed to stand up to them.

Hey, everyone, gather around. I have news.

The All Valley committee just

announced big changes for the tournament.

What kind of changes?

Well, see for yourself.

It's a whole new ball game.

- They're introducing skills competitions?

- Yep.

Kata, board breaking, weapons display?

And there's a separate girls' division.

So that means...

There'll be two All Valley champs.

Wait, so what does that mean

for the bet with Cobra Kai?

There's a Grand Champion trophy

for whichever dojo wins the most points.

All I know is the girls' division is mine.

That just leaves the skills and the boys.

I'm counting on you guys.

Who, us?

Yeah, we're a bunch of Rudys.

We're good for the occasional

inspirational moment,

but we're not exactly center mat material.

- We were better off with Miguel and Hawk.

- Or he who shall not be named.

Rhymes with "Dobby."

Look, I know you're

missing some of your friends.

And of course I wish Robby was here.

But it's time to put the past behind us.

Don't worry.

By the time the tournament comes around,

you'll realize this was

the best thing that could've happened.

This is the worst thing

that could've happened to us.

Skills competition, bullshit.

Kata isn't karate. It's dancing.

What's this girls' division?

Thought they were all about women's lib.

Ought to man up

and take a punch like the rest of us.

Sensei, it sounds like

we could use some female students.

Fine.

Do any of you know any girls?

Of course you don't know any girls.

- There's this girl from the debate team.

- Debate team?

We need killers, not more nerds.

All right, go run some laps.

Maybe it'll jog your memories.

Try not to breathe too much.

There's black mold in the corner.

I know things got heated at Miyagi-Do,

but with these new changes, I think

having Sam on our team would really help.

- Maybe if you talk to Mr. LaRusso--

- I have nothing to say to him.

We're better off without him. Time for us

to take care of our own business.

We'll find a girl champ, don't worry.

- All right, now get running.

- Yeah.

- This is just--

- Perfect.

First LaRusso

and Johnny Lawrence split, now this.

Manna from heaven, baby.

Neither have the fighters

to compete in both divisions.

We're gonna win this tournament

before it even starts.

- [man] Where would you like this?

- What's all this?

Top-of-the-line gear to go

with our new state-of-the-art equipment.

These kids need to see

we settle for nothing but the best.

Now is the time

to show our strength and reinforce.

May I?

Cobra Kai is gonna be the only

destination for karate in the Valley.

I want our logo on billboards, T-shirts--

And on the backs

of both All Valley champions.

Now we're talking.

You're a hard girl to find.

Avoiding your auntie Kandace now,

sweetheart? Ignoring my calls?

- Yeah, what do you want?

- To see you, of course.

And to ask

if my sister's disability came in yet.

What, need funding for another scam?

That money's for us.

Come on. My sister always promised

to take care of me. She taught you better.

She taught me

to recognize a low-class leech.

Mind your manners.

When your mom kicks the bucket,

who do you--

Quick temper.

Just like your old man.

When your mother passes...

gracefully, then what?

You think your daddy's

just gonna show up out of the blue?

I'm all you got.

You don't give a shit about us.

You want her survivor benefits.

I was at Bobby's

4th birthday party just last year.

Brandon is 8.

And next year I'll be 18.

Hey. Who do you think's

gonna win a custody battle?

You're a high school dropout

and a criminal.

- So are you.

- But I know how to play the game.

A judge is gonna take one look at you

and laugh you straight out of court.

See you at the funeral, sweetheart.

Ticktock.

Okay. This is where

most of the girls' teams practice.

- Sure you'll be able to convince them?

- Please.

When I went to this school, the only

thing I was better at than karate,

and I was pretty good at karate,

was talking to chicks.

Watch and learn. Watch and learn.

[Motley Crüe's

"Girls, Girls, Girls" playing]

Teen girls wanted.

You gotta be under 18 or it's a no-go.

No, not like that!

Let me guess,

posting photos on Facebook?

You know what photos would look rad?

A photo of you

kicking someone in the face.

We meet at the old

Webber Industrial warehouse.

We're looking for badass chicks

just like you.

It's the abandoned factory

smack dab between the pipe supply

and the burned-down Chuck E. Cheese...

- Trust me, the chicks are gonna love this.

- Hey, too much!

You gotta get it into every groove.

It's about molding highlights

to emphasize curvature.

Hey, ladies, wanna work up a real sweat?

Where's your beach ball?

Here's the beach ball.

Try Eagle Fang Karate,

the most bitchin' dojo in the...

Valley.

And the best part is we have

a whole stable of hot young dudes,

like my man Miguel over here.

You like what you see?

He's not even in the top five.

We got babes and everything,

whatever floats your boat.

I'm asexual.

He's a sexual too.

Check him out. Total stud.

So what do you say?

You ready to become an Eagle?

