Original subtitles

Be cool. Be cool.

Good job!

Ooh! Hi. I am a humble troubadour, a busker.

They call me Birdie, 'cause I sing like a bird,

and I've bathed in that fountain.

And this behind me is Edendale "Castle."

I'm putting quotes around "castle"

because I think it was originally built to hold shovels, or b...

horse bones or dead people.

But now, this is where the manager of the park lives with his family.

Let's peek inside. It's not creepy. I'm the narrator.

But we should, you know, not get caught.

Not 'cause it's creepy, but we should... Let's just be cautious.

That's Cole.

That's Molly.

Their mom is Paige.

And the dad is Owen.

He's the park manager.

That's why he's wearing those shorts. They tell you he's in charge.

-Does anybody hear whispering? -Damn it.

No.

Well, happy Hot Lips Turtlehead Day, everyone.

The coolest annual flower blooming celebration on earth.

Are we excited? Are we dancing? Yeah, we're dancing.

-Is that dancing? -Arms, maybe. Legs, I don't know.

I love Hot Lips Turtlehead Day.

More than graffiti removal week?

Oh, I do love that.

But yes, even more.

And I've got stickers for the crowd this year.

"Everybody's turtleheading."

Dad, you know that "turtleheading" also means

when you really have to go to the bathroom?

It does?

Yeah, the turtle sticks his little head out eagerly. No?

Oh, no. Oh, no. I made so many of these.

- Oof. - It doesn't matter.

People are still gonna show up this year. Still gonna have a good time.

People probably aren't gonna show up this year, and last year wasn't great.

Whoo! Look at that, huh?

New Yorkers just don't get as excited about flowers blooming as they used to.

I blame it on the fact that there's any other thing to do.

Ooh. I should get going.

Oh.

Not gonna swing by the flower beds on your way to work?

You know, today's the day I'm having the big talk with my editor.

Paige works at a small weekly newspaper

that is the number one most left-on-the-subway paper in the city.

Yep. I'm gonna try to convince Marvin to let me cover actual news.

Can't keep doing fluffy fluff. I'm a journalist, not a cat.

No matter what you write, Mom, I'll always pretend I read it.

-Oh, you. Who's my special boy? -Me.

Look at you. You are my special boy.

Too bad you can't just stick him back up there.

-What? -Nothing.

Well, it's just me and the kids then.

Turtleheading together. Nope. Keep forgetting what that means.

When did people decide that?

Wow. Look at the time. Gotta go.

What? Where you going? What about the flowers?

I gotta be somewhere.

To draw. A boy.

I mean, I wanna watch him from afar.

Without his knowledge. But respectfully.

No, of course.

I saw him flying his kite last weekend, and I don't even care that he's cute.

'Cause I'm not into appearances or athletic shoulders at all. I don't care.

He just seemed like the kind of boy who would maybe fly his kite at the same time

every Saturday near that rock I hide behind.

If the wind is blowing, which it is, out of the northeast,

not that I researched that... I gotta go! I have to go!

By the way, there's nothing wrong with watching people from afar,

or through a window, or whatever.

Duck down. Duck down.

-Huh. Didn't I used to have more sausage? -Didn't we all?

But that's life, huh? I gotta go.

What about the turtleheads?

That sausage is gonna come up later.

You'll see. Follow the sausage.

It's a link to something.

Get it? I love puns.

Glasses, glasses. Oh, God. Glasses.

- Owen? - I'm here, Elwood. Go ahead.

Bitsy Brandenham's dog,

Shampagne the shih tzi-doodle, is lost in the park.

She's gonna have a press conference about it in one hour at the Brandenham Hotel.

-Okay. Thanks for letting me know. -What's a shih tzi-doodle?

Elwood, I'll meet you by the flower beds, okay?

-I need to cover that. -What? Why?

Heiress's dog goes missing?

This could be my way into real news.

Maybe he was kidnapped. I mean, that would be awful.

But also fantastic. But awful. Really bad.

But aren't you supposed to go talk to your boss?

