Original subtitles

Tell me that's not garbage, Ev.

Okay, it's resources.

Iron. I can get one of those.

Potash.

Mom, where do we keep the potash?

She's in the bathroom.

What is all this?

You can't tell?

A map of Russia drawn while holding a pen between your toes?

That's another thing Russia has. Ugly women.

You should have been working on this since you got the assignment last

September. Why? It's not due till tomorrow.

Hey, don't touch the Russian dressing.

Why? Because I'm using it as a natural resource.

I do my best work under pressure.

Ben, you spend far too much time procrastinating.

You know about that?

Everybody knows about it.

No, maybe if you procrastinated once in a while, you wouldn't be so tense.

Ben, what's all this?

My map project for Mrs. Cunningham.

Is this the one you were griping about back in September?

Uh, no, it's another one.

What's that red square?

Red square? What's with you people?

Well, Ben, if you need any help, just ask.

Can you take me to get some paste?

Nope, nope, nope, no.

Your mom and I have a reservation, and we can't be late.

Yeah, well, before you go, can you at least tell me where we keep our potash?

Yeah, don't worry. I'm not saying. I'm just eating. Hey, there it is. Mike can

take you to get the paste.

Ben, in my new car?

Mike, it's not like he's going to stain the seats or something.

Oh, but, Mom, I got plans for my big plans. I don't have time to take care of

this little bozo.

Mike, come on. This little bozo happens to be your brother.

Now, take him to the store, now.

Great. I come in to get a sandwich, and I wind up with a weenie.

need this page yeah i gotta do a 3d map for school chrome is cunningham hey man

is she still alive enough to give me homework do you have to do a dorky map

oh benny it was my finest academic hour i got monaco i glued one poker chip to a

three by five cart and i was home free poor boulder got russia eight million

square miles of ways to go wrong so what kind did you get

Just drive, okay?

Hello. Dad gave you enough money for the face, right?

Exact change.

All right, I'll wait here. The less I'm seen with you, the better.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

What are you doing?

I forgot my comb.

Betty, you're buying paste. What do you need your comb for?

Hey, you never know.

Then you sound like you're going to be running into a couple of babes like

Not a shot.

Well, hello.

Hi.

Well, uh, how are you two ladies this evening?

Okay. Okay?

You underestimate yourselves.

So, what's up?

Oh, we're just buying a...

Sticky, sticky.

And you said I wouldn't need my comb.

Betty,

where are you going?

I'm going to get my pace.

Betty, forget the pace. Come on, let's go.

Where?

Volkswagen. Mike, are you sure we should be doing this?

Oh, come on, buddy. After we were put on this earth to do, we're guys.

Yeah, but where are we going?

Wherever our women are going. And that's the beauty of it. It could be anywhere.

You think there'll be some place there'll be pace?

Oh, yeah. Yeah, buddy. I'm sure there'll be lots and lots of pace where we're

going. I bet they live at the house of pace.

I bet. Okay, okay. I got it.

Come on, Mike. They're getting away.

chasing them. Man, they ran the lights. So what are you, a Boy Scout?

Come on, Mike. What could happen?

You boys were going a little fast back there, weren't you? Not fast enough. The

girls got away.

I see.

Ignore him, officer. He's the shame of the family.

He's right. I don't know what I'm doing. I didn't want to chase girls. I wanted

to finish my 3D map for school.

For Mrs. Cunningham?

Wow. Hey, is she still alive?

Yeah. So what country you get?

Russia. Same here.

What'd you do?

I'm still working on it.

Hey, look, you boys got problems enough.

Forget the ticket.

Oh, yes, sir.

I've been looking for potash for 20 years.

Like I was telling Carol before, I do my best work under pressure.

Now, go get your paint.

Hey, Mike, pull over.

What, what, wait, see the girl?

Better than that.

Ya -ha!

What are you doing in an actual car?

Uh, me and Mike have just been, uh, chasing babes, talking cops.

You know, the usual.