I don't get it. I thought girls today

were supposed to be tough.

- Why can't we find anyone for our team?

- Maybe not everyone needs karate.

Especially girls who

are already on sports teams.

- Hey, Miguel.

- Hey, Moon, what's up?

Some perv was creeping on the track

team so we're gonna practice inside.

- What are you doing here?

- [Miguel] Recruiting for our new dojo.

Eagle Fang Karate.

Yeah. You know, you should join actually.

Really? Okay. Yeah, that sounds like fun.

Wait. Do... Do I have to hit anyone?

Hell, yeah, you do.

No, then I'm out.

I can't do

the whole physical aggression thing.

- You should ask my ex.

- Hawk? Yeah--

No, my other ex.

She's the best athlete in school

and she's not afraid to get into a fight.

Sounds like the badass babe

we've been looking for.

Yeah, you might want

to take a different approach with her.

- Want some pointers?

- Absolutely.

[doorbell rings]

Hold on, I'm coming.

Oh.

So you're knocking this time.

Mrs. LaRusso, I... need your help.

Okay. Come on in.

You remember the way?

So the principal said he'd

consider letting me back into school

because of my situation at home,

but your family would have to sign off.

Well, I'm glad you

wanna get your life back on track.

Going back to school is a big step.

- But I need you to promise me something.

- I'll stay away from Sam. I swear.

That's great. But, um...

I want you to get support.

Talk to someone.

You've been dealing with a lot.

You have been. For a while.

You should talk

to a therapist, a guidance counselor,

the Dalai Lama, it doesn't matter.

Just someone who isn't karate related.

Whatever it takes, I'll do it.

I need this.

So today was a setback,

but the boys, they're gonna improve.

You're gonna be fighting

lots of new opponents.

- And--

- What?

What the hell is she doing here?

- Where the hell have you been?

- How'd you even get in here?

Your mom's left the key

under the gnome since kindergarten.

You should think about

increasing the security given,

you know, the karate war.

- But that's not important now.

- What's so important?

Didn't you hear? The All Valley

has separate gender divisions.

Do I look like Miyagi-Do's best hope

at defeating Robby Keene?

Mr. LaRusso says that anyone

can be the hero, but I'm not Batman.

I'm more like Alfred. You're Batman.

Right, I forgot, you're not a DC guy.

Whatever. Forget Batman, you're the Hawk.

Yeah, not anymore. So...

Hey, at least it looks better

than the last time I saw it.

Everyone at school knows what happened.

It's embarrassing.

Who cares what they think?

Besides, it'll grow back.

It doesn't matter.

I ruined my reputation, talked a big game,

and just proved I was an asshole.

To Moon, to Miguel,

and especially you.

- I got what I deserved.

- Hey, I forgave you, remember?

And I don't care

if you have a Mohawk, or a mullet,

or pigtails.

- Miyagi-Do needs you.

- I'm not going back to Miyagi-Do.

Great. You're choosing

Eagle Fang over your best friend.

I'm not going back to Eagle Fang either,

all right?

I'm done with karate, man.

I quit.

- I mean, she's fast, she's strong...

- [Johnny] Girl's a natural Eagle.

Which one is yours?

That one looks good to me.

Haven't talked to her yet though.

I'm still working on my approach.

Got any advice?

- Remember what Moon told you?

- Yes, I will be awake.

No. No, no. Be woke.

Hey, Piper. I wanted

to introduce you. This is--

Sensei John Lawrence

of Eagle Fang Karate.

Let me tell you why my dojo is perfect

for a modern young woman like yourself.

We live in a world where

you gotta be an alpha to survive.

You're either a killer or dead meat.

You gotta be a man.

But at Eagle Fang,

we confront that problematic phrase

and make it empowering for all.

We teach anyone who identifies as female

to embrace their queenly strength

and tear down the neo-masculine

hierarchy to confront internalized sexism.

Sounds inclusive. But what

about non-binary and gender fluid?

Fluids are crucial. If you don't

hydrate, it affects performance.

And he's funny.

I have been meaning to join a dojo.

Don't wanna be the last person

in the Valley who doesn't know karate.

Then today is your lucky day.

[girl] Hey, Piper. Come check this out.

- Okay, cool. I'll be there.

- All right.

I can't believe you pulled that off.

Did you know what those terms meant?

Do I look like I pee sitting down?

What were you even thinking? She didn't

smash up the house enough last time?

I know this is difficult for you, but--

You're the one who wanted her to go to

jail. Now you want her back in school?

I don't want this rivalry

dominating your life anymore.

Dad can't get along

with his high school rival,

and I'm supposed to go to school

and be best friends with a psycho?

Sam, Johnny's and my differences

have nothing to do with--

It does. Because you guys

just do whatever you want.

You don't stop to think

that maybe I liked training with Johnny,

or I don't wanna get

my face torn off again.

