Original subtitles

You okay?

Oh, I'm fine.

It's just a house. Yeah, just a house that you lived in for the first 18 years

of your life.

A house that you haven't even seen since your dad died.

Like I said, it's just a house.

Oh, my God.

It's Daddy's chair.

The very one he was sitting in when I told him you and I were getting married.

It got so bad.

Oh, yeah.

Guess he never did get that fixed.

Hey, come here.

And look, this is where we used to play cowboys and Indians.

I was the Indian maiden, beautiful yet entirely self -reliant. Yes, don't

remember your Indian name.

Abandoned by tribe.

Thanks for reminding us, sleeps with a doll.

This is how I remember Gramps.

With the twinkling eyes and the cocky grin.

Veined, smug, self -satisfied.

I miss him.

Aw, I love this house.

Me too.

Makes me feel like a kid again.

Well, don't you guys get too attached. Remember, we're here to help Grandma fix

this house up so she can sell it.

But why does Grandma have to move?

Well, Florida's warmer.

Besides, this house is too big for one person.

Carol could come live with Grandma.

Grandma just lost her husband. Hasn't she been through enough?

By the way, where is Grandma?

Didn't she come in?

Mom, are you coming in?

I should have stayed in Akron with your Aunt Louise.

She didn't ask me to make tough decisions.

Come on, Mom. I know you haven't been here since the funeral, but we need you

help sort things out.

I almost...

Expect to see your father come through that door.

There are just so many ghosts here.

Ghosts?

Honey, it's just a figure of speech.

There's no such thing as ghosts.

A lot you know, shrink man.

Katie, my girl, you look even more lovely than I remember.

But I just got one thing to say.

Have you lost your cotton -picking mind?

I mean, I heard there was trouble here, but still in our house and in some 40

-odd years of memory?

I'm talking to a woman who's grinding instant coffee.

Okay, everybody, listen up.

Tonight, Grandma... Kate sleeps in her room, your dad and I have the guest

and the rest of you sleep down here.

Here? You expect six people to share a fold -out couch?

Hey, the floor's fine with me. It's like camping out, only it's in.

Who's the towhead here?

Well, could somebody at least tell me his name?

I agree with Luke.

Oh, thank you very much.

I can sleep anywhere as long as it's not within smelling distance of Ben's feet.

sleeping outside.

Someone's welcome to sleep in that big bed with me.

Even you, Ben.

Nothing could be worse than your grandfather's feet.

Hey, I was a cop walking an eight -hour beat. What do you expect, rose petals?

Thanks for the offer, Mom, but you need some privacy. This is your house.

I have a list of repairs we have to do before we can sell this house.

Who died and put you in charge?

Oh, I guess I did.

For this, you called me out of a golf game with Jane Mansfield and Sophocles?

Why don't I fix lunch for everybody?

The human granola bar is cooking lunch.

I'd better take over.

Carol's cooking lunch?

Come on, Chrissy, let's go call for pizza.

Benny, you want to earn a couple of dollars helping your old grandma carry

boxes? Sure.

But, of course, I'd rather carry them for free.

is such a nice person. She comes into the kitchen, says I'm a guest, and she

refused to let me cook lunch.

Well, it's times like this when I love her, too.

Mike, I could use your help cleaning out those rain gutters.

Oh, sure, Dad.

Mike, are you okay? What happened?

It's my ankle.

It's twisted.

I don't know if I can handle those gutters, Dad.

Really? Isn't that convenient?

Oh, you cold -hearted quack.

Dr. Seaver, your son is hurt.

No, no, no, no. It's not that I can't walk off.

All right, let me have that ladder.

All right, maybe I was hasty, Mike. Maybe Kate should take you to get that x

-ray.

Well, all right, if you say so.

Just that you pulled so many scams in the past. I'm sorry.

I am getting us a day of sightseeing in Boston.

You're not hurt?

Well, if I was, do you think I could do this?

I taught him that.

Mike Seaver, you scared me half to death. I know, I know, Kate, but I had

mean, I couldn't pull off this lame scam by myself.

Oh, so you made me your patsy.

Well, no, technically Dad was the patsy and you were my stooge.

When are you going to grow up?

Women.

I thought you were going to the emergency room.

Dad, look, I don't care how bad the pain is. I'm going to help you with those

gutters. Oh, I see.

Kate didn't want to go sightseeing.

Gosh,

this box is heavy.

Here, Ben.

Don't tell your mother.

