Original subtitles

I want to fire all the tellers and go completely digital.

What? You can't do that!

I'm ready for war.

Bring it, little baby!

It's all business.

You ready for this, champ?

I read his banking account.

When people got free money, I can't fucking take it!

You don't stop, do you?

No, I don't.

Do you?

I have sativas right here. I have hybrids in the center. My indica is down

Of course, the sativas are going to be that heavier head high and that more

hyper -euphoric high, that silly, giggly high.

The indicas are going to be more of that relaxed body high that can make you a

little drowsy.

Of course, we don't only sell straight marijuana here. We also have edibles

here.

And if you can put marijuana in it, we carry it.

Yeah, we can't accept your cash.

Why the hell not? It's real money.

We don't, uh, play that here.

Homie, homie, homie, homie.

Yo, man, I know you don't talk to your other customers like that, man. Don't

talk to me like that. Well, I'm terribly sorry.

Terribly sorry.

I mean, we would collapse the bank because...

We couldn't tenfold our loans without the Fed's guarantee.

Is that better?

Fed's guarantee?

What are you talking about, man?

I'm talking about the bottom line, Dopey.

It's not a good business decision for us.

But hey, maybe some other idiot will take it. The world runs on money. You

the only place to put this shit. I'll find another place easy, Max Headroom.

Exactly, sucker.

Security, get that fucking man out.

I need your bank.

Fuck you and your bank.

Don't touch me, sir. I'm already leaving, sir. I'm leaving.

Fuck your bank.

Damn, man.

Always got to have the last word, man.

What's the problem, man?

You smoke pot, man?

I do, but I'd like to know what just happened in there.

You know, some white business bullshit, man.

Hmm, right.

You know, I've been talking to my family about dropping the feds because that's

white as you can get, but shit stays the same, man. Yeah.

I feel so sorry for you, my guy.

Bob Argent.

Bill. Weedy Bill.

Old people just call me Bill Schumer.

Weedy Bill. All right. Well, if you ever want to get high and dance with Chick,

hit me up, right?

Shit.

Talking my language now, bro.

Cool. Yeah. What are you doing later?

I got this candy biz, man.

I take the THC out of the plant, make it into candy or fluid, give it to

doctors. They prescribe it to...

cancer patients and whatnot.

So why aren't companies and institutions lining up to get behind it? Because the

drug isn't patented. If someone invests in researching it, they're not going to

make a profit because anyone can make it. Yeah.

Get some eyes on motherfuckers, man. Nice, man. I heard of that. That's cool

shit. Plant is really incredible.

It sources your body, teams up with its buddies, the endocannabinoids. They come

together and fight off all the foreign shit in our body.

That's great.

If a team of people could do that in real life, I think that would be

I like the way you think, man. Since this is your family's bank, there's got

be something you could do.

You know what?

There is something I might be able to do.

Sounds good, man.

Yeah. Let's smoke this weed first, you know.

Let's do that first.

I'm down. Help us focus, man.

Yeah.

Yo, man.

We did it.

Yeah, man.

Fucking feels good.

All you drug dealers and your money laying around.

Yo, we got every pot seller in the state to form a union.

It's next step to country, man. A people's credit union. We can't fucking

It's crazy, man. I remember back in the days, man.

We used to have to hide out and shit.

make sales in the back blocks with the crack dealers.

That shit always made me feel so grimy, man. I fucking never liked hanging out

in that shit.

Yo, I heard about you, though. Me? Yeah.

What'd you hear? Yo, Johnny the Sardine told me... Johnny the Sardine? Yo. What?

Let me tell you what he told me. Okay, tell me. He told me he used to smuggle

that shit in the club like a motherfucking modern -day Al Capone,

Al Capone killed people, though. Come on, bro. You know what I mean.

Yeah, well, you know, we used to run that shit in the fucking meatpacking

district in the LEN.

Yo. Man, that shit was off the hook before it went fucking pop, man.

Bro, what's up, man?

But I heard you knocked up mad chicks, bro. I did.

Why you ain't a daddy?

I am.

The kids need their dad, bro.

They really need their dad, bro.

I don't know, man. I don't know if I could be hanging out with you.

Times are changing, man. I'm gonna spend more time soon.

I hope so, man. I promise.

So, Bob, you gave these criminals a place to put their drug money? What the

are you doing here?

I thought I'd come here and see if I should demolish this place. This is

You can't touch it.

I guess this is your asshole brother you were telling me about, huh?

Sure is.

Weedie Bill, this is Rob, who wishes his name was Bob.

I could call myself Bob, but then you'd get confused when Daddy said Bob!