As long as she's in school,

she has something to lose.

She's not going to hurt you.

You believe her?

You'll listen to her, but nobody

listens to what I have to say? God.

- Thanks for the backup.

- Hey, Amanda.

I mean, she has a point.

Why are you helping this girl?

Did I tell you about

the time I was arrested?

- Sure. What? It was a high school prank.

- Right.

And by "prank," I meant I took

a baseball bat to my math tutor's car.

With her in it.

You... What? Why?

She was having an affair with my dad.

My parents' marriage was falling apart.

I thought the world was ending.

I blamed her

for taking it all away from me.

I know you didn't get along

with your dad, but I had no idea.

I was charged

with misdemeanor reckless endangerment.

I didn't walk my graduation.

And then my parents divorced anyway.

- Why did you never tell me this?

- Just worked hard to put it behind me.

And it's not exactly a first-date story.

Or an any-date story.

I was young and upset.

And I'm lucky it didn't ruin my life.

Tory's young and upset.

- Maybe she's a lost cause but...

- We'll never know if we don't try to help.

All I want to do

is try to break the pattern.

Kids like Tory get the same messages

delivered to them

over and over again,

the same exact way.

Sometimes they just need

a wake-up call to change course.

She's not the only one

who needs a wake-up call.

[video game sounds]

- You can't quit.

- I already told you, I made up my mind.

Hey, you're the one

that got me into karate, remember?

I was perfectly happy

playing Dungeon Lord after school,

but you put me in a situation

where I had to join a dojo.

And you know what?

It was the best thing

that ever happened to me.

I got stronger, gained confidence,

got the girl of my dreams...

Even if she ends up leaving me

for some hot Aussie dude she meets there.

I'm actually excited

about the All Valley tournament.

I never thought I'd say that.

But it's not gonna be as exciting

if you're not there.

Okay, you're gonna make me do this.

Excuse me...

- You said you deleted these.

- I say a lot of things.

Which tends to be

a polarizing attribute of mine.

[video plays on phone]

[electronic voice]

♪ Demetri and Eli, Binary Brothers ♪

♪ One or a zero, we'll be your hero ♪

- ♪ Binary Brothers ♪

- ♪ Binary Brothers ♪

♪ Binary Brothers ♪

- Why are you showing me these?

- Because this is who you are.

- A loser?

- My best friend.

I know you think that

that Mohawk defined who you are,

but it didn't.

Not to me.

Eli, Hawk.

Hell, call yourself Cornelius

for all I care.

None of that changes the fact

that you're my Binary Brother.

Whether you're number one or a zero.

What's up?

[door opens]

Robby.

Of course.

- This will only take a minute.

- I can save you that minute.

You realized you're

training a bunch of wimps

and you need a male champion, right?

Let me guess, your sales pitch is,

"I'm here to rescue you."

"This isn't who you are, Robby.

I can help." Blah, blah, blah.

I've said all that before.

It's time to break the pattern.

I heard what you did to Eli.

- I just gave him what he deserved.

- I'm not here to judge you.

I'm here to tell you

what's gonna happen to you next.

Terry Silver popped up

out of the blue, right?

He did the same thing to me.

He'll seem decent enough,

show you a few moves,

and then he'll worm his way in.

Chip away at you.

And push you past your limits.

You'll become stronger

than you thought possible,

but Silver won't stop there. Okay?

This man is sick and twisted,

and when he's done with you,

you won't be you anymore.

One day you'll find yourself

with some kid's blood all over your shirt

and you'll hope

it's not too late to change course.

He's not interested, Mr. LaRusso.

New equipment just got in.

Why don't you go check it out?

It's considered

unethical to poach students.

You had your opportunity with Robby,

now he's with us. You should respect that.

Respect. Res--

You are not a sensei.

You're a con man. Manipulating people

to turn them into something they're not.

I didn't turn you

into anything, Danny Boy.

- I brought out what was already inside.

- That's bullshit. You tortured me.

[laughs] Please. You were a hothead.

All I had to do was wind you up

and get out of the way. And...

if you're being honest with yourself,

you know you liked it.

You were powerful, free.

You just don't wanna admit there's

always been a little Cobra Kai in you.

We'll settle this on the mat.

And when we win,

Cobra Kai, and you,

will be out of business.

One of us will be.

If you're gonna use this place

as a conference room, buy something.

[stammers] Take your time.

All right, so she's a little late,

no big deal. Just a few minutes.

Twenty minutes, actually.

Okay, look, I'll DM her

to see where she is.

Okay...

- Oh, no.

- What?

[Piper] Cool!

Nothing but the best for the best.

Can't wait to kick ass with Cobra Kai.

She joined Cobra Kai?

Looks like they made designer gear

for all the new students.

They got a bunch of new recruits.

Yeah, great. That was a big waste of time.