Mom, I'm standing right here.

Big mouth.

income. You can't keep giving your money away to an extortionist. I didn't know

Ben was double -jointed.

Oh, let's get to it. Only so much will fit in your condo. Oh, I'm awful at

I never know what to save and what to throw away.

Well, here's something you can throw away. Your old -fashioned juicer. Oh,

I'm going to Florida. I'll need that.

Your mom's got an electric juicer downstairs.

I never use that one. Why not?

I hate orange juice.

See what I put up with for 46 years?

I brought some boxes.

The enchanted castle.

What do you know? My old WW2 puff tent.

Grandpa and I used to play this game where I was the princess and Grandpa was

the gallant knight who would have to slay the dragon with the horrible

Otherwise known as Mike.

Jason. Jason,

how are the gutters coming?

Look, if you fall, try to land on your hair.

All right, Mike, don't turn that water on until I've got a...

Margaret, I'm sorry that I didn't take you on that fishing trip that I promised

to. I know you can't hear me when I'm talking to you, but you see, I got this

long checklist of things I'm supposed to apologize for.

Oh.

Well, that's two down and 3 ,163 to go.

Listen, I've got some apologies to make to you, too.

Like that time at your wedding when I called you a bust ring spinach for

nincompoop?

I'm sorry.

No, I'm not who wrote this.

I'm going to go knock that window screen back into place.

Oh, wow, look at all these letters that Grandma saved from Grandpa.

Yeah, a woman doesn't throw out anything.

What was that?

Dear Father.

Oh, wow, this is incredible.

What?

Oh, don't read that.

That's private.

My dearest Katie.

Oh, young people, they never listen.

Jason, shouldn't we hire someone to make these repairs?

It wasn't my fault.

I was swinging the hammer. I inhaled a moth.

Mike, go upstairs and get a Band -Aid and some antiseptic.

Now that I have you alone, I'm so worried about my mother.

She seems vague, indecisive, confused.

Totally out of touch with reality?

You've noticed it, too?

Since 1968.

No, Jason, this is worse than usual.

Honey, she's grieving over Ed. You've got to bear with her.

Oh, I'm trying, but she is really getting to me.

Thank God she's moving to Florida. It's obvious she can't handle this house by

herself. Oh, it's not as bad as you think.

Just look at you. They're still sleeping on your side of the bed.

You can spread out now if you want to, you know.

Katie, what are you going to do without me?

The woman who spent 20 minutes at a photo mat trying to buy a bucket of

The woman who tried to cash one of those million -dollar Ed McMahon checks.

Katie, my girl, you can't lead to death.

Well, you know what I mean.

All I really want to know, Kate, is are you going to be all right?

You are going to be all right, aren't you, Kate?

Mike! Kate, I want to show you something I found.

What's that, the first report card you forged?

No.

No, it's a love letter.

From my grandfather to my grandmother.

Grandpa Ed wrote this when he was stationed in the Pacific in World War

Oh? Now, just listen.

My dearest Katie, here I am on this godforsaken island, and all I can think

about is you.

I don't deserve you.

I'm vain, selfish, and immature.

But out here with the bullets flying, I'm growing up fast.

I love you, Kate.

And I pray the Lord keeps me safe so I can return home to your arms.

Your devoted soldier boy,

Eddie.

Oh, Mike, that's beautiful.

Kate, this letter says what I've been trying to say to you better than I ever

could. Oh, Mike.

Oh, Kate.

Oh, please.

A quiet place to sleep.

That's all I ask.

Your son just shared the most wonderful thing with me. It's a love letter from

your dad to your mom.

Oh, not that darn thing again.

Love letter? Let me see that.

Oh, boy.

It's so beautiful.

Especially the part about growing up fast when the bullets are flying.

What's so funny?

This letter.

It's a crock.

What do you mean?

Grandpa Ed didn't write it? No, he wrote it, but not from some godforsaken

island in the Pacific.

He wrote it from the mess hall at Fort Dix. The only thing flying was cream

based.

He never shipped out. He mailed this an hour before the war ended.

Was it my fault that peace broke out right after lunch?

Does Mike know about all of this?

Well, you should. It's been a family joke for years.

Excuse me, I have to get some wood for the fire.

I gotta chop something.

Now.

Oh, Mom, good. I've been looking for that pile of clothes we left on the

Do you know what happened to them? What pile of clothes?

The ones we spent all day packing and putting in boxes. Put them all back in

closet. You did what?