What kind of name is Weedy Bill anyways?

What is that? It sounds like some kind of foreign plant or some shit that you

can't kill.

It's a family name, Robert.

It's Robert.

Weed sack.

Rubber. Weed sack.

Rubber. Weed sack. Rubber. Weed sack.

I'm starting to get on my nerves. You know what? I gotta go.

And Bob, you were right.

What's that?

There's more in life than power and ruling.

Yeah.

Taking down petulant pricks like you got.

Fucking going down.

So if you don't mind... Yo, we gotta worry about this dude, bro.

Yo.

Shit! Yeah, we gotta worry, man.

Yo, you know any lobbyists or anything, man? This is going... I can see this

really getting out of hand, man. I don't know any pot lobbyists, but let's hit

our people up on the phone, man. Cool, cool, cool. I'll send out a chain mail.

Cool, yeah. Do it on your phone. Let's do it now.

Phone? Who can use a computer?

That was good shit, man. Yo, man, that's the OG coach, man.

I can fucking feel like I'm not talking.

I feel like I'm floating.

Yo.

I've never seen one like this before.

Like shit.

Where's the keyboard on this?

It's not down here.

Oh, no. Oh, shit.

Sorry, man.

Damn.

Fuck. Yo.

Where's the keyboard?

I don't know, but I can find someone who knows.

All right. Hold on.

Yeah. Yeah.

Weedie Bill, this is Champ, my little cousin. What's up, Champ?

What's up?

How you feeling?

That's Weedie Phil, my drug dealer, man.

Hey, wait a minute. You shot me, man. Can you help us, man?

I'm shot, man. Of course, you dummy. Look right here.

What? Move your leg.

Oh, you got me, Grandpa.

Oh, man.

Boy, we both look good, man.

There it is. Your lifesaver, man.

Cool. Bob, get a life.

And we do, man. Oh, man.

All right, man.

Snapping out of it. Let's do this.

Your brother's going down, man. Yeah.

Fuck that guy.

All right.

Woo. It's on. All right. Man, sometimes that's the hardest part, man.

Woo. It's on, man.

Nice. Sometimes that's the hardest part.

How do you do that?

All right.

Aw, shit, man.

I forgot the list with the emails on them. Oh, dude. Hold on. I'll be right

back.

I got the list, man.

Hey, yo. Hello.

Hey.

I got the list. Yeah, yeah. I'm up. I'm up, man. Let's do this. Where's the

MacMill program?

Wait.

I don't know where the MacMill program is, man. Oh, shit.

All right.

You know what?

Hold on. I'll get it. I'll get it. I know it's the one that could help. All

right.

Let's see. He's asleep.

Move. Move it. What?

Okay, man. It's my office now.

Wait. The time seems like a good idea to sleep.

No, wait, no, no, I'm getting this vlog!

Hey,

champ, can you help us find the Mac Mail program?

Hey, look out, look out, look out, Weedy.

Mac Mail program, please.

You guys are idiots.

It's a Windows computer, not a Mac.

I don't like computers, man.

Yo, I don't know how to use a PC, man.

That's what it's called, right?

Kids, do you have anything else that I need to do?

Because I'm busy making your banking security program so your money won't get

stolen. It won't get done if you do indiscreet...

Bothering me.

Sorry, man.

And that's... Hello, Dad.

Uh, yeah. Can you, uh, send an email for us, please?

Excuse me.

Oh, yeah.

Send. Send.

Name.

There you go.

Okay, cool.

Oh, wow, you even typed a message.

Now all you need to do is just send it.

Okay. All right, cool, man.

Yeah!

Jim, you just shit!

Oh, by the way.

What?

You should sleep again.

Oh, hey, hey.

They have the drug. It's killing your brain.

Probably stay with them.

Uh,

come on, man.

Do this shit. Oh, wait. Oh, no.

I got some fucking weed shit.

You want to eat one?

Oh, yeah.

Here. Candy. Yo.

Candy on me.

Candy on me.

Wait,

wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

I gotta, I gotta, we gotta send it.

It's not sent. We gotta send it.

No,

you gotta do it. I don't know how to do this.

I don't know how to use these things, man. Alright, fuck.

I don't really know how to do it yet, man.

I really don't know how to do this.

Hey, I think I got it. I think I got it. No.

Yep, I did it. Nice. Good job, man. Yeah, what's up?

Let's get back to this party.

Yeah. Woo.

Don't let him fuck that shit up. We need a bill.

Hulk smash, we need a bill.

We need a bill. No.

Oh, shit.

I'm gonna get you before you leave. Man, let's go get that kid.

Yeah. Let me get that pillow.

Help!