I even learned feminism.

We can't give up, Sensei.

If we want first place, we have

to compete in the girls' division.

With who?

We don't have Cobra Kai's money.

We have no chance at finding

a champion for the tournament.

I wasn't a champion when you met me.

You made me one, you saw something

in me that no one else did.

Maybe you just have

to see that in someone else.

We just have to think outside of the box.

Everybody start thinking outside the box!

Whatever that means.

[doorbell rings]

- Sam?

- Surprise?

I can't believe you drove

all the way to Santa Barbara.

I can't believe you live in Santa Barbara.

- Your house is beautiful.

- Thanks.

My dad got a job offer from UCSB

he just couldn't pass up.

Wait, so the fight at school

had nothing to do with it?

It had plenty to do with it.

My parents were pissed.

I broke a kid's nose. Who knew

these things were lethal weapons?

You didn't drive two hours

to talk about the butts I've kicked.

What's going on?

It's just that Tory wants

to come back to West Valley.

My parents want me to be cool about it.

We're talking about

the same overprotective LaRussos

who made me wear

a helmet on your trampoline?

She sold them some sob story.

I just feel like

I don't have control of my life.

When I started my new school,

there was this girl

in my homeroom, pink for days.

Looked like she walked

out of a Malibu Barbie beach house.

She gave me a look I'd seen before.

I just knew she

was gonna be my next bully.

But I wasn't gonna

let the cycle repeat itself.

So I walked up to her,

and you know what I did?

Is this gonna be

another front wedgie story?

I introduced myself.

I told her I liked her shoes.

I didn't, but seemed

like the polite thing to do.

I told her I was new and asked

if she could introduce me around.

How did that go?

She's my bestie.

My new school bestie.

You'll always be the OG.

I attacked my problem head on.

I struck first.

Just like Johnny taught you.

My parents moved me here

to get me away from the karate drama,

but they can't stop me using the lessons

I learned from Sensei Lawrence.

I set my own terms. Set yours.

[chattering]

Capital punishment is a legal

penalty of the US state of California.

As of March 2019,

further executions are halted

by an official moratorium

ordered by government officials

and it should stay that way.

Sensei, what are you doing here?

I thought debate was for nerds.

It is. Which is why we're ditching it.

You're right. I'm not giving up

on the girls' competition.

- I'm thinking outside the box. Look.

- Okay.

- Sensei...

- You ever see the movie Ladybugs?

I had to sit through it

with a babe, long story.

Anyway, this coach,

the guy gets no respect,

he's got this all-girls soccer team

that totally sucks.

So he gets his stepson to dress

like a chick and they start winning.

- You want me to dress up like a girl?

- What? No.

I need you to win the boys' competition.

I'm thinking of Penis Breath.

Not the best fighter, but he stands a shot

against the chicks. What do you think?

A lot of things.

I don't know where to start.

[girl] My opponent is full of crap.

His evidence is garbage,

his arguments don't make sense,

and I was bored to death.

Which is ironic, considering

we're debating the death penalty.

You're not gonna deduct points

for lack of decorum?

Screw decorum. Wanna know what

I really think of the death penalty?

My book!

Choke on it.

- [feedback whines]

- [clears throat]

I cede my time.

Sensei, that's the girl I told you about.

She loves extracurriculars.

Can it, Bert.

I just found

the most badass girl in the Valley.

[applause playing over speakers]

Gentlemen, welcome

to the All Valley tournament.

I know you've been in fights before,

but a tournament is different.

There's no backup coming.

It's just you on your own,

in the spotlight,

with the crowd cheering your name.

Demetri, be the hero. Come on.

The spotlight is yours.

Everyone you know is counting on you.

- I'm the hero.

- Meat, Meat, Meat!

- Meat, Meat, Meat, Meat...

- Ready?

Fight!

[grunting]

- Damn it!

- No! No. That was great.

That kick was awesome, all right? You just

have to be careful you don't expose your--

Well,

look who decided to come back.

It's good to see you, Eli.

Or is it Hawk?

Doesn't matter. I'm just here

to do what I can to help out the team.

That's good.

The more help, the better.

But first, you need a gi.

Good to have you back.

[indistinct chatter]

Oh. Hey. I didn't know you were in here.

I didn't want to interrupt your boys club.

Hey, Sam...

- About yesterday--

- No, Dad, it's fine.

You and Mom were right. It's time to leave

the past behind us, right?

Yeah. I'm proud of you, Sam.

It's never easy being the bigger person.

Okay, you're good to go.

I heard you let me back in, LaRusso.

So I guess I should--

I don't know what game you're playing,

but I'm not scared of you.

You're not in control here. I am.

My parents might fall for your bullshit,

but if you so much as look at me funny,

I will kick your ass for a third time.

I'm coming for you, bitch.

[theme music playing]