Original subtitles

Previously on Hill Street Blues.

Wait a minute. This is Growing Pains.

Oh, excuse me, Ben.

Previously on Growing Pains.

Thanks, Corian.

Anyway, we just had these real crunchy fish sticks.

Ben. Okay, there was this dance at Dewey High, and everybody but me was going.

And I, I'm boogie.

When Mom and Dad got to the dance, there weren't any other chaperones, just some

old janitor guy. Not much ever happens at Dewey dances.

Basically, they're nerd festivals.

That's right!

Kids, it's your mommy and your daddy's worst nightmare.

Things got off to a slow start for the girls, and Mike and Eddie and Boner were

bored to death.

Yeah, I was out of fish sticks anyway.

You brought them with you?

Sure, but I brought breast mints too.

Then Mike's evening started to look just a little bit brighter.

That's all I understand when I'm older. Heck, I understand now.

Since the girls weren't having much luck, Debbie decided to expand her bra

Didn't your shoulders used to be, uh, higher?

Pretty soon everybody was rocking out. Well, almost everybody.

How come you're not dancing?

I am.

I mean, with somebody.

Well, I don't know.

Why don't you?

I guess I don't have to tell you. When Carol danced with Boner, all her head

broke loose.

Why were you dancing with Boner?

I don't know. We were just dancing, having a good time.

I feel sorry for her.

Carol, because the animal week is over, bye.

Well, my God, man.

You're giving me the creeps, you guys.

While all this was going on, Mom and Dad were having problems of their own.

What's wrong?

Prick back.

Goes out on me all the time.

Is there anything I can do to help?

Oh, yeah.

Keep the music going, baby, or I'm out of the gig.

That didn't sound half as bad as what Mike heard when he talked to his dream

girl. My name is Mike. I know, Dad. I'm Lydia.

What no one else knew was that Stinky and I were sneaking out of his house to

get to this secret place. I think it's going to be the night we become men.

Let's go.

We've got dinosaurs and everything.

But I haven't got time to talk about that now because we finally made it to

Blackie. So what are you waiting for?

Show me that smile.

Show me that smile again.

Show me that smile.

care to dance?

Perhaps another time.

Come on, Bones. Get in the game here, buddy. Hey, I'm just catching my breath.

Okay, I can take over now.

Why? Honey, I did have a radio show in college, remember?

Of course I do. You've done it.

Come on, you used to say I was great.

Well, honey, what did I know? I was 19.

I feel good I feel strong I feel loose I feel long

and close at night. Oh, yeah, you could say that.

I mean, we just wait.

But I do wish I had Lydia whispering sweet nothings in my ear.

Whispering?

Couldn't hurt.

Okay, so it wasn't one of my best ideas.

The sad part is, it was.

If we want guys to dance with us, why are we hanging out in the bathroom?

Gosh, you woman. Men go for these days. Can you believe it? Makes me gag.

Yeah. I wonder where she shops.

Don't just go.

What? You're not having fun?

Daddy, that perfume you have on smells like fish. Where did you get that stuff?

It was a birthday present. From you.

I want to go home.

Wait. It's not you.

It's Carol.

What? Yeah, you smell like fish sticks and...

I do not.

I do.

Carol, see what happens when you dance with Boner?

You want to go through the rest of your life smelling like the catch of the day?

Coming right up.

You're not supposed to say that. Gambling is illegal.

Especially for kids. Where have you been? You're supposed to ask for black.

Oh.

Um, we'd like to see Blackie.

Blackie's dead.

The best pie.

She can have my pie.

Okay, I admit, we've run into a little problem here.

Blackie, there's got to be someone else to ask.

Who?

Okay, look on the bright side.

We're here at 10 at night on our own, and there's not a chance in the world

parents are going to find out.

Jeez, I'll break.

Oh, it's a chicken.

So, men, you work in the late shift?

that we could go someplace quiet where we wouldn't have to talk at all. Not

talk?

Oh!

Back with me.

Hi,

Carol. Bye.

This one's dedicated to all the gals out there who feel the same way. way about

their guys as i feel about mine

nothing you could do

goodbye

i

don't want a girl's bike to watch me pop

He comes here a lot. This week's pork chops weren't nearly as tangy as last

week's. Earl, those were last week's pork chops.

This guy's probably been coming here since food was invented.

Anything else, or is that it, boys?

Um, no, we'll each have another piece of pie.

Watch, I'll get it out of the sky.

Pie's pretty good.

Yeah? How's the coffee tonight?

When you were younger.

Yeah.

Nice place.

It's open.

Nice pinball machine.

That's going to be a long conversation, son.

What we want to know is, how do we get to play pinball for money?

I was getting to that. Not fast enough.

So you're a couple of high rollers, huh? We got eight bucks between us. Eight

bucks? Yeah.

Hey, Madge. These two gents want to play a little pinball.

Is that right?

House rules.

All right.

Whoa.

I'll just give you boys your change in quarters, and you're on your own.

Thomas A. Dewey High.

Don't you mean Thomas E.

Dewey?

There you go.

Oh, thanks, honey.

Well, anytime you want me to jump in, just holler.

Oh, I don't want you to jump in. I'm having fun.

Okay, just thought maybe you're getting a little tired.

Tired? Well, you've been spinning records all night.

Oh, no, no, no. I have plenty of energy left.

Okay.

Kids seem to be getting a little bored.

Jason. And it's not that you're not doing a great job, Maggie. Thank you.

just don't have the training.

Jason, I am not going to listen to you. I am having fun.

Well, that's important, too.

Jason, you are just trying to undermine my confidence just because you want to

play DJ.