You said you needed boxes for some clothes for the whole...

Mom, those were the clothes for the homeless.

Then what are they doing back in the closet?

Mother, where is your head?

Watch that tone with your mother.

Where is your head?

I'm sorry.

I don't know what's the matter with me lately. No, no, Mom, I'm sorry I yelled

at you. I'm just worried about you. Well, I'll get the clothes.

You used to walk away from me when I yelled at you, kid.

So that's what your face looked like, huh?

What was that all about? I could hear the yelling in there.

Jason, I don't know what I'm going to do with my mom.

She says she wants to move to Florida, but by the way she's acting, you'd never

know it. Well, when my patients behave like that, I look at what they're doing,

not what they're saying.

Oh, horse hockey.

I've seen better wisdom and brought it on a couch pillow.

Hey, Luke, you want to help me stack some cinder blocks?

Oh, yeah, sure thing.

I'll go get the medicine kit.

Kate, I swear I didn't know.

Why should I believe anything you say?

Because you're still armed.

Oh, Grandma, excuse me. I've got to go wash up.

He was always a messy eater.

You're so exasperating. It is deviated septum.

No.

We were fighting about this.

Not again.

I'm the ghost here and this thing keeps haunting me.

I haven't seen this in years.

Oh, here it comes.

She's never forgiven me for writing that stupid letter.

Oh, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have shown that to you. I'm sure it's a sore spot.

Sore spot?

Hell, it almost ended our engagement.

I'll let you in on a secret.

What's that? I married Ed because of this letter.

Huh?

It's all true. He stretched the truth a bit, but it was the first time he said

he loved me.

Granted, it took a world war to get him to say it.

But with men like Ed, you've got to look beyond the blarney and

listen to what your heart is saying.

Just thinking about it gives me goosebumps.

You're not the only one.

I think I'm going to look for Mike.

Oh, Jason dropped a cinder block on his toe.

I didn't drop it. I didn't drop it. There was a gust of wind right between

ears.

Jason, your toe will be fine. Just let me put a bandage on it. I can bandage it

myself. No, let me. Maggie, you're treating me like I'm wearing an

I was going to replace that window anyway.

Oh, come on.

Watch the toe. Okay. Watch the toe. I am.

Can I have a glass of water?

Oh, sure.

house anymore.

Oh, why? This is a great house. Don't you let a little broken washer chase you

out? Oh, the washer's broken, too.

No, I mean the washer and the faucet. It's easy to fix.

Not for me.

Ed always said if there was a way to break a machine, I'd find it.

He, uh, he made me feel so helpless at times.

Oh, Kate.

I never wanted you to feel that way. I mean, I was just a little impatient,

that's all.

Oh, good Lord.

Now I know why they sent me back. They wanted me to see what I turned you into.

The gentlest, sweetest woman I know.

I've made afraid of the world.

Grandma can't believe me. Changing a washer is a snap.

You just don't let Dr. Seaver help you.

Now, come here. I'll show you how to do it.

Come on.

Now, here's where the water enters the house.

Okay?

Take this.

Now, all you have to do is turn this clockwise.

Oh, I don't know.

Come on, girl. You can do it.

Clockwise.

And now, the test.

turned off the water. Oh, no.

Oh, no, no. That's good.

Oh, boy.

I did it.

I know you could do it. Now, let me at that washer do hickey.

Let's go, everybody.

Last one to the table is a rotten apple.

Egg, Kate. A rotten egg. Well, I guess apple would work.

Mom, you unpacked? everything.

What's going on with you? If everyone will sit down, I have an announcement.

I fixed the leaky faucet.

Now, let's eat.

Mom, that's your announcement?

Uh -huh.

Oh, uh, and I'm not moving to Florida.

You're not?

But, Mom, you have to. You said yourself this house is too much for you to

handle. No.

Everyone else said it. The problem was I believed it.

I want to stay.

There's a lifetime of memories here.

You call them ghosts.

I like the ghosts.

I'm glad you're staying, Grandma.

Oh, Mom, so am I.

Good girl, Katie.

Well, my work here is done.

Gee, maybe if I hurry, I can catch up with Sophocles on the back nine.

What's for lunch, Grandma?

Tuna casserole.

It was Ed's favorite.

Oh, that's the one with the potato chips crumbled on the top.

It's a pity I can't eat anymore.

Oh.

Oh, heck, I'll just wait for the master's birthday.

Whip Michelangelo's butt.

Give me some aspirin.

Thank you.