Wow. My brother wouldn't even let me go in his car.

He's afraid I'll stain the seats.

Hey, Mike, nice wheels.

Hey, thank you, stick man.

You know, that means a lot coming from a jockey.

So, uh, how's the interior?

It's ice cream free, and it's gonna stay that way. Come on, Benny, we need to

get your paste.

Paste? You haven't done your math yet?

Hey, who cares about a stinking map? We're cruising here.

Let's roll, Mike.

Thanks for acting like you listen to me.

Yo, Eddie!

Michael! What are you doing in so fine a car?

Benny and I are just ducking bibs and chasing cops. You know, the usual.

Huh?

All right, and picking up a few bucks for babysitting a bozo, huh?

Yeah, I'd mind that if it wasn't coming from a jockey.

Hey, Betty. Betty, look.

Meep, meep.

Sticky, sticky, sticky.

Our women.

Your women?

Yeah, those babes are after me and Ben.

You think you hear them, Eddie? They're after Mike and me.

Yeah, and if either one of you is unable to fulfill the duties of your post, I'm

in there.

Excuse me, Michael, may I?

Please. You hit me again, I'm going to move my seat back. Look, Benny, here's

your choices.

Rush up or sticky, sticky, sticky?

Let's roll.

Okay, Eddie, how much cash you got? Oh, the usual.

Oh, man, me too.

And then plus your glue money.

I only got $1 .89.

Uh, one moment.

Everybody, check your seats now.

What's this?

That's Audrey.

Oh, my man!

What are you so excited about? I don't know.

13 cents!

13 cents!

All right, all right, we're in, we're in. Yay!

Oh, thank you. Hey,

you spot him yet?

Go down.

Gotta find a babe with a training bra for Ben.

Because I can't see the movie.

I didn't bring you here for the entertainment. I brought you here so we

make up.

You know what I mean?

Hey, what if someone sees us? Come on, who's going to see us? What kind of

sleazy people come to a drive -in?

You.

Exactly.

way to the drive -in um why don't you come

over here and face the right way

i'm

denise and this is shauna oh hi i'm mike who's the little guy i'm ben not you

silly him

Actually, I've never heard anybody say anything about little guys.

Well, who needs this abuse?

Come on, guys, let's go.

See ya.

Find any paste yet, Ben?

Nah, looking for paste seems like a dream to me now.

I am five foot six and a half, okay, and still growing.

Why do you have nachos? I'm starving. You lied to me about dinner.

Maybe I should show him the hair on my back. That'll get him.

Hi, Eddie. Hi. Eddie!

Dr. Sievert!

I'm here professionally.

Oh, me too. Yeah.

Here with my wife.

What is Dad doing here? I don't know. He's supposed to be going to dinner.

Maybe he got lucky.

Ben, married guys never get lucky.

Smart move, dusting the Deadwood twins.

They didn't dust us or dusting them.

What? Look, we're not dusting anyone. We just gotta leave.

Let's go, Eddie.

Hey, tell Mikey, like, why do I gotta split?

Because they don't like you.

What happened?

What did I do wrong?

You were too hungry.

Oh, that's not!

They're getting away. Start the car.

Start the car!

So, Mike, what do you say we go back to the store and get two more girls?

Listen to the lad. He thinks it's so easy.

He doesn't know the hours of hard work it takes just so he can get a girl to

look you in the eye and not puke. Right, Mike?

I don't know what you're talking about, Annie.

Well, I didn't mean puke. I meant turn away with a sick look.

Hey!

What?

I think we're being followed.

Who'd follow us?

Maybe Mom and Dad spotted us.

Oh, yeah, I talked to your dad at the drive -in.

And you're just now telling us?

Well, I didn't feel it was germane.

purchase such a fine machine.

Okay, when I say now, you pop the clutch. Once the engine starts, then you

it back in.

What are you doing? Did I once mention the word brakes?

I'm hungry.

You're hungry? You pick a time like now to be hungry?