Uh-huh. Or I could walk in there with a great angle on a breaking story

and prove to him that I can do hard news.

Oh, my God! I found my glasses!

I'm becoming my mother, but without all the hidden packs of cigarettes.

Okay, bye, bye, bye, bye...

So, you're probably thinking, "Who is Bitsy What'sis'sit?"

Except by you guys. You know now, so shh, shh.

Damn it, Shampagne. Where are you?

I miss everything about you.

Your nonallergenic fur, your weirdly-hard-to-treat worms.

Oh. It's like I've lost 1,000 friends.

Are you distraught?

I'm distraught.

I have something that will make you feel better.

This cream was made from whale anus.

Hmm. Is it legal?

I think it's illegal.

I love that because I hate them.

Whales, they think they're so big.

Yes... Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no... No.

You're supposed to eat it, I think.

Oh. Oh.

That's nice.

Oh, no. No, sorry, it's for your skin.

Damn it!

Do I look younger?

Oh, you could be my daughter.

Oh, Shampagne. Where are you?

How could this have happened, Helen?

I know. It's really, really terrible. I can't stand it.

Damn! Damn that stupid dog walker.

Well, he seemed competent when I interviewed him.

I don't really believe in leashes.

It puts me in a power position with the dog that makes me uncomfortable.

-You're hired. -Also, I'm a narcoleptic.

-Love it. Not a problem. -Oh, great.

I wish Shampagne were here.

We would be making fun of you so much right now.

Yes, you sure would.

We'd start with those shoes and just work our way up.

And when you bend over, we'd make a fart noise.

Yeah. Okay.

It's just not the same. It's not the same.

People will come, right? Who doesn't like flowers?

It's Turtlehead Day! Sorry, you're playing.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no. I can take a break. I'm taking a break!

It's Hot Lips Turtlehead Day. All day. Over at the flower beds.

Oh, I'm not interested in any way, but thank you!

Huh.

What's wrong, buddy? You just said "huh" really sadly.

It's nothing. It's fine.

Oh, come on. You can tell me.

I'm a street musician. I'm almost like a priest.

-I don't think that's true. -Yeah, no, it is.

It's just... I think maybe no one cares about the turtleheads.

I mean, I can't even get my own kids excited about them.

-Am I the only one who cares? -What?

Is my job stupid?

Would I be more useful to the world if I worked in a... in a factory?

Like a sock factory? Everybody needs socks.

Whoa, whoa, mister. That's crazy talk.

-People don't need socks anymore. -They don't?

Hey, bring it in. Let's have a little pep talk.

-No, thanks. -No, don't fight it. We're doing this.

Okay, but I might think about other things while you're talking.

-No, you won't. You'll be riveted. -Okay.

Socks suck. Except as puppets.

People don't need socks, but they do need parks.

And this park needs you.

And you need me to tell you the park needs you and your socks,

which I'm just noticing are pulled up so high.

That was better than I thought it was gonna be.

-Was it? Really? -Yeah.

-I feel like I didn't get there. -No, you did. I'm gonna go.

Was it too much sock stuff?

No, it was perfect.

Oh, great. All right. I'll just go back to playing.

Yeah, break's over now! I'm gonna play again!

I'm offering a reward of $50,000 to whomever finds Shampagne.

In fact, you know what? Make it 60,000.

Wait, no, 55... 55,000.

Print that, you news monkeys.

Or post it, or like it, or whatever.

The dog was last seen in Central Park.

Oh, oh. Let me out here.

-Hey. -Hey.

Helen, hold this.

They're coming. People are coming.

-Oh, no. -Kinda stompy.

No, no, no, no!

Good boy, Shampagne.

So Cole had the dog all along?

That's crazy! No, I knew.

No. Stop it. Stop that.

Here, doggy. Here, money, money, money.

-Get out of there. -Here, cold, hard cash.

They're not gonna stop. We gotta find that dog.

Actually, actually, you stay here.

-Someone needs to protect the flowers. -Oh, no.