It's just that a man is traditionally the best person for the job of DJ.

The best person.

Well, what I mean, Maggie, is that men know how to be exciting.

Jason, it's too bad you're not married to a guy.

Mom, I need to talk to you.

Yeah, your mom's busy having fun.

What is it?

No, Dad, this is important.

Oh.

What's on your mind?

Okay, Mom, see, I wanted your advice. Why should we listen to somebody else's

opinion when we're doing something that we enjoy? That's my thought. I mean,

this has nothing to do with being the best person. I was just having a little

fun. Well, me too. We shouldn't care about what other people think. You're

right.

Good. Thanks.

Say, get away from there, Mr.

Excitement.

a little too fast for me right now, okay?

I mean, I really don't want to do anything that we're both going to feel

for in the morning. I mean, I think I'm just getting a little swept away here,

and we could both really use some time to just think.

Think?

Yes. Oh, you respect me.

I understand.

Good, because I don't think I do.

Let me see if I can explain. No, no. No, no, no, no.

dancing with you. It was wonderful dancing with you. And it was great

you, too.

It was wonderful dancing with you.

You know, I really had a great time tonight.

Me, too.

I'll call you sometime and we can talk.

I am not a teacher, but as a medical doctor, I'll tell you right now

that smoking is a leading cause of...

or am I keeping you from something?

No, I just came in here because I figured there wouldn't be no girls in

boys' bathroom.

Yeah, me too.

Can I ask you something, man to man?

Well, we're in the right room for it.

Maybe we should sit down.

No, no.

Boner, what is it?

Well, what would you say if this guy, pretty interesting guy, okay, he's

with this girl and having a good time, but his friend, who shall remain

nameless,

It ain't cool.

But he's a good friend?

Are you kidding? They're Mikey and Eddie.

Ah, so we're talking about you, Boner.

Gave it away when I said interesting guy, didn't I?

Well, do you want to dance with this girl?

It was the only time I was having fun all night.

Well, then forget about what Mike and Eddie say, especially what Mike says.

Just don't talk to Siva.

And don't worry, I wouldn't even think of trying nothing funny with Carol.

good boy.

With Carol? Wait, Boner!

What have you done?

Mom? Second, Ben, I'm doing a segue here.

Ben, what are you doing here?

Mom, I could lie to you. But you won't. My phone's dead.

See, I didn't say it's sticky. I went to this place to gamble for money, but I

blew my wad on pie, and I feel sick about it.

Maggie, Maggie, deadhead.

Jason, Ben's here. Hey, hi, Ben. You're just in time. Listen to this.

Hey, guys and gals, a little bit of this. You dig? Yes, those bygone

that keep coming back from the groove. You're the golden gathers.

Jack and Jason here asking you the musical question. What are you doing

Ben?

You're supposed to be over at Stinky's. That was a lie. He's been out eating pie

and blowing his wad.

What did you do?

Mom, Dad, I am so ashamed.

So, after the dance, you want to go get some pizza with us?

Who's that?

You, me, Mike. Sure.

The squeeze.

Oh. Hey, hey, hey, maybe you can order pizza in another time, huh?

Eddie, have you seen Bonner? Check the men's room. I will, thanks.

Eddie, I need a word.

Excuse me. Hey, hey, I'm bilingual myself.

Eddie, you seen Carol? Men's room. Thanks.

Michael, Rita is up for a midnight snack.

Look, Eddie, I'm not up for a midnight snack, all right? I want to go home.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. You're partying with Lydia and you want to leave?

Yeah, now.

No.

No, wait. Now, you said something big was going to happen tonight. And it is.

And for me, too, Mike, I... Darn it, I'll just say it.

I'm in love.

Fine, fine. I'll walk home then.

Oh, I get it.

Lydia's not buying.

No, no, no.

I'm not buying.

Michael, what is wrong with her?

Well, it's hard to explain, see?

All right, all right. I'll just tell you.

First, it's her voice. Her voice?

Yeah, she's not too bright.

Oh, a beautiful chick who's really dumb.

Mike, this is a nightmare.

All right, maybe looks aren't everything. Maybe I'm getting standards

something. I don't know.

And I don't like it, but all I'm saying, Eddie, is I look at the way that you

feel about Rita, man, and I envy you.

So then you wouldn't mind if I took a shot at Lydia?

that you were in love with Rita.

Yeah, so did I.

Mike, do me a favor.

Let Rita down easy for me, huh? She's a good kid, and I don't know anybody with

more experience disappointing women than you.

Eddie!

And then that general guy dropped Sticky off and brought me here.

That's quite a story, then.

Well, you sit down right over there, young man, and don't you move until your

mother and I discuss the most appropriate and painful punishment.

I've suffered enough.

crazy. I don't care. Neither do I. What if you're a little strange?

Yeah. I just want to dance.

And if you talk anything funny, I'll duck you.

Now, what were you going to say?

What do you call anything funny?

Oh, no.

Oh, sorry.

Well, you want to dance or what?

I thought I never asked.

Eddie had something come up. Really?

Yes, he had to leave. Well, I have a confession to make.

See, when I asked you, Eddie, to dance earlier, I really wanted to dance with

you.

Really?

My fever.

I have had a crush on you since the fifth grade.

Really?

So, are you going to dance with me or just sit there and sing? Really?

Adorable.

Well, we did all we could to help Carol.

It's her funeral.

Kelly, we're the only girls not dancing.

You want to dance?

Absolutely.

Keep your eye on this guy.

Why don't you sit?

Sure. You're not a desperate teenager.

Oh, no. One great difference is now we connect to our heart's content and no

adult can see it.