I ain't picking my stomach, Dick. Hey, I can eat too, Michael.

Well, guys, what about the girls?

Well, they hated me, remember?

Well, what about the money? I mean, we have no money.

Allow me.

Francis, the kid from my class.

I'm not eating garbage out of Somalia, unless it's really good.

Relax. You guys want burgers?

Yeah. All right. Three burgers.

Anybody for fries?

Sure. Sure.

Make mine onion rings. I'm going to be alone tonight.

Oh, no, I was just wishing Francis good luck on his map tomorrow.

Oh, man, this is great.

He gets food, he gets girls.

We should bring him out with us more often. Yeah.

Come to think of it, who needs you?

Mike and I have never really been all that close.

My friend says he's ready. Come on.

Now remember, when I say now, you pop the clutch. Like I said before, I got

That was then. This is now.

The brake. Betty, the brake.

Doesn't need either one of us now.

I was just steering.

I should be thanked.

You're about 13, right?

Officer needs assistance.

All units, officer needs assistance.

16th and Main.

Kid, this is your lucky night.

Benny, Benny, Benny, what happened?

What'd you tell the cop? I don't know.

All I did was wish he'd go away, and he did.

Listen, we gotta get you home before Mom and Dad's movie lets out.

All right, hop in.

This is close enough so my car sits down at the end. Okay.

Eddie. What? It's DeWitt.

Our principal?

Yeah.

So that's graduated two years ago.

Oh.

Oh, yeah.

Hey, hey, Mr. DeWitt. Nice shirt.

Well, well, well.

Seaver, Zef, how wonderful it is not to see you two anymore.

Well, thanks, Mr. D. You too.

We've met.

I know that, you little gnat.

Hey, Mr.

D, attractive poultry.

So, are you boys out casing the joint?

Oh, no, Mr. D, we're just kind of cruising around.

Well, enjoy these times, boys.

There's a cold wind blowing.

Each year you get a little older and slip further and further away from these

carefree jaunts.

Before you know it, one day you look back and a night like this...

Just maybe. Just maybe.

The best night of your life.

Willis!

That isn't your cigar, is it?

Dee Dee, darling.

There you are.

You boys met to miss it?

No.

Good.

heard of you but somehow i pictured you taller angrier and armed

well thank you and i'm edward jeff oh i've

never heard of you i can't remember my name right now

more to Mr. DeWitt than meets the eye.

He's lucky he hasn't lost an eye.

Yeah, I'll catch you guys later.

Okay. Hey, Andy, what are you driving these days?

Oh, uh, nothing special. It's just down there. Oh, yeah? Where?

Um, just down at the corner.

Which car?

Well, um, the bike.

The bike, okay? Get off my back.

Let's go.

All right.

Wait a minute, Benny, haven't you forgot something?

My paste.

Great.

Mr.

DeWitt was right. This is the best night of my life.

Hey, Benny didn't do so bad for a guy who started out with exact change for

paste.

Can you imagine?

Somewhere in the city, there's a girl dreaming about me.

Right now.

nasty boys.

Hey, we were going to come look for you, but he wanted to eat.

You guys going to be cruising this weekend?

I'll see.

Hey, you know we will.

See you then.

Here's a little present for my sticky boy.

Paste.

Don't get any on you.

Man, I am beat.

What? You're not going to help me with my map project?

Benny, are you going to do your map now? It's almost midnight.

It's doing eight hours.

Mike, aren't you tired?

Mike, I don't think I'll ever sleep again.

from buying takes. We're not just getting home from buying takes.

Look, just a second. How was your dinner?

Uh, fine.

So, it was a sit -down place, not a drive -in?

Drive -in?

Oh, driving.

In the car, we had to. Do we really want to stand in the driveway in the middle

of the night and talk restaurants?

I think not.

Of course not, Maggie. They're just kids.

They completely forgot about us. Yeah.

Hey, you up for another burger?

Penny, what about your map?

I do my best work under pressure.