-And that someone, Elwood, is you. -No, no, no.

-You're the only one who can do it. -No, no, no...

-I'm scared. I can't do it. -Protect the flowers, Elwood.

-No, I can't do it. Oh, God. -Okay, great.

-You stay here, stay strong, Elwood. -Don't leave me!

-Hi, babe. -Owen, get this.

Bitsy offered a $55,000 reward. Can you believe it?

-People are gonna go nuts. -Yep.

-What's that sound? -The people, going nuts. It's a madhouse.

That's amazing! I gotta get over there.

Uh, I mean, I'm sorry, sweetie.

Don't let anyone find the dog till I get there.

Yeah. Yeah, of course.

Sir! Do not put peanut butter on a statue!

That is not a good way to catch a dog.

You people stop messing up my park!

-Here, Shampagne. -Uh, reward. Reward, where are you?

They're closing in. Okay, okay.

Uh, we could go to the pump house behind the boathouse.

Or maybe the old skate shack by the ice rink?

You have to be really quiet, Shampagne.

Here. Uh, chew on your friend, Flippy.

Shh, shh. Shh, shh, shh.

Look at me. This is real talk.

In this crazy, crazy mixed-up world, I found you.

And no one's gonna separate us. You hear me?

Okay, now you say something.

I understand completely.

You want another sausage? Yeah, you do.

Okay, let's move.

-Cole? -Nothing!

-Why were you in the shed? -I thought...

See, what had happened was, it was rain...

I thought it was raining.

-Oh, wow, it cleared up so fast. -I'm looking for the lost dog.

Why don't you come with me? You can be another pair of eyes.

-I think I'm allergic to dogs. -No, you're not.

Well, I'm allergic to your shenanigans, mister, so knock it off.

-What? -Oh, gosh. I'm beat.

-Are you beat? Should we go home? -Come on. Come on. Let's go.

Damn.

Blar. Destroy.

Uh-oh. Evil robot from the future.

You can't stop us, Fista Puffs,

puny girl hero who's never even kissed anyone.

Okay. That doesn't seem relevant.

It's pretty relevant.

-What do we do? -I'll go for his legs with my hair.

You go for his head with your kite.

Oh, a kite. What are you trying to do? Delight me to death?

- Are you drawing me? - Um, I... No.

Really? "Kite Boy"?

Oh, look at that. You have a... You have a kite too.

That's a... What a crazy coincidence.

Well, I like your drawing style.

Uh, I...

Uh, my name is Brendan.

Mol... Sorry. Molly.

-You okay? -Yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep...

-Okay. I have to go. -Okay.

I'll probably see you around

since I saw you here last week behind this same rock.

That was someone who looks like me.

I mean, unless you're cool with it, and then it was me.

Yep, you're gone, so...

Huh.

Bye!

Well, we looked everywhere. That dog is clearly dead.

You said that, like, 25 times.

That doesn't make it less true.

Wait, did you hear that?

What's that? What are you doing?

Dog call to try to get the dog to come.

Well, that worked, huh?

Is this the dog? This is the dog.

Why do you have the dog? How long have you had him?

-What time is it? -Around 4:00.

-Since yesterday. -What?

We need to get this dog returned as quickly as possible

so people stop tearing up my park.

Wait, Dad. Can we sidebar?

I have a totally unrelated question.

You know how you've always said we should get a dog?

I've never said that in my life, Cole.

He was covered in perfume when I found him.

I was like, "Who puts perfume on a dog? That's messed up."

Doesn't matter, Cole.

Bitsy is a rich old lady, and this is her little rich dog.

But I love him, Dad.

"Mr. Bag Hands"?

-I love you, Dad. -I love you too, son.

We're not keeping the dog.

Hey! There's my boys.

Oh, it's your mom.

So, in conclusion, my son kidnapped the dog.

There's my article.

Rescued. Does anyone maybe think "rescued" works better in this situation?

-I can't write any of this. -We're gonna say we found it.

And we're gonna return the dog without mentioning when we found it.

And we're gonna be lying liars. And you are in huge trouble.

I don't love the last part.

Oh, my God. You're adorable.

I get it. I totally get it. Let's keep him.

No, I'm kidding. I'm absolutely kidding.

We can't keep him. You guys should return him.

Oh, Shampagne! Look at you. Someone needs a blowout.

I suppose you'll be wanting the reward.

Oh, no. I'm the park manager. I'm just doing my job.

I don't want any money.

- Park manager? - What?

Let's both be strong, okay?

And don't you start crying, or I'll... I'll start crying.

Okay. Okay. Sheesh. Clingy, huh?

You smell weird.

He smells weird. What did you do to him?

Rinsed him off with a hose.

Um, maybe don't do that.

Dogs don't really like that.

Oh, wait. Shampagne found this flip-flop.

We played tug-of-war with it for hours.

I mean, a couple of minutes.

But now he loves it.

Oh, yuck.

He's not himself. He missed his massage this week.

I think we should go.

Where is the button? Why is there no button?

It's right there.

-That's ridiculous! -Oh, is it, Mr. Park Manager?

Are you an elevator button expert too? A double threat?

No howling! No howling!

Good luck managing the park. That's gonna go great for you.

Wait. What's that supposed to mean? Now it closes.

Just tell the press you have the dog, so people stop tearing the place up.

Whatever. Nerd.

God, it's a massacre.

I hope they didn't suffer. Oof. That one looks like it suffered.

Why'd you have to hide the dog, Cole?

None of this would've happened if you just told us you found the dog.

Yes, I know my voice sounds weird right now,

but it's 'cause I'm angry.

And I'm not used to being angry!

And now I can't stop going higher.

Sorry, Dad. I just...

I loved him.

I know. I know you did.

I'm sorry about the dog, Cole. He was so cute.

I mean, he still is. You just don't have him.

Sorry. Will cookies help?

No! What kind?

Uh, they might be gone.

Hi. Hi, Dad.

Hey, Molly. How'd it go with drawing/watching the boy?

Pretty good. Pretty good. I love him.

What? I didn't say that. Anyway...

Um, I'm sorry I didn't go to the flower thing. We should've been there, Dad.

It's okay, Molly. It's not that bad. They're just all dead.

Right. Well, not all of them.

Oh, honey. Thank you.

That pot's too small, but it's a really nice gesture.

Oh, Paige. I almost forgot.

Did you meet with your editor? How'd that go?

Well, I'll tell you.

As I was walking back to the office, I had a new idea for a story.

And I wrote it up, and I gave it to my editor.

And he printed it!

-Whoa! Hon, that's great! -Nice, Mom.

Well, it's online, not printed, but take a look.

"Hot Lips Turtlehead Garden Destroyed by Reward-Seekers."

-Paige, did you write about the flowers? -Mm-hmm.

-Am I gonna be sad? -Keep reading.

"Each fall, the beloved hot lips turtleheads of Central Park

fight the cold weather and bloom defiantly,

but this year, they faced a much tougher battle."

This is really sweet.

I am gonna cry. In a good way.

-You'll get 'em next year. -Oh, it's gonna be huge next year.

Mm-hmm. Yeah, so huge.

Should we buy tickets now?

-Get in here. -Aw.

Dad, you have a turtlehead sticker on your butt.

-I put it there. -I like it.

Aw, that's really nice. But you need to know something.

I hate to be a bad news bear, but here's some bad news.

Bear with me.

Things are about to get grizzly... man. Sorry.

I hate that park, Shampagne.

It's just a patch of dirt and weeds.

And we're gonna buy it.

Oh, yes, we are, my little baby.

We're gonna do the biggest real estate deal

in the history of the world.

Not that it matters, but no, you won't.

All right, so it's settled. We're keeping him.

No, it seems like he's gonna be really great to have around.

- No. - He's my best friend.

- Doesn't matter. - I love you, Dad.

I love you too, son. We're not keeping